“Aw, honey. What happened?” My mom’s voice dripped with concern and disappointment.
I stared down at the chipped royal blue polish on my fingernails. “Nothing happened. He’s never been my boyfriend. We made up the whole thing.” I closed my eyes and braced myself for her response. The silence on the other end of the phone was unsettling. “You there, Mom?” I sat back down on my bed.
After a pause, she said, “I’m here. I’m just trying to comprehend the last words out of your mouth. Did I imagine the whole week? Was I hallucinating? I only tripped on acid once and it was decades ago. Maybe I need a CAT scan.”
I laughed nervously. “You don’t need your head examined. It wasn’t a bad flashback either. I did bring Will home with me to Christmas. And you don’t need your hearing checked either, because he is that tone deaf. But we lied about being a couple.”
My mom gasped. “What? Why?”
I let out a deep exhalation. “Because I couldn’t bear more nagging from you guys about dating Perry. Having to defend my taste in men to you, especially when you’re artists yourselves and chose each other—fellow singers—is exhausting.” Before my mom could weigh in, I continued. “At our wine-tasting party before the holidays, Anne Marie’s boss complained about bringing her boyfriend—another attorney—home for Christmas. She was afraid her father, the head partner in her firm, would suffocate them with legal talk and her mother would smother her with questions about their future. She wanted a flaky creative who would be of no interest to her parents, and I wanted a boyfriend with a retirement fund to get you guys off my back. Anne Marie made a joke about trading boyfriends for the holidays and Sidney thought it was a brilliant idea. It took some convincing, but I got on board eventually. I’m so sorry.” My belly twitched in guilt.
“We’ll talk about your father and me in a bit. Of all people to pretend you were dating though—Will Brady, the sole object of your teenage fantasies. How in the world?”
I thought back to my mom cuddling with me the night of my one and only kiss with Will. I’d described it in agonizing detail to root the experience permanently in my memory. Instead of brushing me off as a silly teenager, she listened intently, braided my long hair, and promised Will enjoyed the kiss as much as I did, even if he didn’t admit it. “Sidney referred to him as ‘Will,’ but it never occurred to me it would be my Will.” My heart hurt at the sound of his name. “I only found out when she introduced us. I practiced nonchalance like it was an acting exercise, but still managed to spill my wine glass across the table. Since I’d already agreed to the swap, I left it in the hands of Perry and Will, assuming they’d be appalled by the idea and I’d be let off the hook. Only Perry was cool with it once Sidney heaped on the incentives for him in the way of networking opportunities and unlimited access to the family’s Steinway & Sons. Will, on the other hand, adamantly refused to participate at first.”
My mom snickered. “Why am I not surprised by Perry? I understand why Will would be hesitant though. Pretending to be someone else’s boyfriend is not a small favor. How did his reluctance make you feel, given your lifelong crush on him?”
I bit my lip as I recalled my paranoia that Will thought I was a freak in high school. “Relieved and hurt at the same time. I questioned if he said no because he didn’t want to go through with the plan in general or because he didn’t want to pretend to be my boyfriend specifically. But somehow Sidney got him to change his mind. She knows how to get her way.”
“So Will isn’t your boyfriend. Is Perry?”
At least I could tell her something I knew she’d want to hear for once. “No. We broke up. So did Sidney and Will.” I told her about Sidney and Perry’s dalliance.
“I think I need a few minutes to let all this sink in.” She sighed. “Scratch that, can you just fast forward to now? How did you leave things? What does any of this have to do with the music program? Do you have genuine romantic feelings for Will? Because if not, you deserve an Emmy award and so does he. He bought you a gift from Pandora, for the love of Apollo. A fake boyfriend wouldn’t go to that extreme.”
There was no point in holding anything back at this point. I told her everything. When I finally confided how Will had asked me out after learning of Sidney’s betrayal but I turned him down, my voice was breaking. The tears, which had been building up behind my eyelids, could no longer be held back and blurred my vision. Wiping my eyes with a tissue, I said, “And that’s it.”
“That’s all? I think I’ll give it three stars. It was kind of one note.”
I was too sad to appreciate my mom’s attempt at humor. “He asked me out and I said no. Even though it was everything I ever wanted, I refused. I didn’t want to win his affections by default or be his consolation prize.” Chewing on a fingernail, I said, “But what if I misread him? What if it was his law firm that saved the music program? He wouldn’t go to such levels if he didn’t care for me, right?” I tossed the used tissue in my garbage can and blew my nose with a fresh one.
“There’s a lot to say here, but I’ll start with an apology.”
“I’m the one who owes you an apology—for lying and making a complete farce of Chrismukkah.” I absently grabbed a fistful of raven hair from the back of my head and pulled it over my forehead. It was long enough to touch my breast bone, and I imagined for a second what I’d look like with short hair. Mine had never been cut above mid-back.
“And I’m sorry you felt the need to bring home a fake romantic partner because you think your parents have no tolerance for your real-life creative boyfriends.”
“I don’t think it. I know it.” I closed my eyes, letting my hair tickle my lids.
“Maybe it seems like we have a problem with your boyfriends’ chosen career paths, but we don’t.”
I opened my eyes and brushed my hair away. “Then how do you explain your relentless teasing while I was dating Troy?” I dated Troy, an actor, right before I met Perry. Troy moved to Los Angeles after landing a supporting role on The Bold and the Beautiful.
My mom snorted. “Troy’s vocation wasn’t the problem. Troy was. He was a pompous jerk.”
“He just took himself too seriously.” Troy studied method acting. He accompanied me to a rehearsal for one of my spring concerts and directed my students to dig deep into the motivations of their characters. One little boy wanted the Christmas tree he was playing to steal all the presents for himself, a little girl wanted her silver bell to be heard by her grandparents in Florida, and a boy playing a snowman wanted to freeze off his older brother’s fingers. It was chaos. My mother had a point. I giggled. “Fine. I’ll give you Troy.”
“Then there was Phil.”
“What about him?” I clenched my teeth thinking about the guy I dated my senior year of college. I didn’t really need my mother to remind me of his shortcomings.
“Have you forgotten when he came over for Passover and wouldn’t break character? He was playing the starring role in the school’s performance of If You Could See What I Hear and insisted you cut his food, dress him, and lead around him the house for two days as if he were actually blind. I’m sorry, Robyn, but we’d support you dating an artist if he were remotely normal. And even if his quirkiness was more annoying than endearing, we’d learn to love him if you did. Robyn, your dad and I didn’t embrace Will because he was a solid attorney. We adored Will because it was obvious you were crazy about him and him about you.”
“I always thought you didn’t want me to get involved with an actor because you were afraid we’d suffer financially. I’ve been wrong all this time?” My heart beat triple time in the realization I’d misjudged my parents for so long.
“Not entirely. Let’s face it, you’re usually drawn to the struggling and them to you. It’s not an easy life, especially since creatives are so intense and feel things like rejection and insecurity so deeply. We lived it and want more security for you, but we’d neve
r stand in the way of true love. I admit to harping on the financial side of things, but it’s mostly because I’m too nice to attack your boyfriends’ less-than-stellar personalities unsolicited.”
I bit on a fingernail. “Confession?”
“Another one? I’m not sure I could handle it, but go on.”
“The reason I’ve always dated actors and the like is because I assumed no regular guy would find me attractive.” I’d never said it out loud before. The knots in my belly tightened.
There was a beat of silence and I braced myself until my mom finally responded. “On what did you base this assumption?”
I sighed. “The only boys who expressed interest in me in high school were other theater geeks. No one else asked me out.” The explanation sounded beyond silly as it slipped off my tongue, and I couldn’t believe I’d let it rule my life for so many years.
“The only boys you spoke to in high school were theater geeks.” My mom grunted. “And the only so-called ‘regular’ boy who mattered to you was Will. He didn’t ask you out, and you attached his disinterest to every other regular man since.”
My cheeks burned at my mother’s accurate psychoanalysis and I curled myself into the fetal position on my bed. “Uh-huh.”
“Will’s legal profession certainly qualifies him as a regular person. Can you live with it?”
My heart ached at how much I missed Will. Even running stupid errands with him was fun. “I was a goner from the moment I saw him again. He called me ‘Snow,’ and it was like I’d time traveled to when I was fifteen years old and lovestruck.” I groaned. “More than ten years later and nothing’s changed.”
My mother yelped. “How can you say nothing has changed? Everything has changed. You know each other now. Will told you he likes you. More importantly, he showed you. He went to bat for you and your school. He’s the Prince Charming to your Snow White.”
Her words both frightened and thrilled me, and my limbs tingled in a combination of both emotions. “You think it was him? The lawyer who rescued the music program—you think it was Will?”
“I do, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Do you think it was Will? And if so, what are you going to do about it? The Robyn from yesteryear was too inexperienced and shy to let her affection for Will escape the confines of her daydreams. And it’s very possible the Will from high school wasn’t ready for someone like you anyway. The adult version has already expressed his interest though, even after spending three days with your crazy family. But is the grown-up Robyn ready to take things with Prince Charming into the real world, or would she rather keep dating Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleepy? I’d include Bashful, but your ghosts of boyfriends past, especially Perry, have been anything but.”
“Twenty-something Robyn is definitely ready. Being with Will feels right.” I imagined a reality in which Will and I were an actual couple and my heart swelled before pounding in fear. “But what if I’m wrong? What if it wasn’t Will who rescued the music program? What if my first reaction—that he only asked me out as an anger-inspired knee-jerk reaction to what happened between Sidney and Perry—is right? I’m not sure I could dust myself off if he told me I was right all along and he isn’t interested.” I hadn’t heard from him since our telephone conversation. If he went through the effort of getting his law firm to sponsor my school’s music program, wouldn’t he want to tell me?
“I didn’t raise my children to live in fear. What do you think about taking chances? How about jumping off the ledge?”
“Thank you, Celine Dion.” I chuckled, but I knew my mom was right. I had to take the risk. If Will was the mastermind behind saving my school’s music program, I needed to thank him and apologize for doubting his intentions. Considering the way I’d blurted out the intensity of my crush on him over the phone, he shouldn’t be too surprised to know my desire to date him for real trumped everything else I wished for in my life, aside from world peace and a cure for cancer. If the offer was no longer on the table, it would hurt, but I’d get on with my life eventually. What I couldn’t live with was not knowing. Until I knew for sure, the longing wouldn’t go away. It would fester and infect me from the inside out. My decision was made.
Chapter 21
Sidney
I slipped on the cashmere cardigan I kept on my chair at work and rubbed my hands together. The average temperature had dropped at least three degrees a day over the last week, reminding me I wasn’t in Barbados anymore. Although such a thought would probably depress most people and make them long for their next vacation getaway, I was still riding the high of my return to work even two weeks later. Time away from the Big Apple and my overflowing responsibilities at work made me appreciate both. I functioned much better in the city that never slept, where my schedule was too full to waste time dillydallying, than I did in the Caribbean, where lazy days stretched as far as the sandy beaches.
There was only one thing keeping me from loving my job. (Two things if you counted Mike Goldberg, with whom I was still playing nice even though it was killing me softly.) I still hadn’t resolved my issues with Anne Marie. I couldn’t hold her loyalty to Robyn against her—she was her roommate and close friend, and I was the homewrecker who likely caused Robyn and Perry’s breakup—but I missed our easy working relationship and the friendship we’d begun to forge until the fateful day of their wine party when the boyfriend swap was born. I took a deep breath and lifted myself to a standing position. With my almost-empty coffee cup in tow, I approached her desk outside my office. “Hey, Anne Marie.”
She lifted her blonde head and met my eyes. “What’s up, Sidney?” Her tone wasn’t nasty, but it wasn’t congenial either—strictly professional.
I pretended I didn’t notice the lack of warmth. “I was thinking of heading to Lord & Taylor after work. I can’t keep pretending it’s not cold enough to wear a hat and scarf. Do you want to join me for some shopping? Maybe get a glass of wine after?”
Anne Marie’s mouth fell open. “Um…I…” She pressed her lips together and bit down on her bottom one.
I could tell she was wracking her brain to come up with a believable excuse, but it was late in the day and I’d kept her too busy with work assignments and probably drained all her creative juices. Putting her out of her misery, I said, “I know you’re not happy with me these days, and I don’t blame you. What happened with Robyn’s boyfriend—”
“Ex-boyfriend,” Anne Marie uttered in a soft voice, confirming my suspicions that Perry and Robyn had broken up.
I patted down my bangs. “I won’t try to make excuses for what we did, because no matter how you slice it, it was wrong. I’m so sorry for hurting your friend and betraying your trust. I can’t turn back time, but I’m asking for your forgiveness. I miss you, Anne Marie.”
Anne Marie sighed. “Robyn wasn’t even hurt. She was going to end things with Perry anyway. I was shocked by how well she took the news. But you didn’t know that.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you messed around with my friend’s boyfriend. I trusted you.” Her face turned red. “I never would have supported your stupid boyfriend swap idea if I didn’t.”
My first instinct was to defend the boyfriend swap idea. It was brilliant—in theory—but I swallowed down my pride in the knowledge this was one of those battles I needed to let someone else win. Even I had to concede the plan had some disastrous consequences. The guilty feelings gnawing at my stomach were another reminder I should keep my mouth shut except to apologize again. “I’m so sorry. I got caught in the moment. Perry…he was…” I closed my eyes and I was back in the pantry with Perry right before I launched myself at him. I opened my eyes. “Forget it, there’s no justification. We were wrong. Period. End of story. Please let me try to make it up to you.” I looked at her pleadingly.
Anne Marie studied my face for a moment as if trying to gauge the level of sincerity in my words. Eventually, she let out a long sigh. “Fine. It d
oesn’t make sense for me to hold a grudge on Robyn’s behalf.”
I felt like a fifty-pound kettle bell had been removed from my back. “I’m so glad. So…Lord & Taylor?” I really did need a new hat.
Twirling a hair around her finger, Anne Marie said, “I actually do have plans tonight, but I’ll take a rain check for that drink.” She paused. “Your treat,” she added with a smirk.
Snickering, I said, “My treat for sure.” I glanced at my coffee cup. “I need more caffeine. Can I get you anything?”
“No, thanks.”
I took two steps away and hesitated before turning back to Anne Marie. “So Robyn isn’t upset about Perry, huh?”
Anne Marie shook her head. “You might have even done her a favor. Now maybe she can be with Will.” Her face drained of color and she clamped her mouth shut.
“What?” I grabbed onto Anne Marie’s desk. “Robyn and Will?”
Grimacing, Anne Marie said, “Nothing’s happened.”
I pictured Robyn and Will together, fully prepared for my blood to boil and my nostrils to flare in anger, but it didn’t happen. Then I waited for my chest to burn in jealousy and a desire for revenge to bubble out of me. Nothing. I nodded at Anne Marie. “At least something good should come out of this.” If Will fell for Robyn, it would explain why he acted so strangely at my apartment even before my confession.
Anne Marie shrugged before returning her attention to her keyboard, and I made my way to the pantry.
“Sidney?”
I pivoted so I was facing Anne Marie again. “Yes?”
“As much as I appreciate your apology, I’m not the one you wronged. Even if Robyn ends up with Will, Perry was Robyn’s boyfriend, and you shouldn’t have gone there.”
The Boyfriend Swap Page 26