by Robin Hart
While Melanie went to pick out clothes, Nicole went to the bathroom to check out her hair. Sean would be at the club. So much better than a letter or an email, she could sit with him and remember how much they had cared for each other back then, she could remember one person that never wanted to hurt her, and she could live in the hope that this adult Sean was just here to protect her, and not for any other reason.
Most of all, she could go out and be with friends, people who made the darkness seem darker but invited her into the light.
Chapter 6: Breakdown
There is a way of seeing a woman that makes a man feel like he’s more than he is, and that’s how Sean saw Nicole.
He enjoyed watching her with her cousin, a younger woman, with similar skin to Nicole, if a bit darker. The two were clearly cousins, with the same beautiful curly hair, dark skin, and big smiles. Nicole’s bone structure was a little different, more striking, maybe because she was in her mid-twenties while Melanie was only eighteen.
She was being warm and friendly tonight, eyes sparkling, a rare amount of eye makeup lining her eyes, setting off the sparkle that always seemed to jump from them. Melanie was being helpful and supportive and curious about everything. The two sat close, Justin on one side, Jason on the other. Sean sat on a neighboring couch, watching them play Sorry with the other hosts. Feeling jealous.
“Ha!” Melanie said, moving a piece. “Sorry Justin.”
“No!” Justin laughed, moving the piece back to start and making an exaggerated pose of despair. “How could you Melanie! I thought you loved me!”
“You’re such a cheese ball, Justin.”
“That’s right.” He said, sitting back up and looking at the board for his next move. “Cut me up and serve me with crackers. I’m a total cheese ball.”
The group laughed, including Nicole, and Sean pushed away any feeling of bitterness that she was laughing at another man and smiled with them.
“I’m in next game.”
“I thought you hated this game.” Jason said, scowling at the last of his pieces that was sent home by Nicole.
“I did.” Sean said. “But I’m bored.”
“There are a ton of girls here.” Jason said. “Why don’t you entertain one of them?” He exchanged knowing smirks with Justin.
“I don’t want to.” Sean said. “Besides, wouldn’t it ruin my appeal if I was eager?”
“True!” Justin said, trying to calculate how much he would have to roll to send Melanie home so that he could try to psychically influence the dice. “You’re a fast learner old man.”
“Old man?”
“Yeah. Given by demeanor, not age.”
Sean glared, and the others laughed. Sean didn’t see himself as mature as others did. He was a bit tired of being called an old soul, of the expectations there to always be mature, to do the right thing. Just because he was smart enough not to say or do stupid things, didn’t mean he never wanted to, wasn’t tempted to. Sometimes he was still a 26-year-old guy, and while he tried his best to be a good man, he was tired of others just expecting it. But it was hard to show anyone your human side when you were trying to impress a girl. Sean didn’t realize the guys found him the most human and flawed around Nicole, Sean just didn’t see it himself because he was so focused.
“So John. Tell me about your goals in life?” Melanie said, dark eyes sparkling up at him. Why did dark eyes sparkle so brightly?
“Not much.” He said. “Working here. A few plans outside of this. Top secret.”
“Rude!” Melanie laughed. “Why can’t you tell us?”
“Now Melanie.” Justin said. “You know it’s not proper to get into the old man’s business.”
“Oh geez.” Sean rolled his eyes. “Everything I do makes me an old man.”
“If the boot fits.” Nicole said, surprising everyone by jumping in. “Besides, you turned us down for a board game. We are entitled to tease you about being an old man so that we don’t feel immature.”
“I see.” Sean said. “Well, it’s not like more than 4 could play anyway.”
“I would have let you have my spot.” Jason said. “No one here appreciates me anyway.” He pulled his glasses down to glare at the girls and Justin.”
“Please Jason.” Justin said. “Just because you make the funniest reactions when we send your pieces back to start doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate you.”
“That’s right.” Nicole said. “We appreciate how fun it is to thwart you.”
Jason laughed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Alright. Well I’m going to go mingle. The game is basically over for me with all 4 pieces at start, and Melanie’s about to finish anyway.”
“Really?” Nicole asked.
“You haven’t even been paying attention.” Jason said. He took a last look over the cute little group, regretted having to go mingle with the others, but the ladies would complain if John, Jason, and Justin were all taken for the night by just two sisters, one a guest, not even a member yet. He said goodnight to them and left.
Sean took the opportunity to move in on Nicole’s left and sit by her. The couch was a half circle so that they could surround the game on the round table in front of them.
“Should I take his spot or just watch?” He said.
“Probably just watch.” Nicole said. “It’s almost over anyways, apparently. Besides, it seems like those two are the only ones paying much attention to it anyway.”
“True.” Sean said, looking at Justin, who was arguing with Melanie. They seemed to be enjoying it. He turned back to Nicole.
“So did you ever think you’d be paying to play board games with a guy on a Friday night?”
“That’s kind of a rude way of putting it, but no, I didn’t.”
“Yeah, you’re a cute girl. You should have someone to play board games with for free.”
“You know, I did growing up.”
“Yeah?” Sean said. Not that that was unique for children, but he wanted her to open up to him.
“Yeah.” She said. “My best friend and I used to play this game all the time. In fact, he’s the one that’s a lot like you.” She tried not to be aware of how close he was. He was sitting just normally by her on the couch, being respectful, but their thighs were touching, and their arms somewhat. It was foreign and she kept waiting for that trapped feeling, like something was about to trigger fear in here. But it didn’t come, and she focused instead on his patient, handsome face, waiting to hear more about her childhood.
“It sounds like he meant a lot to you.”
“He still does.” Nicole really didn’t want to inflate Sean’s ego, couldn’t believe he could talk to her about himself while pretending not to be himself, but it was the truth and not something she could lie about. “He still means everything.”
“Woah.” Sean said. “So is this a love interest?”
“No.” Nicole said. “That’s why he means so much. He’s been the only one who hasn’t tried to use me like that.”
“Wow. Wait, what do you mean, use you?”
Nicole hesitated for a moment. He really was doing such a good job of acting ignorant that if she hadn’t known for sure when she hugged him at the reception, she would be having doubts about him being Sean right now.
“You know.” Nicole said. “Men start out nice. They act like your friend. They treat you well.”
Sean nodded. “As they should.”
“And then the payoff.”
“What?” Sean asked. “Like, they want to sleep with you?”
“No.” She said. “That’s not the bad part. If they had just come at me for that in the first place, I’d have just blown them off and been fine.”
“Okay, so…”
“It’s that I feel tricked. That I thought they liked me for me, or loved me, when really I was just an object for them. Someone they wanted to use, and had to treat well enough so that I would let them.”
“I see.” He said. “Have men really gotten so bad?
”
“Yes.” She said. “Though I suppose I’m sensitive. I hate being tricked more than anything in the whole stupid world.”
Sean felt like ants were crawling in his underwear, he was so uncomfortable. He was glad he wasn’t a very transparent person, because talking about himself with her was already odd. Now he had to hear about men who made him angry, and hear that he was doing the one thing she hated more than anything in the world, and not react to it. Tough.
“I’m sorry you’ve been through so much.” He said. “You don’t deserve that.”
“I know.” She said. “I deserve this.” She glanced around the room. “I like it a lot.”
“And we all like you a lot.” He said, feeling warmth creep up his cheeks and hoping it didn’t show. “Not that you deserve to have to pay to be treated well, just that I’m glad you’re here.” He tried to see if she was blushing, but couldn’t tell. “And maybe if we can just be your friends here you can start to see what you want and how to look for it.”
“So I should look for people who are like male escorts?”
“We aren’t normal male escorts, you know that.” He said. He wanted to put a hand on her hand, because it was clasping her leg like she was in pain, or feeling alone. But he didn’t.
“I know.” She said. “You’re way hotter than normal male escorts.” She smiled at him, and patted his hand lightly before moving away and grinning as if she hadn’t.
That did it. He was sure he was full on blushing and she could see it.
She could, and loved it. She was beginning not to care if he was Sean or not. She was beginning to just enjoy being around him. He was a good guy.
“You’re blushing.” She said, laughing. “I’m kind of jealous. I never blush.”
“You don’t?” He asked. “Does it not show, or do you just not feel the warm feeling at all?”
“I feel the warm feeling, but I just don’t. It must be my olive coloring. Melanie’s more warm, and she blushes.”
“She does?” Sean didn’t care at all.
“Yeah. Want me to show you?”
“Nah, let’s just let those two bicker. They seem to enjoy it.”
“I bet Justin would enjoy seeing it.”
“Well, if you really want to.” Sean didn’t want the moment to end. He’s been feeling like it was their own little world again, like a bubble surrounded them, and he didn’t want it to pop, or for Justin to stick his big head in it.
“No.” She said. “Not really in the mood tonight.” She slumped back a bit on the couch towards Melanie, so that she and Sean weren’t touching thighs anymore, because it was unnerving.
“Is everything okay?” Sean turned a little away so that they were almost facing. “You do seem a little out of it tonight, even though it’s been fun to see you with your cousin.”
“Yeah.” She said. “Sometimes I just have bad days.”
“Who doesn’t?” He asked. “What’s got you down?”
“So now you’re an escort AND a shrink?”
“I try.” He said. “Don’t sue me if I make you more crazy though.”
“I’ll try.” She said. “But I don’t know if more crazy is possible.”
“You are dodging.” He said. “You don’t have to tell me, but what’s got you down?”
“Actually, Melanie and I were talking about shrinks.” She said. “And maybe this is TMI, but I saw one when I was younger, after a tough move, and so talking about it just brought memories back that I didn’t really want.”
“Really.” He said. “What do you mean?”
“Haven’t you ever had a time of your life you just want to forget, and so everything that reminds you of it puts you into a funk?”
“I can’t say that I have.” He said. “But I’ve known people who have. Very close friends who have been through some tough stuff.” Again he felt like patting her knee, to sympathize, but didn’t. “I’m sorry you’ve been through something like that.”
“Well don’t assume anything.” She said, stiffening. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it’s probably not that.” She fidgeted and pressed more against Melanie. “I don’t like when people assume things and pity me.”
“I’m sorry.” He said, putting his hands up. “I’m not thinking anything, promise.”
“Stop it, just stop.” She said, getting agitated.
“Nicole.” He said, leaning in with his hands on his lap, whispering. “I promise I’m not thinking of anything, or trying to get in your head. It’s not my business. I have no idea what it could be, and I won’t poke at it. I promise.”
“Nicole, would you like to come see the window?” Chuck had popped up at the worst time, and Nicole looked up at him with wide eyes as Sean cursed. She looked like she felt naked, and that Chuck had come to gawk as well. But she didn’t answer.
“I was just about to take her.” Sean said, looking over at Nicole.
“I’ll go with Chuck.” She said. “You can keep an eye on Melanie.”
So she stood, not accepting Chuck’s hand, and walked to the window with him, moving out of his reach when he would have put a hand on the small of her back.
Sean knew Chuck was a good guy, most of the women loved having the hosts put a hand there when escorting them, because it was so possessive. Not Nicole of course. Sean worried that she would have a complete mental breakdown over here. He got up to get a drink and to keep them in better view. He hated that he had pushed her until she’d looked so scared, so defensive. It was the last thing he’d wanted in the world. They’d been enjoying each other. It didn’t make any sense. Was she so scared of being judged? These were the things he’d never seen from her letters and emails, the way she curled inside, the wide, betrayed eyes, the muttered ‘stop it’ when he wasn’t doing anything. Nicole was much more of a mystery to him in person. He saw Chuck try to make a joke and saw Nicole put her face in her hands. Chuck’s eyes went wide, the alarmed eyes of a man who has made a woman cry inexplicably. He looked at Sean with a glance that said ‘help’ and Sean moved quickly over to Melanie, careful not to draw too much attention. He leaned down and told her Nicole needed her.
Melanie looked over, and he saw anger come into her face. “No, Chuck didn’t do anything, she was already upset. Did something happen tonight before you guys came?”
Melanie’s face lit up in recognition but before she could say anything, Sean interrupted.
“No, it’s none of my business. Just go help her.”
“Thank you.” Melanie nodded. She gave Sean a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for watching out for her.”
Sean touched his cheek, shocked. He blinked several times, but kept watching Melanie as she went to Nicole, pulled her aside, and hugged her. Justin just waited, intentionally obtuse, staring at the game board, and Sean appreciated that. He nudged Sean and pointed at a group of women in which one had turned to stare at Melanie and Nicole. Before she could turn back and point it out to the group, Sean and Justin were there.
“Hey girls.” Justin said, sliding smoothly onto the armrest. “Why have you been avoiding us tonight?”
Sean said nothing, slumping up behind Justin because he knew that was his place. He flopped in an empty chair and looked bored, which for once, wasn’t that easy.
“Justin!” Amy said. “You’re the one who has been neglecting us for the new girls!”
“Never!” Justin said. “You know I would never.”
Amy was a pretty redhead, short, with a cute face. Smart. Lesbian. She came to the club with her friends but had confided her secret in Justin before. He liked her a lot. She was in love with her friend Susan, who was completely oblivious. He thought she would get along well with Nicole at some point, but Nicole was kind of a shy person when it came to girls.
“Want to play a game or something?” Sean asked.
Susan blushed. “Sure!”
Amy looked like someone had stuck a needle in a voodoo doll of her somewhere. She sighed. “What game?
”
“Whatever you want.” Sean said.
“My, you’re talkative tonight John.” She said.
“I’m learning to open up.” He said, trying a smile on her, which failed altogether. Amy was one of the only girls in the club completely immune to him. But he wasn’t thinking of her right now. He was looking over at Nicole whenever he could without making the others look, and she seemed to be doing better. Melanie wiped one of her tears and they both laughed at something and seemed to be heading for the drink counter, leaving a confused Chuck looking around the room for his next target. Sean waved him over.
“Chuck, want to play a game with us?”
“Sure.” He said. “Hi Amy, Hi Susan.” Susan smiled, indiscriminate in her man-taste. Amy frowned. “There’s only room for four.”
“He can have my spot.” Sean said.
“Great.” Amy grumped. Susan looked at her as if to ask what was wrong.
Sean didn’t care, he was now free to watch the women at the drink counter. He met Melanie’s eyes and she winked at him, giving him a small thumbs up as Nicole drank her water. He smiled back, full of relief. He turned back to the group, and was startled a few minutes later when someone tapped his shoulder. It was Nicole.
“I just wanted to say, thanks for tonight.” She said. “I really enjoyed it. I’m sorry I got weird.”
“Not weird at all. I’m sorry if I pushed buttons.” He said. “I just really love talking to you. I asked too many questions.”
“Not at all. I was flattered you were so interested.” She said. “I hope we can talk again sometime. I’d like to schedule another date.”
“Really?” He said. Then he remembered, a host date. They weren’t really dating. She wasn’t asking him to court her. Just escort her. He tried not to let his defeat show on his face. “I’d like that.”
“Me too.” Nicole smiled at the way he had puffed up and then slumped back in the space of a minute. So obvious, so transparent to her. “I’ll talk to Hope, you seem busy.”
He didn’t care if he was busy, but knew that it was probably less awkward for her to do it that way.