The Big-Ass Witch (The Half-Assed Wizard Book 2)

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The Big-Ass Witch (The Half-Assed Wizard Book 2) Page 12

by Gary Jonas


  “We need one more witch for our ritual, and we need the black onyx your student stole from us.”

  “Why didn’t Abigail come to get it?” I asked.

  “She doesn’t like you, and she didn’t realize how susceptible you’d be to the perfume. It doesn’t make much sense. Most people like her because of it, but none of them get obsessed the way you seem to be.”

  “She’s hot.”

  “She’s attractive, but she doesn’t seem like your type. Looking at you with your concert T-shirt, long hair, and attitude, I’d say you prefer the pretty, but vacuous type.”

  “Other women can see through his bullshit,” Lakesha said. “Just ignore him. You came to see me.”

  “I sensed your energy in the mall. I noted your sigils and wards there, and then followed the energy signal back here. You have wards all over town.”

  “And they didn’t signal to me that you were here.”

  He shrugged. “I like to keep my energy off the grid as it were.”

  “Interesting. And Abigail?”

  “She has, shall we say, different strategies for applying her magic spells. You, on the other hand, like to prepare in advance. You have sigils and wards for protection, location, energy storage, and observation all over.”

  “My brother was a Boy Scout.”

  “I didn’t know you had a brother,” I said. “Your husband Paul was Regina’s brother, right?”

  Lakesha glared at me, then softened her expression when she looked at Gene.

  He smiled. “This one does like to spill the information, doesn’t he?”

  “That he does.”

  He nodded. “I was wondering why anyone would track down a forgotten ghost. She was your sister-in-law.”

  “Why did you abduct her?” Lakesha asked.

  “Ritual requirements. I’d be happy to explain it all should you choose to join us.”

  “Why should we join you, Gene?” I asked.

  “The invitation does not extend to you, sir,” Gene said.

  I looked behind me. Nobody there. So he actually called me “sir.” How odd.

  “I’d like Brett to remain at the table,” Lakesha said. “This could be a teachable moment.”

  “In that case, I’ll wait outside,” I said.

  “Stay here,” she said.

  “Learning hurts my brain.”

  “Then this won’t hurt at all,” Gene said. “I seriously doubt you have the intellect to understand or retain the information Lakesha and I are about to discuss.”

  “That was a lot of words there,” I said.

  Lakesha slapped my hand.

  “Ow.”

  “Behave,” she said.

  “What’s a have and how do I be one?”

  “Silence is a good start.”

  I mimed zipping my lips, locking a lock, tossing the key away, slipping a padlock into place and closing it, then wrapping tape around my head, but by then they weren’t paying attention so I stopped.

  “You’ll need to be forthcoming with me,” Lakesha said. “I need to know a few things before I make any decision one way or the other.”

  “You know I’m not a bad man,” he said.

  “If you are, you’re very good at hiding it from my wards.”

  “I’m part of a coven in Houston. None of us have any money, and we haven’t been able to do anything about the Dark Ones.”

  “Dark Ones?” I asked. Abigail had mentioned them.

  “Hush,” Lakesha said. “Let him speak.”

  I sighed. I’d heard of the Dark Ones before Abigail mentioned them, of course. Wizard parents use them to scare little wizard kids. Work your magic or the Dark Ones will come. But I never thought they were real.

  But why did I care?

  I was the classic underachiever.

  “We needed black onyx to complete a ritual,” Gene said. “And based on the spell, it needed to be a particular size and weight. We located one in the jewelry store in the mall, but it was rather expensive, and we couldn’t afford it.”

  “So you stole it,” Lakesha said.

  “We needed it. Our first plan was to combine magic to send a ghost in to possess the employee, so he could carry the stone out to us. Weston spotted the employee on the escalator and made his move, but we couldn’t control the ghost. We knew she’d killed herself—she was stuck in a loop—but we didn’t know the measure of her grief. Ghosts in a loop are normally easier to control because they don’t see beyond their lives.”

  “Not without certain impulses,” Lakesha said.

  “Maybe she sensed Demetrius there, but couldn’t see him,” I said.

  “Of course she sensed him,” Lakesha said. “Let our guest speak.”

  “That would explain why her grief was so strong. Why she really wants to off herself, and now me with her.”

  Lakesha turned to stare at me. “You’re more insightful than normal today.” Then she stared at Gene. She grinned. “That’s very subtle,” she said. “I’m impressed. Now that I’m aware of it, I can feel the waves coming off you, but they’re very well disguised. Nicely done.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “I meant no offense,” Gene said. “I’ll stop. We’re just out of options here. The Dark Ones have devoured most of the ghosts in Houston. Some of the ghosts fled, of course. The Dark Ones may be coming to Galveston next, and the ghosts here can’t escape because very few can cross bodies of water on their own.”

  I looked from Gene to Lakesha and back. “Wait a second,” I said. “Are you influencing me with magic?”

  “It was aimed at Lakesha, but you picked up on it.”

  “Phew,” I said and brushed my forehead with the back of my hand. “For a second there, I actually cared about your bullshit problems.”

  “At least we now know you have the capacity to care,” Lakesha said.

  “Huh?”

  Gene sighed. “The spell amplified the caring and desire to help and to be a part of things,” he said. “But it has to have something to work with.”

  “You’re saying I care?”

  “Only a little, so relax,” Lakesha said and patted my hand. She focused on Gene. “Now let’s try this again without the magic.”

  “I’ve been honest with you. We’re short a coven member, and we can’t work the ritual with eleven of us.”

  “I thought there were only two of you,” I said.

  “His lack of intelligence and insight is back to normal,” Lakesha said. “Please continue.”

  “Wait. There were three. Oh,” I said, finally getting it. “You have other members in your coven we haven’t seen.”

  “I don’t mind enhancing his insight and thoughtfulness for the duration of our conversation,” Gene said.

  “Dude, that was rude,” I said.

  “Just ignore him. I’ll explain things to him in terms he’ll understand when you’re finished.”

  “Very well.”

  “And, Brett, stop interrupting,” Lakesha said.

  I used my index fingers as drumsticks on the table, tapping out a rhythm.

  “And stop drumming.”

  “I could put him to sleep,” Gene said.

  “Let me think about that,” Lakesha said.

  “I don’t need help sleeping,” I said. “But since you want me to sleep, I’m going to be defiant and stay awake.”

  “And?”

  I rested my arms on the back of the chair again then placed my chin on my hands, giving her my sad puppy dog look. “And I’ll be quiet.”

  Gene started to say something, then stopped and looked at me expectantly. I didn’t take the bait. So he focused on Lakesha. “As I said, we were forced to steal the onyx because we couldn’t control the ghost. Weston pulled her back in so she wouldn’t kill anyone else. I suppose we could have come here to grab another ghost, which is what Abigail eventually did, but we felt we were pressed for time.”

  “Because?”

  “The ghost was
trying to get Weston to kill himself, and he was having a difficult time fighting it. Ultimately, he failed.”

  “We saw the result,” Lakesha said.

  He nodded. “Then your colleague here stole the necklace and we were back to square one anyway. Worse, because now we don’t have a full coven. We can’t complete the ritual to bind the Dark Ones. But if you’ll help us, we can do it. We just need to cast the ghost of the boy into a normal person, and have that person enter the lair of the Dark Ones. We can set off the spell, drive them out of the domain of the living, and trap them in the ether.”

  My eyelids grew heavy, so I let them close. My head tilted to the side, and I gave an exaggerated snore.

  “Brat,” Lakesha said.

  I lifted my head as if I were just waking up. “Oh, sorry. Is he done yet?”

  “Don’t be an asshole,” Lakesha said.

  “But I’m good at it,” I said.

  “Will you help us?” Gene asked.

  “Tell me about the Dark Ones,” Lakesha said.

  “When here, they are darker than the darkness.”

  “Demons?”

  He shook his head. “Interdimensional creatures that devour the souls of the living and the dead. Someone unleashed dozens of them more than a hundred years ago. They mostly stick to battlefields where they can feed on the fear and torment of men in war, but two of them were under the control of a powerful wizard. He brought them up through Mexico on his way to a battle here in Galveston a few weeks ago, and left them as backup players should he need them.”

  “Joseph Sinclair?” I asked.

  He nodded. “He was supposed to pay me to keep an eye on them, but the money vanished from my account. Then he disappeared, and the binding spell he used on the Dark Ones broke.”

  I’d defeated Sinclair and his men a few weeks ago. I guess he had a couple of surprises in store should my father prove to be too much for him to handle. “Wait a second,” I said. “You were working for Sinclair?”

  “I needed the money.”

  “Whatever. Go on.”

  “The Dark Ones are methodical,” Gene said. “They started on the west side of Houston, and they’ve been consuming all the ghosts, and feeding on fear, but they haven’t been focused on the living people, which means they’re on the move for a reason. There are more ghosts in Galveston than anywhere else in Texas.”

  “When it comes to the United States, there are more ghosts here than just about anywhere other than Ellis Island,” Lakesha said.

  “But there’s a more important reason for them to come here than the ghosts,” I said. “I stopped Sinclair, so they must be after me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Lakesha laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked.

  She kept laughing, and went so far as to pat her ample thighs with her hands.

  I stared at her and waited.

  Gene stared, too, because, like me, he was in the dark.

  Tears streamed down Lakesha’s cheeks, and she wiped them away.

  Isis pushed through the beaded curtains to see what was wrong with the witch she owned. Isis gave a questioning meow.

  Lakesha took a moment to catch her breath. “Oh dear,” she said. “That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.” And she laughed again.

  “What?” I asked, getting defensive. “I stopped Sinclair.”

  “So the story goes,” she said, still chuckling. “But for you to think the Dark Ones would know or care about that and come hunting you is too damn funny.”

  I scratched my head. “I don’t see the humor there.”

  “Sinclair didn’t see you as a threat, so there’s no way he would have given the Dark Ones any kind of orders about that. You’re a third-rate slacker with delusions of grandeur.”

  Gene pointed to the ceiling with his index finger. “One moment, please,” he said. “Am I to understand that you defeated Joseph Sinclair?”

  “I didn’t stutter.”

  “And yet I was able to manipulate you with a simple spell?”

  Lakesha shook her head. “This one has power, but lacks knowledge, drive, demeanor, focus, and intelligence.”

  “You make that sound like a bad thing,” I said.

  “You say that with him sitting right here?” Gene asked.

  “I’m being blunt,” she said, “but I’m also being nicer about it than his father.”

  I couldn’t argue with that.

  “I don’t care about magic,” I said.

  “Who is his father?” Gene asked.

  “Nathaniel Masters,” Lakesha said.

  Gene looked at me. “No,” he said, stretching it out so doubt dripped from the word.

  “Yes,” Lakesha said.

  He looked like he was about to say no again, so I folded my arms, leaned back and glared at him. He had the grace not to continue down that path.

  “Is he powerful enough to dispatch the Dark Ones?” Gene asked.

  “Not without taking half a city block with them,” I said.

  “We wouldn’t want that.”

  Lakesha shrugged. “Depends on which block.”

  “Can we draw from him?”

  She nodded. “Blood magic is powerful, but if we lend our control, our own power is enhanced, which could be problematic. If we destroy the Dark Ones, that magic would come back at us three times.”

  “If we spread it across the entire coven, we might be able to handle it.”

  “I’m lost,” I said. “What’s this three times stuff?”

  “When a witch uses magic, it comes back at her three times. If that magic is used in a positive manner, that means three good things will happen. If we use our magic in a negative manner, three bad things happen. As these things are relative, and Dark Ones would take an immense amount of energy to destroy, you can see the problem.”

  “That was a lot of words there.”

  She sighed. “Good or bad reflects three times.”

  “But destroying a Dark One would be a good thing,” I said.

  “Destroying things is not a positive use of power.”

  “So when you use magic to zap my ass, you pay for it three times?” I asked.

  She grinned. “In that case, it’s worth it.”

  “Ha ha,” I said.

  “What do you think?” Gene asked Lakesha. “If it’s spread out, can we survive?”

  “No clue,” Lakesha said. “It’s still a lot of power coming at each of us. And it might be divided up based on the skill level of each individual witch or it might be divided equally. If it’s equal, any low level witches would certainly die.”

  “You got anything to drink here?” I asked. “Beer? Whiskey?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m bored, and if I have to listen to more witch nonsense, it would go down easier with alcohol.”

  “Being bored is a sign of low curiosity,” Gene said.

  “Bingo,” I said. “Your problems don’t interest me. I should at least be able to get drunk.”

  “I don’t keep alcohol here,” Lakesha said.

  “With all these herbs, you must have something to make me happy and relaxed. Maybe some GSC?”

  “What is that?” Gene asked.

  “Ignore him,” Lakesha said. “He’s an idiot.”

  “I want to know. What is GSC?” Gene asked again.

  “Girl Scout Cookies,” I said.

  “Oh, I love the Thin Mints,” Gene said. “I always buy three boxes when the neighborhood troop is camped out at the grocery store.”

  “Me too, but I prefer the Samoas,” Lakesha said. She glared at me. “If I had any cookies here, I wouldn’t share.”

  I sighed. They obviously didn’t get GSC, and I doubted they’d get Gorilla Glue Number Four, either. “Never mind.”

  “Now I’m hungry,” Gene said. “Cookies sound good.”

  “They do,” Lakesha said. “But we should discuss the problem with the Dark Ones.”

  “I do
n’t care about any of this,” I said. “Wake me when you’re done.” I rested my arms on the table and put my head down so I could take a nap.

  “Oh no you don’t,” Lakesha said and pounded on the table.

  “Come on,” I said. “What’s wrong with you?”

  Die die die, Regina said.

  “Great, you woke the damn ghost,” I said.

  Die die die!

  Go back to sleep.

  We need to die.

  You’re already dead, I told her. Leave me out of it.

  Time to die!

  “She won’t shut up,” I said.

  “You shouldn’t try to avoid your responsibilities,” Lakesha said.

  Die die die!

  You asked for it. I mentally sang “It’s a Small World.”

  Die, you evil man, die!

  The song got stuck in my head, and while Regina tried to fight it, her words couldn’t penetrate it. Some magic doesn’t require blood. Then again, I had to suffer through the song, too. I kinda regretted my decision.

  “This is your fault,” I said, pointing at Lakesha. “My least favorite song in the entire world is stuck in my head now. Well, one of my least favorite songs. I think ‘Baby’ by Justin Bieber might take that bottom spot, but… oh no, now that’s getting stuck in my head.”

  “Serves you right,” Lakesha said.

  Make it stop! Regina screamed in my head.

  I wish I could.

  Stop! Regina disappeared in there somewhere.

  I broke into the chorus of “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor.

  Lakesha and Gene stared at me like I was crazy, but it worked and after a few runs through the chorus, I managed to knock Bieber out of my head.

  “I think I’m good now,” I said.

  “I don’t,” Gene said.

  “Your father wants you to help people,” Lakesha said.

  “That was not helpful,” Gene said.

  “Whatever, dude.”

  “No,” Lakesha said. “Your father wants you to assist people with their problems, and Mr. Black has a doozie that could affect the entire city. You have to learn to use your magic, and this is a perfect opportunity.”

  “I don’t want to do it. I need my beauty rest.” I saw she wasn’t buying that one, so I tried again. “Who says there are any Dark Dudes, anyway?”

  “I do,” Gene said.

 

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