by Linda Warren
“Oh, sis, I’m sorry.” She hugged her sister. She’d never wanted something like this to happen.
“I quit.”
“What?” Jena drew back, shocked. “Why?”
“I...uh...” Hil fiddled with the saltshaker on the table. “I saw myself through your eyes, and I didn’t like seeing that girl who allows herself to be used just to be one of the crowd.”
“Oh, Hil.”
“When the place was almost empty, Bea told me to be sure and get the tables cleaned off and everything set up for in the morning. She was tired and going home to put her feet up. Her tone got to me, and I took off my apron and said maybe she should clean off the tables and get everything ready for the morning.”
“And she fired you?”
“No. Her face turned red and her mouth worked but no words came out. I took my key out of my pocket and said I quit. She found her voice then and said how ungrateful I was. We had words after that about wages, long hours and no time off. I walked out feeling good about myself. But now I have no job. What are Mama and I gonna do?”
She hugged her sister again. “Don’t worry about it tonight. We’ll think of something, and I have a little money to keep us going.”
“I’m sorry I was so stupid,” Hil murmured.
“Hey, my sister is not stupid. Let’s fix dinner, watch a movie and just relax and regroup.”
Hil looked at her with watery eyes. “You were with Carson. I saw his truck outside.”
“Yeah.” Jena brushed back her damp hair. “I was being stupid, too. Guess it’s in our DNA.”
“But...”
“It’s beyond complicated, Hil. I knew it would be difficult to come back for my child, but I never dreamed I could be swayed emotionally by a pair of sincere green eyes.”
“Jen...”
“I’m okay. I just have to get my head straight.” Sitting on the banks of Willow Creek with Carson and his kids, she’d experienced a brief moment of happiness. It was real, poignant and fleeting. She’d felt it in her heart and she would remember it for a long time, probably at the oddest of times and the oddest of places—a fleeting thing that wasn’t meant to be.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
WHEN CARSON ENTERED the house, he heard his kids screaming and crying. He threw his wet boots into the laundry room and dashed into the den. Asa was having a seizure—his body shook as he lay prone in his chair. Aunt Fran was injecting something into his arm. Trey and Claire were holding on to each other, crying.
“Is Grandpa gonna die?” Trey asked, tears streaming down his face.
He gathered his kids close. “Go to the kitchen and get something to drink. I’ll take care of Grandpa.”
“I scared.” Claire clung to him.
“It’s okay, baby. Go with Trey.”
As the kids slowly left, he asked Aunt Fran, “What happened?”
She put the syringe into a bag she kept Pa’s medications in. A home health nurse had taught her how to give injections and how to care for Asa. “I gave him something, so he should relax now.” She motioned for him to step aside and he followed her to the doorway.
“While I was getting Claire dressed, Trey came downstairs and was telling Asa about his fishing trip.” Her face molded into a frown. “What were you thinking, Carson, taking that woman with you and the kids? The moment Trey said her name Asa became very agitated and I couldn’t calm him down.”
“First of all, Asa committed a crime against ‘that woman,’ as you call her. She’s done nothing wrong and Pa had better get used to hearing her name. This isn’t over.” Carson didn’t want to hurt his aunt’s feelings, but Jena was not the bad guy here. He walked back to his father. “I’ll take care of this. Pa, are you okay?”
Asa raised his head, his eyes glazed. “You...her...the kids.”
“Yeah. She probably saved Trey’s life today. He wouldn’t let go of the fishing rod. You know how stubborn he is.”
“Bit-ch.”
Carson knew he wasn’t getting anywhere with his father. He took stubborn to a new level. There was only one way to reach him. He squatted by the wheelchair. “You want Jena Brooks gone?”
Asa’s glazed eyes brightened in a weird sort of way.
“Tell her what happened to her child and Jena Brooks will go away.” That wasn’t the exact truth, but Carson was trying to make a point and maybe reach his father’s heart.
“Nev-er.”
He stood and released the brake on the wheelchair. “I’ll put you back in bed and maybe tomorrow we can talk.”
Aunt Fran followed them into the bedroom. Between the two of them they were able to get Asa into bed. His eyes closed and Carson knew he was asleep. He stared at his father, who still wielded so much power even in his fragile state. And he wondered if there was any end to this nine-year-old nightmare.
He went to the kitchen to check on his kids. They were huddled together in a chair. Claire saw him first.
“Daddy, I scared.”
He picked her up and sat with her in his lap. Trey leaned against him as if needing reassurance, too.
“Is Grandpa gonna die?” Trey asked.
Carson had to be honest. “Grandpa is old and sick and one day he’s going to die, but hopefully not today.”
He put his arm around Trey. “We’ll check on Grandpa in a minute. He loves you guys, you know that?”
“Yeah,” Trey replied. “I thought he’d be happy I caught Ol’ Big.”
“Grandpa is not well, son. We have to be patient with him.”
Aunt Fran came in and started supper. He rushed upstairs to change into dry clothes. The meal was a quiet affair. The kids said good-night to Asa, but he was out for the night. It did the kids good to see he was all right, though.
After the kids were in bed, Carson had a talk with Trey about fishing safety.
“I didn’t mean to hurt anybody, Dad.”
He sat on the edge of his son’s bed and stared into green eyes just like his own. “I know, son.”
“Jena’s cool. She didn’t mind getting wet or anything like most girls do.”
“Yeah, she’s cool.”
Trey scooted up in bed. “Are you, like, dating her, Dad?”
Trey’s bluntness stunned Carson for a second. “No, son.” He wasn’t lying. They were nowhere near dating. “I’m just trying to help her find someone.”
“Oh.”
Before his little mind could conjure up anything else, Carson thought it best to deal with the matter at hand. “I was going to let you go fishing to the stock tank by yourself, but in light of what happened today I’ve changed my mind.”
“Ah, Dad.” Trey slid down into the bed.
“You can go fishing with Kelsey and Walt, but I always want an adult along. I don’t want you risking your life to catch a fish.”
“But it’s Ol’ Big.”
“Are you listening to me, son? Your attitude is not helping. I may not let you go at all if that doesn’t change.”
Trey sat up quickly. “I won’t do anything stupid, I promise. I’ve been waiting all school year to fish this summer. You might as well lock me in my room if I can’t go.”
Carson ruffled his son’s hair. “I don’t think it will come to that. Just remember there are rules.”
“I will.”
Carson leaned over and kissed Trey’s forehead. “Love you, son.”
Suddenly, two little arms clutched him around the neck. “Love you, too, Daddy. Is Grandpa okay for now?”
His son may be stubborn, but he had a big heart. “Yeah, and I’ll check on him before I go to bed.”
“Okay.”
Carson turned out the light and walked next door to check on Claire. She was sprawled across her bed, cuddling several stuffed anim
als and sleeping like a princess. He trudged into his bedroom feeling drained and exhausted. Even though his body was tired his mind seemed to be in overdrive.
Falling onto the bed, he tried to relax but there was just so much unrest in his soul. How could he reach his father? That was his main problem. He had to have something substantial, something to cool his father’s hatred. Something to open his mind.
He got up and went down the hall to Jared’s room. Staring at the doorknob, he saw something so simple he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it the other day. A tiny hole was in center of the knob. He hurried downstairs to find Aunt Fran. She was watching TV in the den.
“Aunt Fran, do you have a hairpin?”
“What?” She blinked and took off her glasses. “No. Why?”
“Are you sure? Could you please check?”
She got to her feet. “What do you need it for?”
“To get into Jared’s room.”
“For heaven’s sakes, can’t you leave this alone?”
He stared into her troubled eyes. “You know I can’t.”
“Oh, all right.” She headed for the stairs. “But don’t let your father hear.”
She protected Asa like a lioness, but if he couldn’t get Asa to cooperate, all the protection in the world wasn’t going to help him. She brought him back a handful of hairpins and he went to work on the door. Aunt Fran watched. On the third try he was able to unlock it. He didn’t even know he’d been holding his breath until he let it out in a rush.
“I don’t want to see what’s inside,” Aunt Fran said and went downstairs.
Carson had an eerie feeling, but he flipped on the light, not sure if it would even work. It did. Light flooded the room full of cobwebs and dust. He stepped inside and the eerie feeling grew stronger. He felt as if he was desecrating his brother’s last minutes on earth. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to walk farther into the room.
The bed was neatly made with a brown-and-tan comforter, and it was literally covered in dust. Cobwebs decorated the headboard. Sneakers and socks lay by the bed. On a dresser were Jared’s books, a backpack, wallet and keys. The wall had posters of rodeo stars and fast cars. Jared never got to drive that red Jaguar he’d dreamed about.
On his desk were papers, notebooks, a boom box and stacks of CDs by various artists. A poster board hung on the wall above the desk, and school pictures of football, track and baseball covered it. Since Willow Creek was a small school, kids got to play all kinds of sports. Several empty spots were on the board and Carson assumed those had probably been reminders of Jena, and Asa had removed them.
In the bottom drawer of the desk, he found Jared’s journals. He started writing about things that happened when he was ten or eleven. He said it helped him to sort out his feelings, especially about his father. Carson flipped through several of them. It was mostly stuff about his horses, dogs, ATVs, kids in school he liked, girls he really liked and his father. The notations ended a year before he died and there wasn’t one word about Jena. That puzzled Carson. Had Jared stopped writing? He stowed the journals back in the drawer.
He needed more. He searched the closet and found nothing unusual. A suitcase lay on the floor. Squatting, Carson brushed the dust and spider webs away and unzipped it. Inside were jeans, shirts, T-shirts, socks and underwear. Jared was packing to leave, just as Jena had said. In the top pocket was a manila envelope. He pulled it out and looked at the contents: a marriage license and a receipt for an apartment in Austin. Again, just as Jena had said.
He pulled out the dresser drawers and found nothing. Jared’s phone wasn’t here. Picking up the envelope, he went back to his room and paced. What was he missing? What was Jared doing on that road that day when he was planning to leave with Jena? He was packed and ready.
Carson couldn’t find any answers, so he took a shower and went to bed. But he couldn’t sleep. It seemed odd that Jared hadn’t written anything the last year of his life. He was seeing Jena and having problems with Asa. His brother would be stressed, and when he was, he wrote about his feelings. Where was Jared’s last journal? Carson felt sure there was one.
Asa always went into their rooms without permission. If Jared was writing about Jena, he probably hid the journal so Asa wouldn’t know his feelings or his plans. And it was most likely hidden in his room. Carson got up and went back down the hall. If he could find the journal, it would tell Carson a lot about the state of his brother’s mind at the time.
He hadn’t locked the door, but he should in case the kids decided to explore. He flipped the switch and light showcased the depressing room, which for some reason reminded him of a tomb. Shaking the feeling away, he began to search again, pulling out all the drawers and looking under and behind them, as well as behind the dresser and desk. Nothing but dust bunnies.
Next, he went through the closet again. Nothing. Then he checked the nightstand and under the mattress and under the bed. Nothing but more dust bunnies.
Damn it! He paced the room. Where would Jared hide it?
“Carson.’” Aunt Fran stood in the doorway in her robe. “What are you still doing in here? It’s almost midnight.”
“Remember how Jared used to write in journals?”
“Yes.”
“I found them in here.” He opened the bottom drawer of the desk to show her. “The last year of his life is missing.”
“Maybe he stopped writing.”
“I don’t think so. It was a habit and a stress release for him, and the last year was more stressful than any he’d ever had.”
“If it’s not here, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“That’s okay. If Pa found it, he probably destroyed it because I’m sure it was a lot about his relationship with Jena.”
“Why do you want to find it, then?”
“I thought it might give me a clue about what happened that day. No one has an explanation of what Jared was doing on that old country road. His suitcase is packed and he and Jena were planning to elope the next day.”
“You answered your own question. Lamar found out about it and did something to stop the elopement.”
Carson shook his head. “No. Everyone I talked to said Lamar was happy about his daughter’s involvement with Jared. Besides, I don’t think Lamar killed Jared.”
“Drunks do irrational things, Carson. We’ll probably never know what really happened that night, and like I’ve said, I think it’s best to leave it alone. You can’t undo heartache and pain. And you can’t undo the murders.” A look of pain crossed his aunt’s face.
“You think Pa shot Lamar, don’t you?”
“I didn’t say that, but Asa has suffered enough.”
“And he’s caused most of it.”
Aunt Fran shoved her hands into the pockets of her robe in an angry movement. “You’re his son. How can you say that?”
“Because I’m the man who’s trying to keep his ass out of an institution.” His voice sounded angry and he didn’t mean to talk that way to his aunt. “I’m sorry. Go to bed. We’re both tired.”
She glanced around the room. “It’s depressing in here. And sad.”
“Yeah.” He hugged her. “Night.”
After she left, he looked at the space where his brother had spent a lot of his time. He had hoped to find a clue, something to explain that awful day. But there was nothing but items of a teenage boy whose life had been cut too short.
He walked to the door to flick off the light, but something made him glance back. That was when he saw it—a shadow on the bed. What was it? He walked over and tried to touch the spot, and that was when he realized it was a shadow. Of what? Looking up, he saw an item hidden in the hanging bowl-shaped light fixture. He stood on the bed and reached to retrieve it, but he already knew what it was: the missing journal.
Jared
had stored it in the safest place he could, where no one would ever see it. The journal was caked with dust. Carson turned off the light, locked the door and carried the journal to his room. In his bathroom, he used a washcloth to clean it. He sat in bed and opened the book.
It began with thoughts of school and his friends and how Asa was pushing him to take control of the ranch. Each notation was dated.
Sep 10—Pa says I need to be a man. I’m eighteen years old and I just want to have fun. I’d rather get drunk on Willow Creek with the guys. That way I can’t hear Pa. Only the drums in my head.
Carson read on and saw the first notation about Jena.
Sep 17—Tried to talk to Jena again today. She gave me the cold shoulder as usual. What’s her problem?
Sep 20—Pa’s on my ass about my grades. Thinking of sleeping in the barn. The rats are better company.
Sep 30—Today I got lucky. Well, not that lucky. It was pouring rain and I gave Jena and her sister a ride home. She thanked me and smiled. Man, I felt weak.
Oct 4—The guys are razzing me about Jena. Told them to shut up or I’d make ’em shut up. I can take ’em. That’s me. Toughass. Oh, yeah! I like my friends, but they’re idiots.
The journal chronicled Jena and Jared’s relationship just as Jena had told him.
Oct 15—Pa wanted to know what I was so down about. I told him I like Jena Brooks, but she won’t go out with me. Big Mistake. What made me think Pa would understand? He told me to stay away from that white trash. She wasn’t good enough for his boy. Like I’d listen to him. Wish Carson was here. He’d understand.
“Yeah, li’l brother, wish I’d been here, too.”
The next notes were about his bad grades and Jena tutoring him. And how much he liked her and wanted to help her.
Nov 5—Things are better between Jena and me. Can’t believe she agreed to tutor me. Being dumb is paying off. Ha! Ha! I think she really likes me. I’m nutso about her. She even let me take her home from a football game, and, man, she let me kiss her. Wow! Now I know what fireworks are like in my head.
There was more about them spending time together and then: