The lift opened, but instead of the car, she saw a bright green planet spinning against the darkness of space. She knew this place. Desperate, she focused and flew toward it faster than any tech would allow, hurtling toward a dark tent on a grassy plain and then through that, into the body of a sleeping teenage girl.
Her eyes opened, two eyes. What the hell? Someone had left a candle burning. Who the fuck used candles anymore? There was another woman asleep beside her and a lot of leather around, like something out of a vid about ancient people. Another dream? She touched her hair, the blankets. So real. She hadn’t felt anything this real in a long time.
Strong hands slid over her shoulders, and she froze. The woman was asleep; no one else in the tent. She smelled her own lotion, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw her own hand resting on her shoulder, wearing her engagement ring. The breath on her neck had a wintry chill, cold as a dead star.
“What do you think you’re doing, sugarplum?” her voice said in her ear.
Patricia breathed deeply. “I’m alive.”
*
Natalya stirred as Kora muttered something. She was about to go back to sleep, used to random mutterings in the middle of the night, but when Kora screamed, “Get your hands off me!” she bolted upright.
“Kora?” They’d left a damn candle burning, and Natalya snatched it up before one of them could knock it over. When had she gotten so careless? “What’s wrong?”
Kora stared without recognition. “Who are you?” She looked over her shoulder and tried to slide away from something that wasn’t there.
Natalya hesitated. “Naos?” Storm Lord help them all if the goddess was having a nightmare in Kora’s body. “Is that you?”
“You don’t know?” She crouched like a hunted thing, casting her eyes back and forth, head cocked as if listening. “Is Jack here, too?”
Natalya sent out a gentle tendril of power, looking for signs of Naos, for any sign that something had gone wrong in Kora’s brain. She sensed the telepathic link that tied Naos to Kora and gave it a nudge to see if that would cure the girl of this madness.
The link pulsed with power, and Kora collapsed. Natalya let out a breath, her head pounding. She’d never used her power with such a delicate hand. The world began to press in on her as it had when she was newly augmented. She gripped her blankets and breathed deeply, fighting to push it away. She felt for Naos, for the sanity that power could bring, but the goddess felt far away, and when she answered, it seemed as if she was more than one person, each scrabbling for power, unable to help.
Natalya used the tricks she’d learned and bottled her power so the rising tide couldn’t become a flood. She clenched and unclenched her hands to ease the power inside her; it felt like massaging the world’s largest cramp, and when it finally eased, Kora was stirring again.
“Maman,” Kora said, “I had a bad dream.”
“Go back to sleep.” But she stayed awake and watched until Kora breathed deeply again.
The next morning, Kora seemed back to normal, though Natalya watched her closely. Every day before they marched, she heard the petty grievances of the plains dwellers who traveled with her. And the more people there were, the more grievances to sort out.
Kora frowned as she listened. Two youngsters from different clans had pledged themselves together, then the girl of the pair changed her mind and bonded with another fellow. Now the tribe she’d originally pledged her life to claimed she’d been seduced away from them. The chance for new blood was always a sticking point with the small clans.
Kora stared at nothing after everyone finished shouting. “Didn’t I just do this? You were arguing about spears.”
Natalya sighed. “That was different people.”
“Are you sure?”
This time, Natalya couldn’t help snorting a laugh. “They do sound the same after a while.”
“Please, Child of the Goddess,” the chafa of the slighted clan said, “this cur seduced the young woman with promises of her clan’s wealth, but—”
“I did nothing,” the other chafa said. “The young people fell in love. Nothing can stand in the path of that.” She seemed smug where the other oozed righteous anger. Natalya wanted to smack them both. What did they expect Kora to do?
Kora put her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe this is what a goddess is for.”
Everyone looked at everyone else. Word of the headless chafa had gotten around.
Kora snapped her fingers. “I know what the goddess would do! She’d kill anyone that wasted her time.”
They all took a step back.
“Or are you asking me to kill the two young people?” Kora asked the irritated chafa.
His mouth worked for a moment before he shook his head. “No, Child of the Goddess. I thought perhaps you would dissolve the bonding…” He trailed away as if also realizing this wasn’t what a goddess was for.
Kora’s voice whispered in Natalya’s mind. “They’re afraid of me, but don’t worry. I remember my promise. I won’t kill them.”
“Good,” Natalya mumbled.
Kora’s power flared and towed Natalya through the assembled clans until she found the offending youngsters. She lingered with them long enough to find out that while chafas argued their fate, they were spending time in each other’s arms.
Natalya tugged Kora away gently, and when she could focus again, she saw that everyone was still watching them.
Kora sighed. “Love is love.”
The smug chafa beamed while the other smiled hesitantly, probably too afraid to frown.
“Anything else?” Kora asked.
Everyone was quick to say no.
“Then get ready, and let’s go.”
When they were as alone as they were going to be, Natalya asked, “Do you know what that means? Love is love?”
“I can love. I had a fiancé once.”
Natalya fought down a tide of anger. “That wasn’t you.” She took a few deep breaths. “Did you really think about killing them? I know you wouldn’t,” she added. “I know you promised, but I thought…” She wasn’t sure what she thought. She’d wanted to teach Kora that death wasn’t the answer, and with Kora’s realization that death was forever, she thought she’d done it.
“The goddess would,” Kora said. “Sometimes, I can’t tell us apart.”
Yes, that was the problem, wasn’t it? Even if Natalya could break Naos’s hold over herself, she couldn’t break it over Kora, too. They were too connected.
Kora shivered, mouth turned down. “I don’t like it, though. I don’t like thinking of them dead, not when I know them.”
Natalya smiled softly. So, Kora could change for the better. Maybe that was what the night before had been about? “Do you remember anything about last night? Your bad dream?”
“There was a different voice in my head.”
Natalya’s chest tightened. “Do you know who?” A fourth person in their crazy little head party, just what they needed. “I thought it was Naos.”
Kora shook her head. “Too different.” She smiled slightly. “I liked touching the lovers’ minds. They weren’t thinking about death or power. It was nice.”
“Don’t spy on people,” Natalya said automatically, the habits of Gale never leaving her.
“Did you ever have a fiancé?”
The thought made her laugh. “No.”
“What did you have?”
“I had…” Friends? Lovers? There had been Horace for the one, and as for the other, she’d never been interested. “I had a life. Sometimes, it was happy.”
Kora entwined her arm with Natalya’s, content for the moment, at least until Naos took over her mind again.
Chapter Fifteen
Lazlo looked queasy, and the birth hadn’t even started yet. As soon as Caroline had called for Dillon, he’d called for Lazlo. He didn’t want anything to fuck this up. After he’d almost lost Caroline and his son to some nameless assassin, he’d been careful indeed.
And thoughtful. It was time to go on the offensive. No short forays into the plains. He needed a long campaign to start bumping his enemies off one at a time. Whoever these assassins were, he’d burn them out at the root, get whoever was in charge. And wherever he went, the assassins currently in Gale would probably follow him, and he’d take care of them, too.
Right now, he had the birth to worry about. As they walked toward the birthing room, Dillon rested one hand on Lazlo’s shoulder. “Make this quick, okay? I don’t want her to suffer.”
Lazlo was frowning at nothing, his usual expression. “I’ve never delivered a baby. I’ve heard the time varies for everyone.”
“Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to make it go as fast as you want.”
“Nice to know one of us is confident. Are you afraid of being bored?”
Dillon tried not to snap, but this attitude was getting on his fucking nerves. And none of his tricks worked on Laz anymore. Somewhere along the line, Lazlo had become immune to his charms.
They entered the birthing room together. Caroline was on a bed with an elevated back, allowing her to sit up. There was also a contraption in the corner that looked as if it would help a woman stand if she preferred. Different yafanai stood around the room, but after a look at Dillon, they cleared out. Caroline’s eyes widened as they left. Some were healers, and she probably feared being without them.
Dillon took her hand. “We don’t need their help with Laz here.” Lazlo didn’t offer comment. Dillon kept his smile. “It’ll be all right.”
Lazlo’s eyes slipped shut, and Caroline gasped. “Well,” she said with a sigh, “it doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“You’ve been communicating with him,” Lazlo said. “He’s calm.”
Caroline smiled, but Lazlo didn’t look at her. His eyes opened slightly, and he hesitated before taking hold of the sheet that covered Caroline from the waist down. She glanced at Dillon before pulling her knees back and spreading her legs so Lazlo could see what was happening. Dillon was happy to be standing at the head of the bed. He’d never seen a birth in person, but something about staring at her…downstairs business with Lazlo beside him seemed wrong.
Dillon expected Lazlo to be the most embarrassed of the three, but he put on a professional air, and Dillon wondered if he’d helped birth animals in his biology studies. Maybe. Or maybe this detachment was part of the work Caroline and the other yafanai had done on him.
Or maybe he was just in the zone. He reached between Caroline’s knees, and she looked to Dillon again, giving his hands a squeeze.
They both went silent, and Dillon looked from one to the other. “What’s happening?”
She stared at nothing but still had an intent look. Lazlo’s eyes had gone half-lidded, and Dillon noticed they breathed in time with each other. He shuddered and tried to tell himself not to be paranoid, but the silence was creeping him the fuck out. He cleared his throat. “I’m—”
“Shh,” Lazlo said. “We’re working.”
Dillon’s irritation inched up a notch, but he kept his mouth shut.
“Push,” Lazlo said quietly.
Just like that? But Caroline grunted, and her eyelids fluttered as if she fought sleep. How much was Lazlo doing? Could she feel any of the birth pangs? Feel the baby as it left her? He barely had time to look from her face to Lazlo again before Lazlo was standing, a baby in his arms.
Dillon’s mouth fell open. Just like that! Lazlo passed a hand over the baby’s face, and he began to cry, a howl that filled the room. Caroline’s eyes flew open, and she sobbed once, a happy sound as she came out from whatever stupor Lazlo had put her in.
Lazlo pinched the umbilical, sealing it with his powers. He laid the baby in Caroline’s arms before turning his attention to the afterbirth. Dillon tuned that out and felt a smile overtake his face as his son squalled.
She kissed the baby’s bloody forehead. “I never dreamt it would be so…easy.”
He grinned harder. “I don’t think it usually is.”
She gave him a confused look, as if she’d been drugged. “Love’s not usually easy?”
“I, uh, thought you meant the birth.”
She looked back to his son. “I meant falling in love. I’m in love with this little guy. I was before, when we communed, but it never hit me until now.” She kissed him again, and Dillon wondered if she’d let him go long enough to wash him.
“Well…” Dillon didn’t know what to say, but another thought popped into his head, one he should have been thinking about, but it had totally slipped his mind. “What are we going to call him?”
“Evan,” she said without missing a beat.
His old man’s name, something he’d told her during one of their many pillow talks. Pride filled him, tainted with a bit of guilt that he hadn’t given this as much thought as she clearly had.
“Thanks,” he muttered. “That’s…thank you.”
She flashed a glorious smile.
Lazlo left without a word, and Caroline’s friends hovered in the doorway. Dillon wavered, torn, before he said, “I’ll be right back.” Caroline’s friends hurried to fill the space he left.
“Laz,” Dillon said, hurrying to catch him. “Wait a second!”
Lazlo didn’t look at him. “Congratulations. You should go back and be with them.”
Dillon used to pride himself on how well he could read Lazlo, but now he wished for a little of that micro power. He couldn’t tell if Lazlo was embarrassed or jealous or what. “Talk to me, buddy.”
Lazlo’s eyes bore into his, stricken, covered in tears, and his forehead was creased with such confused pain that Dillon nearly called the whole thing off and started working on a plan to let him go. “I’m missing…” Lazlo thumped his chest with an open palm. “Something is missing, and there’s so much to feel, but I can’t get at it!” He pointed down the hall. “I delivered a baby, and I can’t feel anything.”
Dillon rested a hand on his shoulder. “Take it easy, Laz. You’ll be okay.” God, he really wanted that to be true. He knew abducting Lazlo was a shitty thing to do, but he hadn’t had a choice. He did want Laz to be happy, knew he could be happy if he’d just give this a chance.
Or maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d dissolve into a depression so deep, no one could get him out. Fuck, maybe Dillon would have to let him go.
For a moment, it seemed as if Lazlo might sag against Dillon and let himself be embraced, but he pushed away. “This isn’t right. It isn’t what I want.” His eyes searched the hallway as if looking for something just out of sight.
Dillon supposed they could leave him in the plains or maybe walk him back to the rebels. His own memories would return in time. Of course, then he would hate Dillon even more, but wouldn’t that be better than this?
Down the hall, Evan started to cry again, and Dillon thought of all the things that could have gone wrong, even with the healers. He thought of all the other women who’d soon be having his children. Beyond that, there was a future full of aches and pains, aging and death. Who would look after his children, his people?
His hand tightened on Lazlo’s shoulder, and he thought loudly back at Caroline, at the other telepaths, hoping they’d pick up on the fact that he needed them. “It’s all right, Laz. You and me, buddy, the way it’s always been. I’ll never leave you.”
Lazlo’s face relaxed, and Dillon knew the telepaths were working on him. He let himself be hugged from the side.
“I’m here whenever you need me,” Dillon said.
Lazlo wiped his eyes on his sleeve and nodded before walking away, his panicky motions more stable. Dillon watched him turn the corner before letting out a long breath. Such a delicate balance, but he could have everything: Lazlo and his children and the people of Gale.
“And me,” a voice said in his mind.
He sighed, hearing not only Naos but Carmichael, Paul Ross, Amy Lessan, and Marie Martin in that voice. “Whether I want you or not, apparently.” When he tu
rned, Naos lounged against the wall in her evening gown, arms behind her, head tilted to the side as she watched him with her good eye.
“How long have you been here?” he asked.
“Long enough to see your loin fruit. Well done.”
He scowled. “What do you want?”
“Ooh, Daddy is ferocious.” She snapped her teeth. “Mama likes.”
“You want to see ferocious? Don’t you have some worshipers on the plains? Want to see me wipe them out?” Yeah, that was the way. Kill them one at a time until he’d gotten them all.
“Come and get me, sugar. After I kill the Sun-Moon, you’re next on my list.”
He thought fast. “If you wanted us dead, why not kill us on the Atlas?”
“Why? Why? Why? I’ve got a why for you.” She pushed off the wall. “Why does everyone keep asking questions? Kill my people before they kill you. That’s the game! That’s all you need to know! Who will be the last god standing?” She put her hands to her cheeks as if surprised, and her face lit with delight. “Oh golly! I hope it’s me.” With a laugh that echoed through his skull, she walked through a door as if it wasn’t there.
Dillon hesitated a moment before he followed, checking to make sure she was gone. The room stood empty, but when he turned, Lessan waited behind him, face twisted with rot.
Dillon yelped and jumped back. Lessan popped like a balloon before she became Naos again, her laughter so loud it sent pain bouncing behind his eyeballs. He strode away, wanting to check on Caroline and Evan, just in case.
Even after he’d seen them, he couldn’t get Naos’s words out of his mind. Why in the hell was she attacking the Sun-Moon? And was she egging him on to get him to come or to get him to stay away? She could come after him next, and who knew why? Maybe there was no why. Hell, maybe she was just bored. Maybe having people with her on the station had kept her entertained, but once they’d all left, she realized how boring life could be without them.
And how deep was she in with the plains people? How far up their asses did her reach go? Was she talking to the rebels, too? Lining up all the pieces on the board? He’d heard there were people who were so good at certain games that the only real challenge they found was in playing themselves. Maybe Naos considered herself on that level.
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