Entangled: Book 2 of the Fullerton Family Saga

by Voight, Ginger

  My soul ached with loneliness so wretched even two bottles of wine couldn’t numb it. Worse, I knew he could see how weakened I was, which made him even more of a bastard for toying with my raw emotions. “Why do you say these things, Drew? I know the truth. And you know the truth. You know my history, yet you continue to play these stupid games. Don’t you realize what you’re doing to me?”

  He stroked my hair, brushed back my pigtails, and gently caressed the curve of my face. “Don’t you realize what you do to me?” he said softly. “Every time I close my eyes, I see your face. I hear your voice in my ear. I feel your touch on my skin.”

  I closed my eyes at his touch.

  “When you left me, you took a part of me with you. The best part of me. The only part of me worth a damn. It’s the part of me that can’t exist without you. I want that back. I want you back.”

  I shook my head. “You really don’t fight fair.”

  “Not when the stakes are this high,” he agreed as he bent closer. I couldn’t move as I watched his mouth descend toward mine. My fuzzy head made me feel like I was slipping away on a cloud. I blamed the wine I had drunk, which for a lightweight like me had rendered me intoxicated, emotional and dangerously impulsive. I couldn’t fight against those supple lips as they covered mine. I let the feelings envelop me from the tips of my toes all the way to the top of my head. I was on fire as he parted my lips and his tongue slipped inside my mouth, to tease me into utter submission. Before I could fight against him, he pulled away.

  “I should apologize, but I’m not going to,” he informed me. “I want you, Rachel. I’ll never apologize for that.”

  “I belong to someone else,” I said quietly.

  “Do you?” he challenged, just as softly. “Last year, when Alex kissed you at my party, you told me you didn’t kiss him back. He took a kiss that you didn’t offer. Remember?”

  I nodded. I remembered well.

  “You kissed me back just now. You want me, Rachel. Just admit it.” He cupped my head in his hand. “And why shouldn’t you? I was the one who raced home last Thanksgiving to be with you. He left you like he left everything and everyone else. You’re a trophy to him, Rachel.”

  His words cut me to the quick, so I bit back, “And what exactly am I to you?”

  His eyes glistened as he stared down at me, one lone tear etching a lonely path down his face. “Salvation,” he said with a hitch in his throat. I watched with wide eyes as his mouth descended onto mine again. I wanted to fight him but my body was numbed from the wine, and the stark loneliness I had felt ever since Alex stormed out of my place weeks before, and the rejection I had felt all the way back to that Los Angeles courtroom. The ache reached back a decade before, when Zach was the first one to push me away after gunning so hard to win me.

  When Drew pushed me back down onto my back, I was unable to resist. I was raw, like an open wound. His mouth engulfed mine until I was whimpering helplessly beneath him, praying he’d take pity on me and put the brakes on this runaway train before it ran us both over.

  Instead he responded with a possessive growl as his hands slid up my pajama top and warmed my cool skin.

  “Drew,” I murmured, trying desperately to cling to my last shred of morality that drummed in my ear how wrong this all was. I loved Alex…not Drew. Not Drew… God, please… not Drew.

  “Don’t turn me away again,” he begged hoarsely as he slid his hand under my bra. “I can’t live another day without you, Rachel. Give yourself to me again. For real. Forever.”

  “I can’t,” I said as I tried to push against his chest. But my arms turned into spaghetti the minute my hands touched his broad chest. It was so real and so solid, recalling every dream I had ever had about the man, and refreshing every memory of being his lover. He was right. I could still feel him inside of me. And at that moment, it was the only thing that spared me from the agony of my lingering emptiness. I couldn’t stop the moan even if I wanted to. “Why can’t you let me go, Drew?”

  “The same reason you can’t let me go, Rachel,” he murmured softly between slow, open-mouthed kisses. “My Rachel, from the moment I first touched you.” I started to panic as he pulled my pajama bottoms down, but he silenced me with a crooning voice. “This is right. This is where you want to be. You know it.”

  “Drew, please. I’m drunk.”

  “Me, too,” he said as he nuzzled my neck. “On you.”

  I gasped as I felt him grow against me. “Please don’t do this. I’m in love with Alex.”

  “Are you?” he asked in between kisses.

  “Yes,” I insisted, though try as I might, I couldn’t pull away. I was a useless pile of jelly, especially when I felt him release himself against my bare skin. My eyes rolled back in my head as his mouth clamped onto my breast.

  His hand slipped in between our bodies, sliding into my pajama bottoms with ease. My whole body shuddered when he ran a confident fingertip over the throbbing nub that had so ached for the touch of another. “Tell me to stop,” he instructed as his finger swirled against me. I gasped, any response locked in my throat. “Tell me you don’t want me,” he whispered in my ear before he blazed his fiery tongue over the inner ridges of my ear. I bucked against his hand. I was powerless. “I’ll stop touching you, stop kissing you, and I’ll leave you to pine over perfect Alex. Just say the word, Rachel,” he urged hypnotically as he stared into my face. He could see the tension build as the sensations overtook me. “Tell me to stop,” he said again in a powerful whisper. “Or tell me the truth.” His finger sped up, slipping against me, teasing me relentlessly. “Tell me you want me. You’ve always wanted me.” Faster and faster he rubbed until I was thrashing beneath him. “Tell me you want me, Rachel,” he commanded, in a stronger voice this time.

  I was teetering on the edge, incoherent with need. “I want you,” I heard myself saying as I sank deeper into a murky drunk stupor that knew of no shame, no consequences.

  “That’s my girl,” he crooned as his fingers rocketed me into outer space. I was still trembling as he pulled off my pajama bottoms and slipped right inside me with one decisive stroke. He rode me hard, possessed by his own need. He hollered out loud as he came explosively within me. As I started to come down from the stratosphere, the buzz I had from the wine flat-lined. I felt sick. My head hurt. My body throbbed with instant shame. All I could think about was how I had, for the first time in my life, become the person I most hated.

  I had betrayed the only man who had ever loved me, with the only man who could hurt him the worst.

  I pushed him off me as I pulled myself into a seated position, covering myself with my hands. “I think you should go.”

  He wasn’t surprised by my cold shoulder. He fastened his pants as he sat up. He had never even taken them off, just released enough of himself to get the job done. It only made what we did feel sleazier.

  “You can’t pretend this didn’t happen,” he advised quietly.

  “I’m not going to,” I said. “The minute you leave, I’m calling Alex to confess what I’ve done.”

  “He’ll never forgive you, you know.”

  I gulped back the tears. “I know.”

  He rose silently and headed for the door. Before he left, he said, “No matter what he does or doesn’t say, you don’t have to be alone. I chose you for a reason, Rachel. We are where you belong. I just wanted you to know that.”

  I said nothing as he slipped out the door. I stared at my phone on the coffee table for a long time. I knew it was late in the UK, but if I delayed telling him the truth, I’d find a dozen excuses of why I shouldn’t tell him at all.

  I was a shit. But I wasn’t that big of a shit.

  He was wide awake when he answered, as if he had been waiting for my call. “Hello, Rachel.”

  “Hi.” It felt as though I had to force any sound through the lump in my throat. My heart caught in a vice grip as I pictured him there on the bed, shirt off, hair spread out over the pillowcase… and those
stunning blue eyes that had taught me to see myself as beautiful.

  Months ago, a call like this one ignited the most passionate love affair of my life.

  Now it was sure to end it once and for all.

  “How was your Thanksgiving?” he asked.

  “I went to the Mission,” I told him. “Like last year.”

  “I remember,” he said softly.

  “Jonathan came,” I added. “He brought his father.”

  “I see.”

  “Apparently Olivia was in Palm Springs for some kind of event.” He was quiet, possibly waiting for me to go on. Maybe he could tell by the tone in my voice this wasn’t going to be a happy call. “After he dropped Jonathan off at Elise’s, he brought me Chinese food. Jonathan ordered him to make sure I ate something, since I told them I wasn’t cooking this year.”

  “How cozy,” Alex drawled, but I could hear the pain creeping into his voice. Silence dragged between us as I tried to figure out what to say. Finally he said, “You slept with him, didn’t you?”

  A single tear raced down my cheek as my stomach recoiled. “Alex,” I started, but he shut me down before I could voice the words.

  “I guess it’s better this way,” he said, feigning a matter-of-fact attitude I knew damn well he didn’t feel. “Jonathan gets the family he wants just in time for the near year. Everybody’s happy.”

  “Not everyone,” I whispered.

  “No?” he questioned. “You have all the proof you need that he wants you best of all. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  “No. I wanted you.”

  He chuckled humorlessly. “Past tense.”

  “That’s not what I mean! You know I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved any man in my whole life.”

  “But you slept with him,” Alex pointed out. “Why?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. I had all the excuses in the world. I was drunk. I was lonely. I was sad. In the end, though, I had to accept that I chose to sleep with him. I was an adult. I could discern right from wrong. I could have told him no, I should have told him no, but I didn’t. “He’s in my blood, Alex. Like a disease. A poison. It was why I wanted to stay away from him. I needed to stay away from him. He’s got a hold on me and I can’t seem to break free, no matter how much I want to.”

  “And with me, you’ll always be linked with Drew.”

  I nodded. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I truly, truly didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m a shit and I know it. But please… don’t leave me.”

  I could almost hear his heart slam shut like a steel cage. “I already did,” he informed me. “The day I left your apartment, I essentially left you in a pit of vipers. I can hardly blame you for getting bit, can I?”

  “Alex,” I tried again, but he was beyond hearing.

  “Don’t fret, sweet Rachel. You couldn’t have cheated because I had already left. I could have stayed and fought for you, but I didn’t. So what does that say about me?”

  “It says you were hurt. And you had every right to be. I should have been honest with you.”

  “Seems our whole relationship could be summed up in should haves,” he said mirthlessly.

  My heart was crackling. “Don’t give up on me, Alex, please.”

  “I didn’t give up on you,” he corrected. “I gave up on me. A long ass time ago.” His voice shook as he said, “Goodbye, Rachel.”

  He hung up before I could stop him.

  Chapter Twenty

  I called Nancy almost immediately following my call to Alex. She quietly listened as I spilled my sordid tale. “I fucked up,” I concluded tearfully, before blowing my nose in some tissue. “I took the love of a perfectly beautiful man and I sacrificed it on some altar of lust. Why would I do that?”

  “I don’t know. Why do you think you did it?”

  “Because I’m weak. And a hypocrite. Maybe the reason I can’t get my happily ever after is because I don’t deserve one.”

  “Oh, please,” Nancy scoffed. “You don’t do pity parties, Rachel. You made a stupid mistake. Join the club. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

  “Doesn’t it? I slept with my lover’s brother.”

  “So? Didn’t he sleep with his brother’s wife? Does that mean he doesn’t deserve a happy ending?”

  “Of course not. He never set out to hurt anyone, things just got out of control.”

  “Exactly.”

  I sighed. I could imagine that Alex once felt as awful as I felt now, after the heat of the moment had cooled and he could no longer turn away from the stark revelation of how low he allowed himself to stoop. I would have talked to him about it, if I could have talked to him. “So what do I do now?”

  “You choose,” she answered simply.

  “The one I would choose isn’t talking to me.”

  “Then you wait. But one way or the other you have to make your choice. And it can’t be because of what Jonathan wants or what Drew does or what Alex went through in the past. You have to make this decision for yourself, for what you want your future to be. Choose the one who makes you the best version of yourself. The only person you guarantee any happiness at all to is yourself.”

  Funnily enough, her advice really didn’t make me feel any better.

  Since Derek and Elise had taken Jonathan skiing in Big Bear, I had the next three days to myself. It only proved to make me feel worse. I ended up cleaning the apartment top to bottom, starting with the wine cabinet. I threw out every single drop of alcohol so that I would never be led astray again.

  When Drew stopped by on Sunday, to see how things were going, I was completely sober and utterly heartbroken.

  Alex had not returned any of my calls or texts, even a long-winded email where I tried to explain why I wanted to keep fighting for us. He didn’t answer, which I already knew was the answer. I wasn’t ready to accept it, even when Drew showed up on my doorstep.

  “I’m sure you’ll understand why I won’t be inviting you in,” I said as I swung the door shut, but he caught it effortlessly and forced it back open.

  “We need to talk, Rachel.”

  “There’s nothing more to say. I’ve made my choice. I want to be with Alex.”

  He nodded. “I figured as much. But you need to see this,” he said as he offered me a printout of an email.

  “Dear Drew,

  I have spoken to Rachel and I understand that the relationship between you both has not reached its end. As we both know all too well, this is a toxic environment which will only tear our family further apart. So I decided to relocate to England, to make things easier for everyone involved. I do not plan to come to Los Angeles for the foreseeable future, so any business you might have with me should be conducted through my attorney, Ivy Cunningham.

  I wish you both the best as you try to figure things out. And if she should choose you, all I ask is that you give her the happiness she deserves. For once in your life, give more than you get, Drew. Some gifts are irreplaceable. –

  Alex.”

  By the time I reached the bottom of the letter, I couldn’t even make out the words through my tears. He had left me, and gone halfway across the world to do it. I felt my legs give out under me as I started to wilt to the floor. Drew caught me effortlessly. He led me toward my kitchen table, where he eased me into the chair.

  “Sit. Let me get you some tea.”

  I allowed him to prepare the tea as I read and reread Alex’s letter. I couldn’t believe that after all this time, and after all he had done to protect Jonathan and Elise, that he was ready to walk away from everything he knew. I had done this. I had fractured a family and had devastated a man who had done nothing more than love me. I dropped my head into my hands and sobbed quietly.

  He placed the cup next to me on the table before he sat in the chair opposite of me. “I told you that he couldn’t commit, Rachel. It’s just not in his makeup.”

  “Don’t you dare!” I spat as I glared at him. “Don’t you dare criticize him. We did this, Dre
w. You and me.”

  “I’m not going to apologize for wanting you, Rachel. I already told you that.”

  “But do you want me? Or do you just want to win?”

  His brow arched. “Isn’t it one in the same?”

  “No!” I exploded as I shot up out of the chair. “I’m not a prize, Drew. I’m a person. And he’s not your enemy, he’s your brother. Do you honestly not feel any remorse for betraying him?”

  “No,” he answered, as though I had asked him the stupidest question in the world. “What happened between us had nothing to do with him. It never did.” I snorted derisively. Before I could point out Alex’s indiscretion had nothing to do with him, he went on as if he read my thoughts. “This is nothing like what happened between Alex and Elise. You and I are drawn to each other because we are meant to be together. That’s never going to change. As long as I draw breath, I’ll want to be with you.”

  “So much so that you have a backup fiancée ready to step in,” I pointed out.

  “I’m with Olivia because Jonathan needs a mother. He has from the moment he was born. If not you, who?” I looked away. “And I know you hate me for how I found you and why I hired you, but every single thing I’ve done has been for Jonathan’s benefit. You were always the one, and I knew that the minute Jonathan started to thrive under your care. But you left, and I still have to give him a stable home. Olivia may not be my first choice, but I would marry the daughter of the devil himself if it means I can keep my son.”

  “Jonathan hates her, you know.”

  “No, Jonathan loves you. Anyone else is going to be second rate to him, even his own mother.”

  I groaned as I rolled my eyes. “God, this is a mess. I can’t believe this is what has become of my life.”

  He stood and walked over to where I stood. “I can give you the life of your dreams, Rachel. It’s all there for the asking.”

  I stared up at him for a long moment. Finally I said, “What I really wanted you made sure I could never have. Twice.” His eyes narrowed as I said, “Goodbye, Drew.”