by Garza, Amber
Instead, I whirled around and raced down the hall. Tears blurring my vision, I ran with my head down.
“Whoa, where’s the fire?” Jackson’s voice stopped me.
When I glanced up at him, his face dropped. “What happened?” He reached for me, his hands framing my face.
I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t speak. My lips trembled, the words caught in my throat. So I turned around and pointed. When his gaze connected with my locker, his expression hardened. The darkness in his eyes made my blood run cold.
“Who did that?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, even though I did. It had to have been Big Boobs or possibly Zach. That guy’s an asshole.
He withdrew his hands from my face and snatched up my hand. “It’s all right,” he spoke gently to me, but flames still danced in his irises. A fire had been lit, and it wasn’t going out until he got revenge. I knew that feeling, and it gave me a sick sense of satisfaction.
Other kids in the hallway had noticed my locker. When they saw Jackson and me walking toward it, they parted like the Red Sea. With his hand firmly tucked in mine, he stalked over to my locker and ripped the doll off.
Then he held it up, his gaze scouring the halls. “Who did this?”
No one responded. A few kids shook their heads, others looked at the ground, while others high tailed it in the other direction. I didn’t blame them. Jackson looked terrifying in this moment. But to me he never looked better.
“When I find out who did this, you’re gonna pay. Understand?” His voice boomed around the hallway.
I held my head high, still holding tightly to Jackson’s hand. When the hallway started clearing out, he dropped the doll in the nearest trash bin and then swept me into his arms.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you again, okay?”
I nodded against his shoulder.
“I’ll get this cleaned up. Don’t worry about it.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted blond hair, large boobs. She was staring at Jackson and me from across the hall wearing a scowl. Before I could point her out to Jackson, she quickly hurried off, disappearing from sight.
There were no more incidents the rest of the day, but when I got home I still couldn’t shake the uneasiness I felt. All I wanted was a new start. Why couldn’t I get that? Jackson had some commitment with his sister, so he couldn’t come over. It killed me to walk into an empty house after the day I’d had. It also was the perfect breeding ground for my anxiety to crop up. That’s how my mind worked. I’d always had an active imagination, but when I was alone it came alive. My mind whirred and spun until I drove myself nuts. That’s what was happening this afternoon.
And that’s why I decided to try to get into the gun safe.
Not to hurt myself, but because I was scared. I felt like I might need it at some point for protection. I mean, that was why he had it, right? And I was the one always home alone. So shouldn’t I know how to access it?
I crept into my parents’ room and dropped to my knees on the carpet in front of the safe. Then I tried a few combinations. My mom’s birthday, dad’s birthday, my birthday. No luck. Sitting back on my butt, I bit my lip and thought. What was important to Dad? That’s when it hit me. I leaned forward and used the date that Dad graduated from medical school. It was the same date he’d used for many passwords over the years. I felt a little smug when it worked. Dad should’ve picked a better combination if he didn’t want me to be able to get into it.
I opened the safe and dipped my hand inside, my fingers closing around the gun. The metal was cool on my skin as I dragged it out. When I lifted it up, the dim lighting in the room glinted off of it. Holding it in my palm, it was heavier than I had imagined it would be.
A chill ran through me as I studied it. Weird that such a small object had the power to end a life, huh? It felt exhilarating to have that much power in my hands. And that scared me.
“What are you doing?”
I jumped at the sound of Jackson’s voice. Where did he come from? Slowly I pivoted my head to look at him. He stood in the doorway wearing jeans and a grey hooded sweatshirt, a ball cap on his head. Bentley used to wear hats. I hated them now. There was a light dusting of water on his cap and the shoulders of his sweatshirt. I glanced at the window and saw a sheet of rain descending from the sky. I hadn’t even noticed it was raining.
Jackson’s gaze fixated on the gun in my hand, his lips curving downward. “Piper?”
“Oh.” I came out of my stunned stupor. “I was just…” What was I doing? How could I explain this? I was just paranoid and wanted to make sure I had access to a weapon in case I needed it? Then when I held it I enjoyed the feeling of it in my hand? Uh, yeah, that sounded completely normal. I was sure if I said that Jackson would run to the nearest door and never look back. “It’s my dad’s.” Hey, it was the only thing I could think of to say. “How’d you get in here?”
Jackson stepped into the room, concern etched on his features. “I knocked, but you didn’t answer. The door was unlocked, so I came in.” He narrowed his eyes. “Didn’t you hear me calling your name?”
I shook my head. God, how out of it was I? I guess I had been focused, and it’s not like I had been listening for him. “I thought you were busy with Courtney this afternoon.”
“I was. We finished early. Besides, I was worried about you.” With deliberate movements Jackson lowered on to the ground beside me, reaching for the gun in my hands. Then he plucked it up into his thick fingers. “Let’s put the gun away, okay?” He used a soothing tone.
I nodded as he slid it back into the safe and closed the door.
“Piper, are you all right?” He turned to me.
I nodded again.
His arms came around me, drawing me close. I slumped against him, my fingers finding the edge of his collar and fisting it.
“I think it’s time to tell me the whole story,” Jackson said.
I knew he was right. The problem was, I didn’t know if I could. I’d been keeping it inside for so long that I didn’t even know how to formulate the words.
Tyler
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Mom hovered over me, a frown on her face.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I mumbled, pushing past her. She’d been following me around since I’d gotten home from school as if she was my goddamn shadow. She couldn’t be any closer if she attached herself with Velcro to my back. Not that she wasn’t always a little overbearing. Being the youngest of three kids had its disadvantages. One of them being that Mom always viewed me as her baby. And it only got worse when my older brother and sister went away to college.
“I still can’t believe it.” She ran her hand over my head, her fingers catching on the strands of my hair. Irritation bubbled inside of me. I wasn’t a little boy. Grunting, I moved away from her, but she didn’t get the hint. Instead she continued scurrying behind me. I left the kitchen where Mom had been forcing food down my throat, and headed back to my room. “It just reminds you how precious life is,” she said.
I walked into my room, shaking my head. “I know, Mom.” Honestly, I didn’t want to be a dick. I knew Mom was trying to process this. Jackson had been a huge part of my life for a long time. Mom had spent a lot of time with him. I was sure this was tough for her. The problem was that I didn’t have it in me to help her or talk her through it. I was shredded, tattered, frayed.
Sighing, her eyes rested on me. In this moment she looked every bit her age. My mom was older than most of my friend’s moms. She and Dad got married later in life and had kids even later. Still she always worked at looking younger, dying her grey roots and wearing makeup to hide her wrinkles. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I need some time alone,” I told her.
Nodding, she turned and walked out of the room. After closing my bedroom door, I flung myself down on the bed, grateful to finally be alone. Away from prying eyes and questioning glances. Away from suspicion and sad frowns. I couldn’t ta
ke it anymore. I was on the verge of losing my shit.
I stared up at the ceiling fan as it whirled around slowly, lazily. Years ago Jackson and I sat on my bed and threw things up at the blades. It was an experiment of sorts to see what object would break and which ones would just fly around the room. With my head in my hands, I sat up. God, it seemed that Jackson even followed me here. I couldn’t get away from him. There was nowhere to go to get away from the memories. They’d find me anywhere.
I had hoped that when school ended I could get a break. But I should have known better. Jackson spent as much time at my house as he had at school. Not lately, but before he met Piper he came over all the time. And when he wasn’t here, he was at Zach’s. The three of us were together so much I never thought anything would separate us.
Jackson and I rarely ever fought. In fact, up until this year Jackson and I had only had one really big fight. It was during football season sophomore year. A freshman named Jeff Whittle joined the team, and he was a complete pansy. All the guys thought so. One afternoon in the locker room we razzed him a little. Nothing major. Just a little initiation of sorts. When Jackson walked in and saw what we were doing, he got pissed. I mean, really pissed.
It’s not like we were going to seriously hurt the guy or anything. We were just having a little fun. But I didn’t bother saying that to Jackson. When Zach tried to defend our actions, Jackson almost punched him. Of course Zach and Jackson got into fights a lot. Jackson didn’t always agree with the things Zach did. Those two were night and day different. Sometimes I found it funny that they were friends. I thought it was more out of habit, to be honest. They’d been friends for so long it was almost like they didn’t know how not to be.
Weeks went by before I could get Jackson to talk to me again. When we did finally hash things out, he told me that he expected that kind of behavior out of Zach, but not me. I understood what he was saying. I was the guy who used to be teased. Then again, that was a long time ago. Because of Jackson I was now part of the popular crowd. It’s not like I forgot what it felt like to be picked on. I just enjoyed being part of the group, and I easily went along with things. I was a follower, plain and simple.
Eventually Jackson forgave me and we moved on. I never teased Jeff anymore though. Not that I had much opportunity to. Dude injured himself two games into the season and had to drop out.
My cell buzzed in my pocket, jolting me back to the present. I dug my fingers down deep into my pocket and snatched the phone out. My stomach plummeted. It was Zach. Answering, I pressed it to my ear.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Just checking on you. Are you doing okay, man?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Did everybody see me as fragile?
“Cause you were acting like you were on the verge of jumping off a cliff today, man.”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“You don’t sound fine,” he said.
Goddamn it, Zach. He was always a smug know-it-all. Jackson used to say that all the time too.
“Well, do you blame me?” I finally asked.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Zach promised.
“How can you be sure?” I glanced around the room, praying Mom wasn’t listening in.
“Just trust me.”
My stomach knotted. His words did nothing to make me feel better. In fact, they made me feel worse. The only person I’d ever trusted outside of my family was Jackson. And now he was gone. If my fate rested on Zach’s shoulders, I was pretty sure I was going down.
“Tyler?”
I sighed. “Fine. It’s not like I have any other choice but to trust you.”
“Great.” He sounded relieved. “Just be cool, okay?”
“Yeah. Cool.” Yeah, right.
As I hung up, I assumed Zach was as skeptical as I was about my ability to stay cool and not buckle under the pressure.
Piper
Jackson was patient. He held me in his arms waiting for me to tell him the story. Only I couldn’t do it. Or maybe I just didn’t want to. Either way, the words were stuck in my throat, lodged between my tonsils. I glanced around my parents’ room, my gaze landing on the safe where Jackson had locked the gun away. It was clear that Jackson was worried about me. Maybe he thought I was planning to use the gun on myself, but I wasn’t going to do that.
Jackson’s hand moved down my arm, his fingers resting on my bracelets. My chest tightened. He was the only person, other than my parents, who knew what was under them.
“Can we go into my room, please?” I asked in a small voice. “I can’t do this in here.” My parents’ room had always seemed sad to me, with its floral comforter and lacy doilies on the dresser. I knew Mom spent most nights alone in here, and it made my stomach ache.
“Of course.” Jackson held on to me, helping me up.
With our hands linked, we made our way to my bedroom. Once inside, Jackson crawled up on my bed, patting the spot on the comforter in front of him.
Hugging myself, I stayed standing. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes. “Okay.” He nodded. “That’s fine. I won’t force you.”
His words pierced my heart. “You won’t?”
“Nope. I’ll never force you to do anything, Piper.”
My heart softened, the walls I carefully built around it crumbling. “He forced me,” I whispered.
“What?”
I held my breath, praying that I wouldn’t have to repeat it.
“Did you just say ‘he forced me’?” Jackson’s face hardened.
I nodded, rubbing my palms up and down my upper arms.
“Who?” He scooted forward, his gaze locked on mine.
“Bentley.” It physically hurt to push his name past my lips.
“Who’s that?”
“A guy I knew back in Cherry Wood. We were sort of involved, I guess.” My heart pinched, remembering how much I liked Bentley when we first met. Not the way I liked Jackson, but pretty close. He seemed so genuine, so nice. But he wasn’t. Not at all. Afterward, I wondered how I’d missed the red flags. They were there. I could pinpoint them once he’d revealed his true colors. But I didn’t see them at first. Probably because I didn’t want to. At first I had worried that I was doing the same thing this time, but I knew Jackson was different. I could feel it in my heart.
Jackson came closer. I looked at his baseball cap, Bentley’s face filling my mind - his cap, his hands, his arms. Shaking my head, I backed away from Jackson. “Can you please take off your hat?”
Jackson’s eyes widened. “Of course.” In one fluid movement he tugged the hat off his head and threw it on the ground. “Are you saying what I think you are?”
I stared into his eyes, my lips quivering.
“Did someone force you to…?” I watched his neck swell as he swallowed. “God, I can’t say it.” Groaning, he ran a hand over his face.
“Yes,” I responded, glad he hadn’t said it.
Jackson’s eyes roamed my body. “Oh, my god. Was it your first time?”
I nodded.
Anguish filled his face. Lowering his head, he glanced down at his hat. “And that asshole wore a hat?” His chest heaved angrily with each word.
I squeezed my eyes shut, as if that simple act could block out the memories.
“Piper.” Jackson’s voice was filled with pain. “Can I touch you?”
Without opening my eyes, I nodded. Then I felt his hands on my arms. He drew me forward, his arms encasing me. Gratefully I fell against him, my cheek pressing against his chest.
“Please tell me that piece of shit is behind bars,” he said, desperation in his tone.
I shook my head.
“Why not?” His words were laced with anger.
“No one believed me. He was the son of a prominent man in our town. He had a great reputation. I didn’t.”
Jackson held me tighter. “Where is he now?”
I stiffened in his arms. �
��I can’t talk about this anymore. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine.” He nuzzled my neck with his nose. “Don’t say anything else. I’ve got you, baby. Everything’s okay. I’m going to make sure of it.”
Jackson
The days following Piper’s confession were hard for me. I wasn’t a mean guy, and I wasn’t the type of guy to get in fist fights. That was more Zach’s style. But ever since she told me what that asshole did to her, I walked around with the urge to slam my fist into someone’s face all the time. Namely Bentley’s face, but I couldn’t get to him. I wasn’t even sure if he was still alive.
When I first heard the rumors about Piper, I had hoped none of them were true. Now I hoped they were. I never wanted someone dead before. But if I ever got the chance, I’d kill that bastard. And I wouldn’t even feel bad about it.
Just the thought of him forcing himself on Piper was enough to get my blood boiling. Frankly, it destroyed me. It’s bad enough to picture another guy touching her willingly. It’s unbearable to think of a guy doing it against her consent. What kind of guy does that?
However, I was careful to keep myself calm around her. The last thing she needed was for me to go ape shit on her. When she told me what happened, she was shaking like a leaf. Her whole body trembled when I wrapped her in my arms. It took a long time before her nerves settled. I’d never seen someone look so scared, so small, so helpless. I hated that he made her feel like that. And I vowed to do everything in my power to make her feel safe, protected.
I don’t want her to ever regret telling me.
At first I think she did. The day after telling me she was hesitant around me, as if gauging whether or not I’d still want to be with her. I almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Nothing could make me not want to be with her. Certainly not the actions of some scumbag. That was not a reflection of her. That was all on him.