by A. S. Hames
He’s not sure. I can see it in his face. He’s thinking. He’s pondering. I can even sense it a little in his mind. My life is held in a moment of thought.
“You’ve bought yourself some time. It’ll take a day or two to get confirmation from Colonel Rose, seeing as I don’t know where he is.” He moves in closer to my face. “Don’t think you’re free yet.”
I nod. It’s all I can do.
The older man nods to one of his men. They take the film woman and stand her on the stool. The noose is placed over her head and tightened around her neck. She’s looking at me which I find unbearable. I thought we were both safe.
I’m pulled aside. The older man stands before the camera. Another man is ready with pen and paper to take down his words. They’re going to lie. They’re going to say things that justify murder.
“Two years back, when we first attempted to reclaim our land, the Nation sent troops to kill us. They said we were working with the redcoats to overthrow the whole of this land. That’s a lie. The truth has always been about us fighting alone to reclaim the region between the two mountain ranges where we’ve survived for centuries. Today, we found one of those responsible for the lies and the killing. A Nation spy who has been duly found guilty. The war is not won, but we can take comfort in knowing that justice will always be served, no matter how long it takes.”
He raises a hand.
And then drops it.
Someone pulls the stool away and the film woman is swinging crazily by her neck for the benefit of the camera. I am stunned with fear.
“No. Please. No, stop. Stop!”
Her legs kick and swing. Her face is panic and pain. Her terror shoots directly into my brain.
Krak! Krak!
Gunshots!
The man with the camera goes down. The man taking narration notes goes down. More shots. People are shooting everywhere. I run to the film woman. My hands are tied behind my back, so I push the stool into position with my feet. Her toes reach for it. She’s on it. She’s on it!
A man kicks it away. More shots come in. I want to run. I want to hide. I am panicking but I stand under the film woman so that she can kneel on my shoulders. We’re stuck. Shots are coming in. There are men getting hit.
The rebels run. Except one. He’s been hit twice and he’s out of ammunition. He pulls out a knife and he stares at me.
“You dirty, double-crossing liar.”
I have seconds to live.
I can’t scramble away. I can only… a woolly mass the shade of a storm cloud leaps onto the knifeman’s head and rips half his face off.
“Von! Von!”
The man is brought down screaming, but it only lasts until his throat is torn away. It is bloody and horrendous and the finest sight I have ever seen.
A sergeant’s words come back to me from somewhere.
A goddamn killing machine.
“You gonna play there all day?”
It’s Dub with Ben, Ax, Zu, and the colonel. I almost cry out with relief but I can’t because the film woman’s legs are half-strangling me.
They rush to help her down. I sink to the ground and someone unties my hands. The film woman is checking the raised red line around her throat. She’s okay. Once she’s recovered, she’ll have my secret to think about. I feel that death has not retreated far. I wretch, but there’s not much to bring up.
Ax pats me on the shoulder. “You did well.”
Dub also pats me on the shoulder. “I thought you were dead.”
“Me too,” I say.
Ben smiles. It’s a deep, heartfelt smile, like an oldest and best friend, which is strange for someone I hardly know.
BEN
I can’t openly express the overwhelming relief I’m feeling about Jay, so I just try to show some of what I’m feeling with a smile.
“Looks like Von brought us just in time,” I say. “Um, be careful if you hug him.”
She smiles and, for a second, I think she’s going to hug me – but she doesn’t.
“Okay,” the colonel says, “there’s still a number looking for us. See if you can find any useful supplies before we try to locate Roadway Five.”
“Is that right it’s five hundred miles to the Lake Towns?” Dub asks.
His words spark some low muttering.
“We’ll make it,” the colonel says.
I check our ever-shrinking company: Jay, Dub, Colonel Five-Five, Ax, Sergeant Seven-Nine, the rapidly-recovering film woman checking her camera, the damned Representative, the child-sergeant, Zu, Taff, and Von.
While we go off to look for food and weapons, I glance back at Jay taking some water from a flask. The Representative calls her over and indicates she should walk with him. I wonder why.
JAY
I’d rather be making a fuss of Von, but I have no choice but to go with the Representative. He obviously knows what a double-dealing fool I am. I wonder if he has a gun concealed about him. If he has, I know he’ll shoot. I saw him deal with that engine driver. Maybe I should shoot him first. His hand goes inside his jacket. Mine goes for the trigger of my gun. He pulls out an envelope. I have the muzzle of my weapon pointing at his gut.
“This envelope contains the most vital communication in our history,” he says. “If I don’t make it to the Lake Towns, this letter will take my place in persuading the Leader to do a deal with the rebels that will save the Nation and bring peace.”
“Are you sure?”
It seems so unlikely.
“If the rebels film my execution, the Leader’s fury will know no bounds. He will throw everything into the war, and the fighting will go on for years. Do you understand?”
“Yes… but couldn’t we talk with the rebels and explain how we can end the war?”
“No, because they want the Nation to fall. They do not care for the Leader’s concern about loss of face, they want to humiliate him – and that will see this war last beyond your generation and into the next. Do you understand?”
“Yes… I do.”
“If anything should happen to me, you will do everything in your power to see this gets to him. I cannot stress how vital this is. This information will change his view and bring the war to an end without the Leader losing face.”
I lower my weapon and he gives me the envelope. I have no idea what to say. I just stare at it.
“Don’t think too much of yourself,” he says. “These are desperate times and I’m short of options. Put it away and do not mention it to the colonel, the captain, or the sergeant. Military men might not wish the war to end so early. I know several who enjoy the power it brings. I simply cannot take the risk.”
“I want the war to end,” I say.
“I can see that. It’s why I’ve chosen you. Only share this information with those who would give their lives for peace. That way, should you and I both be killed, there will still be a chance.”
He nods. Our business is done.
As we rejoin the others, Dub gives me a look. Did he find it strange seeing me go off with the Representative, or has the film woman talked?
He says nothing, so maybe she hasn’t talked. I get the feeling she’ll be talking soon enough though. I just need to convince her that I’m no spy. Meanwhile, I need to choose who to share my secret information with.
Can I trust Dub? I know he wants the war to end, but would he take the envelope to the Lake Towns if the rest of us were dead? I think he might if I explained that he’d be doing it to save the lives of people just like himself.
And what about Ben? Yes, Ben, I suppose. Not Taff though. He might be trustworthy, but is he tough enough?
I think of the colonel. Would he want the war to continue? I study his frame. He’s eaten well these past months. No, I can’t take a chance. Looking trustworthy is no great measure of anyone’s true nature. I think of Colonel Rose posing as a clerk to hide the fact he’s a military man. No, I cannot afford to gamble. Not when I have a chance to bring peace while saving the Nation from dest
ruction. I wish so hard my empath ability was developed enough to gauge the military men accurately but I’m too poor at it to risk making more errors that cost more lives.
“Are we ready to go?” the colonel asks.
Yes, we’re ready. At least, as ready as we can be.
22. Southbound
BEN
After an hour heading west, we dip into a wider valley, and the landscape turns to a dense forest. I don’t know about the others, but there’s something reassuring about having plenty of trees to hide behind should the shooting start again.
There is no shooting though – just the tramping of troopers mile after mile.
There’s not much conversation. Well, it’s hardly a social occasion. Even so, as the time passes, I’m keen to use a little of my flagging energy to talk with Jay. The thing is, once I’ve worked my way alongside her, I realize I haven’t worked out what to say. Although, there’s one thing puzzling me…
“What did the Representative want?”
Jay becomes evasive.
“Nothing,” she says. “Just some stuff about we should all stick together.”
“You mean stick together to protect him. I doubt he cares too much about any of us.”
I drop back a little. I do want to be friends with Jay, but I am so exhausted, I really can’t talk while I walk.
JAY
Our pace is good, but we’re strung out a little. I was walking with Ben for a short while, but he’s fallen back. I like him. I can’t let him know, of course. He’s married. And even if he wasn’t, one of us might soon be dead.
But if we live?
Well, it won’t be Ben. But I might meet someone, someday. I don’t think Ben’s an empath, but would that matter? Should that matter?
It makes me recall the advice Ma gave me when I turned fourteen. Awkward stuff about waiting until I’m in love, and not letting my hormones make my decisions for me, and to be aware that two empaths’ minds mingling will eventually reveal our darkest, ugliest, hidden depths to each other. Yuk. I recall telling her how I already knew the facts of life, and how we’d long agreed I wasn’t an empath and so didn’t wish to discuss any of it again.
Up ahead, Ax is alone and, for the first time in my life, I have an urge to speak with him about this thing – and maybe I should do it now before one of us gets killed.
I work my way to get alongside him and keep my voice down.
“There’s something I need to ask you.”
“Oh?”
“You know the thing we have… in our family?”
“This isn’t the time, Jay.”
“I know, but we may never get another time.”
He considers it.
“What is it?”
“I know I turned my back on it… but I want to develop it now. I want to use it. It might save me. It might save others.”
“You haven’t developed it?” I can see he’s surprised. “I assumed you always hid it well.”
“I told you I didn’t want to develop it.”
“I didn’t believe you.”
“You didn’t believe me? After what happened that time?”
“I’d imagine most empaths would be scared by a mob trying to cut out their organs and burn them. I guessed you’d developed it in private.”
“No, I really didn’t want to be an empath, or even talk about it. Didn’t you ever get yourself into a mess and want it to stop?”
“No, when my powers began to emerge during puberty, I was old enough to handle it.”
“Puberty?” The word embarrasses me but this is important.
“You weren’t young when it first happened?”
“No, that’s why I’ve since assumed you to be special.”
“You have?”
“If you hadn’t frozen us out, we could have helped you. But you always had this disdain in you that made us shut up about it. As far as Ma and Pa were concerned, you were potentially an exceptional empath.”
“Exceptional?”
“No, stupid, potentially exceptional. Obviously, you blew it. You also disrespected who we are, every damned day, which is why I’ve never liked you.”
Ax picks up his pace and I come to a halt. I feel like collapsing. I’m fighting to stay alive in a war when I’ve got nothing to live for. Pa is dead, I’ve most likely killed Ma, and… I feel the tears coming but I force them back. I start marching again. I will not cry and I will not die.
My own brother has never liked me. Was I really that cold and distant? Wasn’t I a whole person, a warm person, a person who shows love? Or did I transfer all my love and warmth to following rules and earning certificates? I need time to… what? I don’t even know where to begin in trying to understand what he’s told me. In fact, for now, I just need to lock it all away again.
Or do I?
Isn’t it time I tried to fully develop the empath within me? At least then I’d know who I really am.
“What did the Representative give you?” Sergeant Seven-Nine asks.
I didn’t notice him catch up with me, but I don’t want to speak with him.
“Nothing.”
“I saw.”
“It was nothing.”
We walk in silence for a bit. I try to calm my mind… and I do get something… a sense of… anger? No, not anger… it’s not an emotion jumping forward, it’s more pulling sideways… Frustration? Yes, I think so…
“Why are you lying?”
“You should ask the Representative about it.”
I don’t like the idea of having someone like the sergeant spying on me, but he doesn’t speak again and soon speeds up to leave me behind.
A half hour passes.
Now it’s the film woman who gets me alone.
“So you’re friends with Colonel Steven Rose?” she says.
That throws me.
“A known troublemaker,” she says. “I say known – we had him locked up without knowing it. Did you really help him escape?”
I check that no one else can hear.
“I was lying.”
“You knew it was Rose who told the rebels about the Representative. That’s some guess.”
I have to think fast because there’s no way I can admit to anything that will put me in danger.
“During the night,” I say, making it up as best I can, “when they were following us across the mountains… I heard one of the rebels mention Colonel Rose. I guessed he might be the one who told them about the Representative being on the train.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I fell behind at one point. You might not have seen me. It was dark and we were spread out.”
She looks at me hard. I can see she’s not satisfied.
“I overheard the name,” I tell her. “Then I heard it again when I thought we were going to be hanged.”
She snorts. “Next time, think of a lie that covers two necks.”
She increases her pace to get away and I feel bad. It’s not like I wanted her to die. I’m also worried she might bring this up again.
I wonder what to do. Regardless of the Representative’s envelope, I could still slip away. I want to help end the war but you can’t achieve that if you’re executed for double-dealing with an enemy colonel.
Then again, what does my life matter? Isn’t ending all the killing the right thing to do? Even if there’s only a slim chance, shouldn’t I try? I keep on marching and I keep on trying to believe that somehow everything will work out for the best.
Around midday, the colonel’s hand goes up. We stop and we drop. Nearest me is Ben. We don’t say anything for a while. We just take a drink of water and share a cookie. My feet hurt and I’m sure his do too.
“Okay, listen up,” the colonel says. “We need to eat if we’re to function efficiently. There should be bugs, worms, larvae, and all kinds if you dig.”
I hate the sound of that, but the colonel’s right – so we dig and we eat. I guess this will become normal for us until we can impro
ve our situation.
“I never expected to spend time in a forest with a girl from Forbearance,” Ben says while he digs around a tree’s roots.
I’m a little shocked. “You shouldn’t talk like that. You’re married.”
He stops digging and his smile dies.
I have a question. Damn, I have so many questions. It’s just that I don’t like to pry.
I pry anyway. “How long have you been married?”
Ben looks pained and I’m guessing I’ve made a mistake. I really am the most stupid person to come out of Town 117, Forbearance. He’s obviously trying to stop those thoughts.
“She died.”
“Oh.” I wish I could die too because I’m an embarrassment.
“I meant to thank you,” he says.
“Thank me?”
“She was on the truck and… well, I heard you were one of those who buried the dead.”
Oh my. I buried his wife. And then the full horror hits me.
What if I didn’t bury her?
Dare I ask Ben if she died straight away or if she was taken to the field hospital for a few hours? Maybe he’s thinking I helped bury those who didn’t make it through the night. I think of the empty troop truck returning after I was told all the injured had died overnight. Where had that been? And who did it carry? Injured volunteers to Nation town outposts like the one at Endeavor? So that they could be shot up by volunteers like Ben and me? Did his wife die in the bomb blast, or was she shot dead as an enemy soldier for a damned stupid film?
“It’s okay,” he says. “Our marriage wasn’t how you’re thinking.”
How I’m thinking? He has no idea how I’m thinking.
“You don’t have to explain, Ben.”
“She was chosen by my grandparents.”
“Oh.”
“I didn’t know her. She was from another valley. Grandma said I’d grow to love her, but I only met her once before the wedding.”
“Oh.”
“Then there was the wedding day which I spent being scared. And the wedding night, which I also spent being scared.”