by Joya Ryan
I didn’t want him thinking that, and I didn’t want to give up what we had, because we’d just tapped into something amazing. Something I was dying to get another taste of. The heady line between lust, pain, need, and a deeper emotion I couldn’t identify. It went beyond a mere fondness for someone. I didn’t know where in the fall I was, but I knew I was falling. And it was for Jack Powell.
“He won’t scare me off,” I said with confidence.
“What makes you know that?”
I smiled at the skyscraper, hoping he could see it. “Because, I like that he’s hard and rough. It brings out a different side of me I didn’t know I had. He makes me feel strong. And I trust him to read me and know my limits. But—”
“But?”
“I may have pushed his beyond what he was comfortable with last night. I may have taken too much control. And I’m ready for the consequences of that.”
He took a heavy breath, but said nothing. So I tried to dig a little deeper.
“I just wonder why he needs the power the way he does.”
“If you don’t know, then it’s because he doesn’t want you to know.”
That hit straight to my chest. It was no secret that Jack behaved a certain way, especially in the bedroom, with a certain power. The need to exercise his will was part of his instinct. Whatever had caused that need was something he wasn’t sharing, and judging by what he’d just said, may never share.
Time.
My brain shuddered at the word. I wanted to know him. Bring out some kind of good feeling the way he brought them out in me. I wanted his trust in return. But, right then, I couldn’t expect it implicitly. I had gone against what I’d said. I’d demanded, tried to take over. Not to mention, I had no intention of telling him all the gritty details of my past. So, for now, his secrets were his to keep, and mine were mine.
“I realize I overstepped last night. I only hope I get another chance to show him I can obey.”
I trusted him, at the very least, with my body. Problem was, I was staring to trust him with more than that.
“Have a good evening,” he said.
I was about to ask when I’d see him, but the line went dead. I looked up at the endless windows, not knowing which was his, and kept looking for a moment.
I didn’t know if he could see me, or if he’d turned away, but I waited, and simply looked up.
Deep water was all I treaded when it came to Jack. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I wanted more. Whatever he’d give me: sex, punishment, attention, thought…I wanted it all.
Maybe I was jumping in blind, but I had claws. A fact I clung to. And for now, I may have to use them to hang on for whatever ride he had in store.
Because all I wanted was for it to continue.
Chapter Twelve
I hadn’t talked to Jack since yesterday afternoon. It was now Friday. I had no plans and hadn’t heard from my kind-of boyfriend.
I looked at the flowers sitting on the coffee table. Apparently, I had sighed because Harper handed me a container of Indian takeout food, and said, “What has you all mopey?”
She adjusted the rug by the door with her foot, making it perfectly even, before sitting down.
I opened my chicken tikka masala and shrugged.
“Oh no, don’t go all shy and quiet on me. What’s going on?”
I set the food down and looked at Harper, getting comfy on the couch in her sweats, perfectly happy to stay in tonight. Usually, I was the one who wanted to stay in our safe little home, far away from the city and any hope of being social.
“I want to be with him,” I said. “It’s crazy. I know it is. I just saw him a couple of days ago, and I already want to see him again. Not only that, I want to see him all the time. Then, there’s thinking about him…which I seem to always be doing.”
Harper nodded. “Yeah, this is the best part of a relationship, and the worst.” She looked at her food and took a bite. “The beginning where all you can think about is more.”
Yes! That was exactly it. “Will this feeling wear off?”
Harper scoffed and mumbled, “If you’re lucky.”
“Do you want to do something tonight?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I’m just going to go to bed early. It’s been a long week.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I looked at my best friend. “You know, I’m here. If you want to talk.”
She looked at me. “I know. I’m good.” She smiled, but I knew her better than that. There was so much going on behind her eyes, and I wish she’d let me in. The dynamic we’d had since we were kids was that I was the broken one and Harper was the strong one. I loved her, but had no idea if she was hurting. Or upset. She finished her dinner, then hugged me.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.”
She went to bed, and I sat in the living room, TV on in the background, and a half eaten plate of chicken in my lap. It was approaching nine, and I sat there, not dressed up and nowhere to go.
My phone buzzed, as if sensing my need for entertainment.
A text from Jack: Be ready in ten minutes
My heart leapt and hope skyrocketed as I ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair. Realizing my hair was a mess of big barrel curls I didn’t have time to tame, I hustled to change out of my yoga pants and tank top when my phone buzzed again.
Jack: Out front. Now.
That couldn’t have been ten minutes. But changing wasn’t an option I had time for. He was waiting, and this was my chance to prove I could play by his rules. Wanted to.
Grabbing my purse, I looked out the front window and saw headlights in the driveway. Writing a quick note to Harper on the counter, I went outside, locking the door behind me.
When I approached the car, a man got out from the driver side and opened the back door. The large black car looked expensive, and Jack wasn’t driving—
He was sitting in the back seat.
His dark eyes snapped to mine. “Good evening.”
“Hi.”
I slid in next to him and put my purse on the floor. The driver shut the door, and we were on the road.
Jack’s gaze roamed over me, and I felt a little self-conscious. “I was going to change, but you said to come outside.”
“And you dropped everything and did what I asked?”
“Yes.”
He nodded, his mouth twitching to a satisfied grin. “Good.” He looked at me again, pausing on my hips, then breasts. “I like this outfit on you anyway. It molds to your body perfectly.”
I glanced down the front of me. I’d never thought of it that way. Just merely as casual wear, or what I wore the few times a month I popped the Pilates DVD in and gave it a whirl.
It was quiet, the road smooth beneath the wheels, as we sped away into the night. The privacy glass between the driver and us was up, and I realized quickly that I was in a relatively small space with Jack. Alone.
The smell of the leather seats mixed with his masculine scent made my knees weak and I was glad to be sitting.
“I hope you brought the stockings.”
I glanced at my purse. The little box was still in there. “Yes.”
He nodded and looked out the window. “Good. In the meantime, tell me how you’ve been the last couple days.”
I glanced at my hands. Should I go for honesty, even if it made me sound like an idiot?
There was a tug on my chin. Jack pulling me to look at him.
“Tell me.”
Honesty it was. “I missed you.”
He let go of my chin, but ran the back of his fingers down my throat. “Did you?”
I nodded. “I’m in this constant state of uncertainty about what we are, what I mean to you, and when I’ll see you next.”
“Haven’t I told you?”
I kept my gaze on him. “Yes, you said we’re together, but the rest is foggy, and I’m not good at deciphering the rules or norms when it comes to relationships. Much les
s a relationship like ours.”
He nodded. “We are what we want to be. The norms don’t apply to us. We do what we want, as long as we feel good about it.” His eyes hit mine. “Do you feel good about us?”
I smiled a little. “I do. I’m just new to all this…feeling stuff.”
“You mean feeling stuff that isn’t fear or anxiety.”
It wasn’t a question. I wanted to ask him how he knew that, but he finished with, “That first night. Everything about you was frightened, uncomfortable, and contained.”
“I suppose so.”
“I meant it when I told you I don’t want you to feel that way, especially with me.”
“And I don’t when I’m with you. Just a little nervous at times.”
He smiled. A full-on Jack Powell smile that made my heart sing. “Good.”
I looked at him for a long moment. He was in a suit, but the first two buttons of his white shirt were undone.
“Were you working late?”
“Yes.”
“Did you come straight from the office?”
“Yes.”
Now I smiled and clamped my hands between my knees to keep from reaching out for him in a maul of goofy smiles, kisses, and touches.
“You had that same look when we spoke on the phone yesterday,” he said. “Like you’re truly happy.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“Because of what you do.”
He frowned. “The flowers?”
“No, you showed up, and you answered my call.” I looked him in the eyes and all the giddiness was gone. “That means a lot to me. More than I can explain.”
He raised a brow. “My answering the phone means a lot to you?”
It was crazy that water collected behind my eyes, but the truth was, “Yes, it really does.”
Softness flashed across his face, but it was accompanied by a fierce need that made my skin prick.
“We are on the way to my place. Once we get there, the dynamic between us will change.”
“My…punishment you mean?”
He nodded once. “You already test me in a way that is unusual. You make me want to give in to you.”
“Is that so bad?”
There was no humor on his face. “Yes.”
He pulled on the cuffs of his shirt, beneath his jacket, and holy hell, my body went into overdrive. Just like the night he folded his shirt sleeves, something about the way he exercised his dominance in the most subtly intent manner had me trembling.
“However, we are not at my home yet, and I’m curious, if this moment were in your hands, your control, what would you do?”
My mind wanted to shout, “Everything!” and instead, I tried to tamp down my excitement about this small gift he was giving me. Or maybe it was a test? Either way, I wanted to take it.
“I guess I would—”
“No,” he snapped quickly. “I asked what you’d do, not how you’d explain it to me.”
A surge of heat raced up my spine. He was giving me free rein to show him what I’d do? In this moment? There was only one thing I could think of, and that was get closer.
Without saying anything, I moved toward him, slinging my leg over his lap, straddling him, and placing my hand on his chest, which rose on a heavy breath. I felt him hard between my legs, and looked down in shock. He flicked my chin once more to make my eyes meet his.
His voice was raspy. “I haven’t reached out since our phone call, not because I’m not thinking of you or I don’t want to.” He shifted his hips just a fraction beneath me, to slide against the sensitive spot between my legs, and I gasped a little. “It’s because I want you.” His eyes stormed darker. “Badly. All the time. Without provocation or reason.”
He wanted me. All the time. I’d been shocked that we hadn’t even touched and he was already hard…for me. I was now beyond happy that my yoga pants were made of thin material, because it just made me feel him more.
“If you want me like you say,” the challenge rising, but my tone staying soft, “then why not take me? Why wait? Why not call? Come by sooner?”
He thrust a little and said, “Control. You needed to heal from our last encounter.”
“You didn’t break me.”
“Maybe not, but I felt you.” He reached between us and ran his thumb along my center. “Felt how tight you were. I know you needed time. While I pride myself in control, I couldn’t last longer than a day, so I hope you’re ready.”
I nodded and ran my hands from his chest to his neck. “I am.”
I leaned forward, showing him what I’d do in this moment, and brushed my lips against his. A raspy groan came from deep in his throat, and his hands splayed over my backside, securing me to him, but he let me lead.
Parting my lips, I kissed his bottom one, then the top one. Exploring, learning, getting to know him at a slow pace. I didn’t get a chance to touch him like this the other night—aside from clawing. This was my chance to be the one thing Jack said he wasn’t: Soft.
Though he held me close, he didn’t give me an inch. He made me work for his affection. I didn’t know what to do or how an “experienced woman” would go about seducing a man, so I went with what felt natural and what I wanted. Which was more of him.
A flash of boldness lit me up. He was allowing me access to him. I would take it.
I cupped his face. The soft scratch of his five o’clock shadow tickled my palms. I’d never touched his face before, we both knew it. I leaned back a little, the tips of our noses touching, and ran my thumbs along his cheekbones, then down to his mouth.
He caught my thumb between his teeth, and I gasped, loving the sting and the surprise of his bite. More than that, I was excited about his participation. I was wearing him down.
With my thumb locked between his teeth, I pushed down, he let me, his mouth opening just enough for me to swoop in, push my tongue inside, and kiss him hard.
That time, he really groaned. He sat up straighter, pulling me closer, and I wrapped my legs around his back and drove my fingers into his hair. I kissed him deep, but slow. Giving every sensation of his mouth on mine an extra second to sink in. I wanted to brand this to memory.
Trailing my lips from his, I kissed the corner of his mouth, then his jaw, the stubble scratching my lips in the most delicious way. So, I did it again, and again, moving up his jaw to his earlobe.
The grip on my ass tightened further. Did he like this? Like the attention I was giving him? I sucked his earlobe, and yeah, he liked it. His hips jutted out to hit my sweet spot again. It felt good, but not as good as the idea that I was pleasing him.
My time was running out. He was letting me touch him, kiss him like this, but once we made it to his place, this would be over, and I would be at his mercy.
I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, opening them as I tasted his neck, and felt his pulse beat against my mouth. Finally getting his shirt open, I scooted back on his lap so that I could bend enough to nip at his collarbone and lick the hollow of his throat.
His head didn’t loll back the way mine would have, but he moved slightly, spurring me enough to keep going.
Running my mouth along his hard chest, I couldn’t help but nip a little. His whole body tensed, his abs flexing. Even sitting, I could see his well-honed muscles cutting through his tan skin, and it made me want to devour him even more. But I hadn’t gotten there yet.
Taking a few more open-mouthed kisses of his chest, I grabbed his belt in my hands, and sucked on his nipple.
“Fuck,” he groaned, and thrust up again, as if his cock was seeking my hands.
I flicked the little bud and sucked again, then trailed my tongue along the first flank of his six pack, but that was as low as I could go without scooting further back and falling off his lap.
I groaned loudly, annoyed with gravity and thought about how to reposition us so I could explore him more with my mouth. My destination was lower.
“You sound frustrated, b
aby?” he said in a gravelly tone.
“I am,” I whispered against his chest, moving to his other pec and delivering little kisses. “I want to keep doing down, but I can’t. There’s not enough space.”
For a second, I thought he groaned at my response. Like the idea of me continuing my trip south sounded as good to him as it did to me. I had no idea what I’d do once I got there, but I’d figure it out.
Cupping my ass, he yanked me back against him, forcing me to give up the sweet taste of his skin and bringing me face to face with him. I could feel him throbbing between my legs once more, or maybe it was me who was throbbing?
He kissed me. One long, hard, consuming force of his mouth that took the breath from my lungs. Suddenly, I was weightless, then bouncing on leather.
I opened my eyes to find myself in my original seat, beside Jack, and him buttoning up his shirt.
I was instantly cold, and I wanted to climb back in his lap and kiss him more. But the car stopped, and Jack’s house was right outside.
My time was up.
Fastening the last button on his shirt, he ran his hand through his hair, and looked every bit the controlled, kempt man he always appeared.
“I can honestly tell you that was the best car ride I’ve had yet.” His dark eyes glowed as he looked at me. My door opened, the driver waiting for me to exit. “Are you ready to go upstairs now?”
I glanced out at the beautiful house and brightly lit porch. He was waiting for me to say no. But I was a few yards away from being in Jack’s domain. While I didn’t know what exactly to expect, there was no way I was turning back now.
“Yes,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. “I’m ready.”
Chapter Thirteen
I looked at myself in the mirror of the master bathroom and took a deep breath. Jack had given me specific instructions. Which was why I was naked, except for my stockings, and he was waiting in the bedroom.
This was my chance to prove to Jack I could give him what he gave me.