by Loraine, Kim
She saw the packet of birth control sitting in the drawer of her vanity at her parents’ house, used for a few days and then forgotten. Oh, God.
The doctor came back with a clear plastic cup and handed it to her.
“Fill this and write your name on the top. There’s a receptacle in the bathroom wall. We’ll run it as quick as we can. I’ll rush it so we’ll know before you leave here.”
She took the cup with shaking hands and nodded to Dr. Anderson. Her heart pounded in her chest as she opened the door to the bathroom. She awkwardly positioned the cup and filled it, a delicate balance between peeing all over herself and actually hitting the target. She stared down at the full cup, wondering exactly what she wanted the results to be.
A baby wasn’t even near her radar, but Drew’s baby? She couldn’t deny the excitement that little possibility brought her. Her hand trembled as she opened the small square door in the wall and placed the cup in the receptacle. She washed her hands and went back to the examination room.
The wait was excruciating. Her stomach turned in knots and her pulse pounded in her ears. She tried to occupy her mind by checking emails on her phone, but wasn’t able to focus for longer than a minute. She switched gears and decided to waste time on her rarely-used social media account.
Once there, she was inundated with a backlog of friend requests from random people she’d stopped talking to after high school, messages from strangers, and a few years’ worth of birthday wishes and condolences from right after John had died. She rolled her eyes and began shooting down the friend requests and deleting messages.
As the list cleared, she saw Drew’s picture appear in a chat window.
Grace? Are you actually online?
Yes.
Please talk to me.
Can’t right now. I’m at the doctor’s office.
Are you ill?
Yes, but I’ll be fine.
She wanted to touch him, to hold his hand while she waited for the results of her test. She needed his comforting presence. Then she thought about Sarah.
She flipped to his profile and saw posts by Sarah Tensley. Great time in Surrey w/u Drews. Never forget it. Followed by a picture of them together, smiling over a pint.
Her chat screen pinged.
Grace, we need to fix this. Us.
Not right now, Drew. You want to talk to someone, go talk to Sarah. Looks like you’ve been doing just fine without me.
She switched off her phone as the door opened and Dr. Anderson came in.
“Well, Grace, it looks like you’re pregnant. Which explains all of your symptoms.”
“Pregnant?” Her mouth was dry and she felt sick.
Dr. Anderson nodded. “We’ll need to do a quick ultrasound to see how far along you are since we don’t know your last cycle date. Can you lie down on the table for me and scoot down your pants?”
Her stomach dropped and she felt faint as she moved, feeling like she was underwater. The paper that covered the table made a loud rustling noise as she reclined and moved her clothes to accommodate the ultrasound. She lifted her shirt and flinched when the cold gel hit the skin of her still flat belly.
“So, this will give us a more accurate picture of your baby and where we’re at.”
She moved the wand around on her belly and the picture was there, black and white and kind of fuzzy, but Grace could clearly see a heart beating. Tears pooled in her eyes and she wiped them away with a quick flick of her fingers. Overwhelmed with love for the little being growing inside her, she knew she couldn’t contain her tears for long.
“Looks like you’re about nine weeks, Grace. That puts conception sometime in late February or early March. Sound about right?”
She nodded. Her throat was swollen with unshed tears and she couldn’t speak.
“I take it this wasn’t planned?”
She shook her head. “No, I thought I had stomach cancer.”
Dr. Anderson smiled with a gentleness reserved for mothers and kindergarten teachers. “No, not cancer. Do we need to talk about other options? Adoption? Termination?”
“No. No. I’m keeping this baby.” The words left her mouth before she could even think about it.
“Congratulations, then. I’ll print some pictures for you and get you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. The nausea should start to subside in the next few weeks. Make sure you keep something in your stomach. As for the fatigue, that’s par for the course. You can see a chiropractor to help with your hips, but take it easy, rest your body if it’s hurting. You can keep running just as long as you listen to what your body’s telling you.”
She nodded. “Thank you, Dr. Anderson.”
She walked to the elevator, cradling the pictures of her baby. My baby. I’m having a baby. A wide grin spread across her face and as the elevator doors closed she laughed, a little hysterically, at the massive curveball life had just thrown her.
The tears flowed freely as the elevator descended into the parking garage.
Chapter 27
Drew breathed in the spring air, clean and crisp, as he walked along the royal mile in Edinburgh. His meeting with a potential aunt was in an hour and he was tense, his stomach tied in knots. As he passed the familiar shops and cafés, he felt a pang of longing for Grace. She’d been the one to break them apart, who’d said those terribly hurtful things, but he still couldn’t let her go. As much as she didn’t want him to, he loved her and he wished she was with him.The streets were busy this time of day, lunchtime for most and the beginning of tourist season. People were taking advantage of the beautiful weather and heading out for long family weekends and romantic mini-breaks. He walked past a family taking a photo with Edinburgh castle in the background and he chuckled as the littlest member of the family, a small corgi, dutifully raised his leg and did his business all over the father’s shoe.
His body was on high alert as he approached the potentially life-changing meeting spot. A woman stood on the steps near the Scott monument; tall like him, with the same dark hair and eyes. She looked to be about fifty years old. Her hair was long and straight, blowing in the wind and scattered with gray.
“Andrew?” she called out, a slight quaver in her voice. Her Scottish accent strong even through the single word.
“Breanna.” He nodded and reached out to shake her hand.
“God, I don’t know why I thought you’d be just a wee lad. I know you’re grown.” She had tears in her eyes as she looked at him.
“So, um. You said you might be my Aunt?” He was uncomfortable with her level of familiarity.
“Yes. I’m your mum’s sister. Before I say anything else, I want you to know that she wanted you so badly, both of you—”
“Hold on. Are you sure we’re related?”
“Sweetheart, you’re her spitting image.” She rifled through her handbag and produced a photo of a young woman—a girl really—with a bright smile on her face.
Breanna was right; her smile was huge, just like his, and utterly infectious, causing him to break out in a small grin at the sight. He’d always thought of his own smile as too wide and obnoxious, almost maniacal.
“You said she wanted us?”
Breanna dropped her eyes to the photo and ran her fingers lovingly over her sister’s face. “Oh, yes, but she was only a wee girl herself, you know. Our parents made her give you both up for her own future and yours. She wouldn’t tell us who the father was.”
“Where is she now?”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this. Maggie married and moved to the States twenty years back. She won’t have anything to do with us. Being forced to give you up cut our family apart.”
His hope fell. Everyone was gone. He wished he hadn’t even tried to find his parents. Now that he knew she was unreachable, he fe
lt lost. He’d finally found his blood kin and they were all gone, except for Breanna.
“Does she want to meet me? Does she know I met you?”
“I’m sorry, love. She’s completely lost to us. Maybe one day her heart will change. She’s just been through so much. Perhaps if you try to contact her? I’ve got her last known address. You could send something by post.”
They sat together and got to know each other a little over tea and scones. He could see his own features in her strong face and it was eerie. She’d been married for fifteen years and had two young children, which he realized were his cousins. He wanted to know this part of his family, but didn’t want to overwhelm her.
They decided on meetings twice a month to ease into their journey toward connecting and he already felt excited about learning more of his roots, ancestors, and background.
“How’d it go with the doctor? Are you all fixed?” Valerie asked as they ate lunch together in Grace’s near-empty office.
“Yep, it’s nothing I can’t manage. She gave me some vitamin supplements and a little advice to take it easier. I need to change my diet a bit, but it should clear up in a few months.”
“Good. See, I told you everything would be fine.” Valerie peeked at her over the rim of her diet soda. “Drew’s been trying to get info from me about you.”
Grace looked down at the carpet and fought through a wave of nausea. The morning sickness was easing a little each day and she hoped it would be gone by the time they arrived in Braley.
“Hmm. Yeah, he and I chatted a little online the other day while I was waiting for the doctor.”
“And?”
“Nothing, really. He wants to talk. I don’t.”
“Grace? Why don’t you?”
She sighed, embarrassed. “I was trolling his profile online and saw a post from Sarah and a picture of them together in Surrey. I’m not going to get involved in that mess.”
“Jealous?”
“Yes.” She took a drink of her smoothie and looked up at Valerie’s luminous blue eyes. “I don’t have any right to be, but I’m so jealous I can barely see straight. I’m the one who pushed him away. I don’t get to be jealous.”
“Yeah, you do. You pushed him away because you thought you were doing the right thing for him. Besides, if he’s really with her again, then you know his head’s in a bad place.”
Grace raised a quizzical brow. “How did you get so smart?”
“Good genes.”
As she said goodbye to her colleagues for the last time before leaving for Braley, Grace felt excited. Just as she had before, she could see a new life ahead of her. This time, she was going back to so much more. Even if Drew was with Sarah, she knew he would want to be involved with his baby, knew that he would be there for her, whatever their situation. He’d already lost enough in his life.
She decided not to tell anyone about the baby until he knew. He was the one she’d kept things from before and knew it had caused their rift. This time, he would be the first to know.
She was hoping to see him as soon as they got into Braley and had plans to break the news gently, maybe over tea. He didn’t know she was returning, but she didn’t see any problem there. She’d arrive in three days, eleven weeks pregnant and ready to start a whole new life. Her hand rested on her belly, which somehow felt fuller than it had just a week ago.
“What are you doing?” Valerie’s voice was full of concern and her eyes were trained on Grace’s hand, resting protectively on her non-existent bump. “Oh, my God. You . . . It’ll clear up in a few months? Are you kidding me, Grace?”
So much for telling Drew first.
She thought seriously about offering Valerie a denial, but knew from the look on her face that she was caught.
“Close the damn door,” Grace hissed, not wanting anyone else to hear their conversation. “It’s why I’ve been so sick.”
“When? Aren’t you on the pill?”
She blushed. “When he was here to visit. I think I just forgot about the pills when things got so out of hand. I’ve never been good with medication and John and I always used condoms. Drew’s the only guy I’ve ever not used protection with.”
“So, how far along are you?”
“Almost eleven weeks.”
“You’re going to tell him, right? Like as soon as you can?”
Grace nodded and smiled. “Yes. As soon as I see him. This isn’t something I want to do on the phone.” She leveled her gaze on Valerie. “I don’t want anyone else to know. Not my parents, not Bidwell, no one.”
“Your secret’s safe here.” She smiled. “This is so exciting!”
Valerie wrapped her in a tight hug. The smell of her perfume wafting into her sensitive nostrils. Nausea rose without warning and she pushed Valerie away, running for the trash can. The feel of Valerie’s small, warm hand rubbing circles on her back eased her.
“Sorry. Perfume?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?” she asked, dabbing at her mouth with a tissue.
“I’ve got five younger siblings. My mom couldn’t stand strong scents for most of my adolescence.”
“It’s been pretty brutal. I thought the morning sickness was getting better, but lately I’ve just felt terrible. So tired, my back hurts, my chest is achy, and I’m already feeling squeezed into my pants. I thought it was supposed to take a while before things stopped fitting.”
Valerie shrugged. “I think it’s different for everyone. Maybe it’s twins?”
Grace shook her head. “Nope, ultrasound showed one and one only.”
Valerie nodded and gave her a solemn glance. “What if he’s moved on? Are you going to do it by yourself?”
A deep sadness settled over her and her eyes burned. “If I have to, yes. But he’ll want to be involved with the baby, even if he doesn’t want me anymore.” Her hand reached up to worry at the thistle pendant he’d given her for her birthday. “I’m not going to trap him with this baby, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m going to tell him I was wrong, that I acted like an idiot, and I love him. After he makes his choice about me, that’s when I’ll tell him.”
Valerie’s face took on an expression of surprise. “You know, for once, I actually agree with your plan.”
Grace smiled, feeling melancholy as she tried to push away the niggling thread of doubt worming its way into her mind.
He’s not with her, he still loves me.
She kept telling herself over and over that no matter what happens, she’ll be at peace with it and move forward.
Chapter 28
The plane ride was much more uncomfortable this time around. Grace’s bladder needed to be emptied every half-hour and her morning sickness was exacerbated by the close quarters and overwhelming scent of people and airline food. Valerie watched with sympathetic eyes and had a steady supply of ginger drops, mints, gum, and Goldfish crackers at the ready.
“Oh, Val, I’m sorry. This is so embarrassing,” she said, hand on her lower belly.
Valerie shook her head. “Remember, oldest of six kids. I’ve seen it all.” She smiled and handed Grace a ginger drop. “Try to sleep. We’ve got about four hours left before we land.”
She nodded and tried to settle in for the rest of the ride. Her stomach was still queasy, but manageable, while the ginger drop lasted. She slept fitfully, her hips ached in the seat and she couldn’t keep her dreams from focusing on Drew and all of the ways he could reject her.
Valerie shook her awake as the plane began to descend.
“We’re landing.” Valerie looked as nervous as Grace felt. “You doing all right?”
She nodded, her nausea was just a thin veil at the moment. “I can’t wait to get to Braley. Then at least I can be sick in my own bathroom.” She offered a lighthearted laugh.
Valerie chuckled. “It should get better soon.” She looked down at the slight swell of her belly. “You won’t be able to hide it much longer.”
Her heart flipped as her excitement grew. “I know. I can’t wait, honestly.”
Baggage claim was a nightmare; of their four bags, only one made it onto the connecting flight. Grace filled out the delivery forms for each piece of lost luggage and asked for a taxi to be called.
“They said they’ll get our stuff to us as soon as possible,” she grumbled to Valerie as they walked to the taxi stand.
“Ugh, all of my stuff. I only have one change of clothes in my carry on!”
Grace stifled a giggle. “At least yours still fit you! I’m going to have to buy a brand new wardrobe soon.”
“True, fatty.” Valerie elbowed her in the ribs.
“Hey!” Grace smiled and pushed her toward the waiting taxi.
“Where to, ladies?” the driver asked, his cockney accent strong.
“We’re heading to Braley. Here’s the address.” Valerie handed him a slip of paper.
The taxi pulled into the line of traffic and headed toward Braley, the project, and Drew. Grace picked at her cuticles and remained tense for the entire forty-minute ride to the town she’d come to love.
As the steeple of the church appeared on the horizon, she felt the butterflies in her stomach increase the beating of their wings. She sucked in a sharp breath when the town came into full view. The town square was full of spring blooms, happy daffodils and tulips sprouted near the benches and along the borders of the paths around town. Cheerful potted pansies were placed under windows and next to entryways of the shops and homes. The driver let them out at the site, still blocked off with police tape and No Entry signs.