by Cari Hislop
“I’m twenty-four.”
“No, how old are you really?”
Her husband paused in his ministrations and turned to the leaving maids. “Send for the doctor and have the kitchen make us a hot water bottle. Mrs de Vere is poorly.”
“Very good Sir.”
“I’m not poorly and I don’t want to see the stupid doctor...I think you must be as old as rolling green hills. What’s wrong? You look upset...have I discovered your secret?”
“You don’t sound at all like yourself...” She blushed with pleasure at his insistent tone and reached up to touch his hair. “...I fear your brain has been affected.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my brain.” She gently tugged a thick lock of orange hair. “I think you’re trying to enchant me...I wonder where you’ll take me. Hopefully not to that creepy house; do you have a secret house under a hill? Are you cold?”
“No.”
“Then take off your overcoat...” She sat up and took hold of his waistcoat pulling his face down so she could look him in the eyes. “...you’ll stay tonight, won’t you... Sweetheart?” The man groaned as he crumpled to his knees and stared up at her with a pained expression. “Sweetheart, what is the matter? You don’t look happy. Have you changed your mind? Has that stupid ugly devil persuaded you to get an annulment? I’ll kill him!”
“I don’t want an annulment.”
“Well what’s the matter?”
“You called me Sweetheart, like you meant it...”
“I know.” A dreamy smile lit up her eyes. “Aren’t you pleased?”
“I want to believe it, but you’re not acting normal.”
“What’s normal? I wish you’d kiss me...where are you going?” Juliana felt panic crush her happy heart as Hervey jumped to his feet and headed for the door.
“I’m going to send in a maid to help you undress. I’ll return with the doctor.”
Her eyes filled with tears, “Don’t leave me Hervey creature...”
“I’m not leaving Sweetheart. I’ll be downstairs waiting for the doctor.”
Juliana’s shoulders slumped as the door closed on her heart. The maid who came in to help her undress was unsurprised to find her young mistress alternating between angry tears and snarling curses on heartless orange-heads. Forty-five minutes later she was lying face down in her bed, her husband’s wool hat smouldering in the grate filling the air with the unpleasant smell of burnt wool as she pressed her heartbroken tears into the mattress. The Hervey creature didn’t want her, he thought she was mad. The awful thought pinched her heart as she listened to the double footsteps approach her door. The light knock made her clench her teeth; the orange-head was so polite, so heartless. “Sweetheart? The doctor’s here.” She muttered curses on all doctors into her mattress until the door opened and her husband whispered, “She’s in bed...I’ll see if she’s awake.”
“Go to the devil and take that mirror gazing quack with you.”
“She’s awake and sounding like herself, but I’d like you to examine her...”
“I’m not some sick filly to run at Newmarket. Go to the devil you orange-head.”
She felt someone sit on the edge of the bed and heard the doctor clear his throat. “I understand you’ve had a harrowing experience this evening Mrs de Vere. Your husband is concerned...”
“The stupid ugly orange-head thinks I’m mad.”
“Sweetheart you know I love you, please don’t call me names it hurts my feelings.” She could hear he was standing next to the bed.
“Your husband is concerned that you’ve...”
“He thinks I’ve had a turn. He thinks I’m mad.” A scream of death was muffled by the mattress.
“Mrs de Vere, if you’d turn over I could examine you...”
“Examine the devil; there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Has she had too much to drink?”
“We only had a few glasses of champagne.”
“Has she taken any powders or drops?”
“I’m right here Quack and I don’t need powders or drops because I’m not your patient and I’d rather die then let you examine me.”
“Perhaps she’s with child...some women in the early gestation period have mood swings...”
Juliana rolled onto her side and screamed at the doctor, “I am not with child!”
“It only takes once...”
“I hate you, you stupid ugly quack.” The doctor had to jump off the bed as his enraged patient attempted to claw the coat from his back. Juliana screamed with rage as her husband grabbed her wrists and gently pushed her back onto the bed.
“Mrs de Vere appears to have recovered. I’ll leave some powders to sedate her...”
“I’m not going to sedate my wife; she’s upset.”
“Upset? When they send for me to certify your death I won’t be surprised to find your eyes on the floor and a knife in your heart.”
“Get out!” This time Mr and Mrs de Vere were in harmony and their joint command was quickly obeyed. Trapped on her back, her arms spreadeagled, Juliana turned her head to the side and refused to look at the man making her heart flip-flop between extremes. If she looked at him she’d demand his kisses. No, she’d claw out his eyes. No, she’d be entranced by his hair. No, she’d tear out his hair and then beg him not to hate her. He held her down until she relaxed and then he let go and climbed off the bed. She rolled over onto her stomach and sobbed as she waited to hear the door slam. The horrid orange-head would go straight to the Archbishop of Canterbury and demand an annulment and the devil with the pale blue eyes would be pleased. The thought made her cry harder. She didn’t hear her husband shrug out of his coat or tear off his cravat. His quiet curses at the endless buttons on his waistcoat went unheard. Kicking off his dancing slippers he nearly ripped the buttons off his breeches in his haste to remove them. Untying his garter ribbons he tore his silk stockings as he clawed them from his legs. Even the sapphire pin was yanked from his shirt and carelessly thrown onto his wife’s dressing table. She didn’t hear the door being locked. She knew only misery until the mattress moved and her husband climbed onto the bed and stretched out beside her. She forgot she was angry as a hand smoothed over her hair. She slowly turned over onto her back and looked up into worried brown eyes. “I’m not insane!”
“I didn’t say you were, though you did marry a penniless ugly orange-head. I dare say a few people will be questioning your sanity, but I won’t be one of them.” His adoring smile sent a calming wave of contentment down her spine as she inched closer to his warmth. “It smells awful in here. Did you burn my hat?”
“I was angry you left me.”
“You were sounding very strange. I was afraid you’d hate me if I took advantage of your turn, like I wanted to.”
“I was happy, you stupid enchanting beautiful creature. When I called you Sweetheart, I meant it.” She watched him close his eyes and exhale a blissful sigh.
“I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. You were giving that cur, Mulgrave, a tongue lashing. I was about to rush over and pummel him for you when you slapped his cheek with your fan and loudly told him to drown himself in a soiled chamber-pot. I hadn’t laughed so hard since my mother died. Then you glanced at me and my heart was snatched away before I could protest.”
Juliana grabbed hold of her husband’s shirt and pulled the smiling man closer. “You’ll stay with me tonight? You’ll make me your wife?”
“It’ll be my pleasure Sweetheart.”
She stared at his chin, “I don’t know what to do. I feel stupid.”
“So do I; I can’t believe I mistook happiness for a turn...”
“That is pretty stupid, but I was the idiot who couldn’t see you were in love with me. Are you sure you want me to be the mother of your children?”
“Most definitely...I’ll try not to give you any orange-heads, but I can’t guarantee it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with your hair. It’s...”
&nb
sp; “Orange?”
“It’s cinnamon-orange and I like it.” Her cheeks burned as a warm leg possessively wrapped around her nightgown cocooning her lower limbs. “And the rest of me?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you find me alluring.”
“Are you going to do your duty or talk all night?”
“Ah, she adores my pale freckled limbs...”
Juliana giggled as a masculine toe invaded her nightgown and tickled the bottom of her foot. “Stop that you horrid man!”
His wicked grin widened. “What? You mean you don’t want me to do this?” A scream of death saved her feet from further torture, but she stiffened when she found herself abruptly staring directly up into adoring brown eyes. “Did you enjoy dancing with me this evening?” She could feel him breathing warmth into her stomach.
She scowled as his lips hovered just out of reach. “Yes.”
“I’m going to teach you another dance. The first step is a long kiss.”
“What comes after that?”
“I’ll tell you after you kiss me.”
“How am I supposed to kiss you when I can’t reach your lips?”
“You have to say the magic words.”
Juliana clenched her teeth in irritation. “Hervey creature, you never said anything about magic words.”
“I’ve said them to you, but you haven’t said them to me.”
A scream made her husband wince, “I hate riddles!”
“I’ll give you a clue Sweetheart, they’re three little words.”
“I’m no good at word games; just kiss me.”
“My lips won’t work without the magic words Sweetheart.”
Juliana growled in irritation, “I need a kiss?”
“That’s four words and only one of them is correct.”
“Kiss me now?”
“I like that, but no...try again.”
“I need you?”
The teasing smile faded as her husband trembled. “Oh Sweetheart...that’s so close, but the middle word isn’t quite right.”
Candlelight glinted off adoring brown eyes as she reached up to run her fingers through his hair earning her arm a reverent kiss. “I love you Hervey creature...now kiss me or I’ll scratch out your eyes.” Wrapping her arms around his neck, she smiled as masculine laughter rippled through her stomach as he eagerly surrendered his lips.