“No thanks, I’m fine.”
“Have a great Christmas, Aimee.”
“You too, Miss Lane,” she said with a wave before racing out of the room in much better spirits than she entered it.
Alone again, I glanced at my barren walls, contemplating whether to put the January decorations up now or leave them for after the break. I was also tempted to see if Principal Hogan was still around and corner him about those so-called rumors. But what if I didn’t like what he told me? It might put a dark cloud on my entire vacation, and I’d have no one to blame but myself. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling as it dawned on me there was no way Principal Hogan was still in the building. With no students of their own, members of the administration were usually the first to pack up before a holiday. It was probably better that way. Still, not knowing was killing me.
The sound of my phone pinging the delivery of a text message startled me out of my internal debate and I rushed back to my desk anxious for a distraction. It was from Sidney. “Will changed his mind. The boyfriend swap is on. I would have told you yesterday, but Will had to confirm a few things first.”
My heart pounded furiously as I read the rest of the message, which included a phone number for me to contact Will and set up a plan for departure. Sidney said he was expecting my call and I shouldn’t wait too long since we were only two days away from show time. Then she asked me to forward along Perry’s number.
She concluded the text with, “Good luck, Robyn. And one last thing: no funny business. JK.”
Suddenly lightheaded, I threw myself in my chair as the room spun around me. I closed my eyes, wondering how Sidney had hoodwinked me into this plan, but I quickly accepted my own role in letting it get this far. I should have shot down the idea before it become fully formed, and certainly once I found out it would require me to pretend Will Brady was my boyfriend. But I didn’t. With everyone else on board, it was too late to back down now. The curtain was about to go up on the biggest performance of my life.
With my eyes still shut, I reached around the desk for my phone and gripped it firmly in my hands. Finally opening my eyes, I called Perry first. When voicemail picked up, I said there’d been a change of plans and he would be going to Sidney’s party after all. I told him I didn’t know the details and he should phone her directly. I left Sidney’s number, said we’d talk at the cast party that night, and hung up.
Calling Perry was the easy part. I figured he’d be thrilled at the opportunity to be discovered as the next big thing. But what was I going to say to Will? I wondered what made him change his mind to be “comfortable” with the swap. Did Sidney succeed in persuading him with her sexual prowess? I swallowed down the queasy knot in my belly. I still couldn’t believe Sidney’s boyfriend and my ex-dreamboy were one and the same, but it wouldn’t be so bad. All we had to do was pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend for three days while we lived in the same house, ate at the same table, showered in the same bathroom, and slept under the same roof—correction, same room, since my folks were liberal enough to let me sleep in the same bed as my boyfriends. Easy like Sunday morning. I fell back against my chair. Compared to what was in store for me in the coming week, talking to Will on the phone was a stroll through a garden. Before I could chicken out, I keyed in his number and paced the room while waiting for him to answer.
“Hello?”
I gulped at the sound of his raspy voice. “Will? Hi, it’s Robyn.” I giggled nervously. “Your girlfriend.”
Chapter 5
Robyn
After meeting at the car rental place and driving through the Lincoln Tunnel, Will and I put aside small talk in favor of a more pertinent topic of conversation—how we were going to convince my family we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Will broached the subject first, asking about ground rules.
“Holding hands, some touching, and little pecks are fine. As long as we show some affection, my parents won’t question the lack of making out,” I said, almost choking on my words. I was having trouble focusing on the road with Will Brady as my passenger, and the current topic of conversation wasn’t helping. I flashed back to the last time we’d ridden in a car together. School had closed early due to an ice storm. I was terrified to drive home and the buses had already left. Before I could protest, Jordy, who was a freshman, asked Will to give us a ride and, of course, he said yes. I remembered sitting in the backseat and trying not to get caught looking at Will’s reflection in the rearview mirror.
“Do you and Perry full-on make out in front of your folks regularly?”
Even though I was looking at the road, I could still see Will’s amused grin through my side vision. To talk myself out of blushing, I focused on the vanity plate of the car in front of me—GRNSON1. “Not at all. I meant if we make small shows of affection, no one will be skeptical.”
Will tapped my thigh. “I’m teasing you. I don’t think it will be too difficult. Unless your parents are suspicious by nature.”
My leg tingled in the spot where Will’s fingers had been. “They’re not. But they’ll be surprised.” To my knowledge, Will had no idea of the extent of my crush back then. He probably assumed my parents would consider it a humorous coincidence that their daughter was dating an old neighbor—nothing more, nothing less. I should have warned them, but I was too afraid they’d see right through my lies.
“You haven’t told them yet? Are they expecting Perry?”
I could see my knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. I had managed to avoid extended conversation with my mother over the past couple of weeks. When the subject of Christmas came up, I fibbed some excuse to end the call before I could confirm or deny whether Perry would be joining me. This resulted in major half-Catholic/half-Jewish guilt, along with seriously unhealthy nail beds. As the traffic came to a halt, I mumbled, “Shit.” Traffic so early in the drive was not a good sign.
“Snow White curses.” Will laughed.
I turned my head toward him with a smile. “You better call the Brothers Grimm to confiscate my princess crown.”
Will furrowed his brow. “I don’t think Snow White wore a crown.”
“Well-versed in fairytales, are you?” I teased.
“Just Snow White,” he said with a wink, taking me back almost a decade to when we were in high school and a wink from Will Brady was better than an extended solo in the spring concert. My favorite one took place my junior year. I was in the hallway between classes telling my friend James about my new favorite movie, Little Miss Sunshine. I’d seen it with my family the previous weekend. To better express my enthusiasm, I acted out a portion of the scene where Abigail Breslin danced to “Superfreak” and was completely oblivious to the other kids who had halted their conversations to observe me, including Will. James’s trembling lips finally clued me into the public display I was making, and I stopped mid-song and hid my face in my locker. I felt a tap on my back, and when I turned around, I came face to face with Will. He said, “Nice moves, Snow White,” and winked at me before continuing down the hallway. Even though he was teasing me, I floated through the rest of the day.
I came out of my time warp and jutted my head toward the bumper-to-bumper traffic before us. “This might take a while.” With no traffic, the drive from New York City to Philadelphia could take less than two hours, but so close to Christmas, I estimated closer to three.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Dressed casually in blue jeans and a gingham button-down shirt, Will stretched out his long legs as far as the small space in the passenger seat of the economy car I’d rented allowed.
I snuck a quick peek at him again before turning back to the road. For someone previously uncomfortable with the plan, he was being a good sport. I yearned for an ounce of his coolheadedness.
“Your parents don’t like Perry, huh? Why do you think that is?”
“They have nothing against Perry personally,
just his career.” In all honesty, I wasn’t confident either of them would approve of Perry even if he were an advertising executive, but I didn’t like the hint of sarcasm I noted in the way Will directed the question.
“You guys serious?”
I shrugged in response to what could only be described as the most annoying question ever.
“You’ve been dating for how long now?”
“A little under a year.” I tapped my fingers to the beat of the music. “I love Counting Crows,” I said happily before raising the volume of “Mr. Jones” and singing softly. Good music always made sitting in unmoving traffic more bearable, and the Classic Rewind Sirius XM Radio Channel was one of my favorites.
“Me too,” Will said, before enthusiastically belting out the lyrics along with me while slapping his hands on his thighs to the rhythm.
Within the first few notes, it became evident Will’s status as Mr. Cool wasn’t the only reason he never sang in the chorus or auditioned for the school play—he had a horrible voice. If Adam Duritz’s ears were blistering, it was probably because Will was demolishing his band’s American Top 40 number one song from 1994.
Surprised Will was unself-conscious enough to sing out loud with a voice that could stop traffic—in a bad way—I was momentarily rendered mute. Continuing to tap his feet to the music with his eyes closed, he didn’t even notice me staring at him. Which was a good thing, as I was visualizing him in the shower singing into his scrub brush like a microphone. Only bad singing wasn’t supposed to be hot. Ashamed of my mind for going somewhere it wasn’t invited, I Rick-rolled my mind until Will was dressed in gold sparkly parachute pants and a down vest and singing “Never Gonna Give You Up” by the painfully unsexy Rick Astley. I was unsuccessful in my mission since, naturally, Will made a much sexier Rick Astley than the man himself.
I released a grunt of frustration that Will didn’t notice over his warbling. After the song ended, I lowered the volume. “What other music do you like?” I’d blessedly regained my composure by then.
Will opened his eyes and gave me a wry grin. “When I was ‘pondering the meaning of life’ in high school, The Killers, Fall Out Boy, and Red Hot Chili Peppers were usually in the background.” He shrugged. “But I love almost all music. It makes everything better.”
Unless you’re the one singing. As the response perched itself on the tip of my tongue, my lips quivered and I mentally slapped myself. Who was this mean girl who’d invaded my body?
Will cocked his head to the side. “What are you thinking?”
“It’s nothing.” I slammed my fist into my mouth knuckles first.
Shaking his head in amusement, Will said, “You’re such a bad liar, Snow.”
I frowned. He was right, which didn’t bode well for this trip.
“C’mon. Tell me.”
“Not when you sing,” I muttered.
“What?”
Good. He hadn’t heard me. It was a sign I should shut it. “Nothing.”
“No. I want to know what you said. Something about my singing?”
Groaning, I stole a glance at him before turning back to the road. It was a quick peek, but long enough to establish Will was fully invested in getting me to spill. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” I bit a fingernail.
“But?”
I turned toward him. “Do you think you’re a good singer?” With any luck, he was well aware of his shortcoming and we’d share a laugh.
“Do you think I’m a good singer?” His hazel eyes opened wide in hope.
I licked my dry lips and shook my head gently.
“Oh.” His shoulders dropped.
“But I’m sure you’ve got oodles of talent in other areas.” I turned back to the road, afraid to look at him after going all Simon Cowell on his ass. What was wrong with me? So what if Will was under the false illusion he had a voice like Josh Groban? It wasn’t my place to tell him otherwise. And I might be talented in the musical arts, but I could never color within the lines or hit the volleyball over the net. And after years of swimming lessons in summer camp, I still never mastered the butterfly stroke. It wasn’t natural to be good at everything.
If Will’s silence was any indication, he was taking my criticism very badly. I summoned the courage to look at him. My stomach dropped at the sight of him bent down with his face in his hands. Was he crying? I had no idea he was so sensitive. “I’m sorry, Will,” I said, reaching over to tap the top of his head to soothe him. For years, I’d dreamed about being the person Will relied on to comfort him in his times of need, but I never imagined I’d be the cause of his distress. The boyfriend swap was off to an awful start thanks to me. Focusing again on the road, I begged, “Talk to me, Will.” Finally, he made a noise, but it didn’t sound like crying. It sounded more like…wheezing? I darted my eyes toward him only to see his head bobbing up and down in the unmistakable throes of hysterical laughter. Embarrassed for falling for his aggrieved act, I demanded, “Stop it,” and elbowed him in the rib for emphasis.
Releasing his hands to reveal his red-streaked face, he said, “I’m sure you have…” He took a gulp of air. “Oodles of talent.”
“You suck,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye. “I don’t think anyone has ever been quite as apologetic over insulting me before.”
Too mortified to respond, I focused on my foot on the gas pedal until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “What?”
“Please don’t be mad. The expression on your face was so…earnest. You were so afraid to mock my singing voice as if you’d singlehandedly shattered my dream of going on the road with my one-man band.” He eyes moved up and down my face and he smiled gently. “It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” With his lower lip pushed out, he asked, “Do you forgive me?”
I choked out, “I forgive you,” fighting the squidgy feeling in my belly from him calling me cute. We locked eyes for a beat until I felt myself flush under his gaze. To drown out the awkward silence, I turned the volume back up.
“So what is it you see in Perry? Besides the obvious?”
I returned the volume to its earlier level. “What’s the obvious?”
“Sid described him as a ‘blond god,’ which I assume means he’s of above average appearance.” He frowned.
It dawned on me that Will might be concerned with Perry being in such intimate quarters with his girlfriend. “Don’t worry about Perry. Sidney will be safe with him. I promise.” Perry was aware of the effect he had on women, but generally only took advantage when it meant getting immediate attention from female bartenders and waitresses. He barely even looked at other girls when we were together, despite them ogling him constantly.
“I trust Sid, but thanks for the reassurance.”
“Then why all the questions about Perry?” I asked, before wincing at how defensive I sounded.
Will whipped his head back. “Just making conversation. If I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend, I might as well know what attracts you to your real one.”
I relaxed my shoulders and pulled up an image of Perry. “He’s ambitious and really passionate about show business, but otherwise doesn’t let things get to him. He’s like a shield to negativity. It’s refreshing to be around him.” I smiled at the memory of him embracing me fiercely that morning before heading to his own apartment to finish packing. He warned me he might not call too often so he could stay in character as much as possible.
Will clucked his tongue. “You love the guy because he doesn’t get stressed. Interesting perspective. This is probably none of my business, but I would imagine his nonchalance wouldn’t be so refreshing in hard times when you need him to have your back.”
Even though Will was right, it wasn’t his concern, I pressed my lips together as I recalled the ease with which Perry shrugged off the rumors at school. “I
never said I loved him.”
Will squinted at me. “You’ve been together almost a year and you don’t love him? How does he feel about you?”
Lost for a response, I cleared my throat to break the silence. I had no clue where Perry’s head was long-term, and I was fine with it because I wasn’t sure what I wanted either. I didn’t need to know right this moment. I also didn’t need to have this conversation with Will, of all people. “Sidney’s something else. How did you two meet?”
“Our law firms co-chaired a moot court competition for law students.” His eyes danced as he spoke of her.
Returning my attention to the road, I asked, “You guys serious?” It was obvious from the way Sidney spoke at the wine party that she dug Will, but she hadn’t even introduced him to her parents yet, and most of her comments had been about their sex life.
“I have no idea.”
I whipped my head in his direction. “Aha. You have no right to pick on me and Perry when you’re in the same exact place with Sidney.”
He chuckled. “I’m not picking on you at all. I was merely asking questions. But you can take back your ‘aha’ because it’s not the same thing. I’m happy with Sid, but we’ve been dating less than half as long as you and Perry. If we’re together in a year and you ask me if I love her, I hope I’ll have an answer for you.”
When he said “if we’re together,” I initially thought he meant the two of us and my heart raced, but then I realized he was talking about Sidney. I let out the breath I was holding. “Do you have an answer to everything?” I asked in mock annoyance.
“I’m a lawyer so…yes.” He smiled dangerously.
Wanting out of the conversation, I raised the volume once again on the radio and sang “Free Fallin’” at the top of my lungs. Will watched me with an open mouth, seemingly stunned to silence, but I refused to stop. Noticing his mouth moving, I reluctantly lowered the radio. “What did you say?”
“If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” Will said before turning the volume back up. Shouting over Tom Petty’s voice, he added, “And in my case, drive them to insert heavy duty ear plugs.”
The Boyfriend Swap Page 7