TENTH GRADE ANGST

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TENTH GRADE ANGST Page 10

by Bruce Ingram


  She told me that I maybe should major in history in college, that she could see me really getting into it and maybe even teaching history in high school or college. I’ve never really thought about what I would do after college besides playing professional sports. But she told me I should have a backup plan and after the way things went this football season, I had better have an alternative. I asked Joshua about my majoring in history and he told me that was a smart idea, that I would probably do really well with that.

  Joshua has been treating me more as an equal. A couple of times this month late at night after my homework was done, I’ve knocked on his door and asked to come in and talk about things that were on my mind. He told me that Jordan really thinks I’ve grown up and she enjoys being around me now when Kylee and I double date with them. I never thought Jordan would say anything nice about me. Joshua and Jordan have been dating for way over two years now, and I asked him what was the secret of their relationship, and he said respect and compromise. That they treat each other with respect and if the two of them can’t decide on something or another, each one gives in a little bit on a particular issue, then both of them feel that they got something out of the agreement. That makes sense and I told Kylee what Joshua had said about having respect for someone and being willing to compromise, and she said it made all the sense in the world.

  I’m back on the basketball team and this year I’ve been starting both in practice and our early non-conference games. The only good thing about football season ending so early was that I got to rejoin the basketball team much earlier than last year. Our point guard Quintin and I have been on the same page from the get-go. He’s just a junior, but he’s got senior-type leadership skills. Joshua recognized that trait in him, too, and told me to develop trust in him and to tell him that I trusted him to get me the ball in the best possible position for me to do something with it.

  The other night we were playing King which has a pretty good team, and we were at their place. We got off to a slow start and were down by five in the second half, but Quintin and I got out on a 2 on 1 fast break and their power forward was tight on me as I drove to the basket. Last year, I would have tried to have out-quicked my way past him, but this time I faked like I was going up for a layout but at the last second I dumped it off to Quintin for an easy deuce.

  The next time down we were on defense, Quintin intercepted a pass and we had another 2 on 1 with only the King shooting guard trying to stop us. Quintin did like this super ball fake to me, then turned on the speed like he was going to take it himself to the rack, then at the last second threw an alley-oop to me for a big time jam. After King scored, we went on a 9-0 run and by the start of the fourth quarter, we were up 12 and for all intents and purposes, the game was over. Later, Coach Henson told me my pass to Quintin changed the whole game, and Joshua told me the same thing on the way home when he and Dad were dissecting the game. Maybe basketball will be my best shot at the pros, maybe majoring in history would work out great for me, too.

  Chapter Thirty-Two: Mia

  For my World History II research project first semester, I read this great book, 1491, that Mr. Wade recommended to me. It’s all about what the Americas were like before Columbus came in 1492. I was amazed to learn that the Aztecs had a civilization that was in many ways superior to what was in Europe because they had running water, great cities, and a larger population. That got me to thinking about how destructive the Europeans and especially the Spanish were when they came to what is today Mexico—how they left my grandparents and ancestors’ country much poorer and worse off.

  Mama has told me that my family has both Spanish and Native American heritage, and she thinks a little Caucasian, too. And all this got me to thinking, too, about maybe one day returning to Texas, where my grandparents lived for a time when they came to this country illegally, or maybe even Mexico because we still have family there, too. Maybe, I could become a doctor and help poor people get medical care—that maybe I could do something to make life a little better for people that are struggling. I could open a general practice or perhaps be a pediatrician if I just wanted to concentrate on helping children.

  I asked Mama again about what did she think about me doing something like that, and she said that would be fantastic, that she could see me being really fulfilled as a person if I spent my life helping people as a doctor. I know she’s worried that I won’t get enough scholarship money to do this. At night, Luke and I talk all the time over the phone about school, our business, and what we want to do with our lives, and I just had to ask him what he thought about me going to Mexico or Texas and being a doctor. And he said that would be great, that he could see me doing something like that and being “super at it.”

  I wanted to ask him if we were still together then would he go with me, but I just couldn’t… that would be too forward. I confess, sometimes I think what it would be like to be married to him. I know that’s silly with us only being sophomores. But don’t all girls think about what it would be like to marry the boy they are dating at the time, even girls who are sophomores in high school? I bet a lot of them do. I can’t imagine ever wanting to break up with Luke. He’s the type of boy I always dreamed I would want to date.

  One of the reasons I’ve been thinking about that was the subject came up when we were reading Lord of the Flies in Ms. Hawk’s English 10 Honors class. She asked whether high school boys or girls would do better if they were stranded on a deserted island like the one the small boys in the novel were stranded on. Somehow or the other when the girls were arguing that we would do better while the boys were arguing with us that they would do better, Ms. Hawk asked what did the two sexes look for in a leader or in a spouse. And she asked if any of us ever thought about those things. Of course, none of the guys who volunteered their thoughts had thought anything about the type of girl who would make a good leader or wife, but a lot of the girls said they had thought about it. Camila, Hannah, and Jasmine said they thought all the time about the type of guy that they wanted to marry, and Kylee said high school was a time to sort of “try on guys for size to see what we liked.” Then Caleb said something sarcastic like, “Guys aren’t a pair of shoes to be thrown away.” That’s not what Kylee meant and he knew that.

  Then all of a sudden, Mary asked me whether I ever thought about marrying Luke, and I got so red in the face, but I was mad, too, that she asked that in front of everybody. I looked over at Luke, we always sit next to each other in all the classes we’re in together, and he looked at me and didn’t say anything. I said that question was “personal,” and I didn’t want to talk about it. Later in the day when we were in the library reading and talking together, Luke told me not to worry about what Mary said, that I made him happy, and he was grateful and thankful for me being in his life, and we would see what the future brought for us. It was a sweet thing for him to say, and it was just one more reason, I’m lucky to spend time with him.

  Later on that week in Ms. Hawk’s class right before Christmas break, we finished reading Lord of the Flies. Mrs. Hawk said for our culminating activity we were going to play what she called the Island Game. It’s a game she created where all the students in her class are stranded on the same island that the boys in Lord of the Flies crash landed on. The assignment was for the class members to try to create a society, and the question was would we be able to stay together as a group or would we fracture into cliques. We would also have to pick a leader for the whole group or if we broke into cliques, we would pick a leader for each individual group.

  I thought we could stay together and work together, but things fell apart almost immediately. Most of the boys wanted Caleb as the guy leader and Leigh as the female leader, but when we girls voted for leader, Allen and Luke tied for the male role, and the girls voted for me as the female leader. I couldn’t believe that the guys wanted Caleb to lead, what does being a first class jerk have to do with leading people in a crisis situation. I like Leigh all right, but as I heard Mary whisper
to Paige, the guys wanted Leigh to lead so that they could gawk at her legs when she was giving instructions for the day.

  Finally, all of the girls except Leigh and Amber (they went with the guys—good luck with that decision) decided to form a group, and we asked Luke and Allen to come with us and they could hunt and fish for food, and we would build the shelters and cook. I know those are stereotypical roles, but none of us know anything about hunting and fishing and Luke and Allen sure do. I think we would do just fine as a group and that’s what I wrote in the journal that Ms. Hawk assigned. I am so glad to be with Luke.

  Changes

  Chapter Thirty-Three: Luke

  After Christmas, the first thing I noticed in Ms. Waters’ Geometry class was that it looked a lot smaller. Of course, I had already known that Thomas and his boys were gone to other math classes, but it just seemed smaller somehow. Ms. Waters looked stern when we were coming into the room, and the first thing she said was that she was passing around two plastic tubs, one for us to put our music devices in and the other to put our cell phones in. Of course, I can’t afford to have either, but that’s just the way it is. It would be nice to have a phone where I could look up things online and text Mia and Allen and also see what the current weather was when I was getting ready to go fishing or hunting or hiking. But it’s not the end of the world that I don’t have one.

  Some of the guys and girls started arguing with Ms. Waters about the new rules and she snapped and said, “It’s not open to discussion. Put them in the tubs or you can tell your sorrows to Mr. Caldwell.” People could tell she wasn’t bluffing. Lots of times the first semester, she would say that such and such was going to be the way it was going to be from now on, or there was going to be a new rule, but she never followed through, so the kids started ignoring her. But this time when she was fussing at us, her voice had an edge—a sharpness—to it, and then she gave the people who complained a long, hard stare after she snapped at them, so pretty soon the only sounds in the room were that of electronic devices being dropped into plastic boxes.

  Not long after that, Mr. Caldwell came into the room and said, “How are things going today, Ms. Waters,” and his voice had an edge to it, too. I don’t know if Caldwell told her to crack down on us or she did it on her own and his visit was just a coincidence. I don’t care either. I just want some order in that room, so Ms. Waters can give me some individual help and I can make a low D for the year and get out of Geometry. Spending my junior year repeating this awful class would be the absolute worst.

  Mia has insisted that we spend lunch together every Monday through Thursday going over my Geometry work for the day and her drilling me on this crap. She said our Friday book clubs during lunch would continue as always. I would be happy doing anything with her—well maybe not math—but I’m desperate to pass, so I agreed to do what she said. When I took my Thursday Geometry quiz, I got a high D on it, the first time all year I’ve passed a quiz. It did seem easier than the other quizzes that I’ve taken and failed. Was it because of all of Mia’s tutoring or was it because Ms. Waters has dumbed down the class because just about all of us are failing? Or maybe she has made it easier because Mr. Caldwell told her to dumb it down because of all the failures. I don’t care what the answer for that is, either. I am now the proud owner of a D average in Geometry after the first week of the second semester. I think this is what they call one of “life’s little victories.”

  When I got home from school on Thursday, Granddaddy told me he wanted to have a long talk with me. I could tell he was upset or something when I came home. Granddaddy said he wasn’t going to beat around the bush and asked if I had known that Dad had been drinking heavily since Mom died. I said I hadn’t known, but I just had assumed that that had been the case. Then there was this long pause, and granddaddy said, “Your father was in a car wreck last night when he was on his way to work. He passed away this afternoon. I didn’t know whether to tell you or not before school that he had been in a wreck. I’m sorry.”

  Granddaddy went on to say what Dad’s blood alcohol content was, but I wasn’t really listening. The first thought that came into my mind was whether anybody else had been involved in the accident. It would have been awful if dad had killed somebody else when he was swerving around on the road. But, no, Granddaddy said it had been a one-car accident, which was good, we both agreed.

  I didn’t feel anything when I heard about Dad. I wasn’t sorry, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t relieved that he apparently hadn’t suffered much because Granddaddy said that Dad had never regained consciousness. I was just glad that he hadn’t killed somebody besides himself. Does that make me a bad person because those were the types of thoughts that went through my head? I hope not, I don’t know for sure, though. I hadn’t seen or heard from Dad, not even for Christmas, since I ran away from home. So now for sure I’ll never see him again. I don’t feel bad or good about that, either. I don’t know what I feel…

  After Granddaddy and I got through talking, I called Mia and told her about Dad, and her only concern, like always, was how was I, was I okay, would I be all right, should she come over? I said I was fine, and she didn’t need to come over. Like what would she have told her father, the man who thinks I’m the “boy who works for Mia;” that she was going to visit the hired help who had lost a family member? No, that wouldn’t have been good for her to try to explain that visit. But I felt so much better after we talked about 10 minutes. I don’t even remember what we talked about. She was there for me and that was more than enough.

  Chapter Thirty-Four: Elly

  When my family was at the beach over the Christmas Holidays, I got this text from Mary saying the word was that Caleb and his girlfriend had broken up and “now’s your chance.” When it comes to rumors and who’s dating or talking with someone, Mary is never wrong so my imagination just went wild. For the first time in my life, I really like the way I look. I’ve lost all that weight I needed to lose, my hair is much longer, my contacts are working out just great, and I’ve been getting a lot of compliments from Paige, Mary, and Camila and just about everybody else about how good I look. Yeah, I can make a play for Caleb.

  I texted Mary back asking if she thought I should text Caleb and if I did, what should I text him about. And would it be too obvious or maybe make me seem aggressive or desperate if I did text him… what should I do? Mary texted right back asking if I had any photos of me in a bikini at the beach and that if so, I could post them on Instagram and then send out a text to all my friends about what a great time my family and I were having at the beach and write about the photos being on Instagram. That way it wouldn’t be obvious that I was just trying to get Caleb to notice how great I look now. The only problem with that was that it had been raining there except for one day and that day when I did try to get in the water a little while wearing my new bikini, I got chill bumps so bad that I had to go back to our rental house almost immediately. So that idea was no good.

  Then Mary texted back and said to text Caleb about needing some help in some class and asking for advice and then see where that got me. But I texted back that I would never ask Caleb for help in any class, nobody would. And Mary sent back a text in all caps saying, “THAT’S NOT THE POINT, IDIOT. ACT LIKE YOU NEED HELP FROM HIM.”

  I just couldn’t wrap my head around asking Caleb for help with school work, so finally I decided to wait until I got back to school the first week in January. I convinced Mom that I needed a new mini-skirt, so we went shopping while we were at the beach. I figured I could wear that skirt the first day back to show Caleb how great I look now.

  But when we were driving back home, I got a text from Mary saying that she just got word that Caleb was going with somebody new, and my mind just went crazy on who it could have been in our sophomore class or maybe Caleb had found some freshman girl; those ninth grade females would just go nuts to be with him. Instead, Mary texted back that Rachel, “You know, that junior girl in Spanish II class,” was Caleb’s “new conq
uest.”

  I couldn’t believe it. It’s bad enough having competition from the sophomore girls in our class and all those goofy ninth grade girls, but having to worry about junior females, too…it’s just unfair. I was so upset that I texted Mary that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. When we got home the night before the second semester started, I called Mary for her to give me the latest, and I told her flat out, I couldn’t believe that Caleb was dating a junior. But Mary said, “It makes all the sense in the world,” and all I could think to ask was “How so.”

  Then Mary said, “Because Caleb can now go to the prom because Rachel is a junior, and Rachel can have one of the hottest guys in the school on her arm. It’s a win-win for both of them.” Mary was right, of course, that scenario makes all the sense in the world. Then she said, “Look, you won’t be single long. The word is out about you and Jonathan breaking up, too. Give it a week and some guy will start talking to you and trying to figure out if you’re interested in that primitive male way they have of doing things.”

  Mary was right. In lunch on Wednesday, Matthew from Spanish II class dropped by our lunch table and asked if I had time to help him with the vocabulary words, so I did. Then he dropped by on Thursday and asked for help on a verb lesson, and this time I wasn’t shocked that he had come by, so I had had time to think about whether I would mind going out with him, and I decided he would be okay. I mean, he’s fairly good looking and I know he’s on the basketball team and I think his position is forward or something, you know, the position where they stand under the basket a lot and wait for something to happen, then shove and push each other around trying to pick up the ball or put it in the basket or keep it from going in the basket or goal or something stupid like that. The good thing about basketball games is that they’re not outside in the cold like football games, and the bleachers are warmer to sit on than those cold, metal seats next to the football field are. I’m through dating football players.

 

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