by Janice Lynn
When she arrived at the hospital early on Thursday morning, Daniel’s nurse Trina told her that she’d find Daniel in the intensive care unit.
Aaron Clark, the police officer, had been admitted to the ICU and was in critical but stable condition. He’d miraculously survived Daniel removing the bullet and attempting to repair the heart wall.
Waving to the nurses, Kimberly stood in the ICU hallway, watching Daniel talk to the police officer’s wife and teenage son in the open waiting area.
Although his hair was a darker blond than Ryan’s, the teenager’s height and built was similar. Seeing him brought home just how much she missed Ryan, how quickly he was growing up, and how soon she’d be all alone in life.
It also opened up another can of worms she didn’t want to deal with.
Daniel was talking compassionately with the young man in a scenario that could easily have been a father talking with his son.
His hand rested on the boy’s shoulder and he spoke to him with a directness that not many doctors afforded a teenager. The boy, struggling to be strong, nodded his head at whatever Daniel had said.
Daniel gave a reassuring squeeze and answered something the boy’s mother had asked. His hand stayed on the boy’s shoulder, allowing the proud young man to draw comfort from him.
Guilt belted her in the gut at the sight of what she’d denied Ryan all these years.
A father to guide him, offer support, and love him.
Guilt at what she’d denied Daniel.
A son who was his image. A son who would make any father proud. A son who was a wonderful young man.
She’d denied Daniel Ryan’s childhood.
But if she’d told him, admitted to him that they’d accidentally made a baby, he’d have done exactly what his mother had warned.
He’d have stayed in Georgia, got a job at a local factory, and the world would have been cheated of a magnificent cardiologist.
Daniel would have forever carried his guilt over his father’s death.
Perhaps he’d have resented Kimberly and Ryan for depriving him of his dream.
She shouldn’t feel guilty.
She should feel proud, like she’d given him a wonderful gift.
But was there any gift, any career she’d trade for the last fourteen years of knowing and loving her son?
Her throat tightened and her eyes stung.
What had she done?
Her reasons had been valid at the time, her heart in the right place, but what reason did she have for not telling Daniel about Ryan now?
She realized what she had to do and fear stabbed deep into her heart.
A sound escaped from her throat, nausea threatened to gag her, and her hand flew to her mouth.
“Kimberly?” Daniel looked up from where he half sat on a chair’s armrest. He flashed a tired smile. “You’re early.”
She quickly attempted to pull herself together. The last thing the Clarks needed was for her to fall apart in front of them.
She turned her gaze to Daniel and was struck by how haggard he looked.
Had he been here all night?
From the faint smudges under his eyes and the scruffy shadow on his strong jaw, she suspected so.
Her heart squeezed. Oh, Daniel.
She crossed over to where he sat with the police officer’s puffy-eyed wife and forlorn son.
They made a sad-looking lot and her heart broke for them. Her heart broke for Daniel, too, for what he’d missed out on with Ryan. She resisted the urge to wrap her arms around them all and to have a good cry.
Then again, maybe she was the one who needed the hug and to cry.
Keep it together, Kimberly.
“I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and father,” she offered. “Daniel’s the best heart surgeon there is, so he’s in good hands.”
“Yes, that’s what Aaron’s cousin told me last night. That no one could do a better job than Dr. Travis.” The exhausted-looking woman nodded, sending Daniel a grateful look.
The boy didn’t speak, just fought the tremble of his lower lip and stared straight ahead, tears shining in his eyes.
That could be Ryan.
How would her son feel if something happened to Daniel and he’d never had the opportunity to know his father?
All these years Ryan could have had Daniel’s love and support, and she’d denied it to him. Why?
The boy leaned over, said something in private to Daniel, and he nodded.
“Peyton needs a moment with his father,” Daniel told them, oblivious to the heart-shattering pain ripping through Kimberly at every mistake she’d ever made.
Monumental mistakes that could never be undone.
Then again, with the way Daniel’s eyes kept searching her face, maybe he wasn’t so oblivious.
“It’s not visiting hours,” Daniel admitted. ICU stringently controlled visits due to the critical nature of the patients on the unit, but doctors could get away with bending the rules when the occasion called for it. “But I’m going to take him over and give him a minute.”
Without a word to his mother, Peyton went with Daniel to ICU room number three.
The boy walked so rigidly Kimberly half expected him to snap. Poor boy, seeing his father like this had to be so difficult.
The mother in her cried for his pain and wished she could ease his suffering.
Through the glass wall Kimberly and Cathy Clark watched while Daniel and the boy talked next to his father’s hospital bed.
Daniel’s hand remained on Peyton’s shoulder and from time to time the boy nodded at something Daniel said.
Probably Daniel was explaining the purpose of the tubes and machinery in hopes it would make the image of his father hooked to all the technology keeping him alive a bit less scary.
“He’s really good with kids,” Cathy commented, possibly to fill the silence or to distract herself from the harsh reality of the situation.
Kimberly cringed at the woman’s word choice.
“Yes, he is,” she mumbled, reminding herself that she had to keep it together until she and Daniel finished for the day. Then she could pour out her heart to him and, in the process, probably make Daniel hate her.
He would hate her. How could he not when he’d missed out on knowing Ryan?
Wouldn’t she hate someone who’d stolen that from her?
Cathy’s red-rimmed eyes met Kimberly’s and the woman attempted a small smile.
“Does he have children of his own?”
CHAPTER SEVEN
REELING didn’t begin to cover Kimberly’s reaction to Cathy’s question.
She opened her mouth to try to form a reply, but nothing came out.
The room spun. Her face flushed. Her heart slammed against her rib cage so hard it felt as if it bruised her insides.
She turned to Peyton’s mother, but the woman seemed oblivious to everything but where her son stood next to his father’s bed.
Did Daniel have children? Such an innocent question and yet one that held the power to set off a domino effect that would leave a lot of pain in its wake.
Kimberly’s vision blurred and, fearing she might hyperventilate, she forced her breathing to stay steady, controlled.
How did she answer the woman’s question?
Her heart wouldn’t let her lie. She wouldn’t say that Daniel didn’t have children.
Yet there was no way on earth she was going to admit to a total stranger that Daniel had a son.
Not until she’d broken the news to Daniel first.
“Kimberly?” Daniel’s voice cut through her dizziness. “You okay?”
She blinked up at the man standing beside her. Was she imagining him? Imagining the worried look on his face? The tenderness in his eyes?
Or was it just the fatigue making him look so concerned?
“I’m fine,” she lied, knowing now wasn’t the time or place to go into all the reasons she wasn’t fine at all.
She shot a quick glance towa
rd room number three.
Life didn’t always provide a right time or place.
Sometimes a person had to say what was in their heart because they might not be given another opportunity. Ever.
“Peyton wanted a minute alone with his father.” Daniel explained why he’d returned so quickly and why the boy remained in his father’s room unsupervised. “He had some things he wanted to say in private.”
“Oh, God.” Cathy’s face crumpled and tears rolled down her cheeks. “If Aaron doesn’t…” Her voice broke and a sob shook her body. She leaned forward, her face in her hands, shaking with emotion. She rocked back and forth, sobbing.
Nurse mode and fellow mom kicking in, Kimberly wrapped her arms around the woman, hoping to offer comfort and perhaps needing a bit of her own and an excuse to escape Daniel’s troubled stare.
“Shh, he’s made it through surgery and the night. That’s a good sign.” From her years of working on the cardiac unit, she knew that was true. Those first few hours were the most critical.
“You don’t understand,” the woman cried, holding on to Kimberly like a lifeline. “They argued yesterday evening. Peyton wanted to go somewhere and Aaron wouldn’t let him.” Several deep shudders shook the woman.
Kimberly hugged her tighter, offering soft comforting words.
“Peyton snuck out of the apartment—” Cathy sniffled “—and went anyway.”
“Kids push boundaries,” Daniel reminded from behind them, causing Kimberly to glance at him, then wince at the pain squeezing her heart.
She should have given him a choice, let him decide what he wanted from the moment she’d discovered her pregnancy. Instead, she’d lost him forever when she could have spent her life with him.
“It’s a natural part of growing up.”
The woman’s eyes closed. She took several deep breaths and pulled back from Kimberly to give Daniel an imploring look for him to understand what she was about to say.
“Aaron went after Peyton. There were drugs being moved at the abandoned building where Peyton was meeting his new ‘friend.’ It was a setup to lure Aaron in. He was shot outside the building he’d followed Peyton to by a drug dealer he’d busted a couple of weeks ago.”
She shot a weepy-eyed glance at where her son leaned over her husband’s hospital bed. Tubes and wires poked out of his body at various points and Aaron’s skin shone ghastly pale. The boy held his father’s hand and even from across the hallway his pain penetrated them all.
“He blames himself for this.” The woman wept. “If Aaron dies…I don’t know what Peyton will do. I know it’s not his fault, but he’s so frustrated by life at this point anyway, which is how this creep got to him so easily. And now this.”
Cathy curled into a crying heap.
Kimberly held the woman while she cried. A tear slid down her cheek for the woman’s pain. For the pain she’d cause Daniel when she told him the truth.
For the pain Ryan would feel when she told him about Daniel, that he could have had a father all these years.
“I think Peyton will be coming out in the next minute or so,” Daniel warned, his compassionate gaze going back and forth between the weeping women.
Cathy sat up, wiping at her eyes and trying to control her sobs. “I’ve got to be strong. He can’t see me like this.”
“It’s okay for him to know you’re hurting,” Daniel soothed. “Actually, he might be more confused if he doesn’t see you upset.”
“Oh, he’s seen me upset plenty,” the woman admitted. “I’ve cried all night.”
“Don’t try to hide your emotions away from him. Let Peyton comfort you.” Kimberly gave a comforting squeeze and felt such compassion for the woman she was compelled to open her heart. “I have a son near Peyton’s age.”
She could feel Daniel’s gaze on her as if blue velvet brushed against her skin.
“He sees right through me,” she continued, her insides shaking, “when I try to hide things from him.” Except for the biggest deception of all, and she’d started that one before he’d made his first appearance into the world. “I’ve found that being honest with him about my emotions and what’s going on is the best route.” Except she hadn’t been honest with Ryan. Not about his father. “In many ways, he’s my best friend.”
How was he going to feel when he found out she had kept him away from Daniel all these years?
“Your son must be a very special young man.” Cathy hiccuped.
“He is,” she admitted. No child Daniel made could be otherwise. “So is Peyton. Make sure that through all this he knows that. You need each other right now.”
She needed Ryan, to hug him and tell him how much she loved him. How sorry she was for her mistakes.
Cathy nodded.
When Peyton sat back down in the waiting room, the boy had a stern look on his face. He didn’t speak, just stared into space. Daniel placed his hand on his shoulder, they exchanged a look of understanding, and Peyton mumbled, “Thanks.”
“Kimberly and I need to make rounds on my other patients,” Daniel said. “Then I’m due in the cardiac lab. I’ll be back later to check on Aaron. If there’s any change, the nurse will page me, but if you need anything, ask the nurses to call Trina at my office. She’ll know where to find me.”
Cathy nodded. Peyton gave a curt bob of his head in acknowledgment, but still didn’t speak. He fought to keep his emotions inside, but they spilled forth like a tense veil.
Part of Kimberly hated to leave them, but Daniel was right. The boy needed time alone with his mother. Peyton wouldn’t allow himself the luxury of crying in front of strangers. Hopefully he and his mother would be able to offer each other comfort and come out of this stronger.
She could only hope for the same between her and Ryan.
The moment they were away from the waiting area, Kimberly turned pleading, mascara-smudged eyes to Daniel. He almost winced at the raw emotions in her gaze and even before she spoke he knew what she was going to ask.
“Is he going to make it?”
“You’re a nurse,” Daniel reminded her. “You know as well as I do that there’s no way for me to answer that question.” He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, and knew his current frustration came from a night of no sleep. “I never thought he’d make it through the surgery, much less the night.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just…” She stopped, her face pale except for the black marks beneath her eyes.
“Just what?” he gently prodded, wondering what was with her that morning. Had he pushed her too far when he’d pointed out what he’d seen in her eyes the night before?
He’d seen lust.
And more.
He’d seen longing and that bond they’d shared so long ago. A bond time had failed to break.
The bond that said they belonged together.
For the week, at any rate. He wouldn’t think beyond that.
“Peyton makes me think of Ryan so much,” she whispered in a hoarse voice. “I hate to see him hurting.”
Ryan. It was so easy to forget she had a child.
Most of his heart patients were older, so he rarely dealt with children of any age, but he liked the ones he did deal with. Peyton Clark was no exception. He reminded Kimberly of her son?
“I’d like to hear more about Ryan someday.” His comment surprised him. He hadn’t meant to say anything about Kimberly’s son, but it was true. Everything about her intrigued him, including the child she’d given birth to. Still, the thought of her bearing another man’s child stung in ways he had no business feeling.
“You’d like him.” A wobbly smile played on her lips and he’d swear she was about to start crying again.
The way she’d cried with Cathy had caught him off guard.
Had Kimberly given so much of herself to her other patients?
Caring so much was physically exhausting because there wasn’t a way to save everyone. Unfortunately. Was that why
she’d gone into marketing rather than continue in direct patient care? Because she hadn’t been able to deal with the losses?
Some days he had trouble dealing with them himself.
“Perhaps we could go to dinner tonight? As we couldn’t go last night?”
Daniel blinked.
They’d definitely reached a turning point the night before in Evert Reed’s room. Something had changed and perhaps that something was acceptance of the way they reacted to each other.
Fighting it sure hadn’t helped.
“I’d like that,” he admitted, although he’d be exhausted. After pulling an all-nighter in the OR with only an hour’s worth of rest on his office sofa that morning before starting back, he’d be ready to crash.
But a few more hours of being awake wouldn’t hurt when it meant getting to be with Kimberly. He could sleep next week after she left.
She smiled at him, a weary sadness in her eyes that he didn’t understand, but her smile was real and for him and it stole his breath.
Made him question everything about the moment because it wasn’t enough.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Kimberly? Spending time together that isn’t business related?”
Slowly, she nodded. “I’m sure.”
He almost believed her.
“Come on.” Now wasn’t the time for talking about the past, the present, or the future—not that he thought they had a future, but for this week he wanted to spend every free moment with her. “We have a full morning. Let’s get started.”
Daniel looked so exhausted by the end of the day that Kimberly was tempted to cancel their dinner date. But she needed to talk with him. She needed to tell him about Ryan. For that conversation they needed privacy, away from the hospital.
“Any place in particular you want to go?” Daniel asked when they were settled in his car. He drove to the exit of the parking garage and waited for her instructions before pulling out.
“Back to my hotel.”