by Garza, Amber
I want to feel secure in the fact that Piper loves me. And I do…somewhat. But if I’m being entirely honest, I have to admit that there are times when I wonder if my feelings for her are stronger than her feelings for me. She says all the right things, and sometimes when I look into her eyes I see how much she cares for me. I see our deep connection. But I also see something else. I see the walls she still hasn’t torn down for me. I see the barriers she hides behind. I know that they most likely have to do with that asshole who hurt her. And I wish I knew how to get rid of that.
I don’t want anything standing between Piper and me. Not Shane. Not Bentley. Not my friends. Nothing.
And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they don’t.
Piper
“We need to talk about one last thing before the detective arrives.” Mr. Roth fixed me with a serious stare, and panic took root in my stomach. It opened slowly like a flower blooming. I knew what he was going to ask before he did. Petals fluttered against my ribcage as I held my breath, hoping I was wrong. “I need to know what happened with Bentley.”
I sputtered, air rushing past my lips. Mom gave me a stern look. She and Dad never believed my version of what happened between me and Bentley. And it was physically painful for me to relay the story to anyone. It even took me months to tell Jackson, and I trusted him more than anyone in the entire world.
“I don’t think I can talk about it.” I clasped and unclasped my hands in my lap. My gaze found the window that overlooked our front yard. There was a slight breeze, and a few leaves skittered along the glass pane. If only I could be like them, floating in the breeze, far away from all these questions. I glanced up at the clouds, fluffy and white. Was Jackson somewhere beyond them? Was that where heaven was? And if so, was he watching me? I stared at the sky desperately wishing it had answers.
“You’re going to have to.” Mr. Roth’s voice was gentler than before, but I could still tell I wasn’t getting out of this. “This isn’t a joke, Piper. You’re a suspect in a murder. And so far you don’t even have an alibi for where you were when Jackson was killed. Your past is going to make you seem even guiltier.” He leaned toward me. “Please give me something that will help your case.”
I slumped back in my seat, wondering if it was even worth it. Did I deserve help? Perhaps jail is where I belonged. Without Jackson I would rot away no matter where I was. Why not prison?
When I met Jackson, it seemed too good to be true. I couldn’t understand how a girl like me would be fortunate enough to be loved by someone as amazing as Jackson. I often worried that my past would catch up to me. And now it seemed that it finally had.
Bentley was finally getting his revenge. And wasn’t that what he always wanted?
Everyone knew who Bentley Fairgood was. His dad was the mayor of Cherry Wood after all. Not only that, but he was captain of the football team, class president, and the best looking boy on campus. And from the very first time I’d laid eyes on him I would’ve given anything to be with him. I wasn’t alone in my desire either.
My best friend Stella had a major crush on him too. Stella and I lived on the same street, and we’d been friends since we were in fifth grade. She was a little superficial and high maintenance, but a lot of people said that about me too. I guess that was the downfall of being the daughter of a doctor. I’d been raised to act a certain way, to behave in a particular manner. And my life was lived in a bubble. We resided in an upscale neighborhood. I’d never even really seen poverty, much less been exposed to it. The hurting and destitute wasn’t something I was familiar with. I supposed I grew up thinking life was one big party.
The only escape I had from my bubble was my acting. However, even that was done in the center of town with people I’d grown up with. But at least it allowed me to explore a different side of myself. To have something that was mine alone.
Dad never came to any of my plays, but Mom did. And she enjoyed them. I knew I was good. My teacher told me all the time. But that wasn’t how I knew. I knew because I could feel it. When I acted, I could transform into someone else. And I felt it like a physical thing, the same way a caterpillar must feel when it turns into a butterfly. I could transform the same way. It wasn’t just my voice and mannerisms, I felt different, like I’d slipped into someone else’s body entirely. Like when you hear about ghosts inhabiting another person. That’s what I imagined I did. I took an imaginary character, breathed life into their dead lungs and embodied them.
It was after one of my plays that I first spoke to Bentley. He’d attended with his father. During the show I hadn’t even noticed him. Of course that made sense. I never noticed the audience at all. Once I got into character, the rest of the world faded away. Oftentimes when a play ended I’d glance down at the rows of chairs with people sitting in them, and feel momentarily confused.
“Piper, right?” Bentley cornered me backstage. I wondered how he even got back there, until I remembered he was the mayor’s son. He probably thought he could go anywhere.
I nodded, unsure of why Bentley was even speaking to me. He never had before, and we’d gone to school together for years.
“You were incredible up there.” He nodded his head toward the stage.
“Thanks.” Heat crept up my neck and spilled across my cheeks. I fingered the bottom of my puffy sleeves, embarrassed to still be in my costume. This puffy dress wasn’t the most flattering thing on me.
“What are you doing later?”
My head snapped up at his question. “Like tonight?”
He flashed me an amused smile. “Yep.”
“Nothing.” After the words flippantly left my mouth, I mentally chastised myself. Now I sounded like a loser. “Well, I mean, sometimes the cast gets together afterward, but I don’t have to.”
He grinned. At the time I thought it was sweet. Later I would look back at that moment and see that smile for what it was. It was a satisfied look. He knew I would sacrifice for him, that already he was more important than other things, that I would choose him. If only I’d been able to read him then. If only I’d been smarter.
But I wasn’t. And so I went out with him that night. And pretty soon I was going out with him every night.
At first it was like a dream. I felt like the most special girl in the world. Even my parents were over the moon. They loved Bentley. He was charismatic and charming. When he flashed one of his heart-stopping smiles, he made you believe he was the most genuine guy in the world. Sometimes I saw glimpses of something else in the shadows of his irises, something not quite right with his grin, but I always sloughed it off as paranoia.
Besides, all my friends were beside themselves with jealousy. That shouldn’t have made me happy, but it did. You see, I’d never been the prettiest girl or the most popular. Usually it was Stella who got all the guys. I was just the quirky, eccentric one. Even before I dressed like I do now, I’d been pegged. I was the drama geek. The girl who liked theatre and poetry. Boys weren’t into that.
But finally a boy was. And not just any boy. Bentley Fairgood.
After we’d been dating about a month, Bentley took me to a party. I’d never drank before and hadn’t planned on it that night. Instead I stuck to soda. But Bentley drank. He and his friends downed red cups of beer in the kitchen. They played games and took shots of tequila. Pretty soon he was wasted. I worried about it a little, wondering how I’d get home. I knew better than to get into the car with someone who had been drinking. I could drive, but I didn’t have my car, and there was no way Bentley would let me drive his.
“Hey, baby,” Bentley slurred, draping an arm over my shoulders. “Let me get you another drink.” Reaching out, he plucked the plastic cup out of my hand.
“It’s just soda, Bentley,” I told him.
“I know.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Don’t worry.”
As he staggered into the kitchen to refill my soda, I glanced around the room. A few girls stared in my direction, envy drawn all over their face
s. Warmth spread through me as Bentley returned. I took the cup in my hand, grateful that it was soda. I’ll admit a part of me thought he might try to slip some beer in my cup. Bentley was certainly pushy when he wanted something. And even though he acted like it was no big deal that I wasn’t drinking tonight, I could tell it bothered him a little.
Wrapping his arms around me, Bentley kissed me hard on the mouth. His lips fumbled over mine, his tongue sliding sloppily over my mouth. It wasn’t the best kiss ever, but I didn’t dare stop him. Bentley didn’t take rejection well.
“I’m not feeling so good,” He spoke against my mouth.
“Oh.” I held on to him tightly. “Okay, c’mon. I’ll get you to a bathroom.”
“No.” He composed himself, standing up taller and adjusting the baseball cap on his head. Dark tufts of hair peeked out from beneath the bill. I thought he looked sexy in a hat. The shadowing made his dark eyes even darker. His chocolate brown eyes were one of the things I liked about him. “I’m not that kind of sick. I just have a headache. I’ll feel better if I can lay down a minute.”
I nodded, and grabbed his hand. Together we headed down the hallway. I wasn’t familiar with this house. It was one of Bentley’s friends’. His parents were out of town this week. The house was large, and I knew there had to be some spare bedrooms upstairs. I knew there was no way Bentley would sleep on a couch out here in front of everyone. So I tugged Bentley’s hand and guided him up the stairs. With my other hand I fisted my soda, knowing I’d need more later. I figured I was in for a long night. It’s not like we could leave anytime soon. At the top of the stairs there was an empty bedroom.
Relieved, I stepped inside with Bentley right behind me. After helping Bentley to the bed, I turned around. But his hand clamped around my wrist.
“Stay,” he said, a puppy dog look in his eyes.
“Okay.”
“But close the door. The noise is making my headache worse.” That should have been my first clue, but I chose to ignore it.
Nodding, I closed the door. Bentley lie on top of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He patted the bed next to him with his palm. “Sit with me. At least until I fall asleep.”
I thought it was sweet that he wanted me here with him. It made him seem almost child-like. So I did what he said.
Closing his eyes, he murmured. “Just sip your drink and sit here next to me, okay?”
With my free hand I touched his cool fingers, and with my other hand I lifted the cup to my lips. While Bentley lie on the bed with his eyes closed, I sipped my soda. The carbonation danced on my tongue as the liquid slid down my throat. By the time I finished my drink, my head felt a little fuzzy. I squinted as the walls bent around me. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath. What the hell?
“Bentley.” I tapped his shoulder and his eyelids flipped open quickly. Much quicker than I expected. Was I hallucinating?
“I don’t feel so good,” I said.
“It’s okay. Neither do I,” he joked.
“But you’ve been drinking.” My voice sounded far away, like I was speaking in a tunnel. Fear snaked around my heart. What was wrong with me?
Bentley sat up, facing me. “Everything’s going to be all right, Piper.” His hat was askew on his head, and the shadows on his face almost looked like spiderwebs.
“What’s happening?”
“Just go with it.” His hand tugged on the bottom of my black dress. Before I could fully register what was happening, his hand had traveled up my leg and was yanking at my panties. I tried to reach out to stop him, but I felt sluggish, odd.
“Bentley,” I panted.
“Yeah, that’s right, babe. I’m right here.” If his words were meant to comfort me, they didn’t. Instead I felt more panicked, more terrified. What had he done to me?
I found out later that he drugged my drink. If only he’d drugged it more, then maybe I wouldn’t remember so much of what he’d done to me that night. Later when I confronted him about it, he assured me that I had fun. That I had wanted it. When I asked him why he had to drug me then, he said it was just to loosen me up a little. That I was too tense.
None of my friends believed me. They’d seen me with him. Seen me guide him to the bedroom. Everyone assumed I wanted it. And why wouldn’t I? It was Bentley Fairgood, right? But I hadn’t wanted it. Not that way. Not that night.
I knew I’d never get anyone to believe that it wasn’t consensual. But Bentley knew.
And that’s why I did what I did.
It was simple.
It was revenge.
Tyler
My pulse spiked the minute I heard the knock on the door. I stopped writing, my hand suspended over my notebook, the ballpoint pen dangling from my fingers. Damn that Zach. He had led me to foolishly believe that I was in the clear; that the cops wouldn’t want to talk to me. When school was out today he walked me to my car, assuring me that Tanya was the only person they’d want to talk to in our group. And like an idiot, I bought it hook, line and sinker.
I figured he was right. They’d already gotten to Tanya, so it would stand to reason that if they wanted to talk to Zach or me they would have done it by now. Besides, I was sure that Tanya had given them more than enough information. Probably talked their damn ears off. It’s not like they’d need any more information.
I’d gotten home from school less than a half hour ago. After eating a snack, I headed to my room to do homework. Mom was still hovering, but today I let it slide a little. It wouldn’t kill me to let her fuss over me a little. Besides, I was in a better mood than yesterday. I thought I was in the clear. I’d even started to breathe easy again. The crushing feeling on my chest dissipated a little.
Now it was back. In fact, it wasn’t just back. It was worse.
Holding my breath, I listened to Mom’s feet shuffling on the carpet. I heard the click of the door as she opened it. A low male voice spoke to her. He said my name. She let him in, and she was walking toward my room. I felt sick. Like seriously sick. Like so sick bile rose in my throat, burned the back of my tongue. I gagged, forcing it back down.
My door popped open. Mom’s face was drawn and pale. “Tyler, a detective is here to talk to you.”
I nodded, smoothing out my facial features. As I stood, my gaze fell to the phone sitting face up on my desk. I reached toward it, wishing I could text Zach, to ask him what the hell I should say. But then I dropped my hand. No way could I text him now. It would make me look guilty. No, what I needed to do right now was stay levelheaded.
Following behind Mom I forced my breathing to slow a little. I concentrated on each breath, the way it sucked in through my nose and blew out through my mouth. I counted my steps, paid attention to my heartbeat. Anything to try to keep myself composed. If I lost it now it was all over for me.
When the detective came into view, my heart arrested in my chest. How was I going to do this? I’d never been good under pressure. I always cracked. Oh, god, if only I’d never gone with Zach and Jackson that night. What had possessed me to get involved? That’s not even my type of thing. I didn’t like violence or confrontation. I was the quiet one, the shy one. How did this even happen?
A part of me wished Jackson had never sought Zach and me out that day. At the time I was happy. Our friend was finally back. At least that’s what I thought. But now I wished he’d stayed away from us the same way he’d done for months. Then maybe none of this would have happened.
It all stemmed from that moment. That one decision. It was like a damn game of dominoes. When I was a kid, Jackson and I would line up my dominoes all through the family room. Sometimes we made elaborate curves and designs, but sometimes we just made a long, straight line. Then we’d bump the first one, it would hit the next one, and pretty soon they’d all go down.
It was exactly what happened with us. One event led to another, then led to another. And pretty soon we were all going down.
Jackson
I have a confession to make.
I’ve done something pretty damn terrible. But I can’t tell anyone. Not ever. Especially not Piper. She’s the last person I ever want to know this.
So I’ll write it in here where it’s safe. And then I’ll move on, and I’ll never speak of it again. Deal?
I guess in order to tell this story I have to start at the beginning. And to do that I need to go back to the day that Piper told me the truth about Bentley. As badly as I don’t want to remember that day or any of the awful details of what that monster did to her, I have to share it in here. It’s the only way you’ll understand. It’s the only way to justify what I did.
Just trust me. You’ll see.
I’d been sneaking into Piper’s room at night for weeks. She had been having nightmares again, and she confessed to me that the only night she didn’t was that one night when I slept next to her. At first I had been angry with her for not sharing this sooner. If I had known, I would have been with her every night. But then she told me that she hadn’t said anything because she was afraid that if I started sneaking out every night I’d get caught. And she was worried that if that happened my parents would never let me see her. I couldn’t be upset with her after that. Her fear was valid. My parents still hadn’t warmed toward her. If anything, they’d grown colder.
One night she had a bad dream even though I was holding her. It was the first time that had happened, and it scared the shit out of me. She started writhing on the bed, her face scrunching up with fear. I woke her quietly, scared of arousing her parents. When her eyes popped open it took her several minutes to realize it was me and not Bentley. And she kept muttering something about how she knew I’d finally find her; that she knew I’d finally get her back for what she did.
I gently shook her shoulders and assured her that I was Jackson, not Bentley. Finally her eyes widened, clearing, as if she was coming out of a trance. The relief that swept over her features when she realized it was me was the most beautiful sight in the world. She threw her arms around me and clutched me tightly.