by Jay Quinn
“We’re giving your uncles the evening off to go out to dinner alone,” Karl informed her. “And we’re going to do dinner with your grandparents.”
Melanie took a tentative sip of her hot coffee and sighed with contentment. “That sounds nice, but we’ll hook up with you guys back here later, right?”
“Absolutely,” Rob promised. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”
“Me, too,” Melanie said and gave him a private smile. Then, to Sven, she announced, “I don’t expect you to take me shopping while I’m here this time. The Kate Spade bag you sent me for Christmas was more than generous. I have to tell you, I love it. I use it all the time.”
“I enjoy spoiling you,” Sven said, glowing happily with Melanie’s appreciation of his gift, but he added, “I wish I had time to take you to the shop. There’s so many things there I think you’d appreciate. I have a set of French porcelain coral branches that make me think of you. I found them at the Clignancourt flea market in Paris.”
“They sound lovely,” Melanie told him, “but don’t hold on to them on my account. I’m looking forward to you and Uncle Rob helping me put the apartment together once I get moved and settled in. I’m going to hold you to your promise.”
“Sven and I have a surprise for you,” Rob said and glanced at Sven.
Sven caught his glance and shot it back with a nod and a smile. “You can tell her,” he offered.
“Sven woke me up at three o’clock this morning and told me he’d decided we were going to move to New York,” Rob announced happily. “Or was I dreaming?” he added teasingly.
“No. You weren’t dreaming,” Sven said decisively and looked at Karl, then at Melanie. “I had a talk with your father here, and he told me he thought it would be a great thing for Rob and me to do. We’ve been talking about it for a while, and we feel we have the clients and the opportunity to do this. How would you like having us up there near you?”
Melanie clapped her hands together and squealed with excitement. “My two favorite people in the whole world? I’d love it. Are you kidding?”
“No kidding,” Rob said seriously. “It won’t be for at least a year; we have things to get settled first, but we are going to do it.” He looked at Sven tenderly and said, “It’s like a big adventure, isn’t it?”
Karl watched as Sven reached across the table and laid his hand against Rob’s cheek in reply. Then Sven looked at him and said, “I got my big brother’s take on it, and he thinks it’s time.”
“Well, I don’t know how much I had to do with the decision, Mel, but I think it’ll be great for you to have your uncles close by to keep an eye on you for me,” Karl teased.
“Hey! Who’s to say I won’t be there to keep an eye on them?” Melanie replied happily. “They are getting older.”
“Who is?” Rob asked and chuckled. “I feel like I’m twenty-five and just starting out again, don’t you, Sven?”
Sven stood and took his coffee mug to the counter. “I don’t know if I’d go quite that far, but I don’t think we need any looking after just yet.” With that, he poured himself what was left of the coffee and started to make a fresh pot.
“When are you and Andrew thinking about getting married, Mel?” Rob asked earnestly.
“Oh, God,” Melanie said and tapped the table with her fingertips nervously. “Not you, too?”
“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was wondering,” Rob answered her honestly. “I mean, you and Andrew share a mortgage—why not go ahead and get marriage out of the way?”
“When are you and Uncle Sven going to get married?” Melanie answered slyly.
“Who says we’re not already?” Sven answered as he carefully poured water into the coffeemaker. “After twenty-six years and as many legal documents as we’ve had drawn up, I already consider myself married, don’t you, Rob?”
“Of course,” Rob answered. “A ceremony with some tolerant priest or a justice of the peace in Massachusetts is really sort of beside the point by now.”
Karl followed this little exchange with interest. Rob and Sven had never discussed their relationship in such a way, and Melanie had avoided the issue of a marriage commitment to Andrew with quiet insistence ever since she had announced her intent to move in with him nearly a year before, when he had taken a job with Credit Suisse. Karl listened intently, hoping Melanie might be more forthcoming with her uncles than she had been with him and Caroline.
“I don’t know if it’s beside the point or not,” Melanie replied. “I, for one, would like being a part of some ceremony for you and Uncle Sven. When I was little, I used to daydream about being your flower girl. I could picture myself in a long white dress, walking up the aisle of our church, dropping rose petals and everything. I still want to do it if you ever decide you want a ceremony.”
Sven clicked on the coffeemaker and, after tasting the remains of the earlier pot in his mug, frowned and dumped the contents down the sink. “Mel,” he said as he returned to the table and sat down, “the only way I’m going to ever get married is in a Catholic church, with a full mass and everything. And you and I both know that’s never going to happen in our lifetime. Instead, I made a promise to God to be true to Rob in the spirit of the Catholic marriage vows, without the ceremony. So far, so good. I’m happy with how things are, and I think Rob is, too.”
“Damn right,” Rob interrupted. “But if I could walk down the aisle with Sven in his Catholic church and get married with a nuptial mass, I’d do it for him, even though I’m not Catholic. You can have all that, Mel. I guess I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want it.”
“Fair enough,” Melanie said and sighed. After glancing at her father, she said, “I do want that… the mass and everything. I just am not ready for it right now. It doesn’t have anything to do with the way I feel about Drew. He’s actually ready to get married now. I just can’t get my head around it. If I get this new job at Sotheby’s, I’ll want some time to get settled into meeting their expectations, as well as finding and sorting out my own expectations of myself. If I get pregnant, God forbid, I’ll get married immediately. I just don’t see the point of it right now.” She looked around the table and thoughtfully took a sip of her coffee. She set the mug down decisively and continued. “I want to appreciate the whole process of getting married. I want to enjoy it. Every girl I know who’s gotten married has been a raving maniac by the time of the wedding, and I just don’t want to be like that. Do you understand?”
“Mel, you know the girls who ended up being raving maniacs about their weddings are raving maniacs to begin with, don’t you?” Rob queried astutely.
Melanie laughed. “You’re not wrong. But I’ve been a bridesmaid enough in the past two years to be tired of the whole psychodrama that goes with big wedding plans.”
“So it’s not that you aren’t sure Drew’s the one,” Sven said, “it’s that you want to experience the whole deal in a mature way.”
“Something like that. Yes,” Melanie said confidently.
“Just out of curiosity, when do you think that might be?” Karl asked gently.
“I don’t know, Dad,” Melanie responded honestly, “in a couple of years, maybe. But it will definitely happen before we decide to have children.”
“I can live with that,” Karl said, and he reached across the table to wrap his hand around hers, which was holding her mug.
“I can, too,” Caroline announced from the dining room before striding into the kitchen with Gretchen dancing by her side.
“How long have you been standing there spying?” Melanie asked with a laugh.
“I wasn’t spying, I was listening. That’s the most articulate statement you’ve ever come up with on the subject, as far as I know,” Caroline said as she came to stand behind Karl. Bending down, she kissed the top of his head and put her hands on his shoulders.
“Let me get another chair,” Sven said as he started to rise.
“No. Sit,” Rob said and looked
around the suddenly crowded kitchen. “Now that I can tell Caro good morning, I need to be heading back up to Palm Beach.”
“Oh, don’t leave,” Caroline said with disappointment.
“I really do need to go in order to be back here by three-thirty,” Rob said as he made his way toward the dining room. In the doorway, he stopped and turned. “Have a good day with the parents. I’ll make us some special drink, kamikazes or cosmopolitans—something festive—when you all get back here.”
“I’ll be looking forward to that,” Karl said wryly. “I’ll need a drink by then.”
Sven stood up. “I’ll walk you out,” he said to Rob with a grin.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Melanie said in exasperation. “You can kiss him good-bye in front of us.”
With that, Rob stooped slightly and kissed Sven on the mouth. “See you back here by four, okay?”
Sven’s fair complexion reddened under his light tan. “Drive safe, please.”
Rob nodded and lifted his arm to wave to the room. “See you guys back here tonight.”
As Rob left to a chorus of good-byes, Sven moved to the coffeepot and checked its progress. Caroline claimed Rob’s seat and scooted her chair up to the table. Resting her chin on her upraised hands, she looked at Melanie and said, “I want you to know I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Melanie said happily, then added, “But what for?”
Caroline reached across the table to enclose her daughter’s hand with her own. “I think you’re pretty mature to want to get married when you want to. I think I understand you better than these guys do. It used to be that marriage was a means in and of itself for young women. Women used to think, I’ll get a man, and then my life can begin.’ I don’t see you prioritizing your life that way. You are thinking like an adult woman and not like a dizzy girl. There will be a time for marriage when you’re not trying to get so many things done at once. I’ll look forward to sharing that time with you. Okay?”
Melanie looked long into her mother’s eyes and sighed. “Mom, you are the best. You really get it, don’t you?”
“Yes. I do,” Caroline said and gave her daughter a wink. “How long before that coffee’s ready, Sven?”
Karl watched the exchange between his wife and daughter with a mixture of wonder and pride. Their relationship had matured into one of mutual respect, and that satisfied him very deeply. Together, they were the real axis his life had turned upon for many years. That orbit remained as fixed and dependable as the seasons and gave his life a great part of the solidity he craved. For a moment, he found himself acutely aware of how blessed he was. Blessings, for Karl, were fortunes to recognize with gratitude, not spiritual capital to accumulate. Nonetheless, for the second time in as many days, he found himself profoundly grateful to a God he still appreciated in the abstract. All the discussion of nuptials and Catholic masses brought to his mind the Latin response that translated as “and brings joy to my youth.” Karl had said those words many times as an altar boy before Vatican II, while extending the cruets of wine and water prior to the consecration of the host. Some of those carefully memorized phrases in the holy language popped into his mind at the oddest times. Now, sitting in Sven’s sunny kitchen, he recalled how faith had felt to him as a child, when he still believed in such things as a God who kept scores and dealt punishments as well as blessings. When he’d been a kid, it had made sense. Watching his daughter and wife in a nimbus of morning sun, he wondered when God had stopped being relevant.
Karl glanced over his shoulder and found Sven bent slightly, watching the final drips of coffee go into the pot. He had made a difference in his brother’s thinking last night. Sven had acknowledged it that morning, and it made Karl feel good. He turned his head and watched as Caroline let go of Melanie’s hand and leaned back into her chair with a chuckle at some tidbit he’d missed as his mind tripped on Latin phrases that snuck out of the recesses of his memory. He looked at Melanie as she ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it to the back of her head. The sun picked out its honeyed tones and made them gleam.
Feeling more grounded and less adrift in the world of emotional demands he’d landed into two days before, he drained his coffee mug. “I’m a lucky guy,” he said out loud to no one in particular.
12
THE EARLY MORNING continued amiably as Caroline, Melanie, and Sven drifted one by one out of the kitchen to shower, dress, and get on with the day, leaving Karl to snack on yogurt and fruit as he glanced at the morning paper. By ten-fifteen, the group was moving outside to get in their respective cars for the drive back down to Boca Raton. Melanie elected to ride with Sven, leaving Caroline and Karl to follow in the Camry.
As much as Karl wanted to spend time with his mother and father, he was reluctant to leave Sven’s bright house at the beach. The morning had been so mellow, he hoped the mood would continue throughout the day, but he had doubts that it would. His mother’s mental shifts were like mercury, he had no idea if she would be able to keep it together or if her sense of time and place would shatter into little shimmering balls that slid incongruously across the surface of the day. His father’s overbearing behavior gave him some concern as well. Karl hoped he was in a good mood.
Some of this he discussed with Caroline as they made their way south on I-95. For the most part, Caroline did her best to reassure him that everything would be fine. He found her calm presence heartening. Though the early-Saturday-morning traffic was sparse, the distance from Singer Island down to his parents’ house was a longer drive than Karl had anticipated.
“Can you believe Sven has been making this drive every day for the past few months?” he asked Caroline with a mixture of disbelief and admiration.
“Well, his shop is about halfway in between, isn’t it?” Caroline commented. “At least that breaks it up for him some.”
“Be that as it may,” Karl insisted, “it’s still a hell of a lot of time out of his day. It’s no different than if we had to drive to Chapel Hill every day on the way home from work.”
“True,” Caro obliged. “He’s been very diligent in taking care of them. They are lucky to have him close by. Do you think he’ll keep it up after they move to Palladian Gardens?”
Karl lifted his eyebrows and shook his head. “I think he’ll keep it up as long he thinks Mom needs him, at least for the next year.”
“If he and Rob do make this move to New York,” said Caroline, “he’ll soon have a lot of other things to focus on rather than your parents.”
“That’s one reason I encouraged him to make the move,” Karl asserted. “But I have to tell you, Caro, I still wonder at the rift between him and Rob. I don’t think Sven’s responsibility to our parents is all there is to it.”
Caroline glanced at him, then turned in her seat to look at him. “Karl, you saw them last night, and then again this morning… what makes you think there’s some other underlying tension? They seemed very happy to me. A little stressed, but beyond that, those two are as perfectly suited for one another as you and I are.”
Karl shifted in his seat uncomfortably and switched lanes to pass a landscaper’s rig. “They’ve been together almost as long as you and I have,” Karl started cautiously. “But sometime around twenty-five years together, didn’t you ever wake up one morning and think, What in the hell am I doing?”
Caroline chuckled and reached over to pat his shoulder. “Of course I did. Didn’t you?”
Karl glanced at her briefly as he pulled back into the right lane. “I did, but I wasn’t sure if you ever did,” he admitted.
“About the time Melanie got her undergrad degree, I spent the summer thinking about what life would be like on my own,” Caroline confessed. “It seemed like Mel’s milestone was one for me as well. Our life seemed to have stagnated somewhat. We were still in the old house. We were both absorbed in our work and not really communicating very much.” Caroline paused and looked out the windshield. “I certainly made a conscious decision then tha
t I wanted to stay with you, but some things had to change.”
Karl nodded and sat silent for a moment, absorbing her admission. Finally, he said, “I did the same thing, but a little after you. I think I felt you pulling away somehow. All of the reasons we had spent our lives together revolved around the house, bringing up and educating Melanie. I was craving some change as well.”
“It’s part of middle age, Karl,” Caroline said gently. “I think it says a lot about us and our relationship that we were strong enough as individuals to think things through, and to recommit ourselves to moving ahead together without making a federal case out of it.”
“I love you,” Karl said simply.
“And I love you,” Caroline responded. “Still, we came to the conclusion that we needed to make some personal and professional changes, like moving to the town house. But we did it together. Isn’t that what Rob and Sven are going through right now?”
“I guess it is,” Karl conceded. “I just wish I had told him about us last night when I was talking with him. But you know, no matter how sophisticated I think I am, I can’t get past this fundamental belief that Rob and Sven’s relationship is different because they’re gay.”
“In what way?” Caro asked honestly.
“I don’t know,” Karl told her as he fumbled for his answer. “It’s just that my ideas about being a man don’t accommodate giving another man that much say in making decisions about how I run my life.”
“I can understand that,” Caroline told him. “It’s so hard not to think of Sven as the wife and Rob as the husband. I think it’s natural for us to try and draw those lines of dominance and submissiveness. It’s just the way the paradigm works.”
“But you don’t feel submissive to me, do you?” Karl asked with concern.
“Frankly, no,” Caroline told him. “So, if that way of thinking isn’t really true for straight people, why should it be true for gay couples? I feel like I’m an equal partner.”
“Sven and Karl have always struck me as being partners,” Karl said truthfully. “I mean, when it comes to work, Sven has his sphere and Rob has his, yet the boundaries get blurred when they actually take on a job. They help each other.”