by Lisa Daniels
Surely there came a time when people faced reality, and realized it’d never get better, not unless they did something about it? Surely... they could find a way to stop being the kind of broken that never picked itself up again.
Anya reflected on Kalgrin's words for a little while. She'd done this to distract herself, really, but the information was valuable all the same. Something she needed to know.
But now, she needed to face that tempest inside herself. The one that wondered if things might be more. If she could reach out to Kalgrin and touch him upon his face, and kiss those lips.
Anya sure made a lot of excuses for not confronting Kalgrin. Excuses like she wanted to be independent, she didn’t want to be beholden to a dragon, she didn’t feel ready…
Why bother distracting herself any further? She was here. Dressed up for the war to figure out Kalgrin's heart, and discover her own. She hovered at the edge of that emotional cliff, terrified to jump down. But she needed to.
Time to stop with those excuses, then.
“Kalgrin. You know I came over, wearing these nice clothes, and putting on this nice perfume?”
“I had noticed that,” he said, with a rather amused expression. “Why?”
“Well… it might be related to the fact that I have a house near you. And I enjoy excuses to go with you to those places. And I enjoy... talking to you. And... I don't want to leave you.”
Yes, she was babbling. Extending it. Her heart wanted to leap out of her mouth. Just get to the point! Kalgrin seemed frozen, like a statue.
“Okay. Kalgrin. I like you. And I want you. In every sense of the word.”
“Oh.” His eyes blackened. His nostrils flared, and his body trembled in pleasant shock. “Is that so?”
“Yes. Though I'm not sure what it might feel like. You know. Having a person you can wake up next to and smile at. My mom never had that. So many people I’ve known don’t get that happy ending. But I think with you… I’d like to try and taste it for myself.”
His smile softened. “It’s the least you deserve. To have some measure of happiness. You should never have been denied the chance in the first place.” A flicker of worry then consumed his face. “But, are you sure? I mean, I’m a dragon. I recall that you might have some issues with that fact.” His tone sounded like he was preparing for something. For her to retract her statement, or confirm it?
“That doesn’t matter to me anymore.” The truth.
Those words cleared the doubt in his eyes and settled the fluttering nervousness in her stomach. She didn’t know what she was saying, if she’d said it right, but she seemed to be hitting the right notes so far. It flowed naturally from her, when she let go of the excuses and let the truth trickle out.
I should have admitted this as soon as I began to feel it. Not entirely fair. She didn't understand it. And the fear... it ate at her. Insidiously, without her usually being aware it did so.
This, though. This was perfect.
He folded his arms neatly over his lap, and leaned forward, feet pointing to her. Those eyes of his seemed to twinkle now. They shared smiles, the kind that threatened to burst out of their bodies. “May I kiss you?” He waited, earnest, not making a move without her say-so.
How polite. She took a deep, glorious breath, which flooded her body with light and life. Maybe also a hint of excitement. “You may,” she said, pasting on a mock formal expression. It made her giggle, before her heart lurched further, since Kalgrin had stood up, his face hard with intent.
“Kissing in three, two, one…” He leaned forward and planted his lips on hers. That first contact came awkwardly, clumsily. Nothing like what Anya had imagined, where she thought stars might burst around them and the heavens then fell – the things they only told you in the best stories when love flourished and didn’t have to worry about the grind of everyday life. Of being crushed to the point where nothing remained.
Few people in the plantations became whole families, so they had to rely on the run of the community, and elected leaders within that community. Feeling strong bonds of love was considered dangerous, but people made those connections anyway. Some deep, primal part of them craved closeness. Craved affection.
A kiss from Kalgrin at first felt disappointing, likely because she didn't know how to kiss. She half expected fiery explosions and melting feelings in her, but really, it was just the unusual, smooth texture of the lips and the heat of their breaths that confused Anya. Did she keep breathing? Did she hold her breath until she couldn't anymore? Did she keep her eyes open or closed?
Open seemed rather awkward. Closed helped heighten the sense of the moment. Kalgrin worked at kissing with her, being patient with her lips, and it got to a point where the pressure they placed and the movements they conducted became natural and pleasant.
Sure, the countdown Kalgrin did might have been strange, but then again, the whole thing could be construed as strange. What mattered was the rapid beating of her heart, and the gentle way he touched her, and the patient affection he showed. Being embraced in such a way embarrassed and pleased her at the same time, tinged with a hint of sadness. She should have known something like this before. Not spent eighteen years of her existence barely making it above water.
Sometimes she wondered if she was doing the wrong thing when it came to the touches, the kisses. Those thoughts cleared away when she lost herself in the moment. They slowly led one another to bed, taking the time to stop, to kiss, to caress.
The treatment made Anya want to cry – she couldn’t remember the last time someone held her with so much love. Not wanting to start blubbering her eyes out, she dove deeper into the kiss, into ruffling his floppy curls, into sharing herself with him. Just to stay in the moment, and to remember that Kalgrin wanted this as much as her. One by one they peeled off one another’s clothes, until both were naked – her skin had the hardened tan of working on the fields, and his was as pale as snow.
What a wondrous thing.
He stood back to admire her body, all the way from her freckled face to her soft, rounded breasts, calloused hands and strong thighs. She admired his body, too, the sculpted build, with broad, toned shoulders, not bulging with muscles but hinting at the power that lay within. He had a flat, hairless chest with the hint of abs showing – not quite a muscular demigod, but certainly an arousing sight to behold. Everything was just right.
He reached for her hand and kissed the rough underside, not caring if her skin was hard and lacking in softness. She had other soft parts to make up for it. She also couldn’t help but notice his growing erection, from the way it uncurled from small to big. She liked the way he always asked her if it was okay, though it eventually reached a point where she simply whispered into his ear, “Just shut up and fuck me.”
That worked pretty well. He lowered her down onto the mattress, those gray eyes dark and his body quivering in excitement. Anya’s cheeks flushed, her whole body raised up its temperature, making it feel as if she were about to burn up. Nothing else mattered at this moment except him.
He kissed her neck, warm air wafting onto her skin. He braced his arms on either side of her, sliding into position between her legs. His erection pressed against her stomach in a promise. A shivering, tantalizing promise. Would it hurt? Would it be pleasant? Would she let out a sigh from her lips and arch into him, or stiffen in pain?
He crawled backwards slightly, and rested his length upon her entrance.
Heart beating in a frenzy, Anya let out a whimper as he moved inside her for the first time, the first time for anyone in her life. She knew something of masturbation and got urges like anyone else – she just didn’t want to risk having children in such an impoverished, cruel place. Even though the others didn't care, and just went for it, Anya restrained herself.
But here, it didn’t concern her. Not with someone who showered her with affection, who helped raise her life above the mud it had dwelled in, who helped save her family, and for some reason, loved the soul inside her
. Not when she didn't have to worry about her child growing up on a miserable plantation, knowing nothing but the slash of a whip upon their back, and the sad, gibbering voices of the humans around them. Or the musk of dark that followed people, like an evil that had attached itself to their souls.
People used to think she deserved punishment for being so outspoken.
Now, allowed to be who she was, she felt nothing but happiness and gratefulness for her new position. She whispered her love in his ear, perhaps encouraged by the feel of him so close to her. Maybe the feeling would vanish afterwards, when the tension wasn’t knotting up in her stomach, getting ready to spread out in a warm, delicious wave of bliss.
He sped up his thrusts, continued snatching kisses from her lips, breathing harsh, his heart thundering at the same pace as hers.
When he came, her heart soared at his pleasure and sounds, and she moaned as well. She noticed the drop in pressure inside her, and would have been perfectly happy leaving things like this. Then he reached down with his fingers and fumbled around her slit, until he hit the right spot. The electricity bolted through her like a thunderstorm, the feeling came hard and intense, and within moments, she found herself shuddering and moaning her way into orgasm.
“Didn’t want to keep all the glory to myself,” he whispered in her ear, before kissing it, and allowing themselves to arrange into a comfortable embrace.
Exhausted with happiness – who knew such a thing could wear you out? – Anya fell into a deep sleep, breathing in Kalgrin’s musky scent, secure in the wrap of his arms around her.
Security. What a strange thing to feel, and to know you had it. Her family were tucked away safely in that fort town which she didn't remember the name of. She flew the skies with Kalgrin, spoke to the broken, the people who had forgotten what hoped looked like, who had been reduced to animals, simply living for themselves and their own survival, not caring about anyone else. Anything else.
It needed a special kind of work to coax these people out of their shells. Words didn't work. Not really. Attitude did. Showing them the reality of their new world did. And giving them the chance to step out on their own.
She couldn't blame them in the end. Depression settled like a heavy blanket, smothering those it touched. Clouds followed them, brewing their storms. And their night terrors filled dark silences. They lived, but not really. And Anya had tried to live, but she was stagnating, withered away by the years. She would have died in that place.
She woke up once in the night, sweat coating her face. A half-remembered nightmare, of being chased, the wyrm's feet pounding the earth beneath her as she ran. There had been mud upon her arms and legs, but it dried up, caking her, making it harder to move forward. Maybe if she could fly, hop up into the air...
But those wyrms would never stop. The sound of their feet somehow always clattered in the distance. The vibration of each footfall carried the taste of hate.
Kalgrin slumbered like a babe at her side, his arms sprawled out, taking space under the pillows. Half the bed covers wrapped itself around his lower half, leaving his chest exposed, which rose and fell in a peaceful rhythm.
Anya watched this for a while, relaxing in the calm of Kalgrin's deep sleep. Reminding herself that somehow, this drake had become hers. She didn't want to risk waking him up, so she left him untouched.
It made her heart ache to see how beautiful he was, even cast in shadows. Sometimes in the dark, people's faces took on frightening visages. She didn't know why, just that the dark increased her level of fear. No fear lingered here. Smiling, she soon fell asleep again.
Waking up to an empty bed, Anya stretched out languorously, the sheets slipping over her bare skin. She didn’t regret a moment of her choice. She didn’t regret staying with Kalgrin, with sharing her heart and soul with him, or falling in love with him.
Yes. It was love. Such a tiny word. Such a powerful feeling.
Her family existed in a better place. But many more families didn’t. And as long as she stayed by Kalgrin’s side, she actively helped contribute to the cause he followed. It became her cause, her calling. And she fell that little bit more in love.
Kalgrin smiled at her when she walked into his kitchen. The smell of cooking food lured her, and she lifted her nose to sniff. Eggs and toast and sausages. Simple but filling. And exotic, compared to the slops she tasted at the plantation.
“A good, hearty breakfast is the best way to start the day,” Kalgrin declared. “Though I usually prefer honeyed porridge. I work better in my day when I have a full stomach.”
Anya agreed. She skipped meals in the past, but if you headed off to the wheat fields without food, you found yourself drained so fast that you could barely stay upright.
“I could get very, very used to this. Having you cook for me in the mornings.”
“You can do the same for me. When I go over to your house.” He winked at her, before flipping the egg over in the little pan over the hearth. The sausages were already cooked. The heat from the hearth radiated through the room, warming up the cool space. Anya stepped outside for a moment, inhaling the cool air, before she noticed that there were those little envelopes on the ground. The ones with the letters that she couldn't read.
Taking one last glance out into the crisp late morning, taking in the bustle of people going about their business and the calls of stall owners trying to attract people to their wares, Anya ducked back inside, clutching the letters.
“Kal. Some letters for you.” The messy-haired drake took them from her and inspected them.
“Huh. One's for you. From... your mother, I believe.”
“Oh!” Right. She hadn't passed on the new home to her mother yet. Kendra still thought her daughter lived here, so of course the letters would come to Kal. “I can't read it.”
“I know. I'll do it for you, unless you want to get a scribe?”
Anya shook her head. She wanted Kalgrin to know the contents of the letter as well. The drake opened the envelope and examined the squiggles all along the page.
“Actually, let me finish the cooking. We don't want it to get cold, do we?”
He cooked the last of the eggs and spilled them over buttered toast. Anya sat at his little table, grabbed a fork and knife, and tucked into her delicious breakfast. The smell of the food lingered in an appetizing way, saturating the air around them. Kalgrin wanted to finish eating first before starting on the letter, and he wolfed down the food fast.
“Wow. You don't waste time when it comes to food, do you?”
He let out a belch, which made Anya blink, half in amusement, half in disgust.
“Sorry. My digestive system can be a bit odd at times. Okay.” He cleaned his hands and dried them off, before taking the letter and settling back into the seat. “Dearest daughter. I hope everything's well with you, and you've gotten around to a relationship with Kalgrin at last. I know you were stalling, but I'm telling you, you'll be hard pressed to find better.”
Kalgrin paused. “Huh. Did she try to foist you off on me?”
“Yes,” Anya admitted. “But I didn't want to think of her as being right that we were attracted to one another. She'd likely chase me to the ends of the world until I got into a relationship with someone respectable. She always had hopes I'd break the cycle.”
“Well,” Kalgrin said, grinning, “you might just have done that, haven't you?” Then he frowned. “Though should I be concerned that your mother wanted to shove us together?”
“Probably not. Just watch out for the grandchildren queries.”
Kalgrin chuckled before reading more of the letter.
“I named all the children proper. Your two sisters are now Jeyna and Daisy, and the two little ones are Bodrin and Kallen. Named in honor of the wonderful drake who saved us, of course.”
Kalgrin's expression grew soft at the mention of a child being named after him. Meanwhile, Anya felt little stabs of irritation because her mother didn't say which sibling was which. The rest of the let
ter mainly focused on when Anya was going to come and visit, or when Kendra might be able to visit her. She wanted to know all about everything, since although the fort town was a nice enough place, there weren’t a lot of humans there, and she still struggled at times to snap out of what the plantations had done to her.
Five children, and she didn't want to lose a single one.
That was Kendra for you. Yet, for some reason, Kendra had risked all her family to get Anya away. She wanted to include that question in the next letter.
“I've never had people praise me like this,” Kalgrin said, still wearing that soft expression. He passed the finished letter reverently to Anya. “Don't tell anyone, but I feel like crying big, manly tears.”
“Manly?” Now it was Anya's turn to raise an eyebrow. She plucked at her food, finishing off the rest of the egg.
“Of course. If I plan to keep you around, you'd rather have someone reliable to support you, right?”
For some reason, this statement seemed to darken the mood. Anya wondered why her emotions had sunk. Perhaps it came because of her need for independence, instead of being constantly supported. She let it go, however. He meant well.
And he'd found that place in her heart. They spent the morning together, just talking, considering her mother. Kalgrin wanted to understand better why the children hadn't been named until now. He never asked their names when he'd saved them. Just Kendra. Anya explained, and Kalgrin reacted as expected – saddened by the reality of the serf's situation.
Back in her house, Anya aimed for another quick rest.
She planned to go with him next week to one of the plantation areas. She wanted to see if all plantations were the same, or if some had more or less cruelty than hers.
“It’s dangerous,” Kalgrin had told her when she had first asked, “but I can see you've got that determined glint in your eyes. I'll say this: If you want to get involved with infiltrating these areas, you’ll need more training. I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go to those places without some kind of basic self-defense.”