“I’m done with Beckett, Kate,” I said, hoping my resolve to keep my word would hold out.
I tried my hardest not to dwell on the crazy woman’s comments as the evening wore on, but it wasn’t easy. She was freaking me out. I rationalized that she didn’t know what I’d done with Beckett. All she had seen was some harmless flirting, which I definitely didn’t want to Ryan to find out about, but still how was it her business what I did in my personal time?
Then something struck me as odd. Assuming she did see me flirting with Beckett, how did she know he wasn’t my fiancé? I’d never posted any pictures of Ryan or told anyone what he looked like. I realized then that this was someone who knew me, perhaps someone who wasn’t my biggest fan, and immediately my thoughts flew to Julie.
She seemed like a nice enough girl, but I knew she wanted to get serious with Beckett. She couldn’t have been happy when he’d broken things off with her. Maybe she really was threatened by me, and this was her way of retaliating against me for breaking them up.
I knew she wasn’t at the bar that night because either Beckett or I would have seen her, but I didn’t put it past one of her friends to report back to her if they’d seen us acting more than friendly with each other. I then realized that the first nasty comment had shown up on my blog right after Julie had accused me of having feelings for Beckett.
Suddenly it all made sense, and I felt incredibly bad for the poor girl. I just wished she’d realized that Beckett’s lack of interest in her had nothing to do with me and all to do with the fact that she wasn’t the one for him. Okay, I might have had a little to do with his decision to stop seeing her, but that didn’t mean she had to take it out on me – and my job.
I got that she was pissed, and felt like I’d wronged her, but to post comments like she had on my blog that I used to attract new business was downright cruel. I sincerely hoped she wouldn’t be posting again, because I knew if things went much further Kate would ask me to shut down the site. That was something I definitely didn’t want to do.
My phone rang again, pulling me from my internal rant. When I saw it was Beckett, I smiled inadvertently. Even though I had just seen him, I was still excited to talk to him. He’d smiled and made faces at me in the rearview mirror the whole way home from the beach. I loved how he always knew how to make me feel good, but even more so, it seemed we were going to be okay, and that made me incredibly happy.
“Didn’t I just spend the entire day with you?” I asked playfully.
“Well, hello to you, too,” he said.
“Hi, sorry,” I said, laughing a little. “What’s going on? What happened to studying?”
“I can’t focus,” he said. “I’ve got my mind on other things. Do you want to go to The Bell in Hand tonight? I was talking about going with Patrick. It’ll be casual.”
The prospect of hanging out with him that night got me excited. We always had fun together, and after the drama of the night before and the seriousness of Friday night, a casual night out seemed to be just what we needed.
“Sure, let’s go,” I said.
“Good,” he said, and I could tell he was smiling. “I figure Patrick and I’ll be over around eight, and then we can all head over together.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“I can’t wait,” he breathed, and the way he said it made my stomach flip.
***
Once I was dressed to go out, I went into Summer’s room to see if she was ready. She was still halfway through doing her make-up, so I went to sit on her bed. I had just gotten comfortable when the doorbell rang. Summer was still working on her eyes, so I went to get it. Patrick and Beckett were standing there holding a twelve pack of beer.
“I thought we were going out?” I asked, as I let them in.
Had I taken this time to get all cute for nothing? I looked down at the light pink strapless sundress and cork wedges I was wearing. Had I known we were staying in, I probably would have kept my jeans on.
“This is just for before we go out,” Patrick explained, as he hugged me.
I turned to Beckett and hugged him, inhaling his cologne as I did so. Feeling his body so close to mine, I felt tingles shoot from my stomach out to all parts of my body again. He hadn’t even been there for a full minute, and I was already thinking impure thoughts about him. I internally reprimanded myself for doing so.
Be faithful to Ryan!
“You look gorgeous,” he said, so only I could hear.
It made me smile. He always had a way of making me feel like I was the most beautiful person in the room. Tingles shot through my body.
He is off-limits. Stop thinking about him naked!
“Thank you,” I said, as we followed Patrick into the kitchen. “S, do you.”
“Really?” he asked, an obvious hint of suggestion in his voice. I gave him a look that made him put his hands up in surrender, but he just gave me a sheepish look like he couldn’t help the way he felt.
I just shook my head at him. “You are out of control,” I said, laughing lightly, knowing I should chastise him for his behavior but enjoying the flirting at the same time. I justified that as long as I didn’t do anything with him, flirting was fine. It was harmless.
We decided to walk to the bar since it was close enough to our apartment. Within ten minutes we had paid the cover charge, and Summer and I were standing at one of the high tables while Beckett and Patrick got us drinks.
“You guys seem to be getting along well,” Summer said. “Did you ever think you’d be friends with Beckett again?”
I shook my head. “Never, but I’m so glad we can be friends. I really missed him, and I don’t think I realized how much until I was hanging out with him again. He makes me laugh, and with Ryan 3000 miles away, it’s nice to have someone to laugh with.
“So you’re just friends?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my question all innocence.
She raised her eyebrows at me, and I knew I was busted. I just didn’t know how much she knew or how she’d found out. So much for her being easy to fool.
“I know he didn’t sleep on the couch last night,” she said, and when I didn’t respond, she continued. “I got up to get a bottle of water in the middle of the night and the couch was empty.”
I just looked at her, not sure how to respond. How do you tell your best friend that you’re a cheater, especially after you told your other best friend the same thing that afternoon and she responded with little short of extreme condescension.
“Well?” Summer demanded. “Did you sleep with him?”
“Summer!” I said, shocked that she would automatically assume such a thing, even though I guessed she had a right to assume the worst. “Absolutely not. We just slept. I was lonely, and he kept me company. Nothing happened.”
Nothing happened last night, that is.
“We have drinks,” Beckett said then, coming up behind us and successfully amputating my conversation with Summer. I had to admit I was grateful for his timing. He set down four beers on the table. Patrick squeezed in and set down four shot glasses.
“What’s all this?” Summer asked, referring to the shot glasses.
“Tequila,” Patrick said. “Beck thought we needed to turn it up tonight.”
I mock glared at Beckett, but he just smiled at me, and I wondered what he was playing at. Flirting aside, I needed him to take my ‘just friends’ memorandum seriously.
“Just trying to let everyone have a little fun,” he said, picking up a shot glass.
Patrick and Summer picked theirs up which just left me. Beckett raised his eyebrows at me, challenging me to take the shot.
“Fine,” I said, picking up the glass as I tried to look annoyed. Of course he saw right through it.
We tipped our shots back at the same time. The liquid was cold, but delicious. It burned just slightly as it made its way into my stomach and made me feel warm all over. After that, I sort of lost count of the number of drinks I had.
Beckett and Patrick kept full beers in our hands and every now and then, we would do a shot. I was very drunk when Summer and Patrick took to the dance floor halfway through the night, leaving me at the table with Beckett.
“So,” he said, taking a swig of his beer, “how are you?”
“You’ve saw me all day. You know how I am,” I said, playfully hitting his chest and letting my arm fall to my side. I felt the backside of his hand touch against the backside of mine, his fingers flirting a little.
“No, how are you really?” he asked.
“Drunk,” I said, and he laughed.
“Hey, so there’s something I want to ask you, but I’m not sure what you’ll say,” he breathed at a level that was barely audible. His face was inches from mine. I knew he was baiting me, but I just didn’t know what for.
“What?” I asked warily.
“If I do this,” he said, as he lightly pressed his lips to mine, causing electric currents to shoot all over my body. “Does that do anything for you?”
Oh, my God, he should not be allowed to do that. It should be illegal.
“More than you think,” I whispered, my mouth suddenly having a mind of its own again.
I found myself wanting nothing more than his lips back on mine, but he pulled back and took a sip of his beer. My brain felt clouded and fuzzy all of a sudden. I was exerting so much effort trying not to think about kissing him and wanting to kiss him again that I was having trouble focusing. The mix of alcohol and Beckett was making my head spin.
No this is wrong! Stand your ground. Do not give in to temptation.
“Can we go outside? I need some air,” I said suddenly.
“Sure,” he said, slightly amused at my reaction to his kiss.
The cool night air hit me as soon as we were outside, and I started to feel a little better, as everything came back into focus. We walked around to the side of the building, and I leaned back against the brick wall. I noticed that we were slightly hidden from view, so I looked up at Beckett.
“I told you not to do stuff like that,” I said.
He put his hand out on the wall above my head and leaned in close. “I’m sorry. I kept telling myself to be good, but you don’t know how hard it is for me to stay away from you. It’s killing me having you this close and not being able to touch you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
He leaned closer. “No drama. I’m serious.”
“Beckett, I don’t want you to kiss me,” I said, lying through my teeth. “So please don’t do it again.”
He leaned in closer and whispered, “I know you’re fighting this, and you don’t have to. He doesn’t need to know.” Then he ran his index finger down the length of my jaw and across my lips. I tightened my jaw and swallowed hard. It was a cruel way to try to break down my barriers, but I held firm.
“I can’t,” I said through gritted teeth, putting my hand against his chest to push him back slightly. He was getting a little too close, and I was losing my resistance.
He just grinned at me. “But you want to,” he said, baiting me.
“I’m not answering that,” I said, and Beckett just smiled a self-satisfied smile.
Twenty-Three
As much as Beckett wanted to spend the night on Sunday, I forced him back to his apartment, letting him know I would call him the next day. He fake pouted as I hugged him goodbye at the door. Summer and Patrick were watching television in the living room, so he didn’t try anything. For that I was grateful.
When I woke up on Monday morning, I went into the office for a few hours wanting to spend some time working on Lauren Morgan’s wedding at the end of the month. She’d sent me the guest list on Sunday, so I was going to plan out the seating chart and finalize everything with the caterers. Also on my list was to call Ryan. I figured I’d made him suffer enough, and it was time to make up. But since it was only seven in the morning in California, I figured I’d give him some time to get settled at work before I called him.
I spent the next hour working on the seating chart. The office was quiet since Kate was meeting with some of our vendors that day with one of her brides. When I got to one name on the list, I did a double-take since I recognized it. Then I smiled, picked up my cell phone and selected his name from my call log. He was first on the list, no surprise there since he was the person I talked to the most.
“Hello?” Beckett said, sounding groggy.
“Are you sleeping?” I asked, chastising him slightly with my tone.
“I was, yeah,” he said, and I could slowly hear him waking up.
“What are you wearing?” I asked, glad I was alone in the office.
I could hear Beckett smile as he turned on the charm.
“Plaid boxers,” he said, seductively. “Why, you want to come over and see?”
I felt a twinge in a very inappropriate place, and I suddenly wished I was lying next to him, my leg twisted over his, my head on his chest, which was not a suitable wish to have. I knew the conversation was headed in a wrong direction, so I decided to shut it down.
“No thank you,” I said, all business.
“Ah, it was worth a shot,” he said, and I could hear him sitting up in bed. “So what are you up to today?”
“Working,” I said. “I actually just saw your name on a guest list as I was putting together the seating chart for one of my weddings. You want me to seat you at a table full of hot girls?”
“Only if you’re on my left,” he said, bringing the conversation back to flirty territory.
I pushed back my chair and put my feet up on my desk, knowing we would probably keep it up for a while. “Sorry, I’ll be working. I’ll have no time for you,” I said, playing it up a bit.
“Really,” Beckett said, sounding overly disappointed. “So not even one measly dance for your oldest friend?”
I smiled, wishing I could leave and go hang out at his apartment all day. I imagined laying around on his couch, watching movies, ordering in food and talking about nothing at all. He was my favorite person to do that with.
“Summer’s not going to be there,” I said coyly, knowing he would like my retort.
“Ouch,” he said, and I pictured him clutching his hand to his chest.
“You’re date probably wouldn’t like you dancing with me,” I said, leaning up to take a look at the list. It looked like he had been invited with a date but hadn’t confirmed yet who he’d be bringing. Below to his name said, ‘Beckett Ryland Date’.
“I’m not bringing a date,” he said, as I crossed off the words below his name. One less person to work into the seating chart.
“What about Kelsey?” I asked, knowing that pushing him toward someone else was the right thing to do, even if I didn’t like it. I couldn’t be selfish and keep both him and Ryan for myself.
Beckett took a deep breath. “I was actually going to ask you,” he said then, laying his cards on the table, and I realized I should have figured as much. “But since you are going to be unavailable, I think I’ll go solo. Maybe you can steal some time away.”
I was quiet for a few moments. “Beck, you should ask Kelsey,” I said, quietly.
I could tell from his silence that he knew where I was going with that comment. I was really telling him that we weren’t going to happen. We didn’t have a future. I had a future with someone else.
“Message received,” he said. He sounded irritated, and I wasn’t sure what to do to assuage him.
“Do you want to see a movie tonight?” I asked, hoping it would cheer him up. At least we could still hang out.
“Sure,” he said, but I could tell my effort hadn’t worked like I hoped it would.
The door to the office opened in that moment, and since Kate and I didn’t have a receptionist, I had to greet whomever it was. Maybe we’d book another wedding that day. Maybe it was the WomanInWhite coming to give me a piece of her mind. Either way, I said a hasty goodbye to Beckett, feeling guilty that I couldn’t assua
ge his feelings more, but not sure how to do that without giving him what he really wanted.
Before I could get out of my office, our visitor got to my doorway, and it took me a few seconds to focus.
“Ryan,” I breathed, realizing my fiancé was not in San Francisco like I’d thought, but standing in front of me. Instinctively, I reached out to hug him, pulling him close and realizing how much I’d missed him. He felt so familiar to me. The anger I had toward him on Friday night dissipated as I realized how glad I was to see him.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, as he held me tight.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, pulling back from him. He held onto my hands, appraising me at arms length, but not wanting to break our connection.
I couldn’t help but notice how thin he looked, and the dark circles under his eyes confirmed he hadn’t been sleeping much. Compared to me who had been in the sun all summer, he was as pale as he’d been in the winter. I knew he desperately needed a break.
“I missed you, and I felt like shit for bailing on you on Friday. I realized what a dickhead move it was to pick work over you and that I’d been doing that a lot. So I told my supervisor I was taking a few days off.”
I smiled widely. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I said, hugging him again. Him being there in the flesh was just what I needed to remember how much I loved him and how I needed to forget about Beckett. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“My car’s downstairs, our bags are packed, and I’m taking you away for a few days,” he said, a gleam in his eyes.
I looked at him in confusion. “Ryan, I can’t just take off with you. I have work.”
He grinned at me. “I already cleared it with Kate. She said a few days off were just what you’d need after the week you’ve had. Has it been crazy here?”
I just nodded, slightly pissed at Kate’s subtle reminder of my week of indiscretions. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“So I had Summer pack a bag for you, and she’s going to take care of Gryffin. We’re heading to my parent’s house on The Vineyard.”
Just Watch the Fireworks Page 22