Chapter 16
Brenda pushed a trolley around the supermarket, throwing things into it without much thought or interest. They'd had another row that morning. As usual it had started over something silly. This time, Brenda was annoyed because she'd asked Alan to put out the bin and he hadn't.
'I will put the bin out, I always put the bin out,' he'd told her. 'What is your problem?'
And Brenda couldn't answer that. She didn't know why she felt angry all of the time. She didn't even know what she was angry about. And she couldn't explain to Alan why he was the focus of all this anger. At the bakery, she tossed random packets of bread and cakes into the trolley — she didn't feel much like baking lately. Frank had noticed. Dear old Frank, he was so kind. He was dropping around more than ever, bringing her flowers and sometimes vegetables from his garden. The vegetables usually ended up in the bin. Brenda would plan to cook something nice for dinner but as the day progressed she would find herself curled up in a ball in front of the television. When Alan arrived home from work she would stick a ready meal from the freezer into the microwave and leave him to eat alone.
After this behaviour had continued for a couple of weeks, Alan had begged her to go to the doctor. Brenda had screamed at him that all he was interested in was his dinner and he didn't give a damn about her. She could still see the look of hurt and confusion in his eyes.
'Excuse me? That's my trolley.'
Brenda looked from the woman down to the trolley full of nappies and baby formula and stammered an apology. Abandoning her shopping, she ran out to the car and cried her eyes out. When she'd calmed down a bit, she drove very carefully to the medical centre in the village. It took all of her willpower to go into reception and ask for an appointment without breaking down.
Jim Gallagher was walking another patient to the door when he spotted her. Alan had called him a number of times over the last couple of weeks but Jim had told him that unless Brenda was willing to come in and see him, there was nothing he could do. He went back into his room and buzzed reception.
'Maria? I'll see Brenda Foley after the next patient, don't let her go.'
The receptionist put down the phone, consulted the appointments book and smiled at Brenda. 'You're in luck, there's a cancellation.'
Brenda sat down in the waiting room and leafed through a magazine without seeing it. She felt a sudden urge to run away but she knew that if she did she might never come back.
'Brenda?' She looked up to see Dr Gallagher smiling down at her. 'Come on in.'
She didn't remember much of the consultation afterwards except that she'd cried through most of it. Dr Gallagher had diagnosed depression.
'I'm not an expert, Brenda, and I want you to see someone who is. For the moment, I'm putting you on an antidepressant. I'll call you when I have an appointment for you to see someone.'
Brenda had dabbed at her tears with a sodden tissue. 'Do you mean a psychiatrist? Are you saying I'm mad?'
Jim chuckled. 'You are far from mad, Brenda, but you are sick. If you had angina I'd send you to a heart specialist, if you had cancer I'd send you to an oncologist. Depression is a disease too and it needs to be treated by an expert.'
Brenda was still frightened. 'Will he want to lock me up?'
Jim shook his head. 'Of course not! All he will do is talk to you and monitor your medication.'
So Brenda had gone to the pharmacy and then gone home. She couldn't wait to tell Alan the news. He would be so happy that she had gone to the doctor and relieved that there was apparently a reason for her strange behaviour.
She took her first tablet and then went upstairs to lie down. For some reason she felt completely exhausted. It took her a few moments to realise that all was not quite right in the bedroom. There were hangers on the bed, the wardrobe was open and the shelf where Alan kept his ties was almost bare. When Brenda investigated further, she realised some of his clothes were missing and the suitcase that usually sat on the top of the wardrobe was gone. She went back downstairs in search of a note but there was nothing. She went to the phone and saw that the light on the answering machine was flashing. She pushed the button with trembling fingers.
'Brenda, it's me. I'm going to London on business for a few weeks. Given the way things are between us I think it's for the best. I'll be in touch. Take care of yourself. Bye.'
Brenda listened to the message three times. She remembered Alan had mentioned that head office wanted him to come over for some training but he'd kept putting it off, saying he was much too busy to go. She tried to call him on his mobile but it was switched off. She was sitting on the bottom stair staring into space when the doorbell rang.
Frank stood on the step, his face full of compassion. 'Are you okay, love?'
Brenda stood back to let him in. 'Alan's left me.'
'No, love, he's just taking a break.'
Brenda looked at him. 'You knew?'
'He called me from the airport and asked me to keep an eye on you.' Brenda stared at him, her eyes bright with tears, and Frank took her in his arms. 'Don't worry, Brenda, he's only gone for a few weeks. He'll be back before you know it.'
'I've been so awful to him, Frank, but Dr Gallagher says it wasn't my fault. He says I'm suffering from depression.'
'You went to the doctor?' Frank led her into the living room and sat her down. Brenda smiled through her tears.
'Ironic, isn't it? Alan's been at me for weeks to go and I do it the day he leaves me.' She broke into a fresh flood of tears.
'Oh, love, I'm telling you he hasn't left you. And when you tell him about the depression I'm sure he'll be on the first plane back.
Brenda shook her head. 'No, that's not what I want.'
'Now, Brenda—'
'No, Frank, he was right to go. As long as I know that he's coming back I'll be fine.'
Frank squeezed her hand. 'You're an amazing girl, do you know that?'
Brenda laughed. 'I can think of lots of words but amazing isn't one of them.' And she burst into tears again.
'I'll make you some tea,' Frank said.
'Why do people always make tea in a crisis?' Brenda hiccupped.
Frank sighed. 'Because they've no idea what else to do.'
After the tea, Brenda decided to go back upstairs and have the nap she'd planned earlier.
'Are you sure you'll be okay?' Frank asked. 'I could stay if you want.'
Brenda kissed his cheek. 'That's okay, Frank. Strange as it may seem I feel better now that I know what's wrong and I'm doing something about it.'
It was six when Frank left her and he thought about going over to see Celine. He'd love to talk to her about Brenda but under the circumstances, that probably wasn't a good idea. Despite his and Alan's best efforts, Brenda had refused to talk about Celine, never mind see her. Maybe now she was on the medication all of that would change. Frank was glad the girl was finally getting help. He and Alan had been watching her fall apart for weeks now. Alan had been at his wits' end and Frank knew he must have been desperate to go to London without saying goodbye properly. 'Maybe it will shock her into sorting herself out,' he'd told Frank when he'd called from the airport, his voice weary.
Frank had promised to look after Brenda but he couldn't help feeling that a woman would do a better job. And his thoughts returned to Celine. He decided to drive around by her cottage and check that everything was okay. A young couple had rented it and Frank was relieved to see that they seemed to lead a quiet life. As he drove past the girl was just coming in from work and the lad came out to meet her. As they kissed, Frank thought with a pang of all the times Celine and Dermot had stood in that driveway arm in arm. It was criminal that his poor daughter was alone at such an early age. Thoroughly fed up now himself, Frank decided to go to the golf club for a pint.
When he walked into the bar, Kevin Gilligan was in a corner with some friends. He waved but Frank turned his back on him and went to the other end of the bar. 'Give us a pint, Robbie,' he said to the barman.
/> 'We don't usually see you on a Thursday evening, Frank.'
Frank shrugged. 'Yeah, well, I've had a bad day.'
'Don't look now,' Robbie murmured, 'but I think you've got company.'
Frank looked up to see Kevin approaching.
'Frank, how's it going? Let me get you a pint.'
'I've got one.'
'Put that on my account, Robbie, would you?' Kevin slid onto the barstool next to Frank.
'No, thanks,' Frank said through gritted teeth.
'Oh, come on, Frank,' Kevin murmured. 'Don't you think it's time to put the past behind us? Everyone else has.'
'Thanks to you, my daughter had to move to the other side of town,' Frank retorted.
'And from what I hear, she's doing very well.'
Frank shot him a suspicious look.
Kevin smiled. 'Dublin's a small town, Frank. I'm happy for Celine. She's an intelligent woman and she was wasting away in that pharmacy.'
Frank grunted.
Kevin stood up and clapped him on the back. 'Every cloud has a silver lining, Frank. Ask Celine.'
Frank fumed inwardly as Kevin went back to join his friends. He'd never really liked the man but he positively hated him now. It disgusted Frank that while Celine's life had been devastated when their affair became public Kevin's had gone on as before. Frank would never understand what Celine saw in him. He was nothing like Dermot.
Chapter 17
Celine had really tried to break up with Kevin but after discovering Fergus was Rose's son she felt in need of comfort. On his first visit to her flat, she had practically fallen into his arms.
'So it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder,' Kevin had said when they came up for air.
Celine hadn't bothered answering but led him into the bedroom. Their lovemaking had been frenzied and rough. Kevin couldn't take his eyes off her and she was only just getting her breathing under control when he was on top of her again. 'God, you are gorgeous,' he'd muttered into her neck. 'Always so cool and calm on the outside and like a complete tart in the bedroom.'
Celine had pressed a hand over his mouth. She hated it when he talked like this. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him long and hard, the sure way to shut him up. When she was finally sated she went into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers.
'That was great.' Kevin had dipped a finger in his drink and trailed it across her stomach.
'You should probably go, it's late.'
'That's okay, Eileen's away. I can stay the night if you like.'
Celine had closed her eyes briefly. 'If you did that, I wouldn't get any sleep and I have an early start in the morning.'
'Turning into quite the little businesswoman, aren't you?'
Celine had bristled at his amused tone and prayed that he'd leave soon. It was weird that a body that had aroused her only minutes before could so quickly lose its appeal. After pouring another whiskey into him and flattering his ego for half an hour, Celine finally got Kevin to the door.
'I'll be in touch,' he'd told her after another long, languorous kiss.
'Great.' Celine had waved him off and promised herself that she wouldn't call him any more.
And now here she was again agreeing to see him. She put down the phone and went to make the bed. When she'd finished tidying her room, she went into the kitchen and poured herself a large drink. She took it over to the window, curled up on the ledge and stared out at the skyline.
She didn't feel as turned on as she usually did when Kevin was on his way. How much that had to do with Richard Lawrence she wasn't sure. She felt very attracted to him but a relationship with him would be messy. She didn't have to worry about commitment — he was clearly not interested in that. But he was her landlord and would be in her life as long as she was running the shop and that could prove awkward. Being attracted to the wrong men seemed to be her forte. How had she managed to end up with Dermot? She smiled as she remembered that she wouldn't have if it hadn't been for his perseverance — he just wouldn't take no for an answer. He hadn't been her type, Celine had thought, and dismissed him, but Dermot wouldn't leave her alone. There were flowers, cards and phone calls until she'd eventually agreed to go out on a date with him.
That evening had been a revelation. Within minutes, they were talking as if they'd known each other for years. Celine had never felt so comfortable with a man before. A week later, Dermot had told her he loved her and asked her to marry him. She'd refused, told him he was silly, that he didn't know what love was. The following week she had capitulated and six months later they were married.
They had laughed at couples that said you had to work at the first year of marriage. They settled into life together as if they'd never known any other way. They finished each other's sentences, read each other's thoughts and agreed on all the important issues. Celine's eyes filled at the memory of her perfect marriage. That, she realised, must be why she was attracted to such unreliable men these days. She knew that it would be impossible to replace Dermot.
The noise of the buzzer made her jump. Kevin was early. She would dearly love to turn him away because thinking of Dermot had killed any sexual urges. She went to the door and pressed the button. As she opened the door she was surprised to see Richard.
'It's not a good idea to open the door without knowing who's there, Celine.'
'I was expecting someone.'
'Oh.' He looked disappointed. 'I was going to ask you to come for a drink.'
'I'm sorry but—'
'Yeah, you're expecting someone.'
Celine smiled and found herself wishing again that Kevin wasn't coming over. 'You could join me for a quick drink here, if you like.'
'Yeah, why not?' Richard sat down on the sofa while Celine went into the kitchen.
'Wine, beer or something stronger?'
'A beer please.'
Celine brought him a beer and then poured herself some more wine.
'How are you and Rose getting on lately?'
'We're doing okay.'
'I'm glad.'
'You're a very involved landlord, aren't you?'
'Just nosey.' He winked at her. 'No, Rose has been a friend as much as a tenant. She really needs this operation but I know she'd cancel it in a heartbeat if she was needed. So are you looking forward to running the shop on your own?'
Celine nodded. 'I am actually. It should be fun.'
'Well, you've got me and Dominic to call on if you need anything.'
'And Mary Boyle and Gerry,' Celine added.
'Oh, is Mary trying to fix you up already? She doesn't waste time. Next she'll be inviting you to tea.'
Celine chuckled. 'She already has. I can't wait to meet Gerry.'
'I'd love to be a fly on the wall.'
'How old is he? Thirty-five, forty?'
Richard nearly choked on his beer. 'Closer to fifty.' 'You're kidding!'
'Nope.'
'And he's still at home with his mother?'
'Yep.'
Celine shook her head. 'I can't believe that she'd think someone of my age would be interested.'
'She's getting desperate,' Richard explained.
'So you're chased by desperate women and I'm going to be chased by desperate mothers?'
Richard moved a little closer. 'Who would you rather be chased by?'
Celine's pulse quickened as she felt his breath on her cheek. 'Maybe I don't want to be chased at all.'
'That would be a shame.'
He traced a finger across her lips and Celine shivered in anticipation. When he bent his head to kiss her she closed her eyes but before his lips touched hers the buzzer went.
'Ignore it,' Richard murmured.
Celine was tempted to but when the buzzer went again she pulled away from him, stood up and straightened her clothes. 'I can't.' She crossed the room and spoke into the intercom. 'Hello?'
'Hi, baby.'
Richard stood up, a slight smile on his lips. 'Ah.'
; 'I'm sorry—'
He held up a hand. 'Don't apologise. I was being very presumptuous.'
'It's not like that,' Celine started to explain as she opened the door.
On cue, Kevin reached the top stair, pinned her against the door and kissed her. When he finally stepped back he noticed Richard. 'Hello, there.'
Celine looked at the floor. 'Richard, this is Kevin. Kevin, this is Richard, my landlord.'
Kevin immediately stretched out his hand. 'Pleased to meet you.'
'You too. Right then, I've got my rent so I'll be off. Good night.'
Celine watched him until he got to the bottom of the stairs. 'Good night.'
Kevin pushed the door closed and dragged her into his arms. 'You look good enough to eat and I'm feeling very hungry.'
Celine slipped out of his arms. 'Let me get you a drink.'
Kevin pulled off his tie and stretched out on the sofa. 'I thought this place was rent-free?'
Celine returned with a large whiskey. 'It is. He just has a strange sense of humour.'
'So what did he want?'
Celine smiled slightly. 'He wanted to take me for a drink. Why, are you jealous?'
Kevin laughed. 'I'm not the jealous type, Celine, you know that. Let's go to bed.'
'No, I'm not in the mood.'
Kevin raised an eyebrow. 'Really?'
'Sorry, Kevin, but I've got a lot on my mind at the moment.'
He moved closer. 'I could help you forget.'
Celine looked at him and thought that Richard had sat where he was sitting less than ten minutes ago. 'I told you, I'm not in the mood.'
Kevin's smile disappeared as he picked up his tie and walked to the door. 'I tell you what, Celine. Why don't you give me a call when you are in the mood?'
She looked at him, her face grave. 'I don't think so.'
Five miles away, Rose was lowering herself into a herbal bath that would hopefully help her sleep. She winced as she tried to find a comfortable position and then rested her head against the inflatable cushion. Usually she tried to practise relaxation techniques in the bath but tonight all she could think of was Fergus and that damn job of his. She had been thrilled when he'd told her about it, it sounded wonderful and the pay was good too, but she knew her son well enough to know that he was holding something back. She'd let him talk for several minutes — the fact that he was babbling so much was a sure sign that he was nervous — and then she'd looked him in the eye. 'So what's the problem?'
Red Letter Day Page 11