by Jamie Knight
On the other hand, I didn’t want to lose her, either by showing a lack of genuine interest or, ironically, showing too much and pushing her away. We had vastly different lives and lived very far apart. I had to remind myself I was only in L.A. on vacation. Staying by the grace of my brother and sister-in-law and I didn’t want to outstay my welcome. Even if I could stay with them forever without guilt, I still had a life in Belfast. One I wasn’t ready to abandon yet. Maybe after the butcher shop was successful enough to sell my shares, and when Eoin was settled in his life, I would leave, but not before then. There was no doubt in my mind that Darcy was the woman for me. It was best just to fully enjoy the brief time we had together and let the rest take care of itself. Despite the pain it might bring.
Chapter Fifteen - Darcy
It was like heaven. The two of us back where we were meant to be. Not just in terms of sex but the fun stuff after. Waking up in each other’s arms and then making breakfast together. It a bit of a toss-up whether we would bother to put clothes on first, which I planned to do momentarily.
It was Sunday, so we had the day to ourselves and no real plan. It was a state that used to fill me with dread, but I now appreciated having nothing on my calendar since I had someone to share the day with.
Even as a teenager, I used to use the weekends to catch up on schoolwork. Occasionally my friends would manage to coax me out, but most of the time, the period from Friday night to bedtime on Sunday was spent either on homework or extra-credit assignments. I was quite a nerd and didn’t see the point in trying to hide it.
I had just been meditating on a day of food and sex with my beloved when a rage of knocks came upon the door, setting things in a new light. The apartment didn’t have a bedroom to speak of. The bed was in a section partitioned off from the rest by a standing room divider. Tossing the blankets over Sean. I threw on some sweats, not bothering with underwear, and put Sean’s clothes on the bed with him in case he had to make an appearance before the company had left.
My mom and Nicole were the last people I expected to see when I opened the door.
“Honey!” my mom enthused, taking me in a bear hug.
“Mom, what a surprise.”
Never had I meant the phrase so literally. I looked to Nicole for some kind of explanation, but she just shrugged as though sworn to secrecy, which wouldn’t have surprised me.
“Much like your engagement,” my mom said, trundling into the apartment.
It was cutting, but I couldn’t really argue with her. On the upside, she seemed to be taking the news pretty well, even if it wasn’t actually real. I could only imagine what she was here for if she thought she needed back up.
“You cleaned,” she said, looking around the small space approvingly.
“Yeah.”
“Looks nice, anyhoo, we’ve got business to attend to,” she chirped happily, making a beeline for the couch, Nicole not far behind.
“We do?”
“Of course, my darling. There’s an entire wedding to plan, and that takes time. When is the big day anyway?”
“We, uh, haven’t set a date yet.”
“Wonderful, we’ll have lots of time then. You only get one shot at it, at least ideally, best to try and make it the best possible.”
That was her philosophy on most things though I still couldn’t argue that she was wrong. I wanted to tell the truth. That it was all made up to keep dad from making me get engaged to Harry. I was sure they would understand. Mom clearly hadn’t known that was what dad had been planning. Yet, the words would not come out. Part of the problem was that I wanted our engagement to be true as much as they did. Self-delusion, to be sure, but one I found to be far simpler and nicer than the strange and chaotic truth. More than that, it was possible my mom might tell my dad. Not in the way of a schoolyard tattletale but more the dutiful wife. If he asked, she would feel compelled to say to him if she didn’t let it slip in another way. It was best if she didn’t know the truth, not least, so she wouldn’t be burdened by it. A lie that brings a smile or a truth that brings a tear, which one really was better?
Never one to be caught short, my mother came well-prepared. Two shopping bags filled with magazines and planners, all to coordinate the wedding of my dreams. If only she knew quite how literal that phrase really was.
It was a bit rough at first, feigning interest in the myriad of churches and cake choices. My dad was richer than God and seemed convinced that the similarities didn’t end there. Anything I wanted could be mine, and I had to wonder honestly what I would choose. It helped to play long and not let on what a sham it all was. Except as I went through it all, absorbing the excitement on the part of my mother and my friend, giving what could be some serious thought, the pretending became a lot less difficult. To the point, I actually enjoyed playing along as though it were all real, desperately wishing that it was.
There was something about seeing photos of wedding dresses, even if it was just in a picture that lit up some part of the brain, and I could imagine myself in some dresses displayed on those glossy pages.
I’d often heard that getting exactly what you want can lead to disappointments, but it couldn’t possibly be worse than wanting something you weren’t sure you could ever actually have. The life I’d yet to have flashed before my eyes—our wedding, our house, our children, our happy life together.
“Honey, what’s wrong.”
“Nothing,” I lied, knowing I couldn’t tell her the truth, even as my tears betrayed me. I tried to wipe the treacherous little bastards away but couldn’t before mom noticed them.
“Tell me.”
“I-I just can’t believe it’s really happening,” I fibbed, “it’s just all so much at once. I’m overwhelmed, I guess.”
“I know what you mean, darling. I felt the same planning my wedding. Garrison wanted to hire some kind of professional, even though I don’t think wedding planners really existed in those days. The world hadn’t gone completely mad yet. Mind you, the Internet was still dial-up back then.”
I burst out laughing. The sound sudden but natural and an unconscious expression of my true feelings. If only it could be that way with other things too
He was so quiet I didn’t even hear him at first. I was so caught up in chatting with mom and Nicole that it wasn’t until the pan hit the stove that I turned and saw Sean. He wore his suit pants and untucked dress shirt, and I was very glad I’d thought to make them accessible. That could have been embarrassing for all involved.
“Sean, dear,” mom piped up, having moved on from the ‘Mr. MacBride’ stuff mighty quick, “we’d like your opinion too.”
“On what, Mrs. Matthews?” he asked, turning.
“Everything, of course. You’re going to be getting married too.”
“Yes, of course,” he said, catching on quick.
He sat beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders. If mom objected to the squeeze or the fact we’d obviously spent the night together, she gave no indication of it. Mom was pretty cool that way. Dad wouldn’t have liked it, but since, as far as he knew, we were already getting married, there wasn’t much he could say. At least without looking like an ass.
It must have been some kind of test. Without any indication of what had already been chosen, mom gave Sean the magazines to flip through to see what he might like. One by one and without fail, he chose exactly the things I had. Not an emerald green tux or mint green cake among them. We might have been both trying to get as far away from Maggie’s wedding as possible, even though it was memorable, if nothing else, but we were almost identical in terms of our choices. Considering we both went in basically blind, it also seemed to indicate a basic overlap in our taste. Our choices were beyond what could be dismissed as pure coincidence.
Coincidence could be a strange thing, which was why people referred to it as such, but it went a bit beyond that. Everything we had each chosen was exactly the same, going beyond the realm of random chance into the realm of, well, something
else.
Mom knew it too, at least if the grin she gave as Sean made his selections was anything to go by. Was it possible fate really had put us together? I’d suspected from the beginning, but the notion seemed too silly for serious consideration. After what happened with the wedding planning, I was beginning to wonder. I’d been giving my honest, first impression preferences, and Sean seemed to be too. He had been with me all night, so even if I was mad enough to suspect some sort of crazy conspiracy, it just wouldn’t be possible given the facts at hand. There were just too many variables.
As the daughter of a lawyer, I’d been raised to question everything. Maggie might have been lucky enough to form a strong, stable, loving relationship with her fake fiancé, but that didn’t mean everyone could be so fortunate. In fact, the odds were very much against it.
After several more hours poring over magazines, my mother and friend went about their day buzzing happily with plans for my big day.
The weight of my lies took on their full weight, and my conscience kicked me hard.
I could feel his touch through my sweatshirt. Sean’s gentle hand on my shoulder. Slowly turning around, I was accepted into his warm embrace as he held me tight.
“Thank you,” I said, the words coming out of nowhere.
“For what?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“For covering for me. Not just here, which was amazing, but at the garden party. I really am sorry for what I said. I just don’t like dishonesty, even when used in a good cause. I’ve just known too many liars in my life.”
“That’s not surprising, your dad being a lawyer and all. Not to say all lawyers are liars, of course, but the statistics aren’t good.”
“No, you’re right, he is a liar, as were most of the people I met growing up. It wasn’t the little lies that bugged me, the ones that didn’t really matter. They would lie about the big things, like who they were, what they wanted, and what they could really do. Much of the time grossly overstating their abilities. I still don’t like lying to my mom, but if it keeps me from marrying Harry, it’s all for the best. I do have to admit, though, looking through all that wedding stuff was kind of fun.”
“It was, wasn’t it,” he said, kissing me sweetly on the forehead. “I’d do anything for you, darlin’.”
I believed him, even with all my fears and suspicions, mostly pushed back into the dark. I took him at face value, allowing myself to fully love him, no longer much caring about the consequences. Also, being a bit too well raised to actually say such a thing. The Victorian values of my father filtered down to me by years of exposure.
“Though,” I said with a sigh, “in a way, I’m also relieved we don’t actually have to plan an entire wedding.”
It was a gambit but as close as I could get to hinting at some kind of grand romantic gesture. Like, for example, asking me to marry him for real before he went back to Belfast. We might be far apart, but at least we would have tied the knot. Long-distance relationships could work at least for a while, though I was seriously considering the idea of moving to Ireland to be with him full time. Gavin had moved to L.A. after all. It had taken a while, of course, but he’d made it work, not only getting to be with Maggie but also being in the best city in the world for his chosen profession. I was sure there were law firms in Belfast that needed assistants, and I already had the experience, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find a place. It would be a big change but not outside the realm of possibility.
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more possible it seemed.
“Planning an entire wedding seems like a headache. Though it seems like your mum would be keen to help.”
Not quite the answer I was hoping for but also not one that completely crushed my hopes, leaving me in a sort of strange emotional plane somewhere between crushing disappointment and complete elation. He hadn’t said he didn’t want to marry me nor confirmed that he actually did. It was all so cryptic.
“Hey, how about a walk in the park? Los Angeles does have parks, right?”
“Of course,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.
“Prove it,” he countered with his charming smile, the one that made me love him despite myself.
Sadness crushed my heart. Sean would have to go home in a week, and when that happened, he would be gone from my life. Our relationship, as it had been for the last week, would be over, replaced once again by distance and pain. I really wasn’t sure I could go through that again. Particularly not after we’d already had sex, the separation would be too much. I’d barely gotten through the three months we were apart after Maggie’s wedding. I was not about to off myself, but I seriously considered blocking his email and changing my number. I already had enough reminders of him without his attempts to stay connected. I really couldn’t fault him for his dedication, but it made things just a little worse while waiting for his return, if I were honest.
Chapter Sixteen - Sean
I’d never had much use for sunglasses since Belfast was mostly under a blanket of gray rain clouds.
As with the suit for the garden party, Gav loaned me pair of his sunglasses. ‘You’ll thank me later,’ he said with a knowing smile. I didn’t love it when he pulled the wise big brother shtick, not least because he was only two years older than me, but I couldn’t say he was actually wrong.
“Snazzy and sexy,” Darcy said as I slid the aviators on.
“Gavin’s,” I said.
“Not a big call for shades on the Emerald Isle?”
“The sun only shines about two weeks out of the year,” I said, my accent already getting more American. Darcy’s was getting more Irish. We were definitely having an influence on each other.
I strolled to the park entrance in Los Angeles on a hot summer day, my shirt untucked and the top three buttons open, holding hands with my soulmate. Several things I’d never pictured myself doing. It probably showed a marked lack of imagination on my part, but, on the upside, I was more easily surprised.
Birds chirped happily in the trees, as well as in my pocket, or so it seemed. I stopped for a minute to assess the situation.
“I didn’t know birds could do ventriloquism,” Darcy said, suppressing a laugh.
Fighting the urge myself, I drew my cell from my shirt’s front pocket and tapped the green answer icon.
“Hello?”
“Well, if it isn’t the invisible man,” Gavin said.
“Eh?”
“I mean, I see the evidence of your existence on occasion. Clothes in the guest room closet, lunch dishes in the sink, hair in the drain. Are you in some kind of ninja training?”
“No, but that would certainly be useful,” I said with a chuckle.
“Fool that I am, I thought you were here to visit Maggie and me.”
“I was, I mean I am, I’ve just been—”
He laughed. “Oh, I think we all know very well what you’ve been doing and who you’ve been doing it with.”
I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as I began to blush. I stole a glance over at Darcy, who squeezed my hand.
“Aye, you’ve got me there,” I admitted. “I have been a bit, er, occupied the last week or so, sorry about that.”
“No need to apologize, I understand, better than most. Maggie and I would like to see you guys. How about we go for pizza later?”
“Pizza it is.”
“Pizza?” Darcy asked when I hung up.
“Oh, shite, sorry, it was Gavin. He was busting my chops about them not seeing me. Would you like to go for pizza? It could be like a double date.”
“I’d like that. We should probably let Maggie and Gavin know what happened yesterday at the garden party.”
“Probably,” I agreed.
I turned my phone to silent so we could enjoy the day together with no further interruption. Not that the one I’d had was particularly bad. I had planned on spending more time with Gavin and Maggie, but with Gavin’s job and me spending time with Darcy, we hadn’t really seen
much of each other.
“I don’t want to get between you and your family,” Darcy said as we continued along the duck pond.
“Gavin was just kidding around. I mean, it’s true, I haven’t seen them much, but Gav, in his big brother’s role, rightfully kicked me in the arse. It’s one of the things we do—keep each other grounded. We all put him through relentless ribbing when he said he wanted to be an actor. Not that we weren’t supportive. It was no less realistic than any other job where we were from. We just wanted to remind him of who he was and keep him from becoming an insufferable showbiz wanker.”
“Like Harry Ashton?”
“Hey, you said it, not me,” I said, absolving myself of blame.
“Yeah, but you were thinking it.”
“True,” I conceded.
“Well, thanks to you, we don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
It was true enough. I wasn’t sure about my tactics, but at least I’d gotten her free of any obligation to marry Ashton. Like Finn McCool saving Samuel from a monster. Not that I saw Darcy as helpless. She was one of the most capable people I’d ever met. I was mostly just happy to be of service.
“How about some ice cream to celebrate?”
“Sounds great, no mint, though. I try to avoid anything green these days.”
“You still having the flashbacks too?”
“Oh yeah, there are still times I wake up screaming ‘seafoam,’ and I didn’t even have to wear that particular shade of green.”
“God bless the humble bridesmaids,” I said solemnly, hand on heart.
It was odd having definitions changed. Terms that always held one meaning taking on a whole other aspect. I’d known what fun was but had never really experienced it until I’d met Darcy. I’d never had as much fun in a park at home, at least not in my adult life, though that was mostly because I worked all the time. I also didn’t have Darcy there to make me want to do something other than work. Not so much in terms of a distraction as a viable alternative. Something that seemed a lot like the ‘work, life balance’ I kept hearing so much about.