‘Times have changed.’
‘Not that much,’ Sadie said. ‘Neal keeps me updated on your exploits, you know.’
He bit back a curse. But, on the other hand, she’d given him the in he’d been waiting for—the first reference to the good old days. ‘I was just thinking how much younger you look in jeans, actually. Like you used to, back in London. I half expected Adem to appear and put his arm around you.’
Sadie’s smile turned a little sad. ‘Would that he could.’
‘Yeah. It must be hard, being here without him. The memories, I mean.’
‘We never came here, actually,’ Sadie said, looking around her curiously at the crowded bar. ‘But you meant Turkey itself. The Azure.’
‘I did, yeah,’ Dylan agreed. Dare he push it yet? Just a little? ‘No one would have blamed you for selling up and leaving, you know.’ He needed to understand why she hadn’t. What made her commitment to this place so strong? What was it about Sadie that made her so able to commit and stick? And what was missing in him?
‘It wouldn’t make any difference where we were anyway,’ Sadie said, which didn’t answer the question he hadn’t asked, but Dylan supposed he couldn’t really blame her for that. ‘I see Adem every day when I look at Finn—and, to be honest, I love that reminder.’
Of course she did. He’d never seen any couple as in love as Adem and Sadie. He didn’t really need her to answer—he knew. The Azure was her way of holding onto the love of her life. Just because he’d never felt like that about someone didn’t mean he couldn’t see it in others.
‘I’m glad you have that.’ The truth, even if it carried a little pain with it. ‘I’m sorry. I should have visited more. Spent more time with Finn.’
‘Yes, you should,’ she said, mock-sternly. ‘Why didn’t you?’
Did she really not know why? After that night at Kim and Logan’s wedding he’d been sure his motives for staying away had been more than clear—and that she’d be grateful he had. Unless she didn’t remember? She had been pretty drunk. So had he, of course, or it never, ever would have happened in the first place.
Misgivings began to creep up on him when he thought again about his plan. The two of them, drunk alone together, hadn’t ended well in the past. But he didn’t know another way to get her to loosen up around him.
‘Work, mostly,’ he lied, realising she was still waiting for an answer. ‘But I’m ready to fix that now.’ He raised his glass. ‘To absent friends.’
‘Absent friends,’ Sadie echoed. Lifting her own glass, she drank deeply, unconsciously giving him exactly what he wanted. It was too late for misgivings now anyway. It was time to put the plan into action.
‘Hey, do you remember the time Neal got locked out of that hotel wearing nothing but a corset and stockings?’
Sadie burst into laughter, putting her glass down too hard on the table so wine sloshed over the edge. ‘Of course I do—it was my corset! What I don’t remember is how he persuaded me to lend it to him.’
‘You’ve always been a soft touch for Neal,’ Dylan said. ‘Besides, he had a very good story. I should know, I made it up.’
She slapped his arm. ‘You deviant. Tell me the whole story, then—the truth this time.’
It was going to work, Dylan could tell. By morning they’d have exorcised all their ghosts and memories and be able to move on. To be the friends and business partners Sadie needed them to be.
And nothing more.
He took a glug of his beer and started the story.
‘Well, there was this girl, see...’
* * *
Several bars later Sadie could feel the alcohol starting to get to her—in that pleasant, slightly buzzy way that meant it was time to stop before another drink seemed like a really good idea. Otherwise tomorrow would be no fun at all. Now she remembered why she didn’t do this any more.
‘I need to call it a night.’ She pushed her still half-full glass across the table away from her.
‘Not a bad idea.’ Dylan drained the last of his pint. ‘You always were the sensible one.’
‘Somebody had to be.’
She gave him a friendly grin and he returned it, his smile all at once totally familiar and yet somehow new. It made that buzzy feeling in her limbs turn a little more liquid, like honey.
They’d talked all evening, almost without pause. She’d worried, when he’d suggested this night out, that it would be awkward, the conversation stilted. But instead they’d fallen into old patterns, chatting about the past in the way only friends who’d done their most significant growing up together could. The conversation had covered everything from the day they’d met until the last time they had all been together before Adem had died.
Everything except one night—the night of Kim and Logan’s wedding.
Did he even remember? And, if so, how much? Curiosity was burning inside her with the need to know. Had she remembered wrong? It had been so long ago she was starting to doubt her own memories. They’d both been pretty drunk that night...
But she wasn’t drunk tonight. Just tipsy enough to be a little daring.
‘What’s the plan for tomorrow?’ Dylan asked, getting to his feet and grabbing his jacket. ‘I’ve got a business call first thing, then I’m all yours for the day.’
Tomorrow. Had she even made a plan for tomorrow? ‘I thought maybe the beach?’
‘Lying prone in the sun sounds like the perfect way to deal with my inevitable hangover.’ He groaned as they headed for the door. ‘I am officially too old for this.’
Sadie smiled. ‘I never thought I’d hear you admit to that.’
‘We all have to grow up some time,’ Dylan said with a shrug, and somehow it felt like he was saying far more than just the words.
Outside, the autumn evening air had turned a little chilly, and Sadie shivered as they walked along the seafront, looking out for an empty cab.
‘Cold?’ Dylan asked. Then, without waiting for an answer, he slung an arm around her shoulder for warmth. A friendly gesture, Sadie knew. That was all it was—and nothing he and Neal hadn’t done often enough in the past. But suddenly, here and now, as the fabric of his jacket brushed her bare neck she felt it. Fizz. Undeniable, impossible to ignore, fizz.
It was no good; she needed to know. And she was just drunk enough to ask.
‘I’ve never asked you. Do you remember Kim and Logan’s wedding?’
Dylan squinted out towards the ocean. ‘That was the one up in Scotland, right? Where we all stayed in that weird hotel down the road and kept the bar open all night.’
‘And Adem and Neal got into a drinking competition and passed out on the sofas in the next room.’
‘I remember,’ Dylan said, and even the words sounded loaded. ‘You and Adem had been together, what? About a year?”
‘Something like that. Do you remember what you asked me that night?’
He was standing so close, his arm around her shoulders, that she could feel his muscles stiffen. Oh, yeah, he remembered. ‘Do you? We never... You never mentioned it again, so I always figured you must have forgotten. We weren’t exactly sober that night.’
She’d gone too far to back out now. ‘You asked me if I’d ever wondered what might have happened if I’d met you first instead of Adem.’
‘Yeah.’ He let out a long breath. ‘You said you hadn’t.’
‘And I truly hadn’t, until that moment.’
The words hung there between them, the implication both clear and terrifying. They’d stopped walking without Sadie even realising, and suddenly a taxi pulled up beside them, the driver rolling down the window to ask where they wanted to go.
‘The Azure, please,’ Sadie said, shuffling along the back seat to let Dylan in beside her.
They rode in silence for a long mo
ment before Dylan asked, ‘And after?’
‘After?’ She knew what he was asking, but she needed a moment before she answered.
‘After that moment. Did you...?’
She looked away. ‘I wondered.’
‘Huh.’ Dylan slumped back against the car seat, as if all the tension had flowed out of his body with her words. Then he shook his head, laughing a little—Sadie got the impression it was at himself, rather than her. ‘And then, of course, I tried to kiss you like a total idiot and—’
‘Wait. What? I don’t remember that bit.’ And surely, surely that was the part she would remember, however much she’d had to drink.
‘Don’t you?’ Dylan smiled, the expression shaded in the darkness of the cab. ‘It was after we’d lugged Adem and Neal up to our rooms. You gave me a hug goodnight and...’ He shrugged, trailing off. ‘You pushed me away, of course.’
‘I can’t believe I don’t remember that.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t,’ Dylan said. ‘Not my finest hour. I felt absolutely awful the next day—and was very glad one of us had been sober enough to be sensible.’
Sadie turned away, searching her memory for the lost moment and coming up blank. How different might their world have been if she’d remembered the next day? If she’d confessed to Adem? A thousand different paths spiralled from that moment, all but one untaken. And she wouldn’t want to change it, she realised, not really. She wouldn’t give up the years she’d had with Adem, or having Finn, for anything in the world. Things had worked out exactly as they were supposed to.
But that didn’t stop her imagining what it might have felt like. And, God, did that bring a bucketload of guilt with it, right there.
Before she’d had time to work her way through half her emotions, they were back at the Azure. She paid up in a daze and walked inside, heading for the lift with Dylan beside her.
‘You okay?’ he asked, as the doors opened.
She nodded, and stepped inside, pressing the button for her floor on autopilot. ‘Fine. So, tomorrow. Meet you in the lobby at ten?’
‘Perfect.’ He leant across her to press the penthouse button as they started to move. ‘Sadie—’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said, too fast. ‘It’s all in the past now.’
The lift dinged as it reached her floor, and she stepped towards the doors before they were even open.
Suddenly there was a hand at her waist, spinning her round, and Dylan was closer than she’d imagined, so close she could feel the heat of him.
‘I might be about to be an idiot again,’ he said.
Sadie swallowed, her mouth too dry. God, she wanted it. Wanted to feel his lips on hers, to see what she’d missed all those years ago. But the guilt that filled her had sobered her up and was already moving her feet backwards as the lift doors opened.
‘Goodnight, Dylan.’ She pulled away, stepping out, watching the frustration and fear crossing his face as the doors closed behind him and the lift whisked him away.
CHAPTER SEVEN
DYLAN WOKE UP the next morning to the sound of his phone alarm buzzing, far too early, and his head throbbing in time with the beeps. As if he needed the physical reminder of last night’s exploits to give him a bad feeling about the day ahead.
He fumbled for the phone and switched off the alarm, his poor, tired brain trying to catch up with the day. He had a conference call. He had to deal with Sadie. He really needed a shower.
Deciding that the last might help with the previous two items, he hauled himself out of bed and into the bathroom, thoughts flying at him as fast as the water from the wonderfully powerful showerhead.
If he was feeling bad this morning, chances were that Sadie was feeling worse. And not just physically. He knew her tendency to beat herself up about things that weren’t her fault, or weren’t even all that wrong in the first place, and he had a feeling this morning would be a doozy.
Still, as bad as he felt for making her life more difficult than it already was—or at least more morally and emotionally complicated—he couldn’t help but smile, remembering that for the first time since he’d met her he knew he wasn’t in this alone. Not completely.
Switching off the water, he dried, dressed and managed to make it through the conference call—hopefully without any obvious signs of his hangover or his preoccupation. As he hung up, scribbling a last few notes to himself for later, he checked the clock. Still twenty minutes before he was due to meet Sadie. Should he work, nap or...?
He picked up his phone and hit the familiar key combination to call Neal. Yeah, it was early in Britain, but Neal had always been an early bird anyway. Except after nights out with him and Adem.
‘How’s it going?’ Neal asked, in lieu of an actual greeting. ‘You signed over your life savings to her yet?’
If he thought that would work... ‘Nah. I got her drunk and told her the whole story about you and her corset instead.’
‘Cheers. I’ll look forward to that coming up next time we have a business meeting,’ Neal said. ‘But, seriously, how is she?’
‘Probably hungover but otherwise fine.’ He hoped.
Neal sighed. ‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing.’ Much.
She’d try and pull back now, he could feel it. Try and put that distance they’d crossed last night back between them. Unless he could convince her not to.
‘Although...’ Dylan said, and Neal groaned.
‘Here we go. Tell me.’
‘I might have questioned Adem’s plan for the Azure a bit. It needs updating.’
‘So what? You’re going to stay in Turkey and develop a better one?’ Neal sounded sceptical.
‘I’m going to work with her to develop one before I leave,’ Dylan corrected him. She didn’t have time to pull back. He only had a few more days to help her; they had to keep working. She’d see that, right?
Maybe the best thing was for them both to pretend that last night had never happened, just like last time. At least, once the headache faded.
‘Are you, now?’ Dylan didn’t like the sudden raised interest level in Neal’s voice.
‘I am. What about it?’
‘Just sounds like more involvement than you’d planned on,’ Neal said. ‘A lot more.’
Since Dylan’s original plan had been get in, get out, send Sadie cash afterwards and never have to think about the Azure again, Neal had a point. He hadn’t wanted to torment himself more than necessary by staying in her presence when she was more available than ever but still every bit as untouchable.
But all that had changed with two words. I wondered.
‘She needs more help than I expected,’ Dylan said, hoping his friend would accept the excuse.
‘She needs every bit of help she can get,’ Neal agreed with a sigh. ‘I’m glad you’re there.’
‘So am I.’
Yes, he was still leaving in three days. And, yes, he knew he’d never be Adem, never be the love of Sadie’s life. He wasn’t imagining some perfect golden future for them together or anything.
But just knowing that she’d thought about it—about them—too? Well, that gave him hope.
And sometimes that was all a guy needed to get through the day.
* * *
The first thing Sadie registered when she woke up was her dry mouth. Next came the crushing weight of what felt like a boulder on her chest.
Last night had been everything she’d planned to avoid. How was she supposed to go back to All-Business Sadie after admitting that she’d imagined them together? And for the last twelve years...
After learning he’d tried to kiss her, too.
After almost letting him kiss her last night.
She pulled the pillow over her head and hoped it muffled her agonise
d groan.
And now she had to spend a whole day on the beach with him. In swimwear.
It all just went to prove that there really was a special hell for women who ogled their husband’s best friend.
Escaping from her pillowy cage, she took deep breaths and tried to let the morning air soothe her—and her hangover. She needed to be calm and reasonable about this. As she had been about everything else she’d dealt with since Adem had died. She—and the Azure—needed Dylan. They needed his money, his investment and, much as she hated to admit it, his business brain, too. So she needed to find a way to make this right.
And, hopefully, considerably less awkward.
As she kicked off the covers and contemplated, Rachel’s words from the night before floated back through her distracted brain. In some ways her sister had been right—as usual. Adem wouldn’t want her to be alone or lonely. Which wasn’t to say he’d want her to be rushing into the arms of another man either, but Sadie knew he wouldn’t expect her to be alone forever.
She had, though. For the last two years the very idea of being with someone else had felt completely alien, the sort of thing that could only happen to other people. Adem had been the love of her life. Where was there to go from there really?
But last night, for the first time, the idea of moving on had seemed like a possibility. The thought of kissing another man had, for once, not filled her with revulsion or even confusion.
She’d wanted to kiss Dylan. And that was absolutely terrifying.
Because even if she was ready to maybe think about possibly moving on and perhaps just thinking about dating again, Dylan Jacobs was not the man to move on with.
If she had been after a fling or a one-night stand, something to get her back in the dating game, then maybe. But she wasn’t a one-night stand sort of girl, never had been. And now...she had responsibilities. Commitments that had to come before a little personal pleasure.
She had Finn.
She wouldn’t be another notch on Dylan’s bedpost—and with a guy like Dylan she knew that was all she could ever be.
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