by Robin Hart
He walked up the drive, opened the door with a key under the mat, and then walked inside, quickly turning on a light so that the hall wasn't as dark and endless looking. He walked up the stairs to his bedroom, shed his clothes, and went to the bathroom to wash his face. As the water washed away the day, he realized that he really was at an odd age. At 24, he sometimes felt like a boy still, sometimes like an old man. He felt he was more mature than many people, but sometimes he also wondered if he was mature enough, at home in his body.
He wondered if he should just give up on the whole thing with Nicole. He lay in bed with his hands behind his head and watched the ceiling fan until his eyes felt heavy and sleep was more important than worry.
Sean waited eagerly outside the hotel for Nicole. He watched the faces passing him on the street. He listened to the click of heels and the pounding of men's dress shoes. Finally he saw her face appearing in the crowd, a ways back, walking in the crush of people like she belonged, like it didn't bother her to be touching shoulders and arms with strangers. She looked up at him and as their eyes met, he felt as if a line of electricity crackled between them. She smiled, and it was like sunshine coming through clouds. He smiled back, forgetting to make it the smooth smile of a host like he should have been. Instead, he looked just like boyhood Sean, and in that moment, Nicole looked at the tall handsome man waiting by the hotel and knew it was her childhood friend.
She nearly turned and ran, but he deserved a chance to explain himself. She walked towards him slowly, deliberately, trying to find the right words for what to say. What had happened to him? When had he become such a man? Why was he in California? Why did he lie? She was glad she had figured it out before she had made a fool of herself in some big way. When she reached him, she hugged him without thinking about it, and as she pressed his big body against her, she wondered if she really should really even tell him at all.
It would be more interesting to see where he was going with this. Maybe she'd never know what his real intentions were and what he meant to do if she stopped it now. What if he was expecting her to hate him and never see him again? She wasn't ready for that. She had only just started seeing him. She could pretend it wasn't the Sean from before. And really, it wasn't. This Sean wasn't like the old one at all. She would give him a chance for all the chances he had given her.
When they pulled away from each other, Sean was flushed. He could feel the heat in his cheeks, hoped it didn't show. He hadn't expected her to grab him like that. He released her reluctantly. It wasn't Sean she was hugging after all. It wasn't Sean she'd hung on to like he was a port in a storm. It wasn't Sean's eyes she was staring into curiously. Nicole had always had a way of making him feel like he was the only lighthouse, she the ship tossing on the waves. He wanted to bring her home safely, if he could do that, he’d feel that God had been more than fair with him.
"Nervous?" He asked, opening the heavy glass doors for her, not because it was his job as a host, but because she was Nicole, and he loved her and she was everything.
"No. Why would I be?" She said, walking through the door and waiting for him to get the second one.
Sean got it, hiding his surprise. He had assumed that in person, Nicole would be the independent type of person who would scowl at a man for opening a door and make some kind of comment about how she could do it herself. Like it was an insult. They entered the lobby and could see two decorated doors that obviously led to the ballroom where the reception was being held.
"Sean. I mean John." She said, pulling on his sleeve. "Sorry, you just really remind me of someone, it's a habit."
"What?" He turned, and they moved to the side of the door.
"Why should I be nervous? You never answered." She said. "You must have my knack for getting distracted."
"Not usually." He said, and when she looked at him puzzled, he amended, "Just when I meet up with a beautiful woman who is dressed like you."
"Oh, you." She said. "Now put away that gross host flattery before people figure us out." She punched him lightly on the arm and laughed when he rubbed it and pouted.
"That hurt."
"No it didn't."
"Okay."
"Now answer my question, or there's more where that came from."
“I'm so scared." He said.
She continued to wait with her arms crossed, so he answered before she could start tapping her heels. She did look gorgeous today though, in a blue suit with a pretty polka dot blouse underneath. She’d pulled her hair back, and her brown eyes glittered like sea glass.
"I don't really want to tell you why you could be nervous, since you aren't. But I just thought that since this was your first time taking an escort to a date, you might…"
"Oh." She said. "It's not."
"It isn't?" He felt deflated, like he was a big red balloon and she'd just stuck a large pin in him.
"I took Justin to lunch." She said, not telling him that she had merely taken the host out to pry for more information about "John" and to see what taking a host out was like. She let him look a bit crestfallen. It was only a moment though, and then his masculine pride seemed to have found a way to puff itself back up.
Sean was upset for a moment, but then he remembered that Justin wasn't here today. And lunch dates were just casual. And really, none of these were real dates. And at least if she was with him on a fake date, she couldn’t be on a real date with anyone else. The thought pushed Justin out of his head. Almost. What really did it was watching her cute backside walking in front of him, before he pulled his eyes away and mentally slapped himself for being inappropriate. Oh well, there had to be some perks to this escort thing.
Nicole walked into the room with a stiffness due more to her new awareness that John was Sean than because she'd hired a male escort to come to a wedding. She decided to focus on the wedding. She had wanted a safe date, and she had that, so she should relax and meet her friends.
She looked to the far front of the room, where the Bride and Groom’s table was. She went over to it, Sean walking behind. She looked back at him and smiled, and he looked back at her with a nervous grin. He wasn't nearly as at ease with this as she was. As she approached the table, her friend Briana rose to come and hug her.
"Thanks so much for coming." She said. "This is Jeff." She pointed to her husband, a dark haired, skinny man beaming and effervescent with satisfaction.
"Nice to meet you." Nicole said, leaning forward to shake his hand. "I know you two will be very happy. You got a good woman."
"I know." He said, and then locked eyes with his new bride and Nicole knew that was her cue to go spend the next hour or two sitting at a table feeling awkward and getting hit on. No, Sean was here today, so that wouldn't be happening. Woozy and uncomfortable with the thought, she decided to just pretend it wasn't Sean. If he wanted a new start, let him be John.
She reached a table and Sean pulled out her chair so that she could sit. The women at the table watched him.
"Would you like me to get you a drink?" He asked.
"Just water." She said, and he went to the drink table.
"Nicole!" One of the women said, pulling Nicole's focus away from Sean.
"Beth!" Nicole said. "Tina!" She stood and gave two more hugs, because it was the feminine thing to do when seeing old friends, though Nicole had never been much of a hugger.
"So you were lucky enough to get a date." Tina said, watching Sean walking carefully to the table with two drinks. "Who is he?"
"Just a friend." She said. When Tina and Beth looked at each other and then at Sean with grins, she corrected, "but I'm hoping to change that."
Her friends sighed and laughed.
"Yeah, who wouldn't?" Beth said.
Nicole was about to ask how life had been since high school when Sean arrived at the table, set her water down on a napkin, and then pulled out the chair beside her and sat with his own drink. He lifted it and drank half of it in one go, then his brow wrinkled and Nicole knew he had a head freez
e. Cute.
"So how do you two know each other?" Tina asked.
"We grew up together." Nicole said. “In Idaho.”
"Yeah.” Sean said.
"If that's how they grow them in Idaho, sign me up." Tina smiled, and Nicole sent her an annoyed glare.
"Grow what?" Sean asked, looking from one to the other. Nicole raised an eyebrow, but Tina and Beth laughed.
"You're so cute." Beth said.
That ruffled his feathers. Sean had been called cute incessantly since he was young. He enjoyed the dojang because no one ever said it.
"You know, men don't really like being called cute." He said, leaning back in his chair and narrowing his eyes on them.
"Oh." They both said. They looked down at their drinks.
"But I'll accept hot, handsome, rugged, and beastly, in reverse order of preference." He smiled, and Nicole turned to look at him, shocked, while the other two looked relieved and laughed.
So he could be charming when he wanted to, Nicole thought.
Good thing he read romance novels. He'd felt like he needed to in order to properly evaluate Nicole's. Not that he could appropriately evaluate anything his best friend did.
That sent him off in a tailspin. His best friend. What was he doing? Did he even understand his own feelings about her? He was on a date with her. He was protecting her. But he didn't really know where it went from there. Luckily the women with them weren't about to let him sit and brood.
"Can we borrow him for a dance?" Tina asked. "I'll bring him back in one piece, but I can't speak for Beth."
"I agree." Beth said.
Sean looked at Nicole to rescue him. Not that Tina wasn't a pretty, if average looking, blonde, and Beth a pretty, if regular looking brunette. It's just for some reason if it wasn't Nicole, the women seemed to kind of blend together. And he didn't want to be pulled away from her side.
Nicole ignored his hope of rescue, wanting some revenge of her own. "Be my guest, I doubt such a hot, handsome, rugged, beastly man would mind obliging."
Sean's glare was a micro expression, a minute narrowing of the eyes that happened in a fraction of a second before he held out a hand to Tina. "Shall we?"
She smiled and took his hand, and Nicole tried to ignore a distasteful awkwardness that rose in her as they touched. She frowned.
"Are you sure, Nicole?"
"Sure."
"You looked kind of fierce there for a moment." Tina said, causing Sean to glance curiously over his shoulder.
"Unrelated thought." She said, folding her arms and sitting back in the chair.
But the two were already out on the dance floor, swaying back and forth, Sean's hands in the proper positions on Tina's hand and waist, moving only to bring Tina’s hand up off his rear. She nearly stood to lay her out, but seeing him unaffected by Tina’s flirtation salved her sudden and inexplicable irritation a little. She'd never had to share Sean before. He'd always been only her friend, her cute, stalwart secret, mysteriously immune to other women, unfailingly loyal to the few people he chose as friends. It made her feel insecure somehow, as if his attention was imperative to her safety, to her concept of self as important and valuable. Then again, maybe it was just that she was paying for this date, not Tina. She was thinking of going to intercept them, when a hand landed on her shoulder, stopping her.
"Nicole." A male voice said. "Haven't seen you in a while."
"Jake." She said, looking up at a much older, somewhat drunk version of her first boyfriend.
"You alone?" He said, slumping into Sean's chair.
"No, I'm here with a date." She said.
"Sure." He said, looking around the table for spare alcohol.
"He's right there." She said, sticking a thumb over her shoulder to point at Sean.
"Then why is he dancing with Tina?" He asked.
She looked to Beth for confirmation, but she had already headed off looking for a bathroom. Probably to throw up, if Beth was still bulimic like before. Nicole wanted to head after her, but knew that her interference would probably be just as useless now as it had been in high school, and probably less welcome now that they were so much older.
She sighed.
"Want me to keep you company?" Jake asked.
"No."
"Why not? We're old friends."
"You tried to rape me."
"No I didn't. You changed your mind."
"I never wanted it."
"Oh come on Nicole, I was a teenager and that was a long time ago. I don't remember who was at fault. Let's just chalk it up to experience?"
She turned away from him, refusing to face either him or the dance floor.
"Can't we let bygones be bygones? Hey, you learned not to be alone with a guy in his car."
She heard the slap before she felt it. It wasn't loud enough to be heard across the room because of the music. Most people wouldn't have known anything happened, but one dark haired, tall man had stopped dancing, left his partner, and was moving towards the table.
"I didn't need you to teach me anything!" She said, rising, wanting to hit him again while he just sat there and glared at her with her red hand mark on his cheek.
She leaned in close. "I didn't need any help learning about how bad men can be, or have you forgotten that?" She pulled back, standing up to walk away, grabbing her purse from the ground. "I’m still trying to unlearn."
"You were a little slut who didn't know what…” Jake wasn't able to finish because Sean had him in a chicken wing the instant he reached the table.
It was the most inconspicuous way of causing enough pain that someone couldn't move or talk for fear you'd cause more, while simply looking like you had their hand behind their back. Sean hoped it just looked like Jake was holding it there himself.
Nicole turned to walk away, but left Jake with one final thought. "A slut? Maybe. But not ever for someone like you again."
Sean waited till Nicole got a reasonable distance away and released Jake, who slumped back on his chair.
"I know who you are.” Sean leaned over him. “If she wasn't waiting for me, I'd have a lot more to say to you. A lot more to do to you." He said. "I'm glad you never saw the most valuable part of Nicole.”
"Yeah?" Jake muttered. "What was that?"
He leaned in closer, eye to eye, nose to nose, breath to breath. Looked the other man over and found him wanting. “Her heart.”
Sean found Nicole outside the hotel, pacing in the wind, which blew in her hair that had come free from its neat up-do. She looked over at him and he could tell from her face she was holding off tears. This was the Nicole he remembered, the one who came to his house whenever something had happened at home. Without warning, she’d show up, looking frightened, mussed, but most of all, just that pinched little face trying to be brave and impervious. She would ask to play, and he would bring her in.
He had learned after the first couple of times not to ask what was wrong, that it was best for her to just be distracted, that she didn’t want anything else, that it caused her pain.
But now as a grown man, he found the urge to hold her, to make her feel safe enough to let the tears out, almost impossible to go against. He put a hand on her shoulder gently. She turned around.
“Are you okay?” He said. “Who was that?”
“Just someone from high school.” She said, pushing his hand off her shoulder and turning to the street.
“Sorry I wasn’t there sooner.” He said. “I shouldn’t have danced with your friend.”
“I told you to.” She said. “You were there really quick.” She turned back to him, eyes locked on his. “Were you watching us?”
“Yes.” He said. “That’s my job right?”
She turned away from him again. “Thank you.” She walked a little down the road and he followed her. She checked the bus schedule.
“Can I give you a ride home?” He asked.
“That’s not necessary.” She said.
“You’d be doing me a fa
vor if you’d let me.” He said, coming up beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I’d like to know you’re home safe.”
“Okay.” She said. She put an arm around his waist and let him lead her to the car garage. “If it makes you feel better.”
“Alright.” He laughed. “My hero.”
CHAT
Chat log 5/15
N: thanks for getting on.
S: no problem.
S: Rough day?
N: You could say that…
S: Sorry to hear it. Want to talk about it?
N: Not really.
S: Okay.
N: but I think I need to.
S: What happened?
N: I went on my first escort date.
S: Oh. How did it go?
N: The date was fine, that wasn’t the problem.
S: What was then?
N: It was a friend from high school that was getting married.
S: Okay. And?
N: And Jake was there.
S: >:(
N: I know.
S: Did you punch him right in the face?
N: It was a wedding.
S: I know. It sucks that those people always benefit from functions where manners prevent people from bashing their face in.
N: Yeah, I think that’s how my escort probably felt.
S: what do you mean?
N: He put the guy in some kind of hold. Just his job I guess. I slapped Jake though. I’m sure my escort thought I was crazy.
S: I doubt it. Why else would he hurt the guy?
N: It looked more like he was just trying to stop the confrontation altogether.
S: I don’t know. You know us men. We’re pretty protective. Especially of women we are attracted to.
N: He’s just a host, a paid date.
S: that doesn’t mean he’s blind.
N: How do you know what I look like?
S: The back cover of your novels.
N: Ha ha oh yeah. That pic is so cheesy.
S: I’m guessing that’s one of the requirements?
N: Yeah, probably. No one told me about it, but the photographer seemed to know what to do. My agent handled everything.