‘That’s not what this was!’ Dylan yelled. ‘What we had—’
‘Was a mutual attraction we worked out of our systems last night.’ The lie hurt even to speak it, but what other option was there? Ask for more and watch Dylan flounder when he realised he couldn’t offer it? She might have hurt his manly pride, but that had to be better than letting him destroy any self-respect she had left.
‘It was more than that, and you know it.’ His tone was low now, dangerous, daring Sadie to deny it.
She couldn’t.
‘Even if it was,’ she said softly, ‘it was never going to be anything more than this week, and it’s not fair of you to pretend that it was. I have Finn and the Azure to think about, and you have your business... You’re leaving any minute now, for heaven’s sake.’
‘But I’ll come back. I said I’d come back.’ He made it sound like a huge commitment. Probably because he had no idea what a real one looked or sounded like.
‘And there’ll always be a friendly welcome for you here.’
‘Friends.’ He barked a harsh laugh. ‘You really think we can go back to that?’
‘I think we have to,’ Sadie said pragmatically. ‘Because, Dylan, you can’t offer me anything else.’
‘I offered you a new career. A chance to start over.’
‘What I want most is the chance to have a future with my son.’ The truth, if not quite all of it.
‘And what about me? Are you really going to let your dead husband and this bloody hotel stop you from moving on and being happy?’
She could have laughed at the cruel irony of it. Here he was, the ultimate playboy, asking for more—and she couldn’t give it to him, however much she wanted to. Because he didn’t even know what it meant.
‘Are you honestly telling me you’re ready to become a father—to a little boy you’ve barely met?’ The sudden shock on his face was answer enough. ‘Exactly. Dylan, you’re not Adem, and I never expected you to be. I went into this with my eyes open. But you don’t do commitment and I need that in my life—for Finn, as well as myself. We need stability and certainty more than ever now. And you can’t give us that.’
* * *
You’re not Adem.
Wasn’t that what it always came down to? In the end, it wouldn’t have mattered who’d met her first, who’d loved her most, who could give her what—he wasn’t Adem. So he was always going to lose.
‘I’m not even second choice to you, am I?’ he murmured, watching her eyes widen. Could she sense the fury building inside him? He hoped so. But he also knew he needed to get out of there before it exploded. He’d never hurt her, but if they wanted to remain even business acquaintances there were some things they couldn’t come back from. ‘I’m no choice at all.’
‘Finn is my choice,’ Sadie said, but he knew what she meant. She would always choose Adem—even his memory—over moving on with him. Over giving him a chance to see if maybe, just maybe, this time he could stick at something. ‘Yours is the next big thing. It always has been, and it always will be. You know that, Dylan.’
‘Just like my old man, huh?’ He knew it himself, always had. But it still hurt to hear it from her—the one woman he’d thought, for a moment, that he could be something more for. Someone better.
‘That’s not what—’ Sadie started.
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘You did.’
So, really, what was there left to say?
‘My assistant will be in touch about the investment proposal in due course,’ he said. ‘I’m sure it will go through without a problem.’
Sadie nodded but didn’t speak. He supposed she’d got the only thing she wanted anyway. At least one of them was ending this week happy.
‘Goodbye, Sadie.’ He turned on his heel and walked out, hoping his car was already waiting downstairs.
He didn’t let himself believe that the sound he heard behind him as he shut the door was a sob.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SADIE DROPPED HER suitcase onto the spare bed in her parents’ back bedroom and began rummaging through it for a cardigan. England might be colder than she’d remembered, but it was still good to be home, however temporarily.
Anything was better than moping around the Azure Hotel alone.
At least she had Finn back now. Once they headed home to Turkey, it would be the two of them against the world again, and everything would be fine. Just one look at his beaming face as he’d waved his ‘Mummy’ sign, surrounded by pictures of aircraft, when she’d arrived at the airport had told her that she’d done the right thing. When he’d wrapped his little arms around her neck and hugged her tight she’d known there was no other choice she could have made.
Finn was the only thing that mattered now. All she had left.
‘Knock-knock.’ Her sister Rachel appeared in the open doorway, both hands occupied with cups of tea. ‘Mum thought you might need this after your journey.’
‘Definitely.’ Family, a cup of tea, familiar surroundings...this was all exactly what she needed.
A whoop of excitement from outside caught her attention and she moved to the window, cup of tea in hand. In the back garden Finn and his cousins appeared to be playing some sort of game involving a football, three hula-hoops and a garden chair. Whatever the rules, he seemed to be having fun, even wrapped up in his coat and scarf instead of still being in tee shirt and shorts, as he would have been in Turkey.
‘The kids have loved having Finn here to play with,’ Rachel said, following her gaze. ‘It’s been lovely for them to all have some time together.’
‘I know.’ A flicker of guilt at keeping Finn so far away from his family ran through her. ‘And I know Adem’s parents enjoyed having him for a sleepover last weekend.’ More people they didn’t see enough of.
‘I bet. It must be even harder for them.’
‘They came out to visit in the spring,’ Sadie said defensively.
‘Not the same as having him round the corner, though, is it?’
No, it wasn’t. Sadie sank to sit on the edge of the bed and blew across the top of her tea to cool it. ‘Finn asked me if we really had to go back to Turkey,’ she admitted. ‘He’s loved being here so much.’
Rachel winced as she sat beside her. ‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to make things worse.’
‘It’s the truth, though, isn’t it?’
‘But not all of it. If you’re truly happy out in Turkey then Finn will be too. You know kids, they’re always happiest exactly where they are, never ready to move on to the next thing. Especially if it’s bedtime.’
The exact opposite of Dylan. Sadie huffed a tiny laugh into her mug at the thought.
‘How are things at the Azure anyway?’ Rachel asked. ‘Any luck with the investment guy—personal or professional?’ She nudged Sadie gently in the ribs.
‘Dylan’s going to present my proposal to the board, but he thinks they should go for investing.’ There. She’d said his name without crying. A definite improvement. And the proposal was good—she’d worked on it with Neal before Dylan’s arrival for weeks, and had tweaked it to fit everything she and Dylan had talked about on his visit. It was just what he’d wanted, she hoped.
‘And personally?’ Rachel pressed. ‘Come on, Sade. I saw you all dressed up for him, remember? There was definitely something going on there.’
‘Well, if there was, it was for one night only,’ Sadie said.
Rachel frowned. ‘That idiot walked out on you after one night?’
‘Yeah. Well, no. I... I guess I walked out on him.’
‘That doesn’t sound much like you.’
‘It was a pre-emptive strike,’ Sadie explained. ‘He doesn’t do commitment, and it was more important to me that we stay friends and business partners. Apart from anything else, Finn doesn’
t need any more uncertainty in his life.’
‘And how’s that working out for you?’ Rachel asked doubtfully.
‘It’s fine,’ Sadie lied. ‘It’s for the best.’ She just had to keep telling herself that. And not acknowledge the secret fear that kept her awake at night—that she had gone and fallen head first in love with Dylan Jacobs.
Even she couldn’t be that stupid, right?
‘He did offer me a different business proposal, though,’ she said. Better to get the conversation back on professional terms. ‘It would mean working back here in the UK, putting a manager in charge at the Azure.’
‘That would be perfect!’ Rachel bounced a little on the mattress. ‘You and Finn could come home and still keep the Azure! Have you told Mum and Dad yet?’
‘I turned him down,’ Sadie admitted, with a wince.
Rachel stopped bouncing. ‘Because you slept with him?’
‘Because...it didn’t feel right.’ Of course, nothing had felt right since Dylan had left either. But how much harder would this be if she had to see him all the time for work, too? No, much better this way, with her safely tucked away in Turkey and him travelling the world, popping in for the occasional friendly visit. Knowing Dylan, they’d be lucky to see him more than once a year.
Another depressing thought.
‘Well, I suppose you know best,’ Rachel said, although her tone clearly said otherwise.
‘I hope so,’ Sadie whispered.
Otherwise it was entirely possible she’d made the biggest mistake of her life, sending Dylan away.
* * *
‘Well, you’re in a foul mood,’ Dylan’s sister Cassie said. He dropped into the wooden chair beside her, exhausted after an hour or more racing around the scrubland that surrounded her home with her two boys.
‘Hey, you should be nicer to the guy who’s been keeping up with your two tearaways for the past week.’ Not that it was a chore particularly. Keeping two six-and nine-year-old boys entertained took energy and concentration, and worked marvellously as a distraction. Of course, it helped that it was also fun.
Much more fun than dwelling on how things had ended with Sadie anyway.
Cassie handed him a cold beer and he took it gratefully. ‘Want to tell me about it?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Dylan lied.
‘Seriously?’ Raising her eyebrows at him, Cassie put her own bottle down and ticked her observations off on her fingers. ‘First, you arrive here with no warning. You drag the boys off to play outside whenever they ask you questions about your travels. You haven’t been to see Mum, even though you’ve been here for days. And, most importantly, you’ve almost drunk all my beer.’
‘I’ll buy you more beer.’
‘That’s not the point.’ Cassie sighed. ‘Go on, I’m listening. Detail your boring work problem and I’ll make the necessary sympathetic noises as needed. Unless it isn’t work...’ She sat up straighter. ‘In which case I might be much more interested.’
‘It’s nothing.’ Dylan took a swig of his beer, glad it was a million miles away from the local wine he’d drunk with Sadie in Turkey. The fewer reminders the better right now. He’d spoken to the board, had got them to approve the investment and had handed the whole mess over to his assistant before he’d left for his sister’s place in Sydney. He just wanted to move on.
‘Which means it’s a woman,’ Cassie guessed. ‘Okay, let me see... She’s married to someone else? Or just not interested. Oh, Dylan, did you finally find a woman who doesn’t want you?’
‘Not exactly.’ Although, really, wasn’t that the truth? Sure, she’d wanted him for one night, but that had been it.
Dylan sent up a silent apology to every woman he’d ever spent just one night with, even if he’d been upfront about it from the start. Being on the opposite end showed him exactly how much it sucked.
‘So what happened?’ Cassie pulled her feet up under her on her chair, just like she’d done when she’d been little. ‘You’ve got me all curious now. Don’t leave me hanging.’
Dylan sighed. Cassie had always been stubborn. There was no way he was getting out of this conversation without giving up at least the basic facts.
‘I went to Turkey to see an old friend, to see if I could help her business out. We...connected in a way we hadn’t before, that’s all.’ He shrugged. No big deal, no drama, no hole in his chest filled with a swirling vacuum of rage and confusion and disappointment. Nothing to see at all.
‘That’s all?’ Cassie asked sceptically. ‘So, what, you slept with her, left as usual, and now you’re, what? Missing her?’ She shook her head. ‘You’re such an idiot.’
‘Thanks for the pep talk.’ His little sister always did know how to kick a guy when he was down. At least, that was what her first husband had said. Her second hadn’t commented on it so far. Dylan liked him a lot more than the first.
‘Seriously, Dyl, when are you going to stop running before you even have a chance to see if there could be something there?’ Cassie waved her bottle at him accusingly. ‘You’re always the same. You find someone you like, indulge in a fling or whatever, then walk away before it can go anywhere. And this time it really looks like it could have! I haven’t seen you this bummed since that deal in London went wrong.’
‘What’s the point in staying?’ Dylan asked. ‘I mean, we all know that I’ll be leaving eventually, right? When the next big opportunity comes up, I’ll be on my way. Why make that harder than it has to be?’ He couldn’t even deny the accusations Sadie had thrown at him. He didn’t stay—and she wouldn’t go. Permanent mismatch.
‘That’s just horse droppings!’
‘You’ve been watching your language around kids too long.’
‘I’d use stronger if I thought it would make you listen!’ Cassie sighed, and settled onto the edge of her chair, staring earnestly up at him. ‘Did you even think about staying and fighting for her? That’s what you do, you know, when you love someone. You stay and figure things out. Every morning you wake up and decide to try harder. That’s all there is to it.’
‘She told me to leave. She has a son...commitments. There was no place for me there.’ Even if it had felt, just for a moment, like he could have fitted into their lives perfectly.
‘Honestly, Dyl, if you believe that you’re stupider than even I ever thought. Just because Dad left doesn’t mean you will. Of course you can settle down, of course you can commit, when you find the right thing.’
‘And how, exactly, do you know that?’ Because he sure didn’t.
‘Because you’ve already done it once.’ Cassie sat back in her chair, a smug look on her face.
Dylan blinked. ‘How do you mean?’
‘You did it for me and Mum. You spent years taking care of us, committed to making sure we were okay even when we went out of our way to mess that up.’ She smiled gently at him, and Dylan felt some of the truth of her words sink into his bones. ‘You never thought about walking away, did you?’
‘No. I suppose I didn’t.’
‘And you’ve never stopped either. You still check up on us both. You’re always there for my boys—and I know you always will be. That’s why I named you their guardian in my will.’
‘You did?’ Why hadn’t he known that? Unless Cassie had thought the idea of it would have freaked him out. Which, before this week, it probably would have.
Cassie nodded. ‘Too right. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with them.’
‘Thanks. I think.’
‘And I bet we’re not the only ones,’ Cassie went on. ‘What about your friends? I mean, you said you went out there to help this old friend out. You’ve always done that, too. Whatever your friends needed, you were there. That’s commitment too, you know.’
‘I never thought of it that way
,’ Dylan admitted. All those years, he’d committed to the people who mattered to him—his friends and family.
The truth struck him hard in the chest. Friends and family? Sadie was already both, in his heart.
He was already committed, and he hadn’t even noticed.
Now he just needed to convince her of that.
Maybe he wasn’t Adem. But maybe he could be what she needed now instead.
And maybe, just maybe, he could be what Finn needed too. After all, he knew better than anyone how fundamental having a father figure in a boy’s life could be. Maybe he could even give Finn what he and Cassie had lost when he had been ten.
Cassie took another swig of her beer. ‘Little sisters are always right, you know. So, need me to book you a ticket to Turkey?’
But Dylan was already on the phone to the airline.
* * *
Sadie hung back from the gravestone, flowers held awkwardly in her hands. Her dad was waiting in the car with Finn, ready to take them back to the airport, so she didn’t have long. But coming to the churchyard had seemed like the right thing to do before she left.
But now she was here, staring at a stone that spoke about a beloved father, son, husband and friend, she didn’t know what to do next.
Adem wasn’t here, not for her. She knew his parents felt better having him close, but for her no motionless, cold stone could ever represent her warm, loving, enthusiastic husband. She felt his presence far more in the heat of a Turkish summer or in the halls and rooms of the Azure.
And maybe that was why she needed to be here. To ask for his blessing, or advice, or something. To tell him that she needed to move on at last.
‘I’ll always love you,’ she said, placing the flowers carefully by the stone. ‘But I think you know that anyway.’ She’d told him often enough in life.
Sighing, she crouched down in front of the flowers. ‘We had a wonderful life together, didn’t we? And we made the most precious little boy. But... I don’t think you’d want me to stay in this limbo. And I’m starting to think I can’t.’
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