And I can’t watch him die any more than I could have watched Crescentia.
The dagger slips from my hand and clatters to the stone floor, echoing around us, and I shove him away. He looks as shocked as I am. He truly thought I would do it, and I’m not sure if I should be proud of that or not.
He crouches down to pick the dagger up and I expect him to press it to my own skin, but he only stares at it for a moment before tucking it into the waist of his breeches. A moment passes in silence before he speaks, his voice quiet but strong.
“You don’t have to forgive me, I don’t expect you to, but I know I need to get you away from here—away from him. We can run away tonight, just like we talked about. I made that promise to you, so please let me keep it.”
My throat tightens so much that I can’t speak, only nod. He thinks he’s safe and I can’t blame him for that. He doesn’t know that Blaise is out there, waiting. I might not have been able to do it, but Blaise will.
* * *
—
A storm whips through the air as soon as we step out of the tunnel. I can’t imagine how Søren is planning on sailing through it, but he seems strangely calm, his face carved white marble in the moonlight. If it weren’t for how tightly he’s clutching my hand in his, I wouldn’t know he was nervous at all. I try not to look at him; I try not to even think about him walking next to me.
It’s too dark to see Blaise’s boat from the shore, but I know it’s out there somewhere in the inky waves.
“My father will send men,” Søren says, pulling me out of my thoughts. “But he doesn’t have many friends among his warriors. I do. I’m hoping that will count for something if we’re caught. But my ship is fast and light. Anything my father sends out for me will be weighed down with a heavier crew and artillery. We’ll outpace them by miles.”
I nod, trying to look placated, but my mind is still churning. I’ll get him on the boat, just far enough away from shore that Blaise will be the only one around to hear me when I scream. He’ll come quickly, and in the meantime I can tell Søren I saw a rat or some similar lie to keep him unaware until Blaise comes on board and slits his throat.
And then…
And then I’ll be free. The thought sends a delicious shiver down my spine. Free is something I haven’t been in ten years. And as soon as I can, I’ll free my people as well.
When we’re mere feet from the shore, Søren’s grip on my hand tightens painfully and he pushes me behind him, trapping me between his body and the cresting waves. Sea spray mists my ankles. I hear them before I see them, boots marching in tandem on the beach, a shout turned to gibberish in the wind, the clatter of swords being drawn from their scabbards. A dozen of the Kaiser’s men approach over the sand dunes from all sides, surrounding us and effectively trapping us between them and the water.
“Go,” Søren whispers, nudging me into the water, toward the ship. I turn and take half a step before stopping short. The waters that were clear only a moment ago are already filling with ships. Even with Blaise lying in wait nearby, I don’t stand half a chance of escaping. And even if I manage to get to Blaise before they catch me, even if we manage to escape them for a time, we’ll lead them straight to where the others are waiting.
I won’t do that. Artemisia was right: I am expendable.
So I stand with Søren and squeeze his hand as the soldiers close in around us, and I let him believe I’m doing it because I can’t leave him behind. Maybe it will earn me a measure of mercy, though I doubt the Kaiser will be moved by the display.
In front of me, Søren forces himself to seem casual as they approach.
“Your Highness,” the head guard says, his voice wary. He’s the guard with the scar, the one Heron decided to frame.
“Johan,” Søren replies, a smile in his voice. “What brings you lot out here tonight?”
But Johan isn’t swayed. “I should ask you the same,” he says. He tries to get a look at me, but Søren blocks him, hiding me from view.
“I had hoped for a midnight rendezvous, but I’m afraid you’ve quite ruined that plan.” He sounds like the petulant prinz I once believed him to be.
“And that wouldn’t happen to be the Ash Princess you’re off to rendezvous with, would it?” Johan asks, sounding like he already knows the answer.
Søren’s grip on my hand tightens, but he keeps his voice easy.
“I don’t see what business it is of yours, Johan, considering that your job is to protect my father. Who is guarding his life right now while you’re out here, interrupting my romantic plans?”
“Your father is protected enough,” Johan says, bristling. “But Lady Thora orchestrated the murder of the Theyn tonight, and we believe she means the same fate for you.”
My heart is pounding in my ears, but Søren doesn’t lose his calm. He must be piecing together the puzzle, though. He must realize my attack on him was part of a larger plan. He must be wondering how far back that plan goes.
But when he speaks, his voice is untroubled. “I can’t imagine that’s true. How could she possibly murder the Theyn when she’s here with me? And the man had no shortage of enemies, as I’m sure you’re well aware. Lady Thora has been under my father’s care for ten years without incident.”
“There are witnesses,” Johan says. “The Kaiser has ordered that she be brought in to answer for it. If she’s truly innocent, let him decree it.”
Witnesses. What kind of witnesses? The idea should terrify me, but I can’t feel anything anymore. Every part of me is numb.
“Because we all know that my father is a reasonable man,” Søren says, growling the words out.
Johan has the good sense to look a touch frightened. Søren’s skills in battle are legendary, and though he might not stand a chance against twenty men, he’ll certainly take out a few on his way down if it comes to it.
I like to think even Blaise isn’t fool enough to try to save me from this, but I can’t say for sure. I hope he’s far enough out that the other ships haven’t spotted him, far enough that he can’t see me like this. But then I realize that he must be. If he could see me, the ground would be trembling.
“Step aside, Your Highness,” the guard says, straightening up. “Or we’ll be forced to arrest you as well.”
Søren doesn’t so much as flinch. He stands firm, planted in front of me like an oak tree. He won’t move because he knows that there isn’t a chance the Kaiser will find me innocent, even if I didn’t do it. He won’t move because he knows that doing so will damn me.
He doesn’t realize that I’m already damned, no matter what he does. He can’t save me from this.
I pull my hand from his viselike grasp and step around him.
“It’s all right, Søren,” I say, and though my voice shakes, I try to sound as composed as he did. “I have nothing to answer for, and I’m sure the Kaiser will see that.”
Søren reaches out to grab me, but one of the guards gets there first, aided by the Air Gems studding his shirt.
“Lady Thora, you are arrested for the murder of the Theyn, and the attempted murder of Lady Crescentia.”
Even as he binds my hands behind my back with stone manacles, relief floods me. Attempted murder.
Crescentia is still alive.
THEY SEARCH ME BEFORE BRINGING me in to the Kaiser, and I’m grateful that Søren didn’t trust me enough to give me my dagger back. They find nothing, but that won’t help me. If Cress survived, I’d imagine she told the Kaiser everything—about my seducing Søren, my stealing her Spiritgems because I was working with others, the treasonous things I said about him in the garden. I’ve become more trouble than I’m worth to him now; he’ll have no choice but to kill me.
But the Theyn is dead. The Theyn is dead. I repeat the words again and again in my mind, waiting for them to feel real. I no longer have to dread seeing him
, no longer have to skitter deeper and deeper inside myself anytime we breathe the same air. This is what I’ve wanted—needed—for so long, yet strangely, all I feel is relief that Cress is alive.
How? I wonder. No one survives Encatrio.
As I’m shoved through the door to the throne room, I search the crowd for her face, but she isn’t here. It’s possible she didn’t drink the wine. That’s the only explanation; even a drop of Encatrio would have been enough to kill her. No matter what the guard said, I won’t believe she’s alive until I see her with my own eyes. Considering where today will lead, that doesn’t seem likely.
Maybe I’ll see her in the After one day. Maybe by then we will have forgiven each other.
When we reach the base of the Kaiser’s dais, they push me roughly to my knees and I stare at the gilded carvings that wrap around it. Flames for Houzzah, but this close I can see they are more than that. The arcs of the flames form letters. The letters form words. Astrean words. It’s so subtle I doubt any Kalovaxian would have noticed it. I hadn’t even noticed before.
Long live the daughters of Houzzah, born of fire, protectors of Astrea.
They are words meant for my ancestors going back centuries. They are words meant for my mother. They are words meant for me. I will die today, but I will die with them in my heart. I will die fighting and my mother and Ampelio will be proud when I join them in the After. Maybe the Kaiserin will be there, too, finally at peace.
I could have done more, fought harder, wavered less, but I tried. And Artemisia was right: the rebellion won’t end with me. She and Heron and Blaise will keep fighting. My people will keep fighting, and maybe one day, Astrea will know once again how freedom feels. I’ll go to the After happy if I can believe that.
“Ash Princess.” It has never been a title said with anything other than disdain, but now the words are full of venom as well.
I am not a Princess of Ashes anymore, though, and I am not Lady Thora. My name is Theodosia Eirene Houzzara, and like my mother and all my foremothers before her, I am a Fire Queen, with the blood of a god in my veins. Even if it is only for a few moments more. I square my shoulders and meet the Kaiser’s cold gaze. I do not look away, even as my stomach churns.
His mouth twists. “You stand accused of orchestrating the murder of the Theyn. How do you answer these charges?”
There is no right answer. Even if I deny it, he will have me killed. But I will not die as Thora, begging for mercy on my knees.
“The Theyn slit my mother’s throat ten years ago. I’m only sorry it took me so long to repay the debt,” I say, projecting my voice loud enough that it echoes through the silent throne room.
The Kaiser’s face sharpens and he grips the arms of my mother’s throne. If we were alone, he would take pleasure in killing me himself, but he has to put on his show. He wants them to remember me a certain way, too: the little Ash Princess, small and cowering. But I won’t let him win this time.
“What did you put in the wine?” he asks, his voice frighteningly calm, though I’d imagine he already knows the answer, given the state the Theyn’s body must have been in. He wants me to say it, though. His eyes glint dangerously, matching the pendant around his neck. Ampelio’s pendant. He means to frighten me, but he doesn’t have that power over me anymore. He has already taken everything—my mother, Ampelio, my home. But now I have nothing left to lose and so I have nothing left to fear.
I lift my chin and keep my gaze level on him, unflinching. “Liquid fire that burns the drinker from the inside out,” I tell him. “It’s a merciless death. The throat burns first, you know, so that the drinker can’t even scream as they die.”
Horror flickers across his face for only a second before it’s replaced by hunger.
“Encatrio,” he murmurs. “Where did you obtain it?” he demands, leaning forward.
“There are many who know the rightful ruler of Astrea and were willing to help me. One day soon, you’ll see just how many there are. I only wish I could be there when you do.”
The Kaiser nods to the guard behind me, who steps forward and brings his sheathed sword down hard on my back so that I lurch forward, bracing myself with my hands against the tiled floor as I fall to my knees. I cry out as pain sings through my body and the wounds still fresh from the whipping come open again. One shout breaks through the silent crowd. Søren. I’m not sure whether his presence is a comfort or not, so I try my best to ignore it. I take a breath before getting to my feet.
I will not die on my knees.
The guard steps forward to hit me again, but the Kaiser holds up a hand to stop him.
“Do they know that you killed the Kaiserin?” I shout so that everyone in the room hears me. “You shoved her out that window. I saw it myself.”
He leans forward, face turning red.
“It was probably you who killed my dear wife,” he spits, motioning for the guard again.
This time, I’m ready for it, though. Just as the covered blade hits me, I drop to the ground, taking minimum impact from the blow while still making it look real. I get to my feet quicker this time, feeling only a dull throb in my shoulder.
“The Kaiserin was kind to me,” I say. My voice wavers, but it’s clear. “She knew what a monster you were. Her hate for you overwhelmed her to the point of madness. Is there anyone, Your Highness, who wouldn’t happily see you dead? How many of them”—I gesture to the crowd behind me—“wouldn’t gladly stab you in the back if they had a chance? They don’t love you, they don’t respect you, they fear you, and that is no way to rule a country.”
“It is the only way to rule a country,” he snarls. “Should I rule through love and compassion like your mother? That didn’t end well for her.”
I clench my teeth. He will not use my mother to bait me. “My mother was a better ruler than you will ever be,” I say instead. “But then, a rat would make a better ruler than you. Even an ant.”
He gestures to the guard again and this time the blows rain down one after another, even after I fall to the ground. The gashes are all open again and my dress is wet with blood. But the pain barely registers. All I feel is fury. It burns through me until my skin feels like fire. When the guard finally steps back again, I am gasping for breath. It takes me longer to get to my feet this time. My legs refuse to straighten, to hold up my weight, but I force them to. Only a little longer, and then there will be no pain. Only my mother. Only Ampelio.
“Bring them in,” the Kaiser commands, waving a hand.
A guard steps forward to grab me roughly by the arm as the door behind the throne opens and two slave girls are dragged in, their hands cuffed together. It takes me a moment to recognize one of them as Elpis.
No. My heart plummets even as I tell myself I’m wrong. It can’t be Elpis. Elpis is on a boat, far away, with her family. Elpis is safe.
But she isn’t. She looks even younger than usual, her round face wet with tears and her large eyes red and frightened. When they find mine, they widen and her tears start anew. I want to go to her, to tell her it’s all right, to fight for her, but the guard’s grip on me is strong.
Two more guards appear behind them, unlocking their shackles. One guides the other girl before the Kaiser. Crescentia’s older slave, I realize. She limps as she walks and the skin around her left eye is dark and swollen. Unlike Elpis, though, she isn’t frightened. She holds herself tall and confident.
“What is your name?” the Kaiser asks her.
“Gazzi, Your Highness,” she says with a wobbly curtsy.
“Gazzi,” he says with a kind smile. “Will you repeat what you told my guardsmen when the Theyn’s body was found?”
She casts a glance back to me, but there is no softness in it. Astrean as she might be, I am not her queen. “I told them that earlier in the day Elpis had answered the door for a visitor. I was in another room, but they s
poke for several minutes. I could tell it was Lady Thora—she visited Lady Crescentia so often I recognized her voice. When she finally left, I peeked out from the door and saw Elpis slip a glass vial into her apron. She was smiling bigger than I’d ever seen her.”
“And you didn’t mention this to Lady Crescentia or the Theyn?” the Kaiser asks.
“I didn’t know what I’d seen,” she admits. “I thought maybe it was a present for Lady Crescentia—they were such close friends, it wouldn’t have been unusual. It wasn’t until we were preparing dinner that I saw her take the vial from her apron and tip it into the dessert wine. I asked her what it was and she hit me, Your Highness.” She motions to her bruised eye. “Locked me in a closet. She finished preparing dessert herself, and the next thing I knew, the guards had found me and I told them everything. But it was too late and the Theyn was dead. Luckily, poor Lady Crescentia only drank a sip of wine because she’d had a bit too much of the dinner wine already.”
Only a sip. A sip alone should have killed her. It would have killed someone twice her size. But I can’t imagine they have any reason to lie about that now. Even though I still don’t really believe Cress is alive, my knees buckle with relief.
“Thank you, my dear,” the Kaiser says, before motioning Elpis forward.
The guard shoves her along and her eyes meet mine. I give her an encouraging nod, but we both know what will come of this. To my surprise, the fear dissipates from her eyes. She nods once at me before turning her attention to the Kaiser.
“Do you dispute the charges leveled against you?” he asks.
“I don’t,” she says, her high voice strong and clear. “My queen offered me a chance to help her strike back at the people who have hurt everyone I love. I leapt at it.” She smiles and it is wild and triumphant, despite everything.
But the Kaiser responds with a snap of his fingers and a grin that turns my skin to ice. The guard holding Gazzi unsheathes his sword.
Gazzi is too shocked to do anything before the guard holding her stabs his sword through her back, the bloody point of it coming through her chest. A quick death. My attention doesn’t linger on her. I wait for Elpis’s guard to do the same, but instead, he pulls a vial from the inside of his cloak and removes the cork. Keeping one arm firmly around Elpis’s waist, he brings the vial to her lips.
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