Jake’s Silence

by Joy Blood

  “Got a lead on our traitors,” I say taking a swig to get ready for the next part. “Flores will give them up in,” swallow, “in exchange for. Territory.” He must automatically know my meaning cause anger flashes across his hard features.

  “That fuck finally getting to stick it to me, huh? Fucking Mexican prick.” He grumbles then walks across the room to look out his window. “I will call church. We’ll vote. You’ll have your answer by the end of the day,” he says. I take that as my cue to walk out the door, but he isn't done. “I like ya Jake, but I ain’t gonna to lie, bringing this shit to me, rubs me raw. My brothers aren't going to be happy either. It’s only because you saved my ass that they let you walk through them gates along with your club.” I nod in understanding knowing the same is true about the Riders. Siberians and Riders have that bordering rivalry relationship.

  Walking out of his office, I go to where Gin, Sage, and Ringer went last night. I find Gin passed out, still on a cot and Ringer sitting at a small table looking over something on his phone. “Where’s Sage?” I ask Ringer, who breaks his stare from his phone to look up at me. He shrugs his unknowing response.

  “Him and one of the Siberian’s were sandwichin’ some chick. Probably still there,” Gin says, pulling himself to a sitting position on his small cot. This room is a spare, used for guests. Sparse furniture and a stack of cots in the corner. I got a room to myself. Perks of saving the life of their Pres I suppose, and the status of VP.

  “Sandwich with every slice of cheese.” Sage’s voice comes into the room laughing at his own joke, I really don’t even want to know the meaning of.

  “What did Premo say?” Gin asks, scratching at his long beard then scrubbing the sleep from his eyes.

  “Said they would call church,” I answer, taking a drink of the water still in my hand.

  “You think they will agree to it?” Gin asks. I know how much he wants to get these men. Hell, we all do, but for him, it is just that much more personal. When we get our hands on the traitors who were involved, they are going to wish they had killed him along with the rest of the club. We lost seventeen brothers and five women, including Gin’s pregnant girlfriend. To say he has a score to settle is an understatement. It is the only reason he is on this trip, Rock didn’t even want to tell him he couldn’t go when we got word of the requested meet in exchange for information.

  “We’ll see.” I shrug and the alert of my text goes off. Looking down, my hopes are doused when it’s from Rock—not Kimi. Still radio silence on her end. I thought maybe she would try to talk to me.

  Rock: How are things on your end?

  Me: Waiting on club vote.

  Our wait is cut short when one of the Siberians come walking through the door, informing us Promo wants us upstairs in Chapel. I'm surprised he is requesting our presence. We all walk up into the small crowded room they hold Church in. Much like ours, there is a table, but theirs is a rectangular shape with a large Tiger showing its fangs. The same one that appears on the backs of their cuts.

  The club was founded years ago, by two brothers from Russia. Strange place to end up for a couple Russians—the middle of Idaho. “Jake, come in and take a seat. We are at a standstill. Was wondering if you, or a member of yours, could break this tie we seem to be at on our vote to help you out,” Premo informs, as we all walk into the room. I take the offered seat and my three brothers stand behind me, silent. That is until I look back at Gin. The one person who could maybe change their minds. He takes my silent stare as an opportunity.

  “You all heard what happened to our club. What you may not know, is that I was there. Fucking pussies, we called our brothers, came in and shot every fuckin’ man and woman I came to know as family. Then they carved up my pregnant woman and left her to bleed out while they shoved me face first in a pile of my brothers’ burning cuts. Them fuckers need to die, slowly. And as much as it chaps my ass to negotiate with Flores, our club needs those men enough for me to forgo the irritation,” he says. The room is dead silent, with eyes trained down to the floor.

  “Right. All in favor?” Premo questions after a tense silence, breaking into the thoughts of all the men in the room. Unanimous ‘aye’ all round this time, and it’s decided. The Siberians will make nice for the benefit of the Hell’s Riders. “They will have safe passage for a year. They want longer, they will have to renegotiate that in the future. I will send Bingo with you to relay the message.” Premo slams his gavel down adjourning the meeting and we all disperse. I give him a thank you nod before I leave and go back to my guest room to get ready to ride out again, but when I step inside, I find the same woman who warmed my bed the last time I was a guest of the Siberian club. I start to tell her to beat it when my phone goes off. Looking at it, Kimi’s name flashes on the screen, but when I go to answer, there isn't anyone there. The fuck? I try calling back but only reach her voice mail. I'm getting pissed. Scrolling through my phone, I find the number for her roommate—I saved in case I needed it. Pressing send I step back into the hallway leaving the half-naked club whore in my room.

  “Hello?” Ari’s questioning voice comes over the line. Shit, what the fuck am I going to say?

  “Kimi called. Her phone died,” I whisper through the line, hoping she can understand what the fuck I'm saying.

  “Oh. Jake. She just went inside and is talking to the doctor she should be done in—” I cut her off by ending the call. Rage fills my veins as I squeeze the phone in my hand hard enough for it to crack under the pressure then I throw it across the hall into the wall where it smashes into a thousand pieces. She is fucking going through with it. She isn't even going to give it another thought. That fucking bit…FUCK! I stomp through the clubhouse in need of the burn only alcohol can give me. Something to help me block out what is happening just a couple states away. Slamming my ass into a seat at the bar, I proceed to drink the bottle of jack that is placed down in front of me until I no longer remember who the fuck Kimi is.

  Twenty-Five

  Kimi

  Right after Jake left, I cried for hours until the sun came up. That’s when Ellie called me for her normally scheduled call. She knew right away that something was wrong, and before I could tell her I was fine she was outside my dorm room. When I told her what was going on she only smiled and said that whatever my decision was, she would help in any way she could. That brings us to this moment. Her holding me tight in her arms as I cry even more, telling her how hurt Jake was when he found out what was going through my mind.

  “He just doesn't understand, sweetie. I remember when I found out I was going to have Anthony. I was scared at first and even when I found out what kind of man his father was, I still wanted to have him.” She tells me. “Is this what you want?” she questions, after a quiet pause.

  “I don’t know. I thought it was, but the more I think about it, the more I know I can’t go through with it. I mean, it’s a part of Jake. As scary as it is, I know I can’t do this to him, or the baby.” Tears roll down my face at my admission. Maybe deep down in my soul I knew I was never going to go through with it, but when I saw the look on Jake’s face, it just made it that much clearer. I couldn't do it. I wanted to have this baby. A piece of me and Jake that we made together.

  “Oh, Kimi. This will all turn out to be good. You’ll see. And you will be an amazing mom. No doubt about that,” Ellie says, brushing my damp hair from my face. I didn't even realize I had been crying so much. My eyes hurt along with my head, pounding every time I sniff back the tears. “You have been through a lot. Get some rest all right?”

  “You can go home, Mom. I promise, I'm fine now. Thank you for coming.” I smile up at her, trying to reassure her. “Please, I just need to sleep. For like three days.” I laugh the last part but deep down know it’s true. Sleep would be amazing.

  “Are you sure? Because I can stick around.” She tries, but I don’t let her.

  “Go home. Please. I will call when I'm done with my seven-day nap.” I chuckle, making my
head hurt even more. She finally concedes and gives me a kiss on the forehead before walking out of the dorm room. I pick up the crumpled paper from the floor and pull up my phone. Before I commit myself to sleep I need to cancel an appointment.

  Jolting awake I'm met with a blinding pain in my stomach that makes me see white light. “Kimi, what’s wrong?” I hear Ari ask in a gasped panic. I can’t respond because the pain is so intense. After Ellie left two days ago, I spent each and every moment in bed. Right up until this pain woke me. “Kimi, answer me! What’s wrong?” Her voice is muddled through my haze of unconsciousness, her panicked voice saying something about calling an ambulance. Everything's a blur, as are the paramedics that rush into the small dorm room. Then things are being strapped to me, around me, and poked into my arm. The pain starts to subside until everything goes dark.

  * * *

  “Is she still asleep?”

  “Yeah. The doctor said she should be waking up soon. God, how are we going to tell her?”

  “She will be okay, babe. She has us.”

  I listen as Vin and Ellie have a conversation, wondering how they are going to tell me I lost my baby. I knew the moment things went black. I knew deep down that things had went horribly wrong. I open my eyes and see my mom standing by my side, tears running down her face and a forced smile.

  “Hi, Kimi,” she whispers, gripping onto my hand and holding it tightly.

  “Hey.” I hear Vin’s voice by her side as he comes into view, a similar look on his face, minus the tears.

  “How are you? Can I get you some water maybe?” Ellie asks, already holding up a plastic cup pointing a straw in the direction of my mouth. I take it without hesitation, my parched throat letting me know just how long I have been out of consciousness. “Kimi, we need to…” Ellie starts but I stop her.

  “I know, Mom. You don’t need to tell me,” I say through a graveled voice.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Can I just sleep? I’m fine, promise. I just need rest.” I might not need the rest, but I want to be alone right now. I’m sure she gets it because she gives me a nod and a kiss on my temple before she takes Vin’s hand and leads him from the room, shutting the door behind them. As their voices disappear down the hall I finally gave in to my grief. The tears fall, until I can no longer keep my eyes open and fall back asleep.

  “Can you get me my phone?” After another very long nap, I wake to find Ari sitting next to my bed. I need to call the one person who probably doesn’t want to hear from me. “I need to call Jake.”

  “Yeah. Um…I think I packed it…here! Found it,” she says in her cheery voice. She has been by my side with her overly chipper voice, but I find it somewhat comforting. She hands over the phone, and I stare at it. I don’t want to make this phone call, but I know I need to. No matter how mad he may be, he needs to know. Doesn’t he? “If you don’t want to call him, I can,” Ari offers, noticing my reluctance. I shake my head.

  “I can do it,” I whisper to her. Pressing the send button, I wait for a moment before the call gets picked up then beeps and dies. Great. “It’s dead. Fricking frick.”

  “Crap. I don’t have a charger either. Do you have his number? You can just use my phone,” she says, offering me her phone.

  “No. I only had it on here.”

  “Technology,” she says, rolling her eyes making me give a small smile. I’m about to ask her if she would track down my mom or Vin when the doctor walks in. “I’ll be back in a bit.” Ari walks out leaving me alone with the doctor that starts telling me all about the D&C procedure I’m about to go through. I only half listen as he drones on about the risks and complications, but it only sounds like steady ringing in my ears as I stare at the wall.

  Twenty-Six

  Jake

  With a long groan, I try to roll to my side, but my whole body protests. I’m sore all over and my head is pounding like it has gone ten rounds with…yeah. Jack. The taste in my mouth confirms it and I can smell it all over my bed. At least I made it to my bed. Lifting from the lumpy mattress, I try to ignore the soft breathing behind me. Please tell me I’m the only fucking person in this bed, and I didn’t just royally fuck up last night.

  “Hey, handsome.” A soft, sleep ridden voice says over my shoulder and starts stroking a hand down my arm. No such fucking luck, I guess. I chance a glance behind me and see it’s the chick that warmed my bed last time I had stopped at this club. I shrug her hand off my shoulder and am about to tell her to beat it when she starts talking again. “Don’t worry, nothing happened. Your friend Gin said I should stay with you all night to ward off the other girls. Never once have I been paid not to fuck someone,” she says, her body backing away to get out of the bed. “Didn’t tell me I couldn’t cuddle with you though.” She chuckles as she walks out the door.

  Thank fuck for that. Guess I’m going to have to thank Gin for his interference. I pull myself from the bed and walk over to the small bathroom. Not much has changed since I was here last. Same dried up soap in the shower and a threadbare towel. When I go to turn on the taps for a much-needed shower I notice my reflection in the mirror. My face looks beat to shit, like Jack grew some hands and rained down on me. Flashes of my drunken night started to come back to me. Me getting trashed at the bar, then sitting in a chair and…fuck…Gin pulling some bleach blonde club whore from my lap. Then punching me square in the jaw and dragging me up to this room. Hell.

  I take a quick shower and throw on my dirty clothes because I don’t have any others, then go in search of my brothers so we can get this run over with.

  “Have a good nap, VP?” Sage’s voice grates on my nerves, making my headache even worse. I flip him the bird and go to my bike, hoping to get out of this shit, but Gin makes sure I don’t.

  “Nice to see you, Jakey Boy.” His voice is at its normal cheery tone. I rub my jaw remembering him slamming his fist into it the night before.

  “You hit me.”

  “Damn right I did.” He chuckles making Sage join in. “Your drunken ass was practically letting some club whore fuck you right in the middle of the room for everyone to watch. Just thought I would stop ya from fucking up.” He shrugs. “Plus, you got all belligerent and shit. Had to knock your ass out.”

  “One hit man. G has one hell of a right hook,” Ringer says, making them all laugh again. I flip them all another bird and whisper a thank you to Gin for having my back.

  “No problem. Kimi is a good girl and I know how much she means to you. Besides you’re too soft to be a cheater.” He smacks me on the back and goes to start up his bike. I do the same, grateful I have a friend that will punch me in the jaw to keep me from fucking shit up. Even if there might not be anything to fuck up anymore.

  * * *

  “You got some good news for me?” Flores stands, feet shoulder width apart with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “They agreed to it. Expires in a year. What you do after that is up to you,” Gin says, relaying the terms Premo laid out. Flores seems to think about it for a moment then gives a curt nod.

  “Sprada, give it to them,” he instructs, not taking his eyes from me or Gin. A man, who I assume to be Sprada, comes walking over to us with a folder. He extends it out to Gin who hands it to me. I open it up and start flipping through. “That, right there, is all I have on the guy you’re after.”

  “S’only one,” I say, closing the folder and looking up at Flores.

  “Only found one.”

  “You said guys Flores. You fuckin’ us?” Gin questions, taking a step closer. Flores’s men all reach for their weapons. With that one step, the meet has gone sour. The sounds of clicks and hammers being pulled back surrounds us, along with heavy breathing. Tense doesn’t even come close. I know Ringer and Sage have drawn and four of Flores’ men have too…The only ones without their weapons out is me, Gin, and Flores.

  “Easy now. Would hate to have to paint the parking lot with Riders today,” Flores whispers, getting closer to Gin. I c
an tell Gin is on the edge of snapping and if I don’t figure out how to pull him back, he might get us all killed.

  “Gin,” I rasp out as loud as I can. He doesn’t flinch, and neither does Flores. They are still having a stare down, neither one wanting to be the first to look away.

  “Better listen to your VP there, G,” Flores goads Gin. I’ve damn near had enough and am about to put a bullet in his head, but Gin suddenly backs away, hands raised in surrender.

  “We’re good Flores,” Gin grits out. Flores gives a head jerk at the same time I make a motion with my hand for Ringer and Sage to lower their weapons. Flores’s men do the same and the tension is somewhat broken.

  “Nice doing business with you Riders,” Flores speaks, then cautiously starts to back up toward his car. We do the same, getting to our bikes and waiting for their vehicles to drive away before a word is spoken.

  “The fuck, G? You could have got us all killed,” Sage grumbles out, but Gin isn’t listening, he is too busy reading through the file he took from my hands just seconds ago. “G!” Sage shouts getting Gin’s attention this time.

  “What?” Gin’s narrowed eyes land on Sage.

  “I said you could have gotten us all fucking killed. Those Mexican bastards are trigger happy motherfuckers. What were you thinking getting up in his face?”