Zachary inched closer. “May I?”
Julian tensed. May he what? Long fingers pulled the glasses from his face. Really, Julian should have bolted. Maybe Zachary had some sort of paralysis-inducing pheromone? It would explain things.
“Huh,” Zachary said, nose inches away. All Julian had to do was move a little forward and…. “They really are that green.” Julian blinked. “When I realized you wore contacts, I figured they were tinted because….” Zachary pulled back slightly. “You have the most beautiful eyes.”
Julian blushed.
Zachary laughed, flushing with embarrassment. “You must get that all the time.”
It’s not that Julian had never been complimented, but he had never had the feeling that someone was drowning in him before. The newness more than anything else let him find his voice. “Thank you.”
Zachary rubbed his thighs and glanced down, only to immediately lift his gaze back to Julian’s as if pulled by a tide.
“You too,” Julian added. “Eyes, I mean. Beautiful. Bet you get that a lot too. They change color.”
This time Zachary looked away. “The hazel’s from my mother’s side of the family. Although hers are bright blue. Mostly in the sun, if it’s bright, I guess mine can seem lighter than at other times.”
“No. They change color. It’s cool.” Julian wondered how they’d look all black with pleasure. He blinked to break their locked gaze and willed himself to chill. They had several hours left of work to get through. And he had his life to preserve.
A warm hand touched his arm. He shook it off like something was burning him. A quizzical expression turned Zachary’s lips up at the corners. “Are we ever going to talk about this?”
Julian stared back. There were a million places he could take this, from the confused to the angry. A panicky breath, then resolve. “No.” He returned to the records scattered all across the coffee table.
“YOU WANT Gabe to pretend to be your boyfriend?” The look of utter incredulity pretty much said it all. And, sure, spoken aloud like that it sounded crazy. But when you factored in raging lust and abject terror, it was the most rational idea in the world. Julian knew his personality had an anxious side and he had the pills to prove it, but it had been a long time since his last panic attack, and if this helped keep it that way, then so be it.
Julian thought it wise to make a preemptive strike before Gabe came to meet them, so he started his plan by coaxing the third member of the band, Nick, to his side. They’d met Nick in Portland several years earlier when Gabe had been taken by Nick’s bass playing and the two had formed The Last Cowboys. Julian wrote songs for them and semiregularly joined them on stage with his guitar. Nick’s Nordic stoicism and serious introspection balanced Gabe’s larger-than-life personality, and so the three had become close friends. Nick had been the first one to recognize that for Julian, staying in Portland after his breakup was bad for his mental health. But Nick had turned it all positive, saying that LA would be the stepping-stone their music needed. Julian had been perpetually grateful because he’d known Gabe would have come along with Julian no matter what and that splitting up the band would have hurt—but Nick rendered that moot. At this point he trusted Nick almost as much as Gabe. So Julian had asked Nick to meet him early at their usual watering hole before Gabe would get there.
“What’s wrong with Zach that dating him is out of the question?” Nick asked.
Julian stared blankly at Nick. The immediate answer that sprung to mind was nothing. But even if that were true now, it wouldn’t be if he got involved with Julian. No. That wasn’t right. Julian couldn’t imagine Zachary not remaining the sweet man he appeared to be. It was going to be Julian’s fault, because it apparently always was. His first love, Tyler, point-blank told him he wasn’t enough. David left Julian both emotionally and creatively crushed when he’d decided that Julian was a waste of his time. And Spenser just thought someone else was a better fit. Whatever bad mojo kicked in at that fuckin’ magical year point that had reduced every one of his relationships to empty smoke would make even someone as nice as Zachary turn on him like the others, and Julian couldn’t go through it again.
“It’s not about that. Zach’s fine. I just. Don’t. Do relationships. Or rather I do. But they don’t do me. Look. I’m already three and zero. I’m done. Don’t want another man.”
“So say no if he asks you out. What’s with all the game playing? Thought you’d especially hate that after David and Spenser.”
“I do. Normally. But this is different because I really want to say yes. And I’m afraid I will. So I need to give him a reason to lose interest. Look, it’s just a white lie. And it’s to stop something from ever happening. If anything, I’m doing him this huge favor. This way, he’ll never have to dump me.”
Nick gave him a funny look, ordered another beer for each of them, and turned his barstool toward him to keep their conversation private. “How come you asked Gabe and not me?”
Nick was grinning, but Julian wondered if there was a little best friend jealousy underlying it. “He wouldn’t believe it.”
“Who? Zachary?”
“Yeah. You come off as straight. Too straight.”
Nick considered this, took another swallow, but then almost choked. “Wait. You mean Gabe—?”
“Gabe what?” They both turned abruptly as the smaller man approached, grinning widely. “Boys, what I miss?”
“Nothing,” Julian said quickly. Nick snickered.
Gabe looked from one to the other and frowned before turning to get himself a drink. “C’mon, spill. Whatcha been gossiping about?”
Nick answered before Julian could stop him. “Jules’s been telling me about your plan to put your brand on him to keep that new coworker away. How very Texan of you.”
Gabe scowled at him. “Shit. Are we back to that? Can’t you just keep your zipper closed? Why do I have to cockblock this dude? He ain’t done nothing to me.”
“It’s me, Gabe. You’re protecting me. It’s been a good run here the past year. Okay, so I’m practically celibate, but I’m not drowning in tequila, either. Well, not counting that other night. But that was your fault. Never mind that—the point is that we all know I’m better off not in a relationship. They mess me up.”
“Just say no,” both Gabe and Nick said at the same time. They immediately clinked bottles.
Julian shook his head in frustration. How to explain this? He was trying to say no. He’d been trying since an impossibly gorgeous man had appeared on his doorstep. But they’d connected. It was what Julian did: connect. He did that part well. Everything that came later was the issue. And once the staring happened, it was only a matter of time and he’d succumb. Maybe he was weak. Hell, he was only human.
Gabe took pity. “You really like this dude?”
Julian looked at him. “Yeah. A lot.”
“But you think dating him is a bad idea?” Gabe’s brows rose in that way that Julian knew meant he thought Julian a very special kind of idiot.
“I absolutely shouldn’t go out with him. Never. Would lead to—nope. It’s a bad idea.”
Gabe looked between Julian and Nick. “Why me? How come you don’t ask Nick?”
Nick cracked up.
“What?” Gabe asked indignantly. “What’s so funny? Did he turn you down already? What am I, second choice?”
Nick laughed louder.
Julian pulled Gabe closer, whispered near his ear. “You’re way hotter, dude. Need to make this real.”
Gabe jumped back with a smirk in place. “Got that right, cowboy.”
Julian’s heart warmed. Been a while since he’d heard that silly nickname. Gabriel “ain’t no angel, call me Gabe” Webb was from Texas too. They grew up near each other, although Gabe was a few years older, so they hadn’t hung together in school much. Gabe had played in a proverbial garage band and had let Julian jam with them sometimes. He’d had this tiny crush on Gabe a million years ago. But it was different, not really se
xual as much as hero worship. Maybe it hadn’t totally gone away.
“So, cowboy…,” Julian drawled. “You gonna help me out or what?”
“You, Julie, are the only man on this planet I’d be gay for. ’Cause you’re so purty.” Gabe puckered his lips absurdly at him.
“Fuck off, Gabriel,” Julian retorted but smiled because Gabe was Gabe, and he loved the idiot.
This would work. Zachary would quit the flirting if he knew there was someone else. Julian knew this intrinsically. He swallowed a bit more of his beer, fighting the sensation that he wasn’t feeling anywhere near as relieved about this as he should be.
Chapter 2
THREE WEEKS into depositions at the Ritz, Zachary seemed to be losing his bounce at Brian’s killer enthusiasm over this case. A subdued Zachary seemed unnatural.
At the end of another long day of watching Brian Fowler depose key players across the gleaming mahogany dining table in the suite, Julian and Zachary were sitting side by side on the hotel’s sofa, poring through some of the transcriptions. Both had changed out of their suits into jeans and casual button-downs. Brian’s last voicemail, played on speaker so they both could hear it, simply commanded, “Find something to trip them up.”
Neither said anything. It was Brian’s way. He played by the gray rules. Harrison, Kim, and Fowler were representing the group of families who believed they’d been hurt by the Peterson drug, but proving it was difficult. Fowler had spoken to dozens of employees, and Julian and Zachary were now looking for any inconsistencies they might exploit. Julian had put his cell phone back onto the side table before standing to stretch his back. “God, I’m stiff.”
Zachary threw him an entertained glance.
It took a beat before Julian reddened. But he couldn’t keep his own amusement from bubbling up. It reminded him of middle school when someone made a woody joke.
“Fierro, you never did grow up, did you?” He needed something cold, carbonated, and guaranteed to energize, and brightened upon spotting the Mountain Dew in the minibar.
Zachary chuckled. “Not if I can help it. Hand me one too.”
“What?”
“What what?”
Not again. They fell into this a lot. He refused to give in to Zachary’s playing. “What do you want to drink?”
“Any kinda cola’s fine.”
Julian handed him a Pepsi and popped open the Mountain Dew. Zachary scowled as Julian guzzled and then burped.
“Dude, that stuff’s foul.”
Julian didn’t necessarily disagree, but the extra caffeine and sugar would do the trick. He shrugged and downed the rest of it.
Zachary set his drink amidst the papers scattered all over the table. “Wouldn’t matter to Brian whether he worked for the plaintiff or the defendant, would it?”
Julian sat back down and looked at him, puzzled. “Probably not.” He searched for his glasses so he could see Zachary clearly. It was late and he’d taken his contacts out again.
As Zachary came into focus, Julian could see he seemed troubled, lips pressed tight, eyes shuttered. “Zach?”
“I didn’t always want to be a lawyer,” he said quietly.
Julian sat up straighter. “No? What did you want to do, then?”
Zachary’s lips quirked up a little. “Well, after fireman, astronaut, and professional basketball player, I thought about acting.”
Julian tried to picture Zachary up on a big screen. He’d fill it nicely. “What changed your mind?”
“Well. Two things really. I auditioned for the school play in high school. They were into musicals that year. Unfortunately, I can’t sing. But they gave me some role. It was fun through rehearsals. But once I got on stage, I froze.”
“You? Really? But you’re not shy.”
He was met with a wide beam. “No. I’m not now. But I was sixteen at the time. This gangly, skinny theater geek.” His voice softened. “Dealing with… stuff.”
Their eyes connected, and Julian knew exactly what Zachary was dealing with at sixteen, in high school, back home in Texas. And drama club or no—you were terrified about liking boys and what it would mean if people found out.
“What was your second reason?” he asked to break the mood.
Joy returned to Zachary’s face. Julian realized he missed that radiance even if it was only gone briefly. “My grandfather’s journals.”
“Was he a lawyer?”
Zachary nodded. “A judge. I never met him. This was my mother’s father, and he died before I was born. But on my sixteenth birthday, Mom decided to give me his journals. They weren’t personal in the way you normally think of such things. He’d started them after he became a judge. But they gave me an appreciation for the rule of law, for fairness, which doesn’t always apply, but it’s an honorable goal.
“It’s the best system in the world because everyone gets a shot. Well, not always the same shot, but you know what I mean. So Brian is really doing it the right way. As an attorney you do your best for your client. Shouldn’t matter who that client is.” Zachary’s hesitant tone belied his words.
Julian crossed one leg over the other, which moved him closer to Zachary on the sofa but still gave them a sense of space. “Except it matters to you.”
Zachary shifted, too, so that they ended facing each other. “We’re on the right side of this one, but that’s just a coincidence. Coulda easily been Harrison took up the other side. Harrison, Kim, Fowler… they’re good because they don’t discriminate. They give everyone who can pay the same level of dedication.”
Julian thought about that. “The firm defending against this class action is going to rake in a mint in fees.”
Zachary’s mouth twisted. “Not as much as we’re going to get when we win.”
“What if we don’t? Win, I mean.”
“Tim Harrison wouldn’t have taken this if he didn’t know he could win it.”
Julian supposed that was true. The senior partners were wily and sure, and given the money thrown at this case, he imagined the paycheck was indeed going to be huge. But. “You’re not going to practice this kind of law, are you?”
Zachary bent his head, playing absently with a loose staple on a document. “No. I’m thinking much smaller. Family law, maybe help seniors, folks who don’t know how to work the system. Who’ve been pushed against a wall and feel trapped.” He motioned at the posh setting with his hands. “Won’t be working out of suites like this.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “I’ll be the only working lawyer who’ll need to bartend at night to pay his bills.”
“Don’t knock bartending,” Julian tried to joke. “Honorable trade that paid most of my bills for years. Until this.”
“Is that what you did in LA? I mean when you weren’t doing the singer-songwriter bit?”
“I taught for a spell. And worked bars at night. Teaching doesn’t quite pay the bills, either.”
“Where’d you go to school?” Zachary asked.
“UT Tyler. Performing Arts School.”
Zachary whistled. “That’s so cool. What’s your degree in?”
Julian smiled. “Music composition.” He paused to let out a breath. “You know those fake checks you sometimes get with your junk mail? The ones that say that they have no monetary value? That’s what should have been printed on my diploma.”
“Hey, you got to teach.”
“Yeah. UCLA. It was cool. Southern California in general was cool. Felt free there.”
Zachary gave him a warm glance. “Bet your class filled up fast.” Julian raised his eyebrows in question. “So, who hit on you more, the boys or the girls?”
This topic was absurd. “Girls, I guess,” he answered absently. “Well. Until they heard I was gay. Then it changed.”
“Poor kids. I tell you, none of my professors looked like you.”
That’s it. This conversation had to stop or he’d die of embarrassment or implode or something not good. “Zach. We should get back to the depositions.”
&nb
sp; “Yeah. You’re right. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. Sorry.” He pushed his bangs back again, exposing that high forehead. “Julian?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re out in the office? I mean, law firms aren’t exactly college campuses.”
“Yeah. I guess. I mean it’s not like a memo went out or anything, but Tim Harrison knows, and Brian. Probably everyone by now. It’s a cool place. For a law firm. Why? Did anyone ask you anything uncomfortable?”
“No. They’ve been cool. And, of course, it’s not like my sexual orientation is anything that’s going to come out in an interview. They would certainly know better than that. But… it hasn’t come up, and it’s better for me for things to be open. Not that I was in the closet long, but I didn’t like hiding like that.”
“I know what you mean. Don’t worry about it. I don’t know anything about other law firms. This is the first one I’ve worked for. I wouldn’t sweat it. Be yourself. The folks are cool here.”
Julian yawned loudly despite his attempt to hide it. They’d left midnight behind a few hours ago. Even with the sugar rush, he just couldn’t go through any more files. “I’m sorry, pal, but I gotta go home and sleep a few hours at least.”
Zachary groaned in approval. “Me too. Hey, I live closer. Why don’t you just crash here?”
The thought of that giant feathery bed just inches away was like a mirage in a desert. “You sure? I… it’s not really fair to you since we both have to be back here first thing. Maybe we should both go home.”
“That’s silly.” Zachary slipped his shoes back on and headed for the door. Julian trailed behind, knowing his protestations were weak because he really wanted to lose this fight and sink into those pillows.
“’Night, Julian. Enjoy the room. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Hah. You know, you could call me Jules, if you like. My friends do.”
“No. Gonna save that.”
Julian gave him a puzzled stare, but Zachary didn’t elaborate further.
“Enjoy the bed,” Zachary added with a small wink.
The Music of Love Page 3