He doesn't show any signs of regret when I'm there. He's quiet, though. He has a lot on his mind, and I guess he needs the time to trudge through everything, and decide if this is what he really wants. It's likely a war of desire and pride. Pride against what Alaric did to him. And desire for the man he never truly stopped loving. Love scorned tends to be one of the most aggressive forms of vengeance out there, I think. And he was on that path of destruction before I got scooped up.
After that, everything changed.
That night, as we've been doing in recent days, wee share a bed together. We've never actually had sex without Alaric. I think in a way Cael is afraid to initiate sex without him, as if he's concerned that Alaric will go through the same harrowing smash of emotions as he did. I can tell at times he wants to. Sometimes he grips me a little too tight, and I feel his erection pressing against my pajama leg. So far, he's always resisted the impulse to go further, and I've not pushed him to it either. Because I think I understand.
He wants the company, someone to hug at night. He doesn't want to betray the one who has been buried in his heart this whole time. He started off from a dark place, but he's healing. He's being more considerate. He's allowing himself to think of new possibilities.
No erection pushes against me tonight. I feel his heart pounding hard against mine, likely because he's thinking about the confrontation that pans ahead. I help relax and soothe him, enjoying the closeness we share. He really is so much softer when Alaric isn't in the equation. If it had just been me and him, I think we would have lived quite contently. But it's not, because Alaric's in the picture. And somehow, my heart is torn between them both.
And it's not a case of choosing one over the other. They're a package. If I'm with Alaric, Cael will be there. If I'm with Cael, Alaric will be there. I've never even considered cutting one of them out. I just see them as together, always. And I see myself with the both of them, always.
A year ago, if someone told me that you could live with two guys and everything could work out, I would laugh in their faces and then slam the door. Everyone knows people get too jealous, everyone splits up because of cheating and whatever. Everyone knows guys all want to have sex with their friends, they just never admit to it.
Now I'm not so sure. Somehow, I've managed to seamlessly integrate into these shifter's lives. We had a bad start, a bad reason for me being here, but it gradually numbed itself until it became unimportant. Until the only thing that mattered was each other.
I wonder when I started realizing this. When I accepted that my old life was gone forever, and that I had merged myself into the mechanisms of a new life. I feel like I missed the exact moment somehow, or it just kind of slid into me so softly, that I never understood just how much I had changed until I stopped myself long enough to mull it through.
I'm still the woman who brings a bullet vibrator to work and dreams of porn scenarios, and has that thirst for sex. I'm also someone who has found themselves more flexible in ideas of late, who has allowed myself to sink teeth deep in a three way relationship, who has found my own joy away from the clutter of civilization.
I'm also the someone who yearned after her parents, but chose to not go back to them. That drive which simmered at the back of my mind has dissipated, and I no longer feel that pressure.
I don't know if I'll change my mind in the future, if I'll decide that actually all this isn't worth it. I don't even know if Cael can follow through with his promise, and instead shatter things forever. But I do know that right now, I hope they'll patch things up. I hope we'll continue with this arrangement, and maybe one day live in a big cave together or something. Until then, it's just a beautiful possibility that keeps my soul light.
When Cael falls asleep, his snores gentle, I find myself being tugged into it as well. The snores comfort me somehow. They're a background hum, a reminder that someone is there with me. Someone that cares.
Tomorrow, I'll finally see the end of this conflict, one way or another.
Tomorrow, I'll know what the future holds.
Chapter Nine
Alaric should be minutes away from picking me up. I've not yet seen him, but he can be anything from thirty minutes early to an hour late. Cael and I are already waiting by the landing platform, ready to take him inside, to see if once again we'll dissolve into a session of pleasure, pain and loathing, or if things can be fixed. At least, I think Cael is ready, but I see him clenching his hands a lot, pacing up and down in apparent anxiety. I feel like if Alaric takes too long in arriving, Cael will lose his nerve and fly off somewhere.
Come on, Alaric. Hurry the fuck up. Your former lover wants to fix things. Get your stupid green ass over here. Let us see your floppy blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes and see the transformation in your face when Cael asks to take things further.
The excitement churns through my veins as well. I can't stay still for long. It infects everything, makes me pace with Cael, and I keep squinting up at the sky, waiting for that green dot to appear with his entourage.
The time slips past. Of course Alaric doesn't know the change that's taken place. He thinks everything is the same as last week, last month. He doesn't understand the epiphany that's happened.
I swear though, if he's ten minutes or more late, I'm going to murder him.
Five minutes past waiting time, just as Cael huffs in frustration, I spot the sky shifting. I see blobs travel from high, quickly defining themselves to the naked eye as dragons.
Finally. Cael's spotted him as well and stiffens. Uh oh. I recognize that expression. He's on the verge of wanting to flee. I walk to him with haste and rest one hand on his elbow, reminding him that he's not alone. He swallows, looks at me for reassurance, and doesn't move.
God. I've never seen him look so vulnerable. Alaric really does mean the world to him. And now he's letting himself tap into those emotions, it shines upon his face.
Alaric lands, whilst his entourage hover in the air. He doesn't shift, not until I say, “We need to speak to you inside, Alaric. You should probably let your henchmen take some time out. It may be a while.”
Alaric lets out a snorting sound, before snarling incomprehensibly at the other dragons. They take the hint and scatter off. When he shifts into his human form, I sigh in relief, before checking Cael's pale face again. He certainly expressed that yearning to make things right. But his pride might make him fall, might make him run, so I watch him apprehensively as Alaric falls into step with us. We head inside. The tension is palpable. If I prodded it, I'm certain it would root us all on the spot.
I think Alaric's expecting another one of our crazy sex sessions. He's preparing himself for humiliation. Waiting for the familiar orders to begin.
The crazy things people do for love. God, these two are hopeless for each other, and they haven't even spoken. We take some time to get ourselves comfortable in the living room, and ask all the servants to leave us alone for a few hours. This doesn't seem to help Alaric's perception that he's going to be fucked.
And he might be. Regardless of the outcome.
I see conflict rage in Cael's eyes, and he looks at me several times before he says, “Before you ask, this was Bronnen's idea.”
I give him an evil glare. No. He's deflecting responsibility from himself by stating something like that. And I can't allow that to happen.
Alaric narrows his eyes suspiciously. “Put you up to what?”
“That's a lie,” I say hotly. Then, forcing myself to breathe slower, I say, “he's wanted to do this for a while. He just needed a nudge. Tell him, Cael. Please.”
Cael grimaces. “We need to talk, Alaric. About us.”
“Uh huh. Really?” Alaric folds his arms, now placing one boot upon the table between us. Cael narrows his eyes at this for a moment, before dredging up a smile.
“Yes.”
Alaric opens his mouth, still wearing that mocking expression, and I shut him down, sensing danger. “Oh no you don't. He's trying. Don't you aggravate
him.” My reprimand makes Alaric sigh.
“Yes, mistress. Okay, Cael. What is it you want to talk about? If you want to talk at all. Usually we kind of get straight to the fucking, but you know...”
Cael laughs at this. “That's true. But not this time. Something's been on my mind for a while. I usually ignore it, or get angry about it. I don't want to listen. But this time... I listened to Bronnen.” He steps a little closer, and Alaric holds his breath.
“Here it is. I want to forgive you, Alaric. Each time you come here, I feel hate and love for you at the same time. I see you and I'm reminded of what you did. I'm also reminded of what I felt. It makes me awful and furious.”
“Why?” Alaric lifts his boot off the table and stands up, no longer willing to keep himself still.
“Why? It's awful, because I don't like watching you suffer. Yet at the same time, I want you to suffer. And I make you go through it all. It makes me furious, because you keep coming back. You keep trying to worm your way back into my heart. You're like some kind of parasite that's settled in and doesn't want to move away.”
Well, this was significantly more than I expected from Cael. Aside from the parasite comment, which could be taken badly. I grin, holding my breath, as if my breath might knock him off track and spin away from his thoughts. Yes, I think. Keep talking. Keep telling the truth. Come back to each other.
The blonde haired prince folds his arms, a pinch of agony in his face. Oh, this is getting juicy. “For what it's worth, Cael. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just... I was too weak to stand up to my father. I was too stupid to realize what it would mean to you.”
Cael stands up as well. They size one another up. He then steps closer, so they're within arm's length of each other. His amber eyes are soft, rather than harsh. There's a bone deep weariness as well.
“I'm tired,” Cael says. The words escape in a sigh. “Tired of trying to hate you.”
Alaric's eyes widen. His lips part. “Then don't.” He reaches out one trembling hand to touch Cael's cheek. “Don't.” They close the distance, and wrap themselves in a tentative hug. The most tender thing they've done in all the time I've known them. My hands are over my mouth in a bid to suppress my excitement and frantic need to fangirl over them.
Yes! Oh fuck yes! I hoped. I anticipated. But seeing it actually happen is something else. At fucking last with these two idiots. Doing their same old song and dance, but never quite touching. Always missing. I want to pat myself on the back for them making it closer together. And maybe jump up and down on the spot as well.
I'm failing horribly at keeping my glee down, because Cael glances over to me. “It occurs to me that we have you to blame for this.”
Alaric turns to face me as well, still hugging Cael. “Yeah. You're right. It's all her fault.”
“We should punish her,” Cael murmurs. A thrill of evil delight tingles my bloodstream.
There's no punishment in their eyes when they approach me, though. Not this time. Not with them making it up.
I get the distinct impression the focus will be more on pleasure than pain. And I'm okay with that.
I doubt I've completely solved their problem just by asking them to talk, but this is most definitely a step in the right direction. Communication is the key to something working out. It's also the key to parting amiably. That is, the kind of communication where the involved parties strive to listen to one another. There was only so much these two could do before they went too far, and took things to a place where their relationship would never be repaired.
Now, when we come together, taking off one another's clothes, it's a whole different kind of act than before. Gone is the former brutality, though I hope we haven't given that up completely. I love the excitement that comes from it, the adrenalin rush when there's a hint of danger and animosity. In place of it is something gentle, more in the way of worship when it comes to one another's bodies.
It brings a soft tingling, one laced with joy and shyness, because this is new territory for all of us. We're all naked, and I'm again reminded of how pale my skin is compared to them. Cael is pale as well, but nowhere near the tone I achieve. I truly am an anomaly when it comes to color, I suppose.
I at first sit between them as they lie down, and stroke them until they become fully erect. I tease them with this. I take my time trailing my fingertips lightly, and I can see them struggling to maintain their patience, because they're the types who just take what they want at any time.
Perhaps this is finally my chance to take charge, to hold the weight in this relationship. When I ask them to be patient, they obey.
That's a first. Usually I'm the one obeying. The fact that Cael is relinquishing the reins this much makes both Alaric and I stare at each other, wide eyed. We're both thinking the same thing. Surely, any moment, Cael will take back all control and fuck us the way he always has. In that oppressive, sexy and dangerous method.
He doesn't. He stays relaxed, and I silently breathe a sigh of relief. We're doing this. We're making it work. He's letting me forge a pathway ahead, and together, we'll see where it leads. Now that I have the power, I admit I'm not so sure what I want to do with it. I continue massaging their dicks, trying to force my brain to think of something we can do, something stronger than just basic fucking.
I soon give up on thinking. May as well follow where instinct takes me.
When they've become fully erect, I take it in turns to kiss Alaric and Cael upon the lips. They both have different styles in their kisses. Alaric prefers open mouthed movements, and quickly delving with an inquisitive tongue. Cael opts for close mouthed caresses, sometimes latching onto my lip, sometimes daubing his tongue over my lips, but never pushing his tongue inside.
Kissing is a novel experience, since we rarely do it otherwise. It's usually more to do with lust and ravishing one another's bodies. There's no true connection created by kisses because few are given.
What a shame. We've been sorely lacking in something like this, honestly. Kisses, oddly enough, carries a level of intimacy that sex alone doesn't deliver. It's sacred, I suppose. It shares things like secrets. We can pass our sincerity to one another, and you can also tell what kind of lover someone is by the way they kiss.
I draw back and observe as they kiss each other, and I see passion ignite in their eyes. I don't feel jealous, though. I feel happy, relieved to see it. I know this is how things are meant to go. Took them fucking long enough, though. Like, seriously. I rest one hand on each of them, forming a three way contact, making sure they don't pull away, don't get second thoughts, don't panic at the level of emotion that's being conveyed.
They embrace over me, before diverting their attention to the one who brought them together. Gratefulness and love shines in their eyes, and I feel warmth emanating from their bodies. It's likely going to get too hot at this rate, but right now, I don't care. All I want is to experience this pleasure. I mean, I wouldn't mind just watching the two of them, but they seem rather keen to include me. Looks like I'm gradually losing the control I had. Since both of them decide to distribute pleasure onto me.
Cael focuses on caressing my breasts, kissing my neck and ears, and stirring all the erogenous areas here into a crescendo. His breath tickles on my neck, making me flinch back from him. His lips are soft on my ear. And his hands are rough but gentle at the same time, causing me to sigh in satisfaction.
Alaric focuses on my legs and my stomach and sides. He lets his fingers trail down my ribcage, and he runs his palms over the curves of my stomach and hips. He trails them down my leg, barely skimming my nether regions, which makes me jerk in surprise and longing. I'm not so sure about the quick feet squeeze he gives. Can't say I'm that interested in having my feet rubbed, but I'm definitely taken by the way he scratches along my calf muscles and thighs. Yeah. A girl could get used to that.
Both of them stimulating me at the same time makes it hard to concentrate. I like the way they give each other stares, as if conveying to one another
what they intend to do next to their princess. Cael allows his lips to latch onto my breasts now. I arch my back, my chest heaving, my breaths coming out in bursts.
Alaric aims for the jackpot between my thighs. I feel his breath hot on me, and his blue eyes are glowing and blissful as he licks me, taking my mind and elevating it to distant heights. The bolts of orgasmic pleasure that go through my clit is far more intense than before. What I experienced before was nothing compared to this. It all pales in comparison. A rough, dark, sexy fuck doesn't compare to the emotion that broils behind it. Sex without love is just a bland, tasteless dish. And I never saw that. I never understood that.
I writhe, groan and sigh in pleasure as they work on me. Double teaming me, using their hands to touch everything, including the soul inside is causing me to almost drift away before I've actually come. Alaric laps away at me, and I feel myself getting so close... but I don't want to come before them. I want us to orgasm as close to each other as possible. I gasp this request, which causes Alaric to stop his work and grin.
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