Tonight I will do it, she told herself night after night. I will take the lead, push him onto the bed and straddle him like an unbridled horse. I will take my hands and undress him, freeing his hardness into my hand and stroke him until he stares at me in shock. I will not allow for him to do anything but lay there under my command, touching my breasts when I allow for it only. When he is rigid and firm, I will climb atop him and rest my center upon him, pushing myself onto his member. Then, I may place his hands on my hips as to balance me while bounce lightly, feeling him fill me in my entirety. He will call me beautiful and as I grow closer to release, I may let him finish what I have started, flipping me onto my back and pounding into me with fervor and passion while I scream out to the heavens for mercy. He will place his hand over my mouth and I will bite his fingers but he won’t feel it as he will be too wrapped up in his own ecstasy.
Lucy had a dozen scenarios such as that which she played in her mind, night after night, yearning for her husband but none ever materialized. When he did make his infrequent trips to her room, she was suddenly overcome with shame and bashfulness, shocked at her own wicked thoughts.
It is the husband’s place to take his wife and not the other way. You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking such filthy thoughts!
Even with her silent chiding, however, Lucy did not stop imaging riding her husband like a wild stallion.
It did not take her long to recognize that Monty simply did not enjoy her company, an understanding which had left her almost paralyzed with distress.
We do not share chambers as man and wife. But for his weekly visits to my room, I would have thought myself a servant. He does not speak to me and when he does, it is harshly, even when I have said nothing at all!
Lucy had done her best to maintain the silence which Monty seemed to prefer, carefully sealing her lips when she would have traditionally added to the conversation. She felt desperately alone being so removed from her kin and the love of which she was accustomed. It had been on the tongue to ask him if she could visit her sister in Chicago but she loathed to do it, fearing she already knew what the answer would be.
He will not allow me to go to Elizabeth. He does not want me here but he will not allow it either. I should write daddy and tell him of my plight, Lucy had thought at the start but she knew her father would advise her to honor her obligation to her husband as she had committed to do. What could she tell Hugh which would sway his counsel and send for her to return home to England? She was not being abused or neglected. She lived in a fine house with a very handsome and successful husband. Her life appeared to be a dream.
What will I tell him? That my husband does not allow for me to pin him and use his body the way I wish him to use mine? I haven’t any other option but to be trapped in a loveless marriage. I must find ways to occupy my time before I wither away in sorrow.
Lucy had no idea where to start looking for such a distraction, not when her hurt was so overwhelming.
Neatly, Monty folded the newspaper and placed it beside his plate, wiping his mouth delicately with a linen napkin. Without meeting her beseeching golden eyes, he rose and left the house. As usual, he did not bother with a good-bye.
Feeling as though her body was filled with sand, Lucy rose from the table and began to clear the dishes despite not having finished her own fruit and bread. Her appetite had diminished greatly in the time since she had arrived and her face was beginning to take on the look of the otherworldly.
Making her way to the head of the table, she glanced idly at the newspaper which Monty had discarded.
‘Boston in Fear as Masked Robber Robs Another Bank’ the headline declared. Lucy paused, her heart picking up speed.
Oh, dear, she thought worriedly. A masked burglar targeting banks. I do hope Monty is safe.
As the thought flittered through her mind, she asked herself why she was concerned for the well being of a man who clearly did not give a whit about hers. Turning away from the spacious dining area with her arms laden in dishes, Lucy realized that she very deeply wished he did.
Chapter Four
“…and Jesus said to him, ‘receive your sight; your faith has healed you.’ Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God. Let us bow our heads in prayer.”
Monty hung his head, a spark of annoyance coursing through his body. The service was taking much longer than usual and he had much paperwork to attend before visiting Celia that evening. His ears only partially on the Reverend’s words, he found himself staring about the church impatiently. When his dark eyes rested on Lucy, he was momentarily taken aback. Her head was lowered in prayer and she seemed breathtakingly lovely, like an angel.
She has such captivating, long eyelashes, he thought and for a strange moment, he fought the urge to stroke her face. It was a reaction he had been having with more frequency as of late and Monty did not know from where it stemmed. It was as though he was seeing his wife in a different light than he had before and he did not know why. Perhaps it was the way she seemed to eye him with naked desire, both in and out of the boudoir. During their copulation, Monty had found himself wanting to do things which he was sure would shock and appal his wife.
She is brand new, a virgin. She has no idea what I could be doing to her body. If I were to try even one thing which I do to Celia on her, she would likely cry to her father and label me a heathen.
“Amen,” Reverend Jacobs declared.
“Amen!” the parishioners chorused, raising their faces. Lucy seemed startled to see him staring at her. She offered him a small smile. Scowling, he turned his profile from her and rose to his feet.
“Come along, Lucy,” he ordered, sharply. “We haven’t all day.”
She did not speak but Monty saw her jaw clench angrily. A smidgen of guilt flashed through him but he did not pause as he strolled out of the chapel in long strides. He did not wait to see if she was in his wake.
She has not proven to be a difficult wife, not so far, he thought. Perhaps I am being too harsh with her. After all, it was I who sent for her, not she who asked to be here. I should try to treat her with more kindness in the future.
Monty had found himself stealing glances at her innocent face lately and he could not reconcile why he was having such a feeling toward her. She was comely, without a doubt with her large golden eyes and silken blonde hair. He had found himself more interested in their copulation, even beyond wishing to awe her with his tongue. At first, he had regarded their coition as his husbandly duty, determined only to plant his seed. Yet it seemed with each passing encounter, he found himself drinking in the milkiness of her skin, inhaling the sweetness of her hair and staring deep into her shining orbs.
I imagine it is inevitable that a man will eventually grow affections for his wife, Monty had reasoned but he could not shake the sense that something deeper was happening within him, something he had never experienced.
He dared not pursue the thought of what it could mean, instead throwing himself more intensely into working at the bank and spending his nights at the brothel. Sometimes when he had pinned Celia against the wall, he closed his eyes and pretended that it was Lucy whom he was prodding with his unforgiving thrusts. Several times, he had put a gag in Celia’s mouth so he could hear Lucy’s voice in his head, not Celia’s too animated cries.
Love is for weak men and women. I haven’t the time nor disposition for such a trite emotion, he told himself. Still, he could not help but cast sidelong looks at his wife, wondering if she felt the same as he did.
More than likely, he thought bitterly. She is but a silly woman.
“Monty, I would like to stay and help the Reverend’s wife with Sunday School. Would you mind terribly?” Lucy asked quietly as she made her way to his side through the throng of people leaving the church. Monty glanced at her indifferently.
“How will you return home?” he demanded. “I cannot spare the carriage this afternoon for you
to come and go as you please.”
He found himself wincing at his own tone as an expression of hurt shadowed her eyes.
“I will make arrangements,” she replied in a low voice.
You must apologize to her for speaking so harshly, Monty urged himself but he could not bring himself to do it.
I will visit her bedchambers tonight and make up my tone with my mouth, he vowed, smiling at the thought. He wondered how she would react to such a treat and his trousers tightened at how would look the pleasure on her face. He eyed her for a moment and then nodded quickly, jumping into the coach.
“Very well then,” he replied. “Do what you must. I expect supper at four thirty, however.”
“Yes, Monty.”
She turned away as Monty signalled for the coachman to leave and again, he was overcome by a sense of shame. He watched his beautiful wife walk away and a jolt of arousal coursed through him.
I will do better by her in the future, he promised himself, subtly adjusting his underclothing through his pants. I will show her excitement tonight.
There were no longer tears to be shed. Lucy had long since become accustomed to her husband’s harsh words and cruel behavior.
He is a tyrant, she finally decided. He is incapable of love and affection. I must simply accept my fate and carry on with my head raised high.
“Lucy, darling, come here,” the Reverend’s wife called from the far side of the lawn. Lucy forced a smile upon her face and hurried to join Marietta Jacobs. She stood with a handsome man and two other women. The women did not acknowledge Lucy’s arrivals, their eyes trained hungrily on their male companion.
“Lucy James, I would like to present Miss Vera and Constance Whittaker and Mr. Jared Stone.”
“Charmed,” Lucy replied, accepting the women’s extended palms. They seemed annoyed at having to tear their gaze from Jared Stone. As Lucy faced him, she could understand why; he was a beautiful creature with dark flowing hair and bright blue eyes. His smile seemed to rival the sun of the May morning. Her heart began to race dangerously as she stared at the man.
“Miss James,” Jared replied, pressing his lips to her hand. Flushing crimson, she shook her head and averted her eyes in shame.
“It is Mrs. James,” she corrected. Disappointment seemed to dissolve Jared’s expression of contentment and he withdrew his hand quickly.
“Indeed, pardon my slip of the tongue,” he murmured. “It is a pleasure, Mrs. James.”
For no reason which Lucy could fathom, she was spilling with excitement over his reaction.
He is disappointed that I am married, she realized. How curious as he does not know me.
Lucy found herself staring at Jared Stone, her heart hammering so loudly, she was certain that he would be able to hear it.
Those lips are full and moist, she thought, her light brown eyes widening with interest. For the first time since her arrival, Lucy found herself wondering what it would be like to touch a man not her husband. Horrified, she pushed the vile, blasphemous thought from her mind but as she watched Jared, he suddenly replaced Monty in her darkest, sensual visions.
Shame on you! She chided herself silently. This is God’s day and you are thinking of that man – a stranger no less – pressing his smiling mouth to your neck and whispering in your ear. He would say “Lucy, you are so desirable. I want to take you on the grass here, before everyone and slip between your legs. I wish to hear you cry out like a newborn kitten, writhing beneath my chest, your fingers curled into my back clawing at me as I push harder into you.” And you will pull up your skirts and allow for him to do precisely what he wants for you are lost in the blueness of his eyes. He will look at you, unlike Monty who is stony and cold.
The thought of her husband shattered her amoral fantasy and she tried to focus on what Jared Stone was saying to the group.
He had turned to address Marietta and the Whittaker sisters once more and Lucy quickly realized she had no idea of what they were speaking.
“Naturally, a project of this size will require funds. I have been travelling from parish to parish seeking volunteers and supplies. If you believe your church can assist in any way, my group would be most grateful,” he continued. He glanced at Lucy who seemed perplexed.
“Ah, forgive me, Mrs. James. I have been explaining to these ladies that I am the leader of a missionary group from Mount Hermon. We would like very much to visit China for the third time, spread the word of God and build churches. They live in squalid conditions, their people unbaptized and desperately in need of God’s word. Yet, as you can imagine, the voyage is quite costly.”
“Oh, how lovely!” Lucy exclaimed. Unexpectedly, a warm feeling filled her stomach as she and Jared gazed at one another.
“Is this something which you may be interested in assisting, Lucy?” Marietta asked, a beam breaking out over her face. Marietta was silently relieved at having pawned off the task of canvassing on a parishioner rather than having to do it herself. Without shifting her gaze from Jared’s baby’s breath eyes, she nodded slowly.
“Yes,” she breathed. “I am very interested.”
Again, her eyes trained on his lips but this time, she could see his eyes ablaze with desire as he drank her in also.
I must not spend time alone with this man, Lucy thought, her pulse racing with promise. I can see the lust he has for me in his eyes and I cannot be certain I will not reciprocate his feelings. But would it be so bad to finally have someone who desires you the way you desire him?
Lucy was overwhelmed by confusion, a blush stinging her face.
But it is not Jared Stone you want, she reminded herself, wistfully, averting her eyes from his intense scrutiny. It is your husband whom you wish to have love you. Perhaps, though, until Monty realizes he does care for me, Jared Stone will fill my time…and other parts of me also.
Chapter Five
Monty could sense something was amiss but he could not identify what it was specifically. The previous night, he had entered Lucy’s bedchambers, intent on making love to her for the first time. In his mind’s eye, he had played out the act of passion fully, imagining how Lucy’s genuine sighs of pleasure would sound. He had plans to visit Celia that night but the more he thought about Celia, the less aroused he became. For the first time since commissioning Celia, he was disinterested in retaining her services for pleasure. The past few times he had visited the brothel on Cannon Street, he had found himself picturing his wife. It was Lucy wriggling with pleasure beneath his prodding fingers, Lucy whose nipples which he was sucking. It was Lucy whose face he pushed into the depth of the pillows, binding her hands with his belt. He found himself disappointed when he was spent and he was staring at dark eyed, dark haired prostitute and not his fair, golden wife.
Celia is but a whore, one who will give herself to any man for a price. Lucy is an angel, pure and sweet. She has never been touched by anyone but me. How could I have been so blind and cold toward her. She deserves better than that and I intend to begin making up for my erroneous ways beginning tonight.
He had adorned his velvet robe over his nude body, ready to seduce her properly but when he had entered her room, she did not move to greet him as she usually did. Instead, she kept her back to him as he climbed into bed, his hand gently stroking her hair. He had initially believed her to be asleep but as his mouth make his way to the small of her neck, he felt her breathing increase in speed.
Ah, she is awake, he thought confidentially, his fingers gently pulling up her nightgown to reveal her smooth, naked thighs. Up his hands travelled, toward her breast, cupping and kneading at them while his mouth traced the lines of her shoulders. He used his nose to nudge the strap of her dressing robe from her arms, exposing her ripe, full breasts. Monty lay her down onto her back and peered into her face. To his surprise, her eyes were clamped together, her mouth in a firm line. Surprised but not yet discouraged, Monty gently toyed with her nipples, his brow furrowing as his other palm found its way to the clef betwe
en her thighs. She was completely dry, something he had never experienced with any woman.
Taken aback, Monty sat up.
“Are you unwell?” he demanded, forgetting his internal promise to be less abrasive. Without opening her eyes, Lucy shook her head.
“Well? What is it?”
Again, Lucy said nothing. Confused and growing angry, Monty jumped off the bed, his erection fading.
I feel as if I am taking her against her will! He thought furiously. How dare she make me feel so…barbaric? She is my wife! It is my right to take her!
Yet Monty could not bring himself to finish what he had started, not like that. He had stormed from the room, a knot forming in his stomach.
She has always looked at me during our intercourse, he thought worriedly. She stares at me with those big, galvanized eyes filled with longing and desire. She has wanted me to want her all this time and suddenly she is acting as if I am out for the plunder. What has changed since the last time we were together?
As he paced his vast office, he wracked his mind. He had tried diligently not to speak in harsh tones to her but sometimes words erupted from his mouth more sharply than he intended. Even so, it had never occurred to him that Lucy would not continue to pine for him. It was a wife’s duty to desire her husband…was it not? Perhaps she was unwell and did not wish to say?
I will speak to her at suppertime and see if she is well. She has yet to see a physician since she arrived from England. Perhaps she picked up a terrible disease on the boat. Yes, I will make an appointment for her to see Dr. Abner at once. She should have seen a doctor much sooner. Shame on me for not seeing to that. Suddenly a wonderful thought occurred to Monty and he froze in place. Perhaps she is with child already. That would certainly explain her actions last night.
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