by Julie Cannon
Her hand trembled as she knocked on the door. Several seconds passed and she thought maybe she should turn around and go back to Atlanta. Before she had a chance to make a decision, the front door opened. The smiling face and warm eyes in front of her told her she had made the right decision. She’d had the idea to visit the Stewarts when she was thinking about a certain tall, lanky rancher. The connection was clear, and she was on the phone in an instant.
“Rachel?” Susan Stewart asked tentatively.
Rachel nodded. “Miss Susan, it’s good to see you again.” Rachel was immediately engulfed in an enormous hug. Tears sprang up and threatened to overflow onto the shoulder of one of her many foster mothers.
“Come on inside.” Rachel was unceremoniously led into the house. The living room had different furniture and drapes, but was just as she remembered. The smell brought her back to the first day she stepped inside this house, and she could have sworn she was thirteen again. And just as scared.
“Raymond, she’s here. Rachel is here,” Susan yelled in the direction of the kitchen. “Let me take your coat.”
Rachel passed her coat to Mrs. Stewart just as a man at least six inches shorter than she was walked into the room. He stopped and looked at her head to toe. He broke out in a wide grin.
“Mr. Raymond, how are you, sir?” Rachel asked politely. When she had first come here to this house the Stewarts told her to call them Miss Susan and Mr. Raymond. Calling them Mr. and Mrs. was too formal, and their first names too disrespectful. They settled on a combination of the two.
“Well, look at you. This can’t be the same spunky little girl that always had grease up to her elbows and horse shit on her boots. Rachel, you have turned into a beautiful woman.” Raymond Stewart walked over to Rachel and hugged her so tightly she thought he might break a rib. Finally, he released her. “Thank you so much for coming.”
They settled in the living room, and Susan served coffee. Rachel had contacted the Stewarts and asked if she could see them. She had an overwhelming need to thank them for putting up with her for three years. They were the only people who had truly made a difference in her life and she wanted them to know. They were thrilled to hear from her and had immediately invited her to come.
The first few minutes were awkward, none of them knowing exactly what to say. They were practically strangers, after all. But after a while they began reminiscing about Rachel’s time on their ranch. They asked Rachel what she was doing now and if she had ever married.
“Why did you become foster parents?” Rachel asked. She never understood why people would willingly bring other people’s kids into their home. There was always the chance that the kids would be disruptive or worse. It was a risk every foster parent took every time a child was placed in their home.
“We were never to have any children of our own,” Susan said, “and we wanted children, lots of them. We read an article in the paper one day about becoming foster parents, and it seemed to fit. If we could not have the children we so desperately wanted, then we would give other children the home they so desperately needed.” Raymond reached over and took his wife’s hand.
“How many kids did you have?” There were three other kids when she was at the Stewarts.
Susan looked at her husband. “How many have we had, Raymond? Thirty or so?”
“Last count was thirty-two, including Rachel here,” he answered.
Thirty-two children. Jesus. The unfortunate thing was that at least ten times that many needed a home like the one the Stewarts provided. Suddenly Rachel felt very blessed.
“How did you ever put up with me?”
Susan answered first. “Patience.”
“And you were a natural on a horse,” Raymond finished. “Have you kept up your riding? You looked so at home on top of a horse.”
“Off and on. I was recently at a dude ranch in Arizona for a week or so. It brought back so many memories. I guess it’s like riding a bike. You never really forget how, but you sure are sore once you get back on.” All three laughed.
“That’s why I came back here. I felt so at home at Springdale, that was the name of the ranch there. I drive a fancy car and wear expensive clothes and sleep on silk sheets, and I had no idea I would feel as relaxed and at ease as I did. I was familiar with the routine, remembered how to put a bridle on a stubborn horse and had forgotten the smell of fresh-mown hay.” Rachel could smell it even now.
She looked both Stewarts in the eye. “I want to thank you for what you did for me. I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you. You made a significant impression on my life and I can’t thank you enough. I just wanted you to know that.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. Susan grabbed a tissue from the box and sat beside her on the couch.
“No need to thank us, Rachel. We loved you the minute we laid eyes on you. We knew you were going to turn out to be somebody special. We only helped with the road markers here and there.”
Susan could not have been more wrong, Rachel thought. She and her husband had been the only people that had ever seen more in her than a paycheck. As a wild teenager, Rachel hadn’t realized it; she’d seen only the restrictions placed on her by yet another family that was not hers. Her maturity now had cleared her eyes and what she saw brought tears to her eyes. “Miss Susan, you and your husband did more than just help with road markers. You paved the way, and I will be forever grateful.”
Susan and Raymond invited Rachel to stay for dinner and they chatted until late in the evening. Thunder rumbled and a heavy rain had begun to fall, and Raymond insisted she spend the night. They put her in her old room and she stepped back in time when she stepped into the room.
Later that evening she and Raymond were sitting in the living room drinking a short tumbler of scotch. Susan had gone to bed a few minutes earlier, claiming an early day tomorrow. The comfortable silence was interrupted by Raymond.
“What’s troubling you, Rachel?”
Raymond always had the uncanny knack to see right through her even when she wasn’t aware there was anything to see. She told him as much and he laughed. “How did you know Miss Susan was the one for you?” Rachel asked tentatively.
“I took one look at her and fell in love. And the fact that she was fussing at me at the same time didn’t bother me one bit. I thought she was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. And spunky, she was all that and more. I knew from the get-go that she would always keep me on my toes and I would never get tired of being with her. It’s been forty-eight years, and she has never once let me down.”
Rachel longed for the certainly this man had. “Surely you’ve had disagreements. How do you make it work?”
Raymond laughed. “Disagreements? I’ll say. She didn’t want nothing to do with me at first.”
“What did you do to change her mind?”
“I just kept after her. Kept telling her that I was the one for her and someday she was going to marry me. Pretty soon she realized she had to marry me or I wouldn’t shut up.”
“How have you kept it together all these years?” Rachel was looking for the magic answer.
“Hard work, lots of talking, tears, and love. When you want something to work, Rachel, you do everything in your power to see that it does. That means no lying, cheating, or taking each other for granted. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I’d be half the man I am today if I didn’t have Susan beside me. She makes me want to be a better man for her, a better person. Everything I do I do for her or because of her.” Raymond sat back in his chair.
“That sounds like you gave up your life for her. Who you were.” This was Rachel’s biggest fear.
“I did. My life was nothing until I met Susan. Sure, I had a job, a fast car, and even had some faster women, but it was really nothing. Today I’m a man who makes a difference in the world. Sure, I gave up who I was, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat if given the chance.”
“Weren’t you afraid?”
Raymond chuckled. “Scared shitless was more
like it. But anything worth having is worth fighting for. If you fight hard and lose, you can still look at yourself in the mirror every day. If you don’t fight at all…”
Raymond didn’t have to finish the sentence. Rachel knew exactly what he was saying. She didn’t find it odd that she and Raymond were talking about something as serious and intimate so soon after meeting each other again. Right from the beginning Raymond seemed to understand her like no one else ever had or ever did. Until she met Shivley.
“Have you met someone, Rachel?”
“Yes.” Rachel didn’t hesitate answering.
“And you’re worried if he’s the right one?”
“Actually, Mr. Raymond, I’m worried that she is the right one.”
Rachel was surprised when all Raymond said was, “Tell me about her.” They talked until the sun began to peek over the horizon. Raymond kissed her on the cheek at the door to her old bedroom and Rachel fell into bed exhausted.
On her drive to the airport Rachel thought about the love she felt in the Stewart home. She hadn’t had much exposure to couples that had a healthy, loving relationship, and she remembered how the Stewarts were with each other. There was honesty and respect and the constant awareness of the other. Rachel finally understood what Shivley was referring to that one night they’d talked by the corral. The Stewarts had it, Shivley had it and wanted it again, and Rachel wanted it for the first time. Twenty quiet minutes later she was standing at the Skywest ticket counter with her American Express card, ready to go home.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Shivley, what’s wrong?” Ann asked.
Shivley had just returned from checking the fence line on the west side of the ranch and had been at it all day. At midafternoon she stopped for water at the stream where she and the last set of guests had had lunch. The place reminded her of Rachel. Hell, everyplace reminded her of Rachel. Ever since she admitted that she had fallen in love with Rachel, she could not get her out of her mind. Rachel was the last thing she thought of before she fell asleep tormented by dreams of her, and the first thing she thought of when she woke up.
Shivley closed her eyes and saw Rachel’s smile and heard her laugh. Warmth spread through her when she flashed back to when they worked together side by side keeping the herd calm the night of the big storm. It had felt so good to have a woman at her side again. It had felt good to have Rachel by her side.
“I’m fine, Ann. Just a little tired.” Half of it was the truth. She hadn’t slept a full night since Rachel left, and that was over two months ago. Another two batches of guests had come and gone, and she was glad for the month-long reprieve until the next group arrived.
“Have you spoken to Rachel?” Ann asked from across the kitchen table. She had just poured them a cup of coffee.
Shivley’s head jerked up. Ann’s question came out of nowhere and she was not prepared. “No.” She pretended to not understand Ann’s question. Ann didn’t buy it.
“Rachel…”
“Ann, I have nothing to say to her.” Shivley tried out her excuse. “And just what exactly would I say?” Shivley knew what she would say, what she dreamed of saying, but knew she never would.
“How about I love you?”
“How about you’re crazy?” Shivley said, angry. Ann had been pestering her to contact Rachel. At first it was several times a day until Shivley told her to stop. Now it was only every few days that she would bring Rachel’s name into the conversation.
“I suppose you could say something about her being crazy for leaving, but you might want to save that until a little later in the conversation.”
“Are you ever going to let this drop?” She didn’t need Ann reminding her of her feelings toward Rachel. She faced it every day. Worse yet, she faced it every night.
“Not until you admit what is going on and do something about it,” Ann replied, crossing her legs under the table.
“All right, Ann, for crying out loud.” Shivley jumped from the chair, anger boiling over. Lucy skidded out from under the table. “I’m in love with her. I want to be with her. I want her to be with me, here on the ranch.” Shivley paced the kitchen, running her hands through her hair. “Are you happy now?”
“No.”
“No? What in the fuck do I have to do to get you off my back?”
“Go get her.”
Shivley stopped pacing and turned to look at her friend. “What?”
“You heard me.”
The calmness in Ann’s voice and her demeanor was the exact opposite of Shivley’s raging emotions. “Just like that? Just walk up to her and tell her that I love her and ask her to change her entire life and move here with me. Is that about it?” Shivley asked, her hands on her hips defiantly.
“Yep, that’s about it.” Ann nodded
“Ann, you’re out of your mind if you think I’m going to do that.” Shivley walked by Ann on her way out of the room. Ann caught her by the arm.
“No, Shivley. You’re out of your mind if you don’t.”
*
Ann’s words were still echoing in her brain when Shivley opened the front door fully intending to escape to the stables. She was startled that someone was standing on the threshold. Shivley’s knees grew weak when she recognized Rachel looking impossibly beautiful in the warm glow cast by the porch light.
“Hello, Shivley.”
Rachel’s voice was soft and sensuous and sounded like a million violins to her ears. Shivley could not believe that Rachel was here, at her house. Why was she here? What could she want? It couldn’t be that she… Shivley let the thought drift away. It was too much to hope for.
“Rachel?” Her throat was tight.
“How have you been?” Rachel could not take her eyes off Shivley. She had been driving for hours thinking about this moment, and almost lost her nerve when the rental car entered the drive.
“I’m well.” Shivley couldn’t believe she was having such a ridiculous conversation with an ex-lover who lived hundreds of miles away and just happened to show up on her doorstep. “What are you doing here?”
Rachel shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I came to talk to you. To see you.” She didn’t know exactly what she was going to say when she stepped inside, but she hoped it would be enough.
Shivley shook herself out of her shock. “Oh, sorry, come in.” She opened the door wider, and the scent of Rachel floated in the air as she walked by. She smelled just as good as Shivley remembered, and she was taken back to the first time they’d made love in the barn.
“Shivley, don’t you run out on me when I’m—” Ann stopped scolding her when she saw Rachel standing in the foyer. “Rachel?”
“Hello, Ann.” The look on Ann’s face was similar to the one on Shivley’s, a combination of shock, disbelief, confusion, happiness, and fear. Ann, however, recovered, whereas Shivley was still stunned.
“It’s good to see you, Rachel. I hope you’ll be staying for dinner.” Ann looked at Shivley when she said it.
“Thank you, Ann. It’s good to see you, too.” Ann silently left the room and Rachel turned back to Shivley. Shivley didn’t say anything but indicated for her to sit.
Rachel sat on the couch, Shivley mercifully sitting beside her. “Is Ann fussing at you again?” Rachel asked tentatively, teasing her.
“Yeah. Seems as though that’s her second calling lately.” Shivley shrugged.
“It’s because she cares about you, you know.” Rachel wanted to say that Ann wasn’t the only one who cared about her, but something stopped her.
“Yeah, well, this time she means it,” Shivley said. Rachel showing up after her argument with Ann had definitely thrown her for a loop. Images of Rachel flashed through her brain like a kaleidoscope. Rachel was everywhere. In her house, on her horses, repairing fences, mucking stalls, riding by her side, and in her bed. Rachel was in all the places Shivley wanted her to be. Where she needed her to be. And she was sitting next to her right now.
Shivley finally t
ook a long look at the woman who had haunted her dreams. Rachel was a little thinner than she remembered and her hair was a little lighter. Her fingernails were manicured and a wide band of silver adorned the ring finger of her right hand. Her jeans were new and she had traded her boots for a pair of well-worn Doc Martens. The sleeves of her blue Henley shirt were pushed up exposing strong, tanned forearms.
“You look tired,” Rachel said. She cupped Shivley’s cheek, running her thumb lightly across the dark circles under Shivley’s eyes. Her heart hurt at the sight.
Shivley couldn’t speak. Rachel’s soft palm on her face and her fingers in her hair took her breath away. “I’ve slept better.”
At the first touch of Shivley’s skin, Rachel almost came unglued. Her skin was warm, almost hot, and her fingers burned. She wanted to touch every inch of Shivley’s skin. She needed to touch her, to make sure she was really here and not another of her dreams. “What’s keeping you awake?”
Shivley’s head cleared a little more each passing minute. She dared to think about why Rachel was sitting in her living room. This wasn’t a business meeting. Shivley smiled, her heart beating just a bit faster from the concern she heard in Rachel’s voice. “Just the usual stuff in the life of a rancher.” She tried to keep it light.
“Tell me about it. I want to know everything there is to know about the life of a certain devilishly attractive, dark-haired rancher,” Rachel said, encouraging Shivley to continue. She loved the sound of Shivley’s voice, the way she phrased things, and especially the look on her face when she talked about the ranch.
Shivley took a deep breath. The sparkle of interest she saw in Rachel’s eyes gave her the encouragement she needed to jump off the cliff she had been standing on ever since Rachel left. “It’s lonely,” she said simply.