by Hunt, Brenda
Lili nodded, bid them goodnight and went to her room. She was tempted to go to Colin’s room but she couldn’t quite make herself go there. Too many memories, she was not ready to face. But lying in her bed at night staring at the canopy of her bed, the doubts, the fears crawled out of every corner of the darkness and reared their ugly heads.
Sleep finally came in the early morning hours, often plagued with dreams she couldn’t remember, except for the fact, they left her restless and more tired.
Chapter 23
You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late,
that such precious feelings are gone forever.
Persuasion
Jane Austen
Worth sighed with relief to finally enter the yard of Glendenning keep. It seemed as though the stars had been against him. For as much as he tried to leave immediately when he found Lili gone, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. It was eight days since Lili had left to return home.
Glendenning looked better than he remembered. It appeared the repairs he had set into motion were being done. Worth stepped down out of the carriage and turned to help his mother down.
As he turned around, he heard their screams, “Colin! You’re back.” Suddenly, he was embraced by Aiden and Alyssa so hard they nearly knocked him down. He laughed and folded his arms around them, holding them close.
“Yes, I am.” Worth felt like he was home. These two imps held a special place in his heart. Here, he felt like Colin and not Worth, the Duke.
Aiden was the first to take a step back. “Lili said you wouldn’t come back. I knew she was wrong,” stated Aiden in that matter of fact voice of his.
Worth smiled at him. Aiden was still acting the laird of the keep. “I was delayed or I would have been here sooner.” He just hoped Lili would understand. He could see Alysa eyeing his mother with interest. She, of course, would be the more curious of the two.
“Lady Alysa McGowan, Lord Aiden McGowan may I present to you my mother, the Duchess of Worthingston.”
Ali eyes grew big, then she hit her twin in the side and curtseyed.
“Ouch, Ali,” said Aiden, then he noticed her curtsey and realized what Ali was doing. He looked from Colin to his mother and bowed. “Welcome to Glendenning.” Dang! Colin was a duke just like Bennings said.
The Duchess smiled. These two were charming. “Thank you both for this most charming welcome. But now that we are about to become family such formality is not necessary.”
Aiden smiled. “I knew you wouldn’t be uppity. You’d be good like Colin.” He grabbed her hand and looked to Ali to grab her other hand. “Come.”
Ali grabbed her other hand. “Yes, come.”
The Duchess looked back at her son and smiled. “Well, are you coming as well, my son?”
Worth smiled. He knew his mother would immediately love these two. She had always wanted loads of grandchildren. Carolyn and Grayson only had Abigail. She now lived with Nate and Dulcey.
Dulcey, Worth thought. Hair of red will lead you on a merry chase. He smiled. It had been a merry chase, indeed. But Lili was worth it all. He followed his mother and the children inside. He looked around but did not see Lili.
Elsbeth met them in the great room. Marie was there, but no Lili.
“Elsbeth, may I introduce you to my mother, the Duchess. Mother this Elsbeth. She runs everything here and has been here since Lili’s mother.”
Elsbeth curtseyed for the duchess. She liked the warmth she saw reflected in the Duchess’s eyes. The fact, she came in holding the twins’ hands impressed Elsbeth of her kind heart. Not that Elsbeth needed to be impressed, but she wanted someone who would be kind to her Lili. Lili needed a motherly figure in her life, especially at this time of her life.
“Ye’re Grace. Ye’re most welcome to Glendenning. We are a small staff here, but we will make ye as comfortable as we can.”
The Duchess smiled. It appeared these few people in Lili’s life were very important to her. She could understand why. Having had to depend on each other as much as Colin said they had to, this was Lili’s family. No matter the fact, Elsbeth was a servant. She could see how her son found peace here. He had never been one that cared for all the properness that went along with London society. She had lived in dread, every time he left on one his missions for the war department. And then after Caroline’s death, she had feared for him even more. He would no longer be putting himself in danger. But he had become hardened. Even if he decided to stay here at Glendenning, she knew, he would be happy and safe here.
“I told the twins, I do not always go along with all this properness and formality. I think this is a place where all of that need not apply.”
Elsbeth nodded. She could see where Master Colin got his big heart from. Even with being a duke and such, he was a good man under all those trappings.
“Your grace, you are here,” stated Bennings as he entered the great room. He had seen the coach enter the yard. He had been worrying, thinking the duke would not follow. Lady Lili and young Lord Aiden had been arguing the last few days.
“Yes, Bennings. It appears so. Would you and Marie help Gina and John with the trunks and anything else that needs to be done?” He turned to Elsbeth. “If additional help is needed, please hire whatever you need. I am thinking, we may all be here for some time.”
“Ach, A will, but A see no need to now. But we will need more supplies if A’m to cook and feed everyone,” she explained. “We have most of the rooms cleaned and prepared.”
Worth nodded. “Send Rab and Davis into town. Make a list of everything and anything you can think of.” He looked around again. Lili was not here of that he was certain. She would have been down, as soon as she had heard the arrival of guests. If she wasn’t in the keep, then where was she? He was more than anxious to talk with her.
Elsbeth noticed his looking about. He was looking for Lili. She needed him, that much Elsbeth knew, as much as he needed her. It was time this nonsense was put to rest.
“Ye be lookin’ ------ ”
“Where is Lili?” asked Worth at the same time.
Ali came to his side and pulled at his sleeve. He knelt down to her level. “I know where she is. I followed her,” she told him softly. “She goes to the spot where we had her birthday picnic. She brings a book but she doesn’t read it much. She just sits. She’s going to have a baby, you know.”
All eyes turned to her in shock.
Ali looked to Elsbeth. “I heard Lili and you talking. You didn’t see me. Lili cries at night, too. ”
Aiden nodded. “Ali told me. Me and Ali have been taking care of Lili.”
Worth was taken aback by Ali’s announcement. A baby, he thought. How? He had always withdrawn when they had bedded. No, his mind said. Not, that first time. He closed his eyes. Lili was carrying his child, his heir. He opened his eyes to find his mother looking at him with that smile of hers. That smile that said she was on his side.
Worth looked to Elsbeth. “T’is best she tells you.”
“I suspected as much when she was at Mannery House.” Worth looked to his mother. “Go to her, son. Talk to her,” advised the Duchess.
Caroline came to mind. Carolyn died in childbirth. Panic grabbed hold of his heart in a vise like grip. Could that happen to Lili?
His mother saw the fear in his eyes and understood. He and Caroline had been so close. Her death had affected him deeper than she realized.
“Caroline last pregnancy was difficult. Remember, she had Abbigail without any problems. Do not borrow trouble where there is none,” advised the Duchess.
Worth nodded. A baby, he thought. A tiny version of Lili with hair of red. He smiled. He knelt in front of Ali. “Thank you, Ali.”
Ali nodded.
Worth nodded to all and walked swiftly out the door.
Worth walked to the copse where they had celebrated Lili’s birthday those months ago. Quietly, as not to frighten her, he stood for a moment gazing at her. She
had spread a blanket under the large yew. She sat with her back leaned against the base of the tree. She held a book in her lap reading. She looked so peaceful sitting there. He was hesitant to disturb her. He wanted that picture etched in his mind.
Mother said he needed to court her as Worth, the Duke of Worthingston. Perhaps, she was right. There was no time like the present to begin. Then why did he feel like he would rather have faced Napoleon’s army or brave Napoleon himself, than face the possibility Lili would not fall in love with him. No, he refused to think in those lines. She was carrying his child.
He walked slowly to her. His foot snapped a branch and she looked up from her book. Surely, that was a look of welcome.
“Hello, Lili,” he said softly, never taking his eyes off of her. She looked tired but beautiful. He wanted to grab her and hold her tightly in his arms but he remembered what his mother said. Court her, woo her.
When Lili looked up and saw Colin standing there in front of her, her heart skipped a beat. There before her, stood her heart’s desire. He had followed her. She no longer had to worry whether he would or not. He had. Was this a good thing or bad? She had no idea. She had made up her mind during one of those long lonely nights, she would accept whatever he had to offer her.
“Hello, Colin.”
“May I sit down and join you?” he asked, watching her face closely.
“Yes, of course.”
Colin sat down beside her. He felt encouraged. She hadn’t thrown a glass at him. She didn’t have a glass but she did have a book. He watched her place it gently at her side.
“You came?” she asked. There was so much more she wanted to say but suddenly all the words did not want to come out. His presence, his nearness played havoc with her emotions. When did he not, she asked herself.
“Of course, I followed you. Did you think I would not?” Colin watched the emotions play across her face. He so wanted to believe those beautiful clear blue eyes of hers looked at him with love.
Lili looked away. She could not continue to stare into those eyes of his. They saw too much. They looked into her heart. “I was not sure,” she whispered.
Worth placed his fingers on her chin and turned her face toward him. “Lili, I am sorry I didn’t tell you exactly who I am. I have played so many parts while I worked for the war department. But I never felt like I was playing a part here at Glendenning. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I could be who I truly was. That I did not have to pretend or put on airs. I could be me, truly me.”
Lili looked into his eyes searching. The sincerity and pleading she saw in his eyes was her undoing.
“I did not want to fall in love with you but I did. My intentions were to help you and the twins but you not only stole my money you stole my heart.” He smiled. His hand cupped her face.
Lili slowly shook her head.
Worth hopes plummeted. She was shaking her head. Surely, she was not telling him no. What did he have to do to convince her?
“But in all that time you have never once said you love me? You have never talked of love.” How could she explain to him she needed those words of love because she felt damaged?
Worth smiled with hope replacing his despair. “Rather remiss of me. I thought my actions told you so. I did not realize, I needed to say the words, as well. But my love, my dearest love, I love you with every part of my heart and soul, with every part of me.”
Those were the words she had longed to hear for so long now, then why was she still hesitant about them. Because deep in her own heart, as much as she loved him, she did not feel worthy of his love.
He claimed her lips, softly at first, the tip of his tongue tracing the outline of hers till she sighed and her lips parted in invitation. Lili wrapped her arms around him pulling him closer. She met his probing tongue and danced the dance of lovers.
Reluctantly, Colin pulled away. There was more they needed to talk about. He reached in the pocket of his jacket and pulled out the moonstone necklace and held it out in his hand.
Lili’s eyes opened wide with surprise. She looked at the necklace Colin held in front of her to Colin and back to the necklace. She had thought never to see it again after Edward took it from her.
“How?” she asked, disbelieving what her eyes saw.
Colin smiled. “That is where I was that morning you left. I was looking for this. It took me longer than I thought to track it down. But it was something I felt I needed to do for you. I was also able to recover a few of your mother’s jewels as well.”
Lili touched his cheek tenderly. For Colin to have gone through all the trouble of locating her moonstone and bringing it back to her, meant more than anything he had ever or could ever do. Tears came to her eyes. She was so moved by his thoughtfulness.
“Here let me put it on you.” He placed it around her neck.
When it rested on her breast, Lili rubbed the moonstone between her fingers as she so often did. It felt good to have it back again. This was the best gift he could ever give her.
Colin watched the joy and contentment cross her face. It was everything and more than what he expected.
“Marry me Lili?”
Lili gazed at him with concern. As much as she wanted to hear those words, those words brought about grave apprehension to her heart. She was not worthy of marrying a duke. How could she convince Colin of that fact?
Colin sensed her hesitation. “I love you, Lili.”
Lili bit her bottom lip and nodded. “I love you, too, but-----.”
Colin placed a swift kiss on her lips to quieten her. “There are no buts.”
Lili touched his cheek tenderly. “There are buts. You, my love, are a duke. I am a------.”
Colin places another kiss on her lips. “You, my love, are everything I want in a wife. Shhh! Listen to me. Your father’s title makes you a proper choice. I have a special license from the archbishop, as well. Even mother has accompanied me to be here for our nuptials.”
Lili’s eyes grew wide with shock. “Your mother is here?” She tried to rise but Colin would not release her.
“Yes, she wanted to be here when her only son married the woman he loved.”
“But we’re not ready to receive a Duchess,” bewailed Lili still struggling in Colin’s arms.
“I left mother talking with Elsbeth. All is being prepared. Besides, my mother does not care for all that pomp. Gina is here to help her and that is all she requires.”
Lili did not truly believe him.
“Besides, she could not be happier to be here, especially after Ali’s announcement.”
Lili looked at him strangely.
“Another reason for us to marry, my love.” When he saw the added confusion to her face, he continued, “I know.” He placed his hand tenderly over her abdomen.
Lili’s eyes widened in astonishment. Did he say Ali told him? How did Ali know?
“Ali overheard you and Elsbeth. It seems the twins have been taking care of you.”
Lili smiled as she remembered Aiden and Ali always there to help, to carry things for her. So many knew. She placed her hand over his and sighed.
“This makes me happy, frightened, but happy. I love you, my Lili. I want our child to be born in wedlock,” Worth implored.
Lili nodded.
“Does that nod mean yes. You will marry me,” stated Worth.
“I love you Colin, but------.”
“No,” interrupted Worth again. “There are no buts for us. I love you. You love me. You carry my child growing within you. I want you as my wife. You can be as much a duchess as you want to be. If you want to stay here, I will be glad to live here, but I would like you to visit my home and then decide. I truly think you will like Stoneybrook. As to going to London, being part of the ton, I have never cared for it. If we never go, I shall be content. If there comes a time you would like to try London, I will be content to take you. The only thing that matters to me is not where we are but that you are with me.”
; Lili listened to Colin with her heart. She needed to believe his every word. Her heart said, believe him. Every reason she thought of against this, he discredited it.
Worth waited and watched as she warred with herself.
“You would be giving up so much,” replied Lili
“No, I would be gaining everything I have ever wanted. I would be gaining you and to me, you are my everything.” He took her hand in his and brought to his lips and kissed the palm.
Lili closed her eyes and allowed the feelings cascade through her. How could she deny him, herself these feelings, this love? She could not. Like him, he was her everything. She opened her eyes to find those gold flecked eyes of his watching her carefully.
“Yes, Colin Harwell, Duke of Worthingston I will marry with you. I will be your wife.” After saying the words aloud to him, a feeling of such contentment flowed through her.
“Yes!” Worth took her in his arms and kissed her with all the love his heart could hold. She was to be his, his for all eternity. Never had he felt so whole.
Epilogue
I found you and I loved you,
And all the world was mine.
A Golden Day
Paul Laurence Dunbar
Lili stood beside her new husband in the great hall of the keep and looked over those assembled there. Between Elsbeth and the Duchess, no Lili corrected herself, the Dowager Duchess, the wedding and wedding feast had been a small private but grand affair. They had convinced her and Colin to give them a week to prepare for it. New clothes had been sewed for the twins, a new dress for herself. The local vicar, Vicar Coburn had presided over the ceremony. At the moment, he stood next to the Dowager Duchess deep in conversation.
She had promised Worth, she would go to Stoneybrook for the birth of their child. She hated the thought of leaving Elsbeth, but somehow the Dowager Duchess had convinced Elsbeth to accompany them. They were to leave shortly after Christmas with a stop at Brandanlyn to spend time with his best friend, Nathaniel Beckham and his wife Dulcey. The Dowager Duchess was anxious to see her grandchild, Abigail who lived with Nathaniel and Dulcey. It was Nathaniel’s brother, Grayson who had been married to Worth’s sister, Caroline. Abigail was their daughter. Lili was anxious to talk with Dulcey who had warned Colin, of his lady with hair of red.