by Robin Hart
“I’m just saying, I wouldn’t judge if you were.” Ben said, holding his hands out. “But you’re here without a date, hanging out with all these girls. And you, well you have kind of a girly face.”
“How many drinks did he have at dinner?” Justin said, raising an eyebrow at Nicole.
“One or two.” Nicole said, wishing it was more and that her date wasn’t just a natural pain in the butt. “I’m sorry Justin. We’ll just go.” She started to stand again but was pushed down again a little less gently than before. She looked at Justin, and saw that his eyes were narrowed on Ben’s hand on her shoulder. She looked over to Sean, but he seemed a bit glazed over. Perhaps he didn’t care as much as she thought. Maybe he was just having a bad day earlier. She was an idiot for trying to make him jealous. Why did it take her so long to realize. She stared at him a little longer, then moved her face back to Ben.
“I’m not leaving.” Ben said. “You dragged me here and now we’re here. I paid for your dinner and we’re going to have a date.”
“Nicole should be able to leave if she wants to.” Justin said. “Right Sean?”
Sean looked like he hadn’t heard anything but the word ‘Sean’. He nodded. Nicole was relieved to see that Cheri wasn’t on his lap anymore.
“So you’re gay right?” Ben kept on, keeping his voice somewhat low. “Come on, no way you’d be hanging out with these hags otherwise right?”
Justin’s face tensed. He looked to the women in the room, noting they hadn’t heard. “We are going to have a problem if you talk about the women here like that.”
“Oooh, I’m so scared of the fag.” Ben said. “Come on just admit it.”
“Why, you interested?” Justin said. Nicole felt Ben’s fingers curl into her.
“Interested in beating your-.”
“Try it.” Justin interrupted, bored. He knew Hope would probably hate him for this. She’d probably blame him for letting Nicole bring a guy in, especially one who could be detrimental to the girls here.
“No.” Ben said. “There are better things to do here.” He turned and put a hand on either side of her chair, caging off Nicole.
“Stop it Ben.” She muttered. “You are making a fool of yourself.”
“In case you didn’t notice, there are a lot of women here. Not that many men. Maybe you’d better treat your date nicer, or I’ll go talk to one of them.”
“Ugh. I wouldn’t inflict that on any of them.” She folded her arms. Determined to let him harass her rather than let someone else bear the brunt of her stupidity, she decided to close her eyes and think of England, as it were.
Something is really off with this guy, Justin thought, watching him cage Nicole, look over his shoulder at Sean, and look like he was getting off on it. Justin really didn’t think he got him anymore. And he was beginning to worry about the other women in the club. It wasn’t that a jealous boyfriend or weird stalker had never shown up at the club before. This guy was weird, unpredictable, and had actually been invited. He put his face in his palm. He wasn’t sure exactly what to do. He was glad that Sean had chilled out, because it was one less thing he had to worry about. However, there was something about Ben that seemed predatory, tensed for violence. Justin had seen how he’d kept Nicole in her seat. However, unless she told Ben to stop or asked Justin for help, he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. He knew how Sean felt now. And he had to think of the other girls. Then he heard Nicole grunt, or cough.
He looked over to see Ben trying to get amorous, trying to kiss her neck. She looked like she was trying to avoid it but create the smallest scene possible in doing so.
Nicole wiggled and cringed away from Ben’s touch, hating the smell of his sweat, the smell of his cologne. She wished it was Sean, wondered if she wouldn’t find the man smell disgusting then.
“Oh come on, I bought dinner, I’ve taken you out twice. You had to know we’d do something.”
“Not here.”
“You brought me here.”
“I regret it.” Nicole said, dodging his slimy tongue. “Why do you keep looking at Sean?”
“That’s the friend you told me about, right?” He said. “Can’t wait to make him jealous.”
“You’re going to make him beat you up.” She pushed at his chest.
“No, I’m just going to eat you up.” He said. He licked her ear. “He couldn’t beat me up.”
“Yes he could.” She said. “He trains in Tae Kwon Do.”
“Yeah well, I do MMA with my buddies.” He said. “And we beat the crap out of Tae kwon dopes.”
Nicole flushed, remembering what Sean had said about TKD being more for sport than practicality. It seemed like she had probably made a huge mistake in calculating who was going to beat whom tonight. Oh, the only thing worse than Sean not doing anything about this would be Sean failing when he tried.
As she ignored Ben’s hands and words, she wished she’d never been so damaged. She wished that she had been protected when she was younger, rather than used. Maybe then it wouldn’t have been so intriguing. Maybe then she wouldn’t have been so eager to see Sean, or anyone, display it, and wouldn’t have brought a jerk around to inspire it. She wished protection had been something she’d taken for granted all her life, so that it wasn’t such a shock, so arousing to parts of her that felt long dead. Having a man fight for you wasn’t romantic, though she may have imagined it, back when she was with her dad, with the other men who’d used her. She’d loved to think that someone, maybe it had always been Sean, would fly in and pull them off and make everything okay. Not that she had been romantic towards him after it, but the thought had been pleasant nonetheless.
This situation wasn’t romantic, though it had all the potential for rescue. She saw a tan hand reach over Ben’s shoulder and pull him back.
“Okay, time to go.” Justin said, pulling him off.
“Get off me fag.” Ben pushed him away, turned back to Nicole.
“That word isn’t welcome here.” Justin said. “And I’m not gay.” He grabbed Ben by the shoulder and yanked him off. Ben fell off balance and landed on his butt. Nicole couldn’t help it, her nervousness erupted in giggles.
That drew Sean’s attention. No, she realized, he’d been watching all along, with little creases of concern around his eyes and mouth, while Cheri tried unsuccessfully to draw back his attention. Cheri then noticed the scene and went quiet, as did several of the girls in the group.
Before they had much time to watch Ben simmer on the floor, they heard a loud crack and saw Justin hit the floor, clutching his leg where it had been swept. Ben jumped up and delivered a nasty kick to Justin’s ribs, Justin just grunted and tried to reach for Ben’s leg. So unfair, Justin hadn’t been trying to fight at all. So dirty. She saw Sean jump up, run to Justin. Nicole tried to do the same but was shoved back onto the chair.
“Now that the fag is out of the way let’s get back to torturing the big dumb-”
She closed her eyes and wished she’d had self-defense training. She tried to imagine that this wasn’t so bad, so that Sean wouldn’t think she was in trouble and would take care of Justin, probably call the police. But she felt Ben pulling away and looked up to see another hand on his shoulder. A larger, darker one than Justin’s.
“No, Sean!” She said, reaching to pull Ben back. “Don’t. Just call the police, take care of-”
But Sean didn’t listen. He pulled Ben off. Nicole jumped out of the chair and went over to Justin. There wasn’t really a need, because while he had been trying to stand, muttering something about ‘dirty cheat’, several women had been fawning over him. Now they all looked up at Sean, where he stood facing Ben.
“Now you’ve done it. Didn’t you see what happened to the last guy?”
Sean just glared, arms folded. “You need to go.”
“Oh? Jealous?” Ben reached for Nicole’s arm and tried to drag her back to the chair but Sean stepped between them.
“Now you’ve done it.” And Ben p
ut his fists up. Nicole gasped. The room felt silent, like things were in slow motion. She was going to see her best friend hurt. It was all her fault. She couldn’t just sit still and do nothing. She pulled out her phone, dialed 911 and handed it to Cheri, telling her to call the police. Then, still in slow-mo, saw Ben launch a punch at Sean.
She ran towards the men, feeling she couldn’t have been slower if she’d been wading in mud, wishing she could intercept the fist. She heard a smack of contact and stopped, cringing. But no one hit the ground.
“You child.”
She came around them enough to see them from the side. Sean had caught Ben’s fist, and Ben was now cringing and twisting as Sean applied force.
“So you want to bully women, and men who weren’t fighting you?” Sean threw Ben’s fist back at him. He had moved from merely angry, to extremely angry and indignant. He could feel adrenaline surging, powering his muscles, and making him feel shakier, but faster, calm. Like he was breathing caffeine. Even before the little douche bag landed a cheap shot on Justin, he’d earned this by what he’d been doing over Nicole. Like a beast. Like every man who’d used her own size and decency against her. When this was over, he was going to teach her self defense, whether she liked it or not.
It was time for reckoning. Sean didn’t care if he ended up in jail. Nonetheless he was grateful for witnesses who could back him up that the man had already assaulted two people. He cracked his knuckles. It wasn’t like a movie, or a video game, where the hero says catchy lines and the crowd cheers. It was simply the right thing to do, and it didn’t make him feel heroic. And it was something he’d done so many times for her, in his own head. Hitting a man? He’d done that thousands of times in the dojang. And those were men he respected, in some cases men whose safety he was responsible for. In a way, that made him a safer opponent for Ben, because he could apply force without violent intent, could keep control when his nerves were on fire.
Ben stumbled back as his hand was released, nearly hitting Nicole, who’d been rushing up to them. To protect Ben? Or himself? Nicole answered his question by dodging Ben and running to Sean. It almost made him smile.
“It’s not worth it. Let’s wait for the police.” She said, holding his arm.
Sean shook his head. “Go get the other girls, go over to the couch.” He said.
She looked at him, her hair just a little wild, then seemed to remember that she’d been an Amazon once, for him. On a playground, facing a whole group of boys. She nodded and went to grab the girls with Justin.
Ben watched her with narrowed eyes, looking like he’d rather fight her than Sean. Sean didn’t blame him.
“Alright.” Ben said, putting his hands up. “I’m leaving.”
“No.” Sean said. “You’ve assaulted two people.” He moved in front of Ben to block the door. “You’re going to wait for the police.”
Ben shook his head, trying to pass. Sean grabbed his hand, twisted the wrist and caught his elbow with his other hand, spinning the man into a chicken wing hold in under a second. Ben yelped, but couldn’t move without risking his wrist or elbow breaking. Sean pushed him to the ground, maintaining the hold. Sean looked over to make sure the others were okay.
Justin had managed to pull himself into the armchair, and though he was favoring his leg, looked more pissed off than hurt. The girls watched from the couch. Ben tried to spin out of the hold. Sean liked the way his eyes bulged, the way his sweat made his hair look even thinner. He put the little twit in an arm bar and sat on his back. He smiled at his audience. He smiled at Nicole.
Once again he’d saved her, Nicole thought, watching him with eyes that threatened to tear up. Maybe he’d been saving her her whole life, while she thought she’d been saving him. Maybe she’d always thought that he wasn’t up to fixing the problems she’d caused, but she’d underestimated him. While she’d been praying that she wouldn’t be the reason her friend ended up in a concussion, he’d neatly taken care of the little twerp she’d been so afraid of.
And it wasn’t that it made him superior to her. It was just that she was so utterly aware of how different he was. From her. From every other man she’d met. Every man who wanted to say how good he was, how strong he was, but in the end, just wanted to bully a wounded female. Every man who’d said she got what she deserved, who had tried to rule her. Every copy of her dad that told her he was the authority on who she was, and that she was trash. She had always thought Sean was the weak one, just because he disagreed with them. Because he hadn’t used her, come on to her, she had assumed he was the one who was less manly. But seeing him dispatch Ben, without malice or ego, without much effort even, made her realize deep in her soul that she’d been wrong.
And as she watched his eyes, she realized he’d given her the greatest gift yet. That thing she’d always been waiting for and wanting, the ability to see clearly who was good and who wasn’t. In a world where the good and bad guys had always seemed upside down, Sean had finally gotten a chance to prove which side he was on, and it had helped her orient her whole view.
There’d been a war in her head for years, with each letter, with each man she’d loved that Sean had disagreed with. But those men were lucky to have avoided actually having to back up everything they’d said to Sean’s face because it revealed in totality how disgusting they were. And in realizing Sean was right, in realizing they were wrong, she also realized she had worth. That she was special, and worth protecting, as he’d always tried to tell her she was. As she had been trying to believe ever since her dad first stomped it out of her.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought he was a good man. She’d known it, so she’d been trying to wait, to be with him when she was fixed, just in case all of those men were right and she was broken. But that was like refusing to date a pro chef until you learned how to cook. Maybe the best person to learn how to be healthy from was a healthy person. As uncomfortable as they were to be around.
She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Ben wriggled beneath him and Nicole almost felt a little grateful to the little punk. She knew there would be a lot to talk about later tonight, and she knew Sean felt the same. She could feel it in the intangible current between them.
Chapter 14: Beginning
They walked out on the beach The sun had just set, and the sky was beautiful, monochromatic blue, from lighter at the horizon to darker at the top, where the moon hid behind the clouds, lighting them with silver and gray.
“I’m glad the cops can use this in his other case.” She said, looking out at the ocean, which roiled in navy and silver. “The one with the restraining order.”
“Yeah.” Sean said. “Me too.” He tried hard not to stare at Nicole’s face. He’d been addicted to doing so since he’d first locked eyes with her after sitting on Ben. She’d never looked at him that way before. It was addictive.
“Want to sit with me for a moment?” She said, sitting and patting the sand next to her.
Forever, Sean thought, joining her. He was feeling fairly exhausted now that the adrenaline had begun to recede. First giving his statements to the cops, checking on the other women, calling Hope to get Justin, and so forth. The fight had been draining out of him, leaving him steadily more aware of another feeling rising inside. A kind of happy anticipation, though for what he didn’t know. So he just waited, knowing she probably had the answer, and waiting for her was something he’d always done.
“I think I’m a little bit in love with you.” She said, arms on her knees, face turned to the sea. He could see navy reflected in them, and loved the way her hair responded to the sea breeze by lifting in delicate tendrils.
“I think I know that.” He said, feeling surprised that he actually did. “I heard once that the most beautiful woman to a man is one who loves him. And you’ve always been the most beautiful to me.”
She smiled, shook her head slightly. “I guess I have always loved you. Not sure when it became a different kind of love though.”
He sunk hi
s hands into the sand at his sides. It was cool, just slightly moist. A wonderful, steadying sensation against his skin. Something to bury himself in so that he could stay calm.
“I guess I just always wanted to wait.” She said, looking at him as if she expected him to be angry with her. She put her hands on her knees and rubbed them. “It’s not like it was conscious. It’s just that I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. Like someone tainted like me could never be with someone like you.”
He opened his mouth, but she silenced him with a single finger to his lips. He shut up, feeling slightly aroused by the touch, but more interested in where she was going verbally, emotionally.
“I thought that once I was healthy, I could consider you. I thought there was no point before that. I told myself I wasn’t attracted. That once I was, I could think about being with you.”
He nodded. She pulled her finger from his lips, knowing he wouldn’t interrupt her now.
“But I realized the night I called you over, that you were the one I felt attracted to already.” She said. “And I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
He nodded.
“Not that I won’t act that retarded again.” She said.
“I know.” He said.
“Thanks.” She laughed. “But I do know I can’t scare you off now.” She put her hands in the sand.
“Why?” He said, this time being the one who couldn’t make eye contact. It seemed that the more emotionally intense something was, the harder it was to hear it from someone who was facing you. He felt vulnerable, but had to know. “Why now?”
“Because I told you.” She said. “I told you what I’d always wanted to tell you.”
“About your dad? ‘Cause I botched that-”