“For many years Simon and I have loved each other.“ I told her.
“Well of course you have. We all love each other.” She said. It took a while for the penny to drop. “You mean….You and Simon, surely not?"
“Don’t judge me Lizzie, we can’t help the way we feel, the worst thing is I haven’t been entirely honest to Simon or anyone including myself.”
Lizzie looked even more confused.
“Simon and I, we have erm…. you know. Don’t let me spell it out; Robert is erm….. Simon’s son.” It was out, finally I had told my secret to someone. I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes, the anger and shame I had put on this family. Lizzie surprised me with her reaction. She remained calm and put her arms around me and told me not to worry.
A week later a letter arrived in the post addressed to me. I knew it was from Simon.
Dear Bella,
"As you hopefully understand, I have to go in search of my real parents. I loved mother and father with all my heart and nothing will ever change that. However, I do have parents out there somewhere so I am going to try and find them.
Please tell Lizzie that I have gone in search of them and I will be in touch.
The worst thing about all this is thinking my love for you was wrong and now realising it was in fact very normal. I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember.
The only reason we are not together now, was because we thought we were brother and sister. I have been cheated of a life I could have had with you Bella.
I will be in touch very soon. Remember, I love you with all my heart, and always will.
Lots of love Simon
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
My name is Simon; I was born on August 3rd 1973. My parents were Ted and Sarah Green, or so I thought until recently.
I have three siblings Lizzie, Bella and of course Ben. I have been in love with my sister Bella for as long as I can remember; I believed the unhealthy feelings I had were terribly wrong. Bella has been married twice and has three beautiful children. Violet, Robert and Bella. I found out recently that Lizzie and I were adopted by Ted and Sarah Green.
They died many years ago. Sarah died when I was fourteen and Ted died three years after.
The worst thing about this situation is the love I have for Bella. We’ve been with partners we haven’t really loved.
Bella is happily married to Claudio now. But she`s had so much heartache in her life.
I had a breakdown due to my love for her. The worst thing is not being able to have her. Lizzie my sister, has always been thick skinned and seems to cope with anything.
I found out we had another brother Ben, a few days after father’s death. Ben doesn’t visit much and keeps his distance for some reason. I wouldn’t say we are relatively close.
I am not sure where to start in searching for my birth parents.
Child family services have told me they have records of them and fortunately the lady there was very helpful.
I was sitting there for what seemed like hours in a small room filled with as many chairs as they could fit in it. A silver magazine rack posed next to the wall with some old dated magazines and newspapers rammed into it. In the corner of the room was a huge over bearing plant. I picked up one of the magazines and tried to keep myself busy while I waited. A young woman was sitting opposite me biting her nails.
Miss Read, the social worker called me over.
“I have found your birth parents Mr Green.”
She handed me a piece of paper with their details. My Mother’s name is Barbara Stanford.. My Father’s name is Liam Stanford. They live in a small sea side town called Brockville on the west coast near Bristol. Miss Read was very helpful and I thanked her for her kindness. The rest was up to me. I arrived in Brockville after hours of driving. The town looked depressing. The address I was given was on a small housing estate. I knew that the man who answered the door wasn't related to me. The man was stocky with messy hair.
“What do you want young man?”
I didn’t like his manner and nearly walked away. However, I had travelled such a long way.
“Do you know Barbara and Liam Stanford?” I asked.
“Why who wants to know?”
“I believe they are my birth parents.” I stuttered.
“Yes, I knew them. Liam Stanford was a chronic alcoholic and your mother left him many years ago.” The man said.
“Do you know where they are?” I asked.
“Your mother left this area as soon as you and your sister were adopted. She took the news very badly. I have an address where her sister Caroline lives. I don’t know where your father is, but you are probably best not finding him. He is most probably dead. Your mother`s sister I believe moved to a town called Sandy Bay, on the South coast.”
He disappeared somewhere inside the house for a minute or two and came back waving a piece of paper.
“This is the address I have. Whether they are still there, I don’t know. Good luck!”
“Thank you! You have been very helpful.”
He grunted as he shut the door behind me. I booked into a hotel for the night and tried to get some sleep. The next morning I drove to Sandy Bay. The town was very quaint with big hotels everywhere. I could see the people who lived there were very wealthy. I drove down a small avenue and the address I was given was for a big hotel right at the end. There were palm trees outside and a swimming pool. This place must have cost a fortune. There's know way I'm going to find her here. I thought. As I was about to turn my car around an old lady came out.
“Can I help you young man’?” The old lady wasn’t at all friendly. Her chin was pointed and she had small narrow eyes. She was extremely well spoken and very posh. However, her manners were appalling.
“I am looking for a Caroline.” I asked her nervously.
“There is no Caroline here.” she replied.
I could see she knew something, but wasn’t going to give it away.
“Do you have any vacancies?” I asked her.
“Just a double room.” She answered. “You can take that, but you will have to pay the full price.”
I decided to take it. I was tired and needed a rest. The room was bright and airy with a sea view. After a few hours’ sleep. I showered and changed and went down for evening meal.
Everyone there seemed very wealthy. I felt out of place. The old lady I spoke to earlier was sitting in the reception area.
After eating my meal I decided to have a drink in the bar; a friendly woman sitting at the end asked me if I was here on holiday. I told her I was in search of my Mother.
“What’s your Mother’s name?”
“Barbara Stanford” I replied. The woman had dark auburn hair, and hazel eyes. I asked her about the rude old lady. She laughed.
“ Sorry. That’s my mother, trust me her bark is worse than her bite. We own the hotel, but sometimes I feel I am just the dog’s body along with my husband. Look over there, the man sitting in the corner by the window, that’s him.” she told me. I looked over, he was tall and very thin with a goatee beard and moustache; he noticed me staring and walked over.
“This is Simon.” She told him. “He has come here searching for his Mother.”
“Do you know her?” I asked hopefully.
“Yes, I know her. Your mother Barbara is my sister, my name is Caroline.” She told me quietly.
“Where is my Mother?” I asked her.
“I am sorry to say that she has been unwell for many years and is in hospital.”
The old lady came over; her steely grey hair was tied back in a bun and made her look awfully severe. Caroline took her to one side; I could see they were arguing over something. Not long after Caroline came back over to me.
“I will take you to see your mother later Simon. Visiting hours are very strict at the hospital where she is.”
I went for a walk to explore the town; There were little alley ways tucked between buildings, and very small cottages. The
weather was exceptionally nice for this time of year. I decided to call Bella and tell her I arrived safely; She answered more or less immediately. It was nice to hear her voice.
“Hello Simon, I have been waiting for your call; have you found your mother and father?”
“I don’t know where my Father is but I think I have found my mother.” I am staying at a hotel and the old lady who owns it is my grandmother. Believe me she is one frosty old bird but my auntie Caroline seems a lot more helpful and she has told me my mother is ill in hospital.”
“You have been busy then.!” She said rather surprised.
“Bella, please tell Lizzie I have found mother, I have to go now, chat later.”
I went back to the hotel because I knew the hospital’s visiting hors must be soon. Caroline was waiting by the front entrance. We drove out of the town and into the country; the hospital was a really old building set back in lovely grounds. It looked more like a large country manor than a hospital.
We walked down a long corridor, what seemed to go on forever. Eventually we came to some double doors; reading the signs, I couldn’t help but notice:
Secure unit, please ring for assistance
I had thought my mother was physically ill; but soon realised she was mentally ill. Caroline noticed the worried look on my face.
“Don’t worry Simon; she is much better now believe me, weeks ago she was very poorly.” We waited about ten minutes before someone opened the secured doors.
“What exactly is wrong with her?” I asked Caroline.
“Your Mother has been in and out of hospital for many years Simon.”
I was worried how my mother would react in finding out who I was, especially under the circumstances.
She was sat in a chair by the window. Her long auburn hair was tangled and needed a good brush. She was very beautiful; I could see where my sister Lizzie got her looks from. Caroline introduced me to my mother.
I thought it was better to say I was a friend of the family until I gained her trust.
My mother stared at me for a good five minutes.
“You have my eyes Simon.” She said, looking up at me. I didn`t know what to say. ‘Does she know I am her son’? I thought.
I took her hand and asked.
“Do you know who I am?”
“Of course I do. You are my son, A mother can never forget my babies.”
She had tears in her eyes, and asked me how I had found her. I explained that I only found out a short while ago and I had to find her.
“You were taken away from me because your father was a violent drunk. I was very ill at the time and was admitted to hospital. I should have done more, but at the time I was powerless.”
“What do you mean powerless?”
“I was a very wealthy woman, if I hadn’t been ill at the time, I could have taken you and left. We could have gone anywhere.” She cried.
“Calm down. It doesn’t matter now. We can’t change the past, even if we wanted to.” I said trying to reassure her.
“I need to explain many things to you Simon.” She said.
“I will be happy to listen.”
“Many years ago when you and your sister Lizzie were born, I suffered from terrible postnatal depression. As I told you, your father was a violent drunk. My father was a very wealthy man but your grandmother was very mean and spiteful. When my father died he left all his money to me and Auntie Caroline, mother wasn't having any of it and tried to contest the will.
We were left a considerable amount of money, enough to have a very comfortable life. I was admitted to hospital shortly after you and Lizzie were taken away from me. My mother and auntie Caroline moved to Sandy Cove where they are living now. They bought a hotel with some of the money. I can honestly say that I can count on one hand how many times I have been to the hotel. I have been locked up in here most of my life. My mother said I was mad and even convinced doctors of this. I should have stood my ground, but at the time I was depressed not mad. Over the years I have just kept my mouth shut. I know my mother wanted the
money and used Auntie Caroline to get the hotel. So in some ways I was very wealthy but could never get the money that what was rightfully mine. There hasn't been a day that you and your sister haven`t been on my mind. Every birthday, I light candles for the two of you and sing happy birthday. I would love to be out of here, but no one listens to me. All the doctors say is I am not well enough.”
I told my mother I would ask the doctors and find out more about her illness. She needed to rest so I told her I would be back the next day.
I had many questions to ask Caroline and my grandmother.
Later that evening after Auntie Caroline had finished serving the evening meal, I asked her if we could talk. She took me away from the hotel to a nice park with a pond. We sat on the bench and Caroline said she wanted to explain many things.
“Years ago as you know, you and Lizzie were adopted. I tried to get custody of you both myself but at the time, the authorities thought you would have a better life if you were adopted. Your mother could have taken you away because she had enough money, but your grandmother decided to contest the will. It took a few months nevertheless she lost. Your mother and I were left a few million and I decided to buy the hotel. But your grandmother appealed and was given some of the money, then she told doctors lies about your mother saying she was unstable and needed locking up. She finally managed to convince them, and so your mother was locked up. I tried to help her but because she was so depressed at times I was fighting a losing battle.
Your grandmother wanted your mother to stay where she was so she couldn’t have any of the money. She paid for the best doctors and I would say, she probably still pays them to keep her locked up. I am not saying she wasn't ill, because she was, but not enough to be locked up forever.”
“How come you never said anything?” I asked Caroline.
“I did try Simon, but your grandmother is a very powerful woman and comes across quite nice when she wants to, even though we know differently.”
I thanked Caroline for being straight with me and we walked back to the hotel. She told me she would come with me to talk to the doctors the very next day.
That evening, after my evening meal, I decided to call Bella and tell her everything. Just thinking about her made me go weak at the knees.
She was really happy to hear from me and I told her everything.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Do you want me to come there to help you Simon?” She asked me.
“At the moment, I need to do this alone and I wouldn't be good company.” She seemed disappointed but understood why. She told me if I changed my mind she would come straightaway.
The next morning I wanted to go straight to the hospital with Caroline and ask the doctors many questions.
On the way there I asked Caroline who exactly owns the hotel.
“Good question Simon! As a matter of fact, your mother and I own the hotel, however, your grandmother thinks it’s hers and takes over. That's why she doesn`t want your mother home.”
When we arrived at the hospital I popped in to mother first. She seemed very sleepy and her words were slurred. I couldn't believe the difference since yesterday.
Caroline took me to see Doctor Brown who was looking after my mother. He shook my hand and told me to sit down. I got straight to the point and asked him everything about my mum’s illness and why she was locked up. I also demanded why she was so different compared to the day before. He seemed rather uncomfortable with the questions I was asking and couldn’t look directly at me.
He told me that mother was up and down and had a psychotic illness.
“But she is so different today.” I pointed out.
Your mother was very upset when you left and we had to sedate her.” The doctor said shifting around in his seat.
“No! When I left her she was very happy and far from upset.” Now I was furious. I knew my grandmother had something to do with it.
“Believe me Doctor Brown; I will get to the bottom of this. And for your sake I hope you’re not involved.”
I stormed out of his office and headed straight to my mother’s room. Caroline came running after me.
“Simon stop!” She shouted, trying to catch up with me. Catching her breath she whispered. “You need to calm down before you go and see her. Your mother doesn’t need the hassle.”
I stopped in my tracks. I had just been about to open mother’s door. Caroline was right. My mother had gone through enough pain and suffering.
Caroline took me down to the cafeteria to try and calm me down.
“I want my mother to come home with me."
“The doctor’s won’t let that happen Simon.” Caroline told me.
“They will when I get a second opinion. Surely you have enough money to have had a second opinion Caroline?”
She just looked at me in shame.
“You can't just have someone locked up like this and throw away the key. Because that is how it seems to me, she is like a prisoner here, not a patient.” I walked away from her to make a call to my lawyer and explained the situation.
He told me that I had to get a second opinion as soon as possible because the way he saw it, they had no right to keep my mother locked up.
I calmed down and told Caroline I needed to speak to my mother alone.
When I entered her room she was sat up in bed crying. She told me that as soon as I’d left yesterday my grandmother arrived and told her she would never see the outside again. Apparently mother had become hysterical so grandmother told the doctor my mother had attacked her and they sedated her.
“Don’t worry mother.” I told her. “I’m going to get a second opinion and see if I can get you transferred to a hospital in Lighthouse Cove.” She stopped crying and smiled.
I took her for a coffee and a piece of cake. I thought a change of scenery would do her good. Caroline was still waiting in the cafeteria. I wasn’t sure about Caroline, she seemed nice but I was starting to have my doubts.
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