GUIDO:
(shaking his head, touching the scratch) Ah, your tenderness.
MINETTE:
What, sir, do you doubt it? That’s frightful.
(sings)
Yes, when I think of caresses
That I used to lavish on you
Ah, I blush for it! Because my tenderness
Had already preceded your kindnesses
It was instinct, like me, today
To undergo its metamorphosis
And now, it’s from love.
GUIDO:
God! If I trusted myself after such an admission. (resuming coldly) Excuse me, Minette, I want to believe that you love me; I need to believe it, but that’s not all. I cannot accept things from my cat that I could not accept from my wife; and if, with this charming face, you’ve retained the tastes and inclinations of your former “condition”— I’ve already noticed just now, a certain “looseness” in your manners.
MINETTE:
He’s not satisfied even yet! Well! I promise you to watch myself, and to vanquish nature which displeases you.
GUIDO:
(on his knees) And as for me, I promise in return to love only you, and henceforth to have no will except yours and to—
MINETTE:(ear on the alert)
Shush!
GUIDO:
Huh?
MINETTE:
Don’t you hear a lot of noise?
GUIDO:
What’s it matter? (continuing) Dream then how happy we’ll be to be ceaselessly concerned with each other.
MINETTE:
(paying no attention to him, listening) It’s one of ’em!
GUIDO:
And when I depict my love to you, my emotion, what pleasure you’ll have to hear me tell you—
MINETTE:
(advancing quietly on tip-toe) Shut up, shut up.
GUIDO:
Well! Where the heck are you going?
MINETTE:
Absolutely, it’s one of them. Can’t you hear?
GUIDO:
What do you mean: it’s one of them? (Minette advances with measured steps toward the armoire on the left, then rushes suddenly like a cat) What is it? Minette, will you cut it out?
MINETTE:
There, you’re the one who frightened it; she got away; this is unsupportable, it’s so nice!
GUIDO:
There’s no way to be alone with her: you think you are alone and there’s company in the armoire. (aloud) Minette, Minette! Here, right away.
(sings)
I don’t want to seem capricious.
MINETTE:
And as for me, I want more careful attention. I want my wishes to be obeyed.
GUIDO:
What! You want! and I am listening to you! What change has come over your soul! You were submissive and full of joy. Yesterday, you didn’t have any will.
MINETTE:
Yes, but today I’m a woman.
GUIDO:
Well, that’s where I’ve got you. If you’re a woman, all the more reason not to have such distractions. You don’t run after people like that, it’s not suitable. With manners like these, Minette, I will never be able to present you in society; and when I go out, I’ll be forced to leave you here in penitence.
MINETTE:
Well, for goodness sake! Fine pleasure to be a woman to be enslaved! In that case, I’ve lost by the change. Before I was free, I could come and go without permission, and I intend for it to be always thus.
GUIDO:
And what will become of my dignity of Master?
MINETTE:
It will become whatever it can. I am going to defend my rights. And to begin with, sir, I intend to leave here immediately.
GUIDO:
(very excited) And as for me, I do not wish it. What are these rebellious ideas anyway? (he makes her pass to his right)
(sings)
I cannot accede to your wishes.
MINETTE:
(singing back)
I have one more.
All that is is to leave.
And I’m making my departure.
(going to the door)
GUIDO:
(running to the door)
(singing)
And as for me, I’m taking the keys
(locking the door)
This is my house! I am master.
The door is locked.
MINETTE:
(sings)
Oh, I see that.
(aside, looking out the window)
But the window remains to me.
There at least, I will be free.
GUIDO (aside):
I’m upset to be so strict.
But if my orders are defied.
I get mad.
(aloud)
What, Minette, you would escape.
MINETTE:
Yes, sir, your strict orders
I am defying.
Goodbye. I’m returning to my homeland.
Follow me if you can.
(Minette leaps to the bed then through the open window reaching the roof. She vanishes. The orchestra plays very loud at first, then diminishes, as she gets further and further away.)
GUIDO:
(alone, rushing to the window and speaking repeatedly)
Minette, Minette! Have you ever seen a head like that? How to follow her? I’m not used to traveling like that? Ah, quick, let’s take a look from the terrace and see if there’s a way to catch her! Gods! Poor Minette! (he leaves by the left, and almost simultaneously Minette pokes her head in the window and scrambles in.)
MINETTE:
Yes, run after me if you can! So long as he doesn’t hurt himself. Oh, I am sure he won’t get far. Ah, my God! It’s my enemy, it’s the old woman.
MARIANNE:
(with a cold, harsh tone) Monsieur is not here?
MINETTE:
(looking at the roof) No, he went to take the air.
MARIANNE:
I’m annoyed about that: I was coming to ask him for my wages, because one of us must leave here.
MINETTE:
(coldly) That’s already decided. I’m staying.
MARIANNE:
Is it possible?
MINETTE:
And you too, old woman, I’ve decided it.
MARIANNE:
Old woman! old woman! To hear myself treated like this. I’m going to find my things and I won’t stay in this house a second longer. I shall request nothing, for I’ve found my poor Minette, my sole consolation.
MINETTE:
You’ve found her!
MARIANNE:
Yes, Miss, upstairs in an armoire, and I don’t know who it was took the liberty of locking her in and depriving her of her freedom.
MINETTE:
It’s really a question of that; where is she?
MARIANNE:
(pointing to the room at the right) She’s there—in safety.
MINETTE:
I don’t want her to appear.
MARIANNE:
You don’t want! Know that I am here to protect her!
MINETTE:
That’s not so at all! To obey me, and I have only one word to say.
MARIANNE:
Me! Abandon my darling Minette. (Minette whispers in her ear.) Heavens! Can it be! (respectfully) What! It’s you! It’s you.
MINETTE:
(watching to see if Guido’s coming) Will you be silent!
(low) Eh, yes, truly, solitude, chagrin, Germanic exaltation have turned the head of this poor Guido. Because my dear cousin is half mad.
MARIANNE:
He pretends he’s a misanthrope and a romantic.
MINETTE:
That’s what I was trying to say.
MARIANNE:
But he has such a good heart.
MINETTE:
My father, to repair the harm he still reproached himself for, begged me as he was dying, to marry Guido, if possible; but Guido wouldn’t see me, and that was
most humiliating. He only loved his darling Minette. He needed a good correction and that won’t be long coming, I hope—especially if you wish to second me.
MARIANNE:
Yes, I wish to. Speak, order, what must I do?
MINETTE:
Hide Minette very quickly. Make her vanish because if he sees her all will be lost.
MARIANNE:
(ready to leave by the right) I’m going to take her out of the house.
MINETTE:
Not right now, I hear Guido returning.
MARIANNE:
Don’t worry, I know where to hide her, and soon I’ll take her away right in front of him without his noticing a thing.
(Marianne leaves by the door at the right, and at the same moment Guido enters by the door at the left, and Minette hides behind the drapes at the back of the stage.)
GUIDO:
(thinking himself alone) To the devil with travels! I wanted to put my foot on the roof, but I found myself at the intersection of two gutters; fortunately I wasn’t carried away by the torrent, but for that, your servant. (Guido hurls himself into a chair) But poor Minette; I didn’t even see her; where is she now.
MINETTE:
(coming to him softly and leaning against his knees) Here I am.
GUIDO:
It’s Minette; she’s come back. Poor little Minette! Poor little cat! Weren’t you cold?
MINETTE:
A little.
GUIDO:
(taking her hands and warming them) That’ll teach you to leave me, Mamzelle, to run all over creation. Fie, how villainous that is.
MINETTE:
(purring like a cat being stroked) You’re not mad at me anymore?
GUIDO:
(rising) Perhaps, we’ll see. What brought you back?
MINETTE:
I wanted to say my goodbyes before leaving you forever.
GUIDO:
Leaving me forever! You still want to leave me?
MINETTE:
For your happiness, because I feel I’m making you unhappy. Our characters are so different.
GUIDO:
For certain; as yet there’s no compatibility of moods. But that will come.
MINETTE:
Never. You cannot change nature. Imagine, then, sir, that I was a cat, that I am and that these two natures are combined together. That’s simply terrible!
(sings)
My first character
And especially my second
Make me very flighty
My vagabond spirit
Cannot remain at home.
One runs intoxicated
After a mistress.
But could you endlessly
Spend your life running after me,
Running after me.
Instinct is my supreme law.
And its rights cannot be denied.
Near you, even at night
At the least noise, twenty times
Boom! You’ll see me on the roof
And not even that cloud
Which covers your face,
Sir, in your household—
I see wouldn’t—
(smiling) Spend its time running after me,
Running after me.
GUIDO:
(indignant) She still seems to be making fun of me. And to say I cannot live without her.
MINETTE:
Still, you must now, especially as I have a new master.
GUIDO:
What do you mean, a new master?
MINETTE:
Yes, the son of the governor, that young lord with whom Marianne made a deal this morning, for three Florins.
GUIDO:
What’s this I’m learning? And you’ve seen him?
MINETTE:
Right here, just now, he came to look for Minette, and so I told him everything.
GUIDO:
O heavens! What an indiscretion.
MINETTE:
And he said he was going to claim me.
GUIDO:
(excitedly) Little do I care:
(sings)
I flatter myself I’ve got the law on my side.
And I will know how to win.
For after all, it’s a cat
That he’s pretending to buy.
To give him a pretty woman
Would be cheating him.
MINETTE:
(cleverly) Oh, yeah!
(sings)
Despite that deception
I think that the gentleman
Loves her.
All the more, because of it.
(speaking) Besides, he’s not bad looking this young man, a naive air, German naivety; and with such a master, I will be the mistress, while with you, it wouldn’t be so easy: you’ve got wits.
GUIDO:
Me! How can you say such a thing!
MINETTE:
And besides, he’s much richer than you. He will give me a fine palace, beautiful gowns, magnificent jewelry.
GUIDO:
(jealous) Is it possible? And the gratitude you owe my love, my kindness?
MINETTE:
(maliciously) I’m desolated to be ungrateful, but it’s not my fault. It’s nature, and we are agreed that you cannot change it.
GUIDO:
Yes, but without warning me—
MINETTE:
It’s nature.
GUIDO:
To reveal yourself so perfidious!
MINETTE:
Nature.
GUIDO:
So capricious!
MINETTE:
Actually, that’s the worst example, because men—
GUIDO:
(beside himself) Go, at last I am learning to know you. And your species is not worth more than the human species.
MINETTE:
(with joy) Ah! Finally, we are there at last. What! I no longer seem pretty to you now?
GUIDO:
On the contrary, that’s what enrages me, but looking at your pretty features, I will always think there’s a cat underneath ’em, and I see, all too well, that absent a miracle, I will be unhappy all my life. But, you, too, it’s in vain that you hope to meet this rival. You will stay here despite yourself.
MINETTE:
(looking toward the window) You know quite well that whenever I choose—
GUIDO:
Yes, but this time I’ll put things in good order. (going to take her hand. Noticing Marianne who comes in with a box under her arm) Marianne! Marianne!
MARIANNE:
Well! Well! What is it then?
GUIDO:
(holding Minette’s hand) Lock that window! (pointing to the back) And hurry up when I order you.
MARIANNE:
(placing her box on the table) Don’t get upset, we’re going there.
MINETTE:
And as for me, Marianne, I forbid you.
(Marianne stops in her tracks)
GUIDO:
Well, she’s taking a rest en route. What’s it mean? Answer!
MINETTE:
I forbid her to answer and, for greater security, I take her speech from her. (Marianne opens her mouth and no words come out.)
GUIDO:
O heaven, she’s mute! Yet another change more inconceivable perhaps than all the others. It’s over. I’m no longer master in my home. Oh, you were right, Indian, when you told me this morning: “Don’t upset the world!” He told me twice, brave Indian. (Dig-Dig enters and gestures to Minette, resuming his gravity once Guido notices him) Ah, Lord Dig-Dig! (going to him) You’re the only one who can help me; I place myself in your hands. Take her; take her away, so I no longer hear talk of her.
(Dig-Dig takes a step, extending his hand toward Minette)
MINETTE:
Indian, I order you to remain where you are without being able to take a step, or utter a single word.
(Dig-Dig becomes motionless and opens his mouth several times but is unable to speak)
GUIDO:
And him, too! There he is changed into a grotesque!
MINETTE:
I had no great difficulty, and you yourself, if you say a word I will make you assume the shape I abandoned this morning.
GUIDO:
(indignant) Me, humbled to this degree! I won’t leave her audacity unpunished. (looking at the box) God! My talisman, I was forgetting that! O Brahma, excellent Brahma, the first thing I asked of you was a stupidity, and perhaps, without reproaching you for it, you made a gaff in granting it to me. But let’s not speak of it anymore. Punish her ingratitude, return her to her original shape. (going to the box and opening it) And by the power of this talisman—(looking in the box) What do I see? (as he opens the box a fat white cat leaps out and jumps to the ground)
DIG-DIG:
The cat, the cat!
MARIANNE:
Minette, Minette!
GUIDO:
(staring at Minette) O heaven! (pointing to the box) What, Madame, you were there and behold, you are here again! What’s this mean?
MINETTE:
That we are two—
MARIANNE:
And that she is your cousin.
GUIDO:
(excitedly) My cousin, my little cousin—
MARIANNE:
Who took upon herself the trouble of correcting you, and making fun of you!
GUIDO:
(confused) What! So much kindness!
MINETTE:
(smiling) Yes, sir, these 100 Florins that were brought for you, this talisman you were sold, this metamorphosis that took place before your eyes and so many other incidents that made you go to the devil.
DIG-DIG:
All this was conjured up, laid out, prepared by your servant Dig-Dig. (making conjuring gestures) Who is no other than Anthony Schlagg, former intendant of your uncle.
MARIANNE:
(to Guido) Who must never catch you again.
GUIDO:
And he made me believe he was a camel.
DIG-DIG:
It’s you who had the kindness of accepting it.
GUIDO:
He made me accept it. God! Did I believe it! But, it’s over and done with. I detest animals, I detest myself, it’s you alone that I love. Yes, my little cousin, I feel it now, and if I knew how to repair my mistakes—
MINETTE:
Do as I do, forget them! Thanks to Heaven, I’ve fulfilled my father’s vow, and not without difficulty. Yes, sir, I had quite a formidable rival in your mind, that I no longer fear, for I still have for you Minette’s heart and tenderness, without having her character or her claws. (raising her hand to scratch him)
GUIDO:
Okay, okay!
MINETTE:
(smiling) Oh, now you can take it, there’s no longer any danger.
(sings)
The Second Cat Megapack: Frisky Feline Tales, Old and New Page 15