by Loraine, Kim
She was silent.
“Thank you,” Drew said to the doctor. “When can we leave?”
“I’d like to keep an eye on her for a couple of hours. If everything goes well, I’ll sign her discharge papers by early afternoon.”
Drew nodded and the doctor left them alone. His hands were clenched at his sides, shoulders rigid, and face grim.
“I’m so sorry, love.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Chapter 31
The baby was lost. Drew didn’t know what to do that could possibly help Grace. He couldn’t come close to understanding how she felt. How could he? Their child was dead and she still had to feel the physical pain of losing it. Anger bubbled inside him as he remembered losing his mum. It wasn’t fair. How could it be fair for them to find each other, go through so much together, then lose their baby?
He sat in the waiting room as the doctor completed his final examination. His hands pulled at the roots of his hair and he thought back to the day his mum had been placed in Hospice care. He’d been shattered. The thought of losing her so soon made his knees weak and his chest tight. Grace had come to him with no questions.
She’d shown up with beer and tacos, ready to do whatever he needed.
“Tacos?” he’d asked, his mouth quirking up in the first smile he’d felt all day.
“Tacos. They’re a way of life. Any time there’s a problem at my house, we have tacos.”
“You daft woman,” he’d said, shaking his head in amusement, but taking the bag off her hands.
He’d taken the food to the kitchen and brought out two plates while she’d shucked off her coat and boots. Her hair was loose, the way he liked it, wild and floating around her face. He’d lowered his eyes to avoid the guilt he felt for lusting after her while his mum lay dying. She’d padded into the kitchen with the beer and set about getting glasses and filling each one.
“You don’t even drink beer, Grace.”
“I’m not going to let you drink alone. What kind of girlfriend would I be?”
She’d gone silent then and his heart beat faster at the word. They’d never labeled their relationship, but he’d known what he wanted—no, needed—from her. He’d taken the beer and drank down a long swallow. It was lukewarm and tasted like bitter water laced with piss. He’d grimaced and she’d laughed.
“I don’t know, but I’ll tell you what. You’re the only girlfriend I could ever want. Even if you’ve crap taste in beer.”
She’d smiled at him, bright and happy, but still tinged with sorrow. “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
He’d pulled her to him, needing to hold her tight to keep himself together. “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course. I’ll always be here when you need me.”
He shook his head. “No, thank you for coming here, to Braley. Thank you for crashing into my life.”
He sat up, smiling at the memory. She’d been so strong for him through his mum’s illness. She’d forced him to deal with the loss, pushed him to move past it and grow into the person his mum wanted him to be. Now it was his turn to support her, to be rock she needed.
Just as he was getting up to ask the charge nurse for an update, he heard the squeak of shoes on the floor coming toward him.
“Mr. Tensley? Grace is all set. She’s asking for you.”
He snapped to attention and started firing off questions at the young nurse. “When can we leave? Is she in pain? What can I do for her?”
She held up a hand to calm him.
“She’s getting dressed now. She’s been prescribed Paracetamol to manage the pain.”
He let out a breath and walked the rest of the distance in silence. He knocked on the door and moved cautiously into the room. Grace smiled at him, a slight, watery smile.
“All set?” he asked.
She nodded and wiped away the tears that were pooling in her eyes.
“Right, let’s go home and get some tacos.”
Grace wasn’t fine and Drew knew it. His heart hurt for the baby they would never get to know, but he couldn’t comprehend how she must be feeling. In the weeks since the miscarriage, she’d been engrossed in work, hesitant to let him touch her, and distant. He knew it was part of the grieving process, thanks to his Google research on miscarriage. All he could do was be there for her and refuse to give up. He remembered when his mum had died and how raw everything felt for weeks, until one day the pain was different, less sharp. Grace hadn’t given up on him then and he wasn’t going to give up on her now.
Hello, love. Fancy a tea break?
Sure.
Her replies were becoming terser as his messages increased in frequency, but he couldn’t leave her alone. Not when he’d just gotten her back. The weather was warm and sunny, the birds chirped happily in the trees, and the slight breeze kept the air fresh and clean. He packed his rucksack full of biscuits, jam, honey, and hot tea in a thermos.
When he arrived at her house, he was surprised to feel butterflies in his stomach and his heart pounding in his chest. She was so breathtaking as the door swung open. Her hair, swept halfway up, away from her face, and trailing down her back brought her eyes into sharper focus. As if that’s even fair. Her lips were plump and pink and he struggled to control his desperate need to press himself against her, to feel her hands tugging on his hair, and her breath ghosting along the skin of his neck.
“Hi. Come on in.” She looked down at her bare feet, her toes painted bright red.
“Nope, come along. We’re going for a picnic.”
She started to protest, and he chuckled as he watched her think better of it, slipping her feet into a pair of shoes.
He directed her to a beautiful spot on a hillside behind the church. It overlooked the whole town and he hoped giving her some perspective would help bring her around. As he set the blanket out on the soft grass, he watched her absorb the scene in front of her. She was standing with her arms crossed over her middle, her typical posture since the miscarriage. His chest tightened and he walked up to her.
“I love you, Grace,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
He felt her stiffen, but didn’t let go. Instead, he buried his face in the curve of her neck. She raised her arm and ran her fingers through his hair, sending tingles down his spine. He turned her to face him and searched her eyes for anything other than grief.
“I love you, too.”
The words gave him the courage to deepen their connection and he lowered his face. His lips touched hers, testing her mood. Before he was able to judge her reaction, she pressed against him and moaned into his mouth.
“God, Drew, just kiss me. I’m not made of glass.”
He didn’t need her to tell him twice and cupped the back of her head in one hand, while pulling her against him with the other. The kiss was deep and passionate; something they’d been missing since they’d lost the baby. When they pulled away from each other, they were both breathing heavily; her eyes were bright, face flushed.
“I’ve missed that.” He felt a smile pull at the corners of his mouth.
“Me, too. What took you so long?” Grace quirked her mouth, teasing him.
“Are you having me on? I’ve been waiting on you to come round.”
“Drew, I’m fine. It’s hard to think of it, but it’s been three weeks now. I’ve come to terms. I still love you. I still want you. You can’t keep pulling away anytime something goes wrong.”
He was flabbergasted. “Me, pull away? Me? Grace, you’re the queen of pulling away!”
“Once, Drew. That was once.”
“Please don’t make me list the number of occasions you’ve left me arse-over-tea-kettle.”
“What do you mean?” She looked well and truly offended at this point and h
e knew he should stop. Unfortunately, the words just kept coming.
“Well, for starters there was our first kiss, then the first time we slept together, then Edinburgh, and of course let us not forget the worst time in my life, eh? I’m sure you remember it. I ask you to bloody marry me and you said you needed to think. Then I find out it wasn’t because you weren’t sure of me, it was because you’d been deeply in love with my identical twin brother who died! God, it sounds ridiculous even now. You ripped out my heart and crushed it under your pretty little foot. Oh no, you never run from problems!”
He was breathing hard and he could feel his pulse pounding through his veins. He was finally angry. His emotions had bubbled over and were uncontrollable. Everything he’d felt over the last year was finally out in the open.
She stood there, mouth agape. “Drew.” She whispered his name as she reached up to brush some of his fringe out of his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
They sat together and ate their biscuits with the tea that was now barely lukewarm. A weight finally lifted off his chest after his admission. He looked at her as she snuggled into his side and munched on her favorite chocolate biscuits, and felt like he was finally home.
Chapter 32
The morning light streamed in through the window, bathing the kitchen in a soft golden glow. Grace leaned against the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil. Saturday mornings were her favorite. Nothing to do, just quiet and peaceful. Valerie couldn’t understand why she always got up so early, even on her days off. Grace enjoyed the time before the rest of the world was awake and bustling. The calm before the storm of weekend shoppers and errand-runners.
Her heart gave a little squeeze when she spotted Drew coming out of her bedroom, rumpled and sleepy. He padded into the kitchen, eyes squinting as he fumbled for his glasses on the table.
After their fight on the hill, she felt like things with Drew were finally solid and strong again. Her relationship with him began to build and stayed steady rather than continually crumbling as it had seemed to do before all of their issues were out in the open.
He knew about John, about everything, and she knew how he truly felt about her. He was being honest about his hurt feelings. The truth set them on a path toward forever together. Losing the baby was a terrible blow and she’d probably been cold and distant, but not for the reasons he assumed. She felt guilty. She had the chance to give him someone to love, to try and fill the void of the people he’d lost. Instead, their baby had died, too. Possibly because of something she did or didn’t do.
She’d read all about how a miscarriage is usually not the mother’s fault, there’s nothing she could’ve done, and she should try again. It was hard not to scoff at the positive, uplifting articles. They tried to show how commonplace a miscarriage was and even stated most women miscarry without even knowing they’re pregnant. That only made her feel worse.
She wondered how many other babies she’d lost without knowing it. At this point, she wasn’t grieving for her loss of this baby, at least not wholly. She was grieving for Drew.
His picnic had been just the thing they needed to repair their relationship. The fight was the turning point for them. She now fully grasped how her actions affected him and he saw how strong she really was. As she filled the French press with water and turned to pass the kettle to Drew, she couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have turned such a corner in her life.
“Morning, love. Back on the sludge I see?” He eyed her French press dubiously.
“I couldn’t stay away.”
“I know the feeling,” he murmured, his gaze locking on hers. “Sleep well?”
She nodded as she pressed the plunger down and reached for a cup. “Mm-hm. You?”
“Oh, yes. I always sleep better with you.”
The dark liquid spilled into her mug, leaving a plume of deliciously scented steam rising from the top. She leaned in and inhaled the rich smell. “Mm. Hello, old friend.”
Drew chuckled as he watched her take a tentative sip, still cautious of the hot liquid. She sighed in relief as the coffee hit her tongue.
“All better, then?”
She nodded, a grin on her lips. “So, Tensley, any updates on the Sarah situation?” she asked, eyes on her coffee.
Drew stiffened. “She’s not returning my calls. Apparently, she’s officially acquired a solicitor, although God knows who would willingly represent such a ridiculous client. She’ll be filtering all future correspondence through him.”
She could tell he was starting to feel anxious about dealing with his ex-wife again. The whole thing was so transparent. Sarah was desperate to have him entangled with her in some way and she needed money.
“I’ve got an initial mediation meeting in a week’s time. This should be pretty cut and dry really.”
She watched as his distracted gaze traveled across the room, never making contact with her own. “Do you want me to go with you?”
He popped a piece of bread into the toaster and shook his head. “Nah, it’ll be boring. We’ll be done in an hour. Sarah won’t know what hit her.”
She tried to contain her disappointment, to keep herself from pouting at the thought of him meeting with Sarah. “Oh, sure. I’ve got lots of work to do anyway. We’re about to start preliminary work on the church.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Are you, then? Too busy for a mini-break next weekend? I thought we’d go up to Edinburgh. I’ve got some people I’d like you to meet.”
“Edinburgh! I’d love to go back. Who am I meeting?”
Drew buttered his toast and added a dollop of raspberry jam. “My Aunt and cousins.”
“I thought they lived in Surrey.”
“These are my biological family, love.”
Her mouth gaped open for a moment as she processed his words. “What do you mean? You found them? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”
He held his hands up to stop her. “Whoa, there. One at a time, Miss McConnell. I found them after I came home from Virginia. They’re just outside Edinburgh. We’ve seen each other twice. My aunt’s name is Breanna.”
“What about your mother?”
He looked down at his shoes. “She’s gone. Moved away to the States twenty years back and won’t contact anyone from her past. Apparently, she didn’t want to give us up. Her parents—my grandparents, I suppose—forced it on her and she never forgave them. I’ve got her post address, though.”
She nodded, feeling a mixture of elation and sadness for him. “I don’t know what to say. It’s amazing that you found your aunt. Are you going to contact your mother?”
“I’ve come this far, but I don’t know. She doesn’t want anything to do with her family.”
She took his hand, silently vowing to help him find her. “I’m so proud of you. This is amazing. Are you sure you want me to meet them so soon?”
He kissed her tenderly, his lips applying a firm pressure that hinted at the passion bubbling close to the surface. “I love you.”
It was simple and direct, saying everything she needed to hear. She knew they were forever, this was just one more way he’d proven it. As she leaned into him and threaded her fingers through his hair, she smiled.
“I love you, too.”
The hearing was over. Drew walked out of the room, fuming at Sarah. She’d done nothing but waste his time, his life, and his energy. It went exactly as he knew it would. Sarah started off crying, playing the innocent victim. As soon as he pulled out a list of people willing to testify in support of his character and against hers, she changed her tune, became volatile, and her words were venom-laced. Before long, her solicitor realized there was absolutely no case to be had and told her just that.
Drew rose with a quick, “Are we done here?” and headed out the door without looking at anyone.
“Dre
ws! Drews, love, please wait!” Sarah’s voice made him cringe.
He turned to face her, jaw clenched and blood boiling. “Sarah, enough. We’re finished! You’ve done nothing but ruin my life since the moment you set foot in it.”
She put her hand on his arm and he fought the rage bubbling so close to the surface. “Please, Drew. I’m sorry. I need you.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated beyond belief. “Sarah, I don’t need you. Not anymore. Get out of my way and out of my life.”
He turned and walked away from her, hands balled into fists and breathing heavily.
“She’s not meant for you, Drew. She’ll leave just like I did, just like she already has once.”
He spun on his heel then, his temper getting the better of him.
“Don’t speak about her. She’s more than you’ll ever hope to be. Now pick yourself up and go crawling off like the cockroach you are. Find yourself another willing idiot to support your ridiculous idea of a life. As far as I’m concerned, we’re sorted.”
Her eyes blazed and her mouth opened as if she would speak, but instead, she closed it and turned away from him. Without another word, he walked away, leaving behind a toxic part of his life.
He smiled to himself as he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Grace. He felt giddy and nervous, his emotions all over the place as he wandered down the London streets. He had a few errands to take care of before heading back to Braley and one in particular made his heart race and his palms unnervingly sweaty.