“Shit, don’t do that.”
“Well then tell me what’s going on. You called me for a reason.”
God, he’d missed her, the way she was able to get right to the heart of him and take control. “Zack fired me.”
“What?”
“Well, not fired. There were some layoffs at work. They got rid of all new hires to save money.”
“That asshole! And here I thought he was a good one.”
“It wasn’t his fault. I don’t think he had much say in things.”
“He’s the frigging CTO, I’m sure he has more pull than that.”
Nolan leaned one hand on the bathroom counter and closed his eyes. Replaying the scene in his mind, he felt guilty for his earlier moment of suspicion; it was obvious Zack had been just as miserable as he was. Why had he been so willing to doubt Zack’s motives? “Seriously, Tina. You didn’t see his face. He didn’t want to be doing it, and I’ve seen him fire people. I don’t know exactly what happened.”
“Where are you right now?”
“In the bathroom. I just took a pill.”
“Okay, good. You need to lie down and rest.”
He wanted to cry, but somehow he managed to hold back the tears. “I need to find another job so I don’t miss next month’s rent.”
“You’ll find one. But that doesn’t matter right now. Go rest. Sleep this off until the anxiety passes. Then you can figure out your next move.”
He knew she was right, and that he was in no condition to be able to fix this problem right now. Too bad his brain wouldn’t stop the merry-go-round of worry and blame, spinning his fear and panic into a vortex.
“Nolan?”
“I’ll go lie down.”
“I’m going to let Mom know what’s going on.”
“No. Please don’t.”
“I need to—”
“No, you don’t. I’m an adult, and I need to learn how to manage these moments on my own. I can’t keep running to you or Mom and Dad every time I have an issue.”
Tina’s frustration came through loud and clear in her sigh. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
It was strange, but since Tina had moved and he’d thrown himself into his job, he’d felt as though he was finally taking control of his life. Now her concern seemed less well-intentioned than insulting. Of course he could handle things himself, just as he had before the accident. Of course he was a fully functional person again, able to manage his own affairs. His attitude had changed so much in such a short time.
It hadn’t hurt that the more time he’d spent with Zack, the more his world had opened up.
Had it only been a few days since they’d made love at Zack’s place? Those memories, still fresh, tangible, were something he could cling to. Better that than recalling the look of frustration and anger Zack had worn while he delivered the news. While their relationship as boss and assistant might be over, that didn’t mean they had to be done.
He cleared his throat and looked at himself in the mirror. “I’m not alone.”
“Now I’m going to worry about you all day.”
“Don’t. I’m home and I’m fine. You’re right: I’m going to have a nap and then tackle this when my mind is clear. I just needed to hear your voice. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” She paused, and he could hear her shuffling something on the other end. “In fact, I’m glad you called. Mind you, not about the reason, but I’m happy to talk to you. I’ve been finding things hard. Out here. Alone.”
Ever since they were kids, Tina had always come across as the untouchable one; she had an iron will and let nothing get in the way of what she wanted. Hearing her admit that her move was harder than she’d expected broke his heart.
“I know you’re heading to work soon, but how about later we do a Skype call? I think we could both use some face time.”
“Oh that would be awesome. And since you’re not working, you could always come out here. I mean, there are jobs in Vancouver, and my place here is actually a two-bedroom. It would be like old times.”
The thought of leaving Toronto, of leaving Zack, hurt. Then again, they had made no commitments. They weren’t a couple and hadn’t even established whether they’d be seeing each other again after the interlude at Zack’s house. They’d had great sex, then Zack had checked his email for five minutes, and the next thing Nolan knew his world was turned upside down. While the thought of packing up and heading halfway across the country was slightly terrifying, at least with Tina he knew exactly what to expect.
“I’ll think about it, and we can talk more tonight.” His anxiety relaxed, though whether from his conversation with Tina or the early effects of the pills kicking in, he couldn’t be certain. “I love you.”
“Love you too. I’ll ping you later.”
Hanging up, he took the opportunity to splash water on his face before making his way to the bedroom. He hadn’t finished setting things up yet; half of his belongings were still in boxes down in the storage space. The barren walls and half-made bed gave the impression of a person in transition. The room held no personal effects, but was waiting to take on some life. It was strangely similar to Zack’s home, though his place was far neater than Nolan managed. No doubt, Zack had cleaners to help keep things tidy.
Zack.
He fell onto the bed and closed his eyes. It shouldn’t be weighing on him this much, not knowing where he stood with his sort-of lover. Shit, he should be more worried about the fact that he was going to have to look for a job again. The experience he’d gained from his short tenure at Compass would help, but the prospect of sending out résumés, going to interviews, making new friends . . . and doing it all alone . . .
That should be his concern. But the more he thought about what was really upsetting him, the more he knew it had nothing to do with needing to find a new job and everything to do with the thought of Zack no longer being a part of his daily life. He had loved coming into the office in the morning and watching the tension in Zack bleed away. Knowing Zack, Nolan doubted he was even aware of the subtle change. Like the way his lips would twitch up into a small smirk whenever Nolan brought him a coffee. Or the way he’d linger behind Nolan’s chair, standing closer than he should while they spoke.
The smell of Zack’s aftershave, his shampoo, hell, even the scent of his detergent were burned into Nolan’s brain. And the memories of Zack’s body, the way he touched Nolan’s scars, kissed them with reverence as he aroused the rest of him—no one had ever treated him with such passion and love.
Nolan sat bolt upright, his heart pounding hard.
Love. No, there was no way Zack was in love with him. Lust, no doubt about it. But love?
With shaking hands, he pushed his hair from his face. The real question wasn’t what Zack felt, but rather what Nolan felt for him.
Was it more than simple friends with benefits?
Yeah. It really was.
Shit.
He had to find Zack and talk to him about everything that had happened. He’d left so quickly, in such a panic, he hadn’t even considered that they had more to discuss than what was happening at Compass.
Nolan had lost his job, and that was undeniably awful. But Zack’s world had been shaken up too, and Nolan hadn’t spared a thought for him until hours later. What exactly had Samantha Rollins threatened him with? Would he have to give up the gym entirely? Was there a chance he might actually leave Compass? Nolan should have asked him questions instead of reacting, but panic had taken over his brain.
No . . . He knew the anxiety was real, but he couldn’t place all the blame on his condition any more than he could ignore it and make it go away. He had to live with it, and that included taking responsibility for how he treated the people he cared about. Possibly loved.
Now he was stuck, though. After the way they’d left things unfinished, should he call Zack or wait for him to call? Neither felt ideal. Maybe he needed more time.
If nothing else,
he did have something to keep him busy while he looked for a new job. He might have been fired from Compass, but he could still follow through on his commitments to Ringside. And making progress there might be the perfect way to show Zack they had a future outside the company. If not, it was still the right thing to do.
Unfortunately, when he tried Zack’s office, he got his own outdated Compass voice mail. He slapped his forehead and dialed again, using Zack’s direct extension. More voice mail. After a moment of hesitation, he tried Zack’s cell phone. It went straight to voice mail without even ringing.
Nolan hung up with a big question mark floating in his mind. Was Zack out somewhere away from his office, too busy or upset to even pick up his phone, or was he ignoring the calls deliberately? Would he want to hear anything Nolan had to say about Ringside, now that Nolan was no longer his assistant at Compass?
Picking up his cell phone again, Nolan called the one person he knew would have the answers.
“Hi there. May I speak with Max, please?”
Nolan hadn’t been back to Frantic since his disastrous night out with Tina. There’d been no point in courting another incident when he was clearly not ready. But seeing the bar in the daytime put it in a strange light for him; it was less torture house and more warehouse.
After a brief phone call, Max had suggested Nolan come down to the bar so they could talk face-to-face. So there he stood, staring up at the unlit sign and trying to screw up enough courage to go in.
“Coming through.”
Nolan jumped out of the way of two men with their arms full of what appeared to be sound equipment. “Let me get the door for you.”
Well, no point in opening the door and then not going in. Nolan followed the men in, ignoring the sudden pounding of his heart. There were several people milling around, clearly getting ready to open. Three people stood behind the bar: two men and a woman who was currently laughing at the taller of the two.
The taller man turned his head and grinned the moment he saw him. “Nolan! Come over.”
He knew he’d met Max, but this man didn’t look even a bit familiar. All Nolan remembered was his voice, deep and warm. “Is this a bad time? I can come back later.”
Max came out from behind the bar, revealing even more of his impressive frame. Zack was fairly tall, but Max was huge. “Later it’ll be a zoo and I won’t have five minutes to myself. Let’s go back to the office.”
Nolan trailed behind him, throwing a small smile to the two remaining bartenders as he passed. As he went, he tried to take stock of everything he saw, but there was nothing outstanding about the building when it wasn’t lit up with the pulse of music flowing through it. Strange how someplace so innocuous could have caused him so much hurt.
Sort of like a tree in a ditch.
“Have a seat. Can I get you anything? Beer, water?”
“I’m good, thanks. How’s your mom?”
“Much better. Nothing like being waited on hand and foot by her only son to brighten her spirits.” Max fell into his chair behind the desk, laced his hands behind his head, and leaned back. “So, Zack fired you.”
“He did.”
“Did he have a choice?”
“No. I accused him of not fighting for me, but I know that wasn’t true.” He’d even reached out to Nancy, and she’d been nothing but regretful about the circumstances. She’d had no clue where Zack was that day, however.
“He can be a prick, but he’s a loyal prick. You won him over pretty fucking fast. If there was anything he could have done to save your job, rest assured he would have done it.”
Nolan’s gaze slipped to his hands. “I know. I was hurting and lashed out at him.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. Zack can stand to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anger for once. It might wake him up. So . . . you’re unemployed.”
“Yup.” Nolan took a deep breath and straightened. “But I’m not without a job.”
“Oh?” Max let his hands fall to the desk. “You mean Ringside.”
“I do. Zack asked me to help, and I plan to keep my end of the bargain.”
“So what was this plan of yours that you wanted to discuss with me?”
It was possible Max would balk at his big idea, but Nolan was fairly confident he’d be on board with one of the smaller pitches. “Ringside needs money. I want to use Frantic to run a fund-raiser.”
Max’s eyes widened for a moment before he broke out in a grin. “I knew you were a smart one. Why the hell didn’t we think of that? It’s so simple.”
“You’re focused on Frantic, and Zack is preoccupied with his job. Sometimes it’s easier to see these things from the outside. It’s only a start and won’t be enough, but it will raise awareness. Which is another thing I was thinking about.”
As soon as he started, Nolan couldn’t stop the flood of ideas from coming. A marketing campaign, outreach to community groups, government grants for small businesses. There were so many options out there for them to take a run at, he had no doubt some would be successful.
“The problem the two of you have is time,” he finally said, taking a deep breath before bringing out his main suggestion. “You need a project manager.”
Max chuckled. “I told Zack you’d have him so organized he wouldn’t know what hit him. That seems like a natural transition. So what do you need from me, besides the club?”
It shouldn’t be a nerve-racking thing, but the words stuck in his mouth. With a groan, Nolan rubbed at his thigh. “I need Zack to agree to this.”
“So ask him.”
“I . . . don’t know how. I know it’s stupid, but we’ve only known each other a month, and it wasn’t as though we were friends. He was my boss, and Ringside is his dream.” And Max might or might not know any more than that about their relationship; Nolan didn’t want to reveal anything Zack had been trying to keep from Max. Leaning forward, he shook his head. “I guess I just need to know that I’m not overstepping here. I inserted myself into this, first offered to help, because of work. I’d like to stay on at Ringside even if it’s as a volunteer, but I think I could be a great project manager, and I had the idea before I knew I’d be losing my job at Compass. You know him better than me. I just wanted to be certain.”
Max stood and came around to the other side of the desk to perch on the edge. “You’re right, I do know him better. The last time I saw him he was sitting in the same chair you are. He was drinking because of you. He’d done something stupid, which isn’t abnormal. But he was sulking, which is far from typical Zack behavior.”
In the little over a month he’d known Zack, sulking wasn’t a thing Nolan had seen even once. “That’s weird.”
“I thought so too, until I realized he was upset because he thought he’d hurt you. Zack isn’t intuitive when it comes to people’s emotions. He can brush them aside, which is great when you’re a CTO needing to make major corporate decisions. It’s not so wonderful when you like someone.”
Nolan’s stomach flipped. “You say that like we’re kids.”
“Zack is in some ways. He never seriously dated anyone when we were younger. Then he didn’t have time. You’re the first man I’ve ever seen him interested in. So if you’re asking me if I think Zack will have a problem with you wanting to continue to be a part of his life and help him with Ringside, then no, I don’t think there will be an issue.”
“Oh. Okay.” Nolan got to his feet and did his best to ignore the nervous tremor that rolled through him. “I guess that means I need to talk to him.”
“I guess so. You’re a good man, and you’re good for him. He’s not the easiest person to get along with, but once you get through his shell, he’s got a huge heart.”
“I know. You wouldn’t happen to know where he is, would you? I’ve tried him at the office and on his cell, but either he isn’t in, he can’t hear his phone, or he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Max chuckled. “I would lay odds it is anything but that last one
. Think about it. Does he really strike you as the silent-treatment type?”
“Ah.” Nolan flushed with relief. “No, I guess not.”
“I don’t know where he is, though. Sorry. If he gets in touch, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him.”
“Okay. Thanks, Max.” He shook Max’s hand. “I’ll keep you posted.”
Max smiled. “I’m sure Zack will beat you to that, if all goes the way I suspect it will. Good luck.”
Nolan walked out of Frantic, his brain spinning and his heart pounding. Zack cared for him, he knew it. All he had to do was hope that Zack would be willing to let Nolan in, accept him as more than an assistant. Nolan wanted his heart.
Zack stood in front of the old, musty heavy bag that one of the teens must have discovered while they’d been cleaning the gym. It wasn’t any good at all, but based on the amount of dust that had gathered beneath where it now hung, at least a few of the teens had taken some punches.
He’d tried to stay late at the office and get some work done, but eventually he’d given up. He’d needed a place he could yell and scream without fear of scaring the shit out of anyone. Getting to vent his anger on the heavy bag was an unexpected bonus.
When he’d arrived, none of the high school kids were around, but the contractor had been there. Zack had been forced to keep things bottled up long enough to make small talk and quickly discuss the work plan. Nothing major was starting for at least a month, and even then it would only be a fraction of the work that needed to happen before Ringside could open.
The moment the contractor left, Zack counted to ten before letting out a tremendous yell. He was sick and tired of things not going his way. He’d worked long and hard, but he couldn’t continue to bear up under this constant barrage of hits. Even the best fighter couldn’t always get up from the mat after a beating.
He missed Nolan. Hated what he’d done to him.
Stripping off his shirt, Zack hung it on a nail jutting from the wall. An envelope fell from the pocket, and Zack snatched it from the floor and rubbed his thumb over the seal before folding it and replacing it. He’d impulsively grabbed Miranda’s letter from his desk drawer before he left the office, after forwarding the to-be-terminated list to Samantha. It was time to suck it up and read the thing. After seeing it and choosing to ignore it countless times, he’d decided he owed his former employee that much.
Working It Page 19