by Hadley Quinn
“Easy way to shut down a business or get rid of evidence,” Cole answered.
“Yeah, but I know they shipped all them drugs out first, so I figured maybe your dad snitched or something,” Donny said. “At least that was the word among the guys, you understand?”
Cole walked toward the door, understanding just fine.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I need an extremely hard boning right now
Cole laughed out loud at the text that had just come through. After he pulled up to a stoplight he replied: You need your hair yanked and your ass smacked THEN you’ll get an extremely hard boning.
When he parked behind the Jefferson Apartments and took the stairs to the fourth floor, her response was a series of emoticons that ranged from shocked to blushing to extremely joyful. He was laughing again when he walked into his apartment.
He’d seen Julia every day for the past week. She had a way of keeping his mind on things other than work and it was a nice change. He hadn’t worked a single hired case—not even a small one. Taking a week to just chill out and enjoy life for once had been Julia’s idea. The woman sat him down and straight up told him she needed a few dates with his undivided attention.
He in no way disagreed with her.
After a quick shower, he threw on some clothes and headed for her apartment. She was actually just coming out the door when he pulled up, and just seeing her again made him smile like a fucking idiot.
He slid out of his truck and came around to the passenger’s side to open the door for her, but stopped to kiss her first. She slid her arms around his waist and held him tight, and it was the very thing that set her apart from anyone else. It was the little things like that, things that told him “I want to be with you and there are no hidden conditions to it.”
“Well hello, handsome,” she smiled when they parted. She placed her hand against his face and rubbed his scruff a bit. “You look extremely sexy right now and I’m not sure I want to go out in public tonight. Are you really going to torture me with this?”
“Torture you?” he laughed. “Hell, woman. I’m trying to impress you. Wine you, dine you…and of course... look real fine for you.”
Her laughter was one of his favorite sounds. She slid her hands behind his neck and briefly kissed his lips. “Wine-and-dine don’t matter to me, but you’ll always look fine. That’s the damn truth.”
“Hmm, good to hear. Now get your fine ass in the truck and let’s go eat.”
He pulled the door open and she slid inside. He knew this date night was going to be a little different than their previous ones. Cole had decided to let go of his reservations and open up to her entirely.
After they’d place their orders from a very private booth at the back of the restaurant, he picked that moment to go for it.
“I need to talk to you about some stuff,” he began.
She seemed surprised at first but barely nodded as she turned her complete attention to him. “You can tell me anything,” she spoke softly, her eyes searching his for some kind of hint as to what it could be.
“I feel that I can,” he agreed. “Especially because… because you know there are things about me that I’ve held back and you’ve just never pushed me to share. I sense that you care enough to allow me my process, even if it frustrates you, because you know I need it. You somehow understand that I have to figure people out my own way—in my own time—until I feel comfortable with them. I’m very grateful for that, Jules. It means a lot that you have that much faith in me, and not many people understand that that’s what I need.”
She reached over and took his hand. “Cole, I feel like we have something that’s…perfect for us both. We fit, you know? And the things that you feel may scare me away or make me think less of you are not even an issue to me. And it’s not like you haven’t made me aware that your past is affecting you somehow. You’ve thrown me a few bites now and then,” she smiled. “And I trust you entirely. You haven’t done a single thing that has deterred me so far. Except…losing my number that first time.”
She had such a way about her that made him extremely pleased with himself for reading people so well, which was arrogant. But he could admit that. He’d chosen to be with her because he knew she was someone he could rely on to make him smile, and that insight had rewarded him with that very thing on so many occasions.
He reached for his wallet and flipped it open. Sliding out an old diner check he said, “You mean this number?” He set it on the table between them.
She dropped her mouth open dramatically and scoffed. “You little shit. You had this the entire time?”
Amused, he grabbed the paper and stuck it back in his wallet for safekeeping. “Yes, ma’am.”
“And here I thought you were a total asshole.”
He laughed at her dry humor. “Only part time. But the bottom line in this entire story is that you hoped I wasn’t, and you pursued me extensively to prove you were right.”
He knew that was completely false (at least the pursuing part) but enjoyed this banter with her.
“Well, what can I say. You hooked me the night you admitted you were an asshole. That’s a way to cover your ass from disappointing people—it’s a forewarning you can always throw in their face if needed later on—but it was also a way to ask for a second chance with this girl. Me, being the very forgiving optimist, felt that you deserved it for some reason. You’re welcome.”
Wow, he was impressed. Yes, she was spot on. A disclaimer on his personality was always necessary if it ever came to that point with a female, but with Julia, he soon realized it wasn’t needed.
“Back to the previous subject,” she said softly, leaning in to kiss him sweetly on the cheek. “Tell me whatever you feel comfortable sharing.”
So he did, starting at age fourteen when he moved to Oregon. He told her that his parents had died and he moved in with his aunt in California; he had a part time job in construction; he told her about continuing with MMA—the good parts and the bad; he told her how he started working for a P.I. firm doing small stuff like serving papers and surveillance, and after a few years, got his license to work on his own or to be contracted out.
Julia listened intently, taking in all the basic facts of his life. She never interrupted, never asked questions…she just listened.
“The thing is… I don’t remember my childhood,” he continued. “I don’t remember anything from Jersey except Mickey’s gym, but nothing before that. But Jules, the thing that haunts me the most about my parents… I think I was there when something bad happened, but I’ve somehow suppressed the memory.”
She raised her eyebrows with concern. “Are you starting to get that particular memory back?”
Cole took a deep breath to prepare himself for the ultimate share of his life. It wasn’t that he was scared of sharing it with her; it was just that he’d never been there before. He’d never heard himself say it out loud.
“I don’t know what they were mixed up in, but I know it was supposed to be kept from me. It could be anything from heavy crime to the victims of heavy crime, I really don’t know. All these years, the memory was…right there in the back of my head. But I think I buried it. The last couple of years I’ve been getting these little blips of it again. At first I thought it was a memory of a nightmare I’d had when I was younger, but I think that’s where it truly started. After my parents died, I started having nightmares. Then I kind of stopped sleeping as much as I could so it didn’t happen anymore. I always thought my parents dying was what made me so angry back then, but the more I think of it, I believe it’s connected to something that happened before that. Something I saw, but shut myself off to.”
Julia slid her hand into his. “Is it something that you want to remember?” she asked.
Cole sighed. “Yes. I can’t keep living like this, having these partial memories come up and me not knowing what they are. They set me off sometimes, and it takes everything I have not to be sucked into that darknes
s.”
“And this is something that happens when you fight, too?”
He slowly nodded his head. “It’s mostly when it happens. I mean I get things that pop into my head now and then, but when I allow myself to get lost in a fight… It’s entirely different. It’s like I’m a different person and I’m watching myself from the outside. I go into this zone, like self-preservation…”
She paused. “Your parents died in a car accident?”
Cole measured his response before he spoke. “That’s what I’ve always known. But…I keep wondering if something else happened.”
“Like what?”
“Like maybe someone did it intentionally, maybe they were run off the road. Murdered.”
She gasped, but remained speechless.
“There was no evidence of that,” he continued. “Not in the police reports, at least. But that’s why I came back to New Jersey, to backtrack; to do some research on their lives here; to find out what they were running from when we suddenly moved.”
“And what have you found out?”
He paused for a moment. “I just have more questions,” he shrugged. “I think that my dad may have pissed off the wrong people or something and they tracked him down. Maybe he saw something he wasn’t supposed to.”
Silence filled the space between them. Cole searched Julia’s face for an emotion and she looked completely crushed. It didn’t help when he explained the fear he must have once seen in his father’s eyes sometime before then—the sadness, the regret—and Cole would never in his life forget those eyes. Those eyes appeared in his nightmares, when he was standing in line at the grocery store, at the gym when he was beating the hell out of a punching bag…
Those eyes were always there to haunt him, but he couldn’t remember why.
“Cole, I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispered, squeezing his hand.
Two tears slid down her face and it affected him more than he thought it would. He didn’t want to make her feel anything close to what he felt sometimes. That wasn’t his intention.
“Don’t cry, Jules. It’s in the past.”
“Yes, but it doesn’t mean you forget,” she told him. “Sometimes those things just hit you in a way you can’t explain. I’ve been there. It’s like despair wraps you up and chokes you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You don’t understand how it has such a physical effect on you.”
He knew she understood because of the baby she lost, and he could in no way make that better for her. “You can always talk to me about that more, Jules. I’m always here to listen.”
“I know,” she smiled through her tears. She squeezed his hand again. “And I have been able to talk about it with you, which makes me very grateful. But for now, I want to be a part of your life, Cole. Tell me more.”
He paused to collect his thoughts. “Well, there was barely even a funeral. All I remember was just going to this funeral home with my aunt a week later, where what little remains of my parents were stuck in urns and dropped into a cemetery nearby. I don’t even recall when the nightmares started or what they came from.”
“What do you see in them?”
“My father. A lot of blood. Fighting. I don’t see any other faces, but I see my father’s face, pleading with me to stay hidden in the car. At least I think I’m hiding in a car. His eyes, that’s what I remember the most. The sadness, or guilt…something.”
“How old do you think you were?”
“I have no idea. I feel like I was under twelve, maybe. Small enough to hide on the floor of the backseat and peek out the window.”
“So something might have happened here in Jersey sometime before you moved?”
“I don’t know if it’s an actual memory or a nightmare, Julia. How do I even know the difference?”
“What have you found out about your parents since you’ve been here? Is there something that might link to those memories somehow?”
He remembered Donny Kemp’s part-time profession as a beatdown for a bookie. Maybe his father had owed someone money. It was the only thing he could think of.
“What little I’ve been able to do in between cases I’ve been working on, I haven’t found much out. I’ve researched my family history, asked questions. I feel like I could accept anything that I learn about it, but I just want some answers. I just want to know so I can accept it and put it behind me.
“But at the same time, if I’m being completely honest with myself… I know I haven’t put into it what I’m capable of. I want to know, but I’ve also been dragging my heels. I’m just starting to commit to it, I guess. I’m not sure what’s been holding me back.”
“Well I don’t blame you one bit. I don’t know how I would feel in your situation. I support you completely, though. Whatever you decide.”
Their food was brought at that moment, and after the waiter left, Cole added, “So there you go. My brief history—or lack of—in less than a half-hour. It’s pretty bleak, but now you know.”
She lifted her fork but paused. “Now I know what?”
“That I’m linked to something that was worth covering up. Could be one thing and it could be another, but either way, I’m not so sure of who I am or what I came from. I don’t know what my future consists of or what I even have to offer anyone. It’s really not a lot to work with.”
She laughed but seemed slightly bewildered. “Cole, let me tell you this. Who you are to me…is all that matters. I don’t really care what your past says to you, and what you see as faults or weaknesses are not those things to me. Do you know what I appreciate about you? You’re honest. You’re protective. You’re very intelligent. You make me laugh. You make me feel safe. You make me so very happy. I’m not saying that I don’t care about your worries, because that’s completely untrue. The things that bother you bother me too, and I will never disregard how you feel. But I’m telling you… I’m here because of who you are. In here,” she placed her hand against his chest. “And how you make me feel is more important than any piece of information you dig up about yourself. I promise you that.”
Cole felt way too overwhelmed to respond, but Julia leaned close to him and kissed his mouth. It felt good to get all of that off his chest, but if he were to be completely real with himself right now, his past didn’t seem to matter as much as being here with her.
That spoke volumes.
“Is the hair pulling and spanking gonna start soon?” she whispered against his lips. “Because I could really use that extremely hard boning right about now.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
“I don’t even know why I asked you to do this, to be honest,” Cole said. For so many reasons, he hated being put in this position. It was one thing to do it for professional cases, but another when it was something personal.
“Cole, you have nothing to worry about with me,” Maggie assured him. “I’m actually honored that I’m being given the opportunity to help you out if I can. I didn’t know about your past, sweetie. You deserve some answers.”
She slid her glasses onto her face and studied the first sheet of paper in her hands. As she shuffled through the information he’d collected over the past two years, Cole glanced around her home office. Margaret Tate lived in a very classy apartment in a nice neighborhood. She had simple furnishings, but everything she owned looked expensive. She’d had a very extensive background in law, first as a top-notch prosecutor before she became a highly respected superior court judge. She also had incredible contacts at her disposal to assist in her success as a private consultant.
“A couple of these names sound familiar,” Maggie said after a minute. “Jameson Deels? He is one prick I would have liked to have had by the nuts back in the day.”
“Have you faced him at some point?”
“Yes, years ago,” she nodded. “I think it was on drug charges, but I’ll have to check for sure. I’m pretty sure he’s deceased, though. Shot down in a police raid years back. So fill me in on what else you know, whether it’s spec
ulation or fact.”
Cole spent about fifteen minutes briefing her on his parents’ case. It all sounded so comprehensible saying it out loud; it was like the solution was right there in front of him, he just needed a couple more answers to work with.
“Where would you like me to start?” she asked.
“Pssh, I don’t even care, Maggs. I think I’m just gonna pass it along to you and see what you get.”
She stood and made a few copies of Cole’s file on her copy machine. As they printed out, she asked, “Do you want this to become a case with the court if something comes of it? And if so… How much are you willing to get involved?”
This was the very question he’d always wanted to avoid. It was time for him to stop looking over his shoulder all the time; it was time to focus on securing a bit of happiness in his life.
“Maggie, I’ll do whatever you feel is necessary, but I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life. A new book entirely, to be honest. I have been harboring these questions for too long. I want answers, but I’m not willing to let my life be dictated by them. I’m ready to accept things for what they are, enjoy life while I can, and if I someday come across some answers…so be it. Other than that, I’m brushing my hands of it for now. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense,” she nodded as she scooped up the papers and sat down across from him again. She slid his original set back to him and kept the copies. “I, too, would like to be very honest with you about something. Well, I’m always honest, but this is more like passing you information. I spoke with a few of my friends with the FBI. They speak very highly of you in regards to the Mills/Glenn case.”
Cole raised an eyebrow. “Oh? I didn’t really work with them much.”
“Well I know how you work, Cole. You’re very efficient, especially at getting information from people. For some reason, they are very intrigued with you. It was asked of me if you’d be willing to work with them on cases more often, and if I felt comfortable recommending you. Of course I said ‘hell yes’, I absolutely could if they needed my endorsement. And…I think it could definitely turn into a full time option in your future.”