He offers the phone to me, his expression turning somewhat serious again. “You want to call them?”
I nod and take the phone. I dial Dad’s cell phone number and take a deep breath before putting the phone to my ear.
He answers after only one ring. “Is everything okay?” He sounds about as frantic as Leo was with Jack on the phone just a minute ago.
“Everything’s fine, Dad, but it’s time, or at least it’s starting. My water broke.”
“Okay. Jesus. We’re on our way.”
“Dad,” I call out to him, but the only response is rustling on the line. My parents’ muffled voices fill the call, and then I hear an excited squeal from my mom. “Dad!”
“What? What is it, sweetie?”
“You have time. The baby’s not coming right this moment. Don’t worry.”
“Jack’s not there yet, is he?”
“No, he’s on his way, though.” I look to Leo questioningly. He holds up two fingers. “He’ll be here in two hours.”
“God, I hope that’s enough time.”
I shake my head and smile at Dad’s concern. Does he not remember the entire lengthy experience of my birth? Mom told me all about it. She was in labor for over twenty-eight hours before I was finally born. Everything I’ve heard and read is that it’s usually a painstakingly slow process for the birth of the first baby.
“I’ll be fine, Dad. Get here when you can.”
He takes a deep breath into the phone. I can already hear the jingling of keys through the line. “We’ll be there soon. Hang in there.”
The call ends, and I toss the phone down on the bed. When my eyes find Leo’s again, he’s standing still across the room staring at me, a warm smile on his face, his eyes bright and alive. His shoulders have lost some of the tension that’s been there since the moment everything started in the nursery. He seems relaxed and in love as he looks at me with strange admiration.
Leo closes the distance between us, sitting down on the bed and grabbing my hands between his. He moves his inner wrist next to mine, matching our symmetrical circular tattoos together so that the missing pieces disappear and together the incomplete circles form infinity.
“I’m ready,” he says quietly but with unwavering strength to his voice. “I know that now. I’m not afraid. This is all I’ve ever wanted in life, and I’m absolutely ready to embrace it with you.”
His words cause an instant lump to form in my throat and a burn to prickle behind my eyes. Leo has needed this time to heal just as much as I have. I think he’s finally ready to move on.
“Thank you for saving me,” I whisper.
“We saved each other,” he breathes back before kissing me softly on the cheek.
Everything is quiet around us, and in a shared look of understanding, I think we both realize this is the last time we’ll have this kind of perfect silence and privacy together as a couple. Soon Jack and my parents will be here, and soon after that a newborn baby will be in our arms.
I turn on my side as Leo lies down next to me, staring at me with soft and loving eyes as he takes his time caressing the side of my face and trailing his fingers down my chest and over my belly, bringing his hand to rest on our child. Feelings of relaxation and comfort consume me, and my eyelids quickly become heavy. The last thing I hear is Leo’s soothing words lingering in my ears before I drift off to sleep.
22
Her Willpower
∞
I’m right here,
but I can’t help her.
She screams and cries,
and I am helpless.
There is light to be had,
happiness,
but always a struggle first.
And she will win.
She will conquer it.
Victorious and strong.
Her will to endure.
Her power to survive.
That is the mark of a mother.
∞
When I usher Jack and his enormous medical bag into the bedroom, I’m relieved to see Morgan still sleeping soundly on the bed.
“Are you sure this is perfectly normal? It’s not too early?” I ask quietly, unable to hide the panic in my voice.
Jack stops dead in his tracks and turns around, grasping me tightly on the shoulder with his free hand and leaning in to lower the volume of our conversation. “Leo, everything’s fine. The baby is fully developed. It’s just going to miss putting on a little extra weight.”
I nod my head in acknowledgement, but I’m still not fully convinced. The situation is scary enough as it is. We can’t take Morgan to a hospital unless it’s absolutely necessary. We can’t bring in a midwife or anyone else to deliver the baby. We’re about to attempt a home birth with an aged general physician at the helm, and it scares the shit out of me.
Jack sets down his medical bag on the small table and takes a seat in the chair next to the bed. I moved some furniture and supplies into the room between bouts of pacing while Morgan slept and I waited for Jack’s arrival. I was a nervous wreck waiting alone in the conscious world in this house with the knowledge of what has started but has yet to truly begin. Jack’s arrival has only increased my anxiety, because we’re actually going to have to face this now. It’s happening whether we like it or not.
“Good job getting her to sleep,” Jack commends as he pulls out two sets of wired discs and stretchy bands.
“It wasn’t hard. She hasn’t been sleeping well at night. She’s going to be exhausted through this.”
“I’ll be fine,” a raspy voice chimes in.
Jack and I immediately look down at Morgan, her eyes peeking open and her hair frazzled in her conscious but sleepy state.
I take her hand in mine and lean over to brush my lips across her forehead. “Sorry for waking you.”
“It’s okay,” she replies, her voice regaining some of its usual vigor. She glances from me to Jack and the supplies in his hands. “What are you doing?”
“These will help us monitor you and the baby,” Jack explains as he offers me the stretchy bands. “Help me with this, will you, Leo? Try to slip these underneath her side from the back.”
I release Morgan’s hand to do as Jack asks, compressing the mattress underneath Morgan to slip the bands underneath her. Jack grabs them from me on the other side of her waist and pulls some slack through.
Morgan and I watch as Jack puts the wired discs on Morgan’s belly, securing them in place with the stretchy bands. He hooks the wires up to a monitoring device and turns it on. It doesn’t take long for the information to start scrolling slowly across the screen. There are two separate charts, one on top of the other, each with a line that varies slightly as it draws itself along the screen.
“The baby’s heart rate looks good,” Jack declares after a minute of observation. “We’ll keep an eye on this bottom chart. It’ll help us keep track of the contractions.”
I feel my throat go dry as Jack says these things. It’s becoming more real to me by the second. We’re actually having a baby, in this house, in mere hours. My heart is beating so fiercely I swear I can hear its rapid thuds reverberating throughout my entire body.
I snap out of my temporary stupor. Morgan and Jack are both looking at me expectantly as if I’m supposed to be answering a question, but I find myself oblivious to whatever was asked.
Jack observes my blank expression and sighs with a smile. “Leo, take a breather. Get some fresh air. I’ll keep an eye on her.”
My brain barely seems capable of forming words as I look to Morgan. “I can’t.”
She takes in my worried face before beaming the warmest smile. “I’ll be fine, Leo. I’m in good hands.”
I open my mouth to insist that I stay, but when I steal another glance at the lines on the monitoring device, panic surges through me again. I need to pull my shit together. “Okay. I’ll be outside if you need me.”
My hand cups Morgan’s cheek as I kiss her briefly but with every ounce of love I can muster in my frantic state
. I lock eyes with her just long enough to make sure she’ll be okay without me before I leave her side and head out of the room. I practically bolt to the front door.
The moment I step outside, the radiant sun on my skin starts to warm the chill of my nerves. The summer air is stifling in the desert, but the openness of it all still makes me feel like I can breathe again.
I lean forward with my hands on my knees and take repeated deep breaths. In my mind I know I’m more afraid than Morgan is about bringing a child into this world, but I also know that I need to be strong for her. After all we’ve been through together, this is my chance to be there for her without anything else standing in my way, and I can’t let her down. I’ve let her down too much already. I won’t let that part of my history continue to repeat itself with the people I care about.
By the time I look up again, I hear a car coming in the distance. Robert’s black sedan slowly comes into view, causing a new wave of anxiety to flow through me. I’m grateful that Morgan’s parents will be here to support their daughter, but I have a bad feeling that their presence during this whole process is going to make this awkward for me.
They’re happy about the baby, thrilled to be grandparents, but I know they never expected this so soon and under such extreme circumstances. No parent would ever expect their daughter to choose impregnation by her boyfriend to avoid the possibility of being impregnated by a psychotic criminal. That doesn’t happen to normal people, and as I watch Robert and Cindy pull up to this secluded house in the desert for the home birth of their first grandchild to a mother and father who are wanted criminals, I realize just how abnormal this whole situation is.
God help us.
“You look pale,” Robert says with a teasing grin as he gets out of the car.
While he’s grabbing bags from the trunk, Cindy walks up to me with the widest smile on her face and pulls me into a hug. She squeezes me tightly as I attempt to hug her back.
She pulls away and observes me from head to toe. “You look as much of a wreck as Robert was nineteen years ago.”
“I’m sure I do.” Though I’m slightly embarrassed that my emotional state is showing so openly on my face, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person to freak out a little at the knowledge of impending fatherhood.
Robert walks up to us and hands me a bag before shaking my free hand. “You’ll do fine, Leo. The moment you have that baby in your arms, you’ll realize everything’s going to be okay.”
A smile and a nod are all I can manage as I lead them into the house. We take only a moment to drop off the bags before heading to the bedroom.
Morgan’s head tilts to the side from where she’s lying down on the bed to see us as we come down the hallway. Her eyes are alive as she grins at me. It takes only that seemingly insignificant expression on her face to make me feel ten times better. Somehow she’s managing to give me relief when I should be the one comforting her.
Jack has just finished bringing the blanket back down over the lower half of her body when we walk in. He turns around and takes off his latex gloves as he nods in greeting to Robert and Cindy.
“How’s our girl doing?” Cindy asks, squeezing Jack’s shoulder briefly before leaning over the bed to hug her daughter.
“She’s doing great. Some mild contractions, but she’s not dilating yet. We’ll give things some more time to progress naturally, but if we don’t see dilation soon, I’ll use something to speed things up a bit.”
I feel the anxiety spike within me again, but no one else in the room seems concerned. Morgan even looks happy as her father leans in to give her a hug.
As if she can read my mind, or maybe just the worried look on my face, Morgan motions me toward the bed. In my moment of hesitation, she tries to pull herself up to a sitting position against the headboard, and I’m immediately by her side to help her.
“You know how to get my attention,” I tease as I readjust the pillow behind her back.
“I sure do.” Her lips connect with mine briefly before her head comes to rest on my shoulder.
Jack looks at the two of us on the bed and nods. “We’ll be in the living room if you need us. Robert, Cindy, shall we?” Jack motions them toward the door.
I get a few knowing looks from the three of them as they leave and close the door behind them. My face immediately reddens.
“You’re having a hard time with this, aren’t you?” Morgan asks, stifling a laugh.
I grasp her hand in mine and turn my head to kiss her temple. I trail the adoring tokens of my love for her down her cheek and jawline until my lips find hers.
“I’m fine. Everything’s going to go beautifully,” I whisper softly only centimeters from her lips before kissing her again, all while trying desperately to believe my own words. Her presence helps. Knowing I’m here for her helps.
We sit together, hands and bodies entwined together in different ways at different times, for hours with more of the same. We watch the occasional small peaks in the bottom line on the monitor and watch the baby’s slight heart rate changes when Morgan feels movement in her belly. Jack checks in on her occasionally, and by the time the entire afternoon has gone by and it’s dark outside, he does another internal check.
His brow furrows, and I’m immediately concerned. “Hardly any more dilation.” He looks at the watch on his wrist. “It’s been over twelve hours since your water broke. I want to start hurrying this along. There’s not much fluid in there for the baby now, so I don’t want you to go past twenty-four hours. We can’t risk a C-section.”
Even the mention of a C-section sends my stomach into wild flips of fear. I’ve never let myself think on the idea for longer than necessary, because leaving our place of hiding to take Morgan to a hospital could mean the end of us. If we have to do it to save her or the baby, we will, but it’s our absolute last resort.
I go out into the living room to update Robert and Cindy on what’s happening while Jack applies something internally to Morgan. By the time I’m back, he’s already done and preparing to leave the room.
He catches me by the arm as he’s leaving and speaks to me in whispers. “Help her get some sleep. It’s likely going to get worse very quickly.”
My stomach sinks at Jack’s words, but I try to keep a smile on my face when I return to Morgan’s side. I take her hand in mine and sit down next to her on the bed.
“I know what you’re going to say,” I begin, “but please take me seriously when I say you need to rest.”
Morgan almost bursts out laughing at me. How can she be so damn calm right now?
“You’ll never stop telling me I need to rest,” she teases.
“I know. I know. Just do this for me, please?” I lean down and kiss her softly on the lips. “Please rest for me. I’ll be here with you the entire time. Just get some sleep.”
She considers my words for a moment before I know she has given in. “Okay. Just for you. I’ll try.”
“Thank you.” I kiss her again before turning off the light on the nightstand so that only a sliver of light from the hallway peeks into the room under the door.
I continue to grasp her hand as I sit here, closing my eyes and putting myself into a completely restful and relaxed but conscious state as I hold her and comfort her and never let go.
I don’t know how much time passes, minutes or hours, I’m not sure, but the moment the sound reaches my ears it doesn’t matter.
“Leo?”
Morgan’s pained voice hits me like a freight train. I immediately feel around the nightstand for the switch to the lamp and click it on. When it illuminates Morgan’s body on the bed, I look her up and down as if she may be hurt or in trouble.
“What’s wrong?” I ask frantically.
“It hurts,” she responds in a tiny voice. “I’ve been trying to be strong, but it hurts so much.”
My heart drops out of my chest. “Have you slept at all?”
She shakes her head. “I’m trying to be str
ong. I need to be strong.”
“Morgan…”
Her face contorts into a grimace, and as she squints her eyes closed, tears streak down both sides of her cheeks.
My mind goes into a panic. “Jack!” I call toward the closed door. “Jack, we need you!”
I know I shouldn’t be yelling like this and waking up the entire house in alarm, but I don’t want to let go of Morgan’s hand. I won’t leave her, even for a moment.
It takes only seconds for Jack to appear at the door, still dressed from the night before but with a frazzled head of gray hair. He takes a seat in the chair next to the bed. “What is it, Morgan?”
She lets out a deep sigh, or a pent-up breath, I can’t tell which. “The contractions. They’re so painful. I think it’s progressing.”
Cindy barges into the room in a nightgown. “What’s going on? Is it almost time?” Robert enters in a T-shirt and shorts not far behind her. They look about as scared as I feel.
“Let’s all calm down a second,” Jack insists. He observes the monitor silently as the bottom line reaches the largest peak I’ve seen since Jack hooked up the device to the sensors on Morgan’s belly.
At that same moment, Morgan shuts her eyes and grinds her teeth together. She whimpers slightly, causing my grip on her hand to tighten.
“You’re okay,” I whisper to her. “I’m right here with you.”
I look back and forth between Morgan’s face and the monitor. The line on the monitor descends back down, and Morgan’s expression starts to normalize, though she’s still breathing heavily.
Jack puts his full attention back on Morgan. “I’m going to check you again.”
He tries to turn around toward Robert and Cindy, but Morgan catches his arm. “It’s okay. Let them stay,” she says breathlessly.
Jack responds with a shrug and slight smile. “You’re in charge.”
He stands up to offer his chair to Cindy, who immediately sits down next to Morgan and grabs and kisses her hand. Robert moves behind her near the headboard as Jack sits down at the end of the bed.
Morgan looks straight up at the ceiling while Jack does what he needs to, and though only a couple minutes have passed, it feels like an eternity before he speaks again.
Beyond Revenge (The Ransom Series) Page 16