“I see.”
“But I still really want to be on the squad.”
“Um hm.”
“I mean, I need to be on the squad, Coach.”
“You need to be?”
“Yes!”
She sat back a little. “And why is that?”
I sighed. “Because I put all my eggs in one basket.”
She took a sip of her coffee and waited for me to continue.
“If I’m not on the squad this year, I can’t apply for the cheering scholarship at USC, which is the only school I want to go to. I want to study acting there and I don’t have any other…I don’t have a plan B.”
Coach Clayton looked at me. I saw pity in her green eyes. “Abby—”
“I just wanted to talk to you to find out if I could be on the squad in some other capacity, water girl or…or mascot.” I winced. “Something. Just while I’m recovering. Until I can get back to cheering.”
“Abby, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that scholarship is very, very competitive. Out of the hundreds of girls I know who have applied, not one of them has ever gotten it.”
“But—”
“It would be pretty much impossible to get it if you weren’t actually cheering. There’s a video component.”
“Oh.” Tears bristled in my eyes.
“I think it’s time you came up with a plan B,” she said gently.
I wiped my eyes on the back of my sleeve. My heart weighed a thousand pounds. I nodded. Coach Clayton nodded back.
I knew she was right. But that had been my goal for so long it was hard to see any other possibilities. If I didn’t go to USC, I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do. I knew I didn’t want to stay in Texas, but I didn’t know how to get out, either.
I took the bus back to Carville at noon. I tried calling Dean a bunch more times—straight to voice mail. Except the robot voice came on the third or fourth time I called and said the voice-mailbox was full. Mom and Dad had probably been leaving him messages. I texted him: call home ASAP.
What a moron, I thought, and stared out the window as the landscape got more and more soggy. I’m sure he’s fine though, I tried to console myself. He’s probably just…with friends. But what friends? I had no idea where he might’ve gone. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I just wanted to know that he was okay. I picked at my nails. I thought about telling Mom and Dad about his webcam thing. But I figured he’d probably get home any minute and everything would be fine. I decided to wait to tell them. I don’t know why.
I pushed thoughts of Dean and all the terrible things that could be happening to him out of my head. I had to think about my future. After Carville. After graduation. What was I going to do with my life?
I rested my forehead on the seat in front of me. It was too big a question. And I had no answers. No ideas even. Plus every time I closed my eyes, I saw Dean being hacked to pieces by one of his hairy creep-o Internet clients. I started to feel really bad for my parents. Their daughter had leprosy and their son might be murdered by an Internet psycho. And what had they ever done to deserve it? Nothing.
I tried calling Dean again. When voice mail picked up, I hung up, turned my phone off and put it away. I needed to think. I needed to come up with a plan B. What did I even want for my life? I wanted to be famous. I wanted to be a household name. To be sought after. Asked for my autograph. But why? Why did I want that? What would it even prove? That I was beautiful? That I was talented? That I was a good person? And did any of that even matter anymore? All I really wanted at that moment was to regain my health, to go back to how I was before I got Hansen’s disease and to see my brother alive again.
When I got back to Carville it was late and the grounds were a ghost town. The cadets were all squared away and no one else was around. The only movement came from the pecan trees swaying gently in the wind. The quiet was unnerving. Goose pimples rushed along my arms. I wanted to knock on Jane’s door but I figured she was already asleep and I didn’t want to wake her up. I went into my apartment. It smelled like donkey butt, so I opened the window and left the door propped open. As soon as I turned my phone on, it rang.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hey, honey. Did you get in okay?”
“Yep. I’m here.”
“That’s good. The bus ride was alright?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Great. Hey, Abby?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you heard anything from Dean? He’s not back yet.”
“No.”
“No texts? Nothing?”
“No. Sorry, Mom.”
“Okay. Well. Do me a favor?”
“Yep.”
“Let us know right away if you hear from him.”
“I will,” I said. “And you too. Let me know if you hear from him.”
“Are you worried about him?” I could hear her throat constrict.
“No, I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a big boy,” I said.
“He’s just never done anything like this before. I know he’s technically an adult, but it’s—”
“It’ll be okay, Mom.” I didn’t know for sure, but what else could I say?
“Yeah.” I could hear the tears caught in her voice. “Well, you’re probably tired. I’ll let you go.”
“Okay. Good night, Mom.”
“Good night, sweetheart. Love you.”
As soon as I hung up with her, I dialed Dean. Still straight to voice mail. Still a full mailbox. I hung up and got in the shower. I turned the water as hot as it would go and let it scald my shoulders and back.
When I got out of the shower, I watched in the mirror as the steam rose off my body. It looked like I was made entirely of mist and dissolving one water particle at a time. I combed my hair and brushed my teeth and got into bed. I left my phone on and charging beside the bed in case Dean tried to call.
I slept terribly and had dreams with blood and chains and dildos in them. When my alarm went off at 6:45 a.m., I was actually glad. I grabbed my phone. No texts. No missed calls. I got up and started to get ready. I carefully did my makeup and hair. I was excited to see Scott again. I hadn’t realized it until that morning, but I had missed him.
I met Jane coming out of her apartment.
“Hey! Welcome back!” she gave me a hug.
“Thanks.”
“How was it?”
“Good. Weird.”
“Yeah, it always is.”
I nodded.
“Breakfast?”
“Yeah.”
We walked to the mess hall together, arms linked.
“What did I miss?” I said.
“Well, let’s see…Grace gave me a rug-hooking lesson.”
“Sounds thrilling.”
“Oh, it was. Barry and I played checkers. Barry won.”
“Wow, you must have been desperate for company.”
“I was.”
“Did he try to kiss you?”
“Ew! No!” She laughed. “No, he’s actually a pretty interesting dude. Once he warms up to you.”
“I’m not sure I want him to warm up to me,” I said.
Jane shrugged. “Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“But I—”
“Look, you don’t get to pick your family, right?”
“Right…”
“Well, you don’t get to pick your Carville family either.”
I picked a piece of lint off my sweater.
“We’re all stuck here together for who knows how long. You might as well get to know the other people in your same predicament.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Like I said before, Abby, we’re not all that different.”
“Yeah. You and Barry are practically the same person.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, go on with your snobbery.”
I laughed.
On our way to our table, I saw Scott seated with the other cadets and my stomach floated up into my throat. I stopped near his table.
“Hey,” he said, coming up to me.
“Hi.”
“How was Texas?”
“Um…”
“That good, huh?”
“Do you have any free time today?”
“Yeah, right after breakfast.”
“Can we…?”
“Sure. I just finished eating. I’ll wait for you by the lake.”
“Okay.”
He smiled at me. “See you in a bit.”
“Yep.” I nodded. I could feel myself blush. I don’t know why I was blushing. It was embarrassing. I lowered my head and walked to the counter to pick up my food. I got cereal with fruit, orange juice and a coffee. I sat down beside Jane. Barry sat across from us. He nodded at us but didn’t talk. He was reading an issue of Scientific American.
I rushed through my breakfast so that I could go meet Scott.
“Don’t they feed you at home?” Jane said.
“I’m meeting Scott after this,” I said.
She snorted. “Good thing he’s not here to see you eat like this. He probably wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“He is so. He’s your Carville boyfriend,” she said.
I gulped down my coffee, narrowed my eyes at her.
“She’s right,” Barry said.
We both stared at Barry.
“He’s your Carville boyfriend.” He flipped a page of his magazine, nonchalant. “It happens.”
“Okay. Well…I guess that’s settled then,” I said.
Jane gave me bug eyes. I could tell she wanted to laugh but was holding it in.
“I’ll see you later.” I squeezed Jane’s shoulder on my way past her. “Bye, Barry.”
“Yep.” He waved but didn’t look up from his magazine.
On my way to the lake I got a text from Mom:
Any word from Dean?
I texted her back right away. First I typed No but then I erased it, tried to sound more optimistic:
Not yet.
I found Scott beside the lake. He stared into it like he was trying to see to the bottom.
“Hey.” I tapped him on the shoulder.
“Oh.” He gave a little start. “Hey.” He hugged me quick then stood back. “How was your time at home?”
“Not great.”
“Why? What happened?”
I sighed. “I talked to my coach. She basically told me there’s no hope in hell of me ever getting the USC scholarship, so I can kiss that dream goodbye. And my brother—” Without warning, I began to cry. I didn’t even know that I was going to cry. It just burst out. “Shit. Sorry.” I wiped my eyes.
“It’s okay,” Scott said. “What about your brother?”
I laughed the kind of weird little laugh that happens in the middle of crying. “My brother has gone AWOL.”
Scott raised his eyebrows.
“My parents haven’t heard from him, he’s not answering his phone, he’s just…gone.”
“Jeez…”
“Yeah.”
“Did you call his friends? Ask if anyone’s seen him?”
I bit my lip. Shook my head. “I should do that,” I whispered.
He shrugged. “I would.”
“You’re a good person. You think of things like that.” I had to work hard not to cry again. “I’m not.”
“Abby, come on.”
“I think about myself too much. I don’t—” I couldn’t stop the tears. They came hard and fast.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He put his arms around me. “I’m sure your brother is fine. He probably just needed a break.”
I pushed his arms away. “But how can you know that? How can you be so sure?”
He stepped back. “I’m not sure,” he said. “It’s just…the most likely scenario.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“I’ve taken off a few times before without telling anyone where I was.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. A couple of days.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing much. Bummed around with some street kids downtown. Went to the skate park. Drank some beer. I just didn’t want to go home…so I didn’t.”
“This is different,” I said.
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Dean is…he has a webcam business,” I said.
“Like…selling webcams?”
“No. Like, webcam webcam.”
“Oh,” he said, scratching his chin. “Hm.”
“Yeah.”
“So…you think he went to meet someone from…?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.”
“I think you should call around. Ask some people. Someone probably knows something.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m going to do that.”
He nodded, gave me a little smile. “I’m sorry but we have this drill thing. I have to be there. See you at lunch?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright.” He put his hands in his pockets and began to walk away.
“Hey, Scott?”
He turned back to me.
“Thanks.”
He nodded, once, and continued walking.
I sat down beside the lake and took out my phone. I scrolled through my phonebook and stopped on Dustin Lorimer. He wasn’t really Dean’s friend, but he was Aaron’s friend and would have Aaron’s number. I had never called Dustin before. But I should have. Who cared if he was vanilla? My finger hovered above the screen for a moment. Then I pushed call. He answered right away.
“Hey, Dustin. It’s Abby. Abby Furlowe.”
“Oh, hey, Abby. How are you doing?”
“Um, okay. Thanks. How about you?”
“Pretty good. Pretty good.”
“Sorry to bother you so early.”
“It’s no problem,” he said.
“Thing is, Dean, my brother—” I choked up.
“Yeah?”
I held the phone away, coughed and cleared my throat. “Um, Dean’s kind of gone AWOL and, so, I was just wondering if you had heard anything, where he might be, or I thought maybe Aaron would know, and I was hoping you could give me Aaron’s number?”
“Hm. How long has he been gone for?”
“Uh, well, we saw him Saturday night. That was the last time…”
“Yeah, I haven’t heard anything. I’m pretty sure he was at school on Friday. That’s the last time I would’ve seen him.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Are you worried?”
“Well, yeah…”
“Sorry. Of course you’re worried. I don’t know why I asked that.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Do you have Aaron’s number?”
“Yeah. For sure. I’ll text it to you.”
“Okay, thanks, Dustin.”
“Hey, Abby?”
“Yeah?”
“When are you coming back to school?”
“As soon as I can,” I said.
“Alright. Well, I guess I’ll see you then.”
“Yeah.”
“Take care, Abby. I hope everything’s okay with Dean.”
“Thanks. Me too.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Dustin.”
I hung up. He had already texted me Aaron’s number. I called Aaron. It rang for a while then went to his voice mail but the mailbox was full. My heart sped up. Dean’s mailbox was full; Aaron’s mailbox was full—that must be a sign, right? Maybe they were together. Or at least Aaron would know where Dean was. I got excited and started to dial Mom to tell her the good news: I had cracked the case, I’d found him. But then my brain started working again and I felt like a supreme idiot. Because Aaron’s voice mail was probably just full because he never checked his messages; it probably had noth
ing to do with Dean. I hung up and lay back in the grass. I watched dark clouds pass over the sun and wondered who I should call next.
I called my mom next. She was a total mess. My parents had filed a missing person’s report but it sounded like there wasn’t too much the police could do besides “be on the lookout,” whatever that meant. Plus Dean was eighteen and technically an adult, so he didn’t get the AMBER alert played all over the TV and radio like a child would have. I tried to stay calm so my mom would calm down. I thought about telling her about the webcam stuff, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. It just didn’t seem like it would help anything.
Throughout the day I ended up calling pretty much everyone in my phonebook who went to our school or knew Dean in some capacity. I even called Marla and Liz, who were not one bit of help, but at least answered their phones, so that was something. I realized that Dean didn’t actually have that many friends. Most of the people I called were only acquaintances or knew him by reputation or had been to one of our parties. They didn’t really know him. Maybe none of us did. I called Aaron about twelve more times and finally got him right before I went to bed.
“Aaron. It’s Abby, Dean’s sister.”
“Oh. Hey. What’s up?”
“Dean’s been missing for almost two days. Do you have any idea where he is?”
“Uh, no. I haven’t seen Dean in a while.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“Nope. Not in a long time.”
“Gotten any texts from him?”
“Uh-uh.”
“Do you have any idea where he might be?”
“Not a clue.”
“Did he ever talk about going away? On a trip or to visit…a friend?” I could hear straining noises in the background, like Aaron was trying to open something that was stuck.
“Uh, let’s see…Ah! Got it!”
“What?”
“Oh, no, sorry…Just…got this jar lid off.”
“Did he talk about going somewhere else?”
“Like, outside of Texas?”
“Yeah.”
“Uh,” Aaron said. “Hm, let me think.”
More shuffling and weird noises came through the phone.
“Aaron?”
“Yeah?”
“Dean.”
“Right, yeah. He talked about San Francisco sometimes.”
“San Francisco?”
“Yeah. There was one time…I remember he said something like…he thought he could be happy there.”
Confessions of a Teenage Leper Page 16