His temper fumed, and he fought hard not to show it. “Which means I know you know where Calvert is. Just tell me.”
“Sorry.” Lance lifted his hands up. “I have no info for you, but I have to say, son, it was a good time for you to let that weak-ass club go.”
Dalton tilted his head. “That’s the second time you’ve mentioned Heaven Hill being weak. Do you know something I don’t?”
“Makin’ observations.”
“Here’s an observation I want you to make. Listen real good when you go back to your cell, and find out where the fuck Calvert is. I need to talk to him. He found me once, he can find me again. Got me?”
Lance’s smarmy smile disappeared. “You think you’re hot shit, son. Someone’s gonna knock you down a peg or two, and they’re gonna take others with you.”
Dalton was pissed. “Stop with the threats and talkin’ in circles. If you get anything useful for me, give me a collect call. If not, forget I ever existed, because I sure as hell ain’t your son.”
Walking out of the jail, Dalton wanted to kick and scream. Actually, he wanted to do something he hadn’t done in a long while. He wanted to box, and he hoped like hell there was somebody willing to spar at the clubhouse, because he needed the release like he never had before.
‡
Chapter Sixteen
“Usually people who take a leave from the club don’t hang out here during their off-time,” Tyler’s voice boomed in the big room.
Dalton grinned as he caught sight of Drew and Tyler in the boxing ring that sat on Heaven Hill property. It’d been around for as long as he could remember. He and Drew had spent time as teenagers in this very ring with Tyler. They’d come full circle, he figured.
“Yeah.” Dalton took his cut off and started suiting up in gloves, tape, and a mouthpiece. “But sometimes you have a need to beat the shit out of someone else. Here I can do it without that pesky assault charge.”
Drew hopped up on his feet, wearing a tank top and basketball shorts. “We haven’t been in the ring together for a long time. I can’t wait.” He hopped from one foot to the other. “When I beat your ass, you can tell me what’s wrong with you and my sister.”
He swallowed against the lump in his throat. How could he tell his best friend he was going to be an uncle? How could he explain he was staying away because of his uncle, and he’d stayed away before because he’d felt too much? The relationship with Mandy had gotten too real, he’d started making plans, plans he’d sworn to himself were never going to be for him.
He’d seen himself with her in a decade, in a house on the property he was buying, and he’d even seen a kid. That was when he knew he had to pull back, because he wasn’t cut out to be anyone’s father. Someone had to break the Barnett family cycle, and he’d known it was him. Until it wasn’t anymore. His stomach was in knots as he thought about the decisions he’d already made and the ones he would have to make later. When did he punish himself enough? When did he punish her enough? And for what? Fear? That fucking pissed him off.
“C’mon, Andrew.” He pounded his fists together, liking the way the blunt sound echoed off the walls of the garage. “Let’s go.”
“Maybe I can loosen up that jaw of yours,” Drew taunted as the two of them got into the ring, circling one another.
“Don’t make me have to pull you two apart,” Tyler warned as he joined them back inside the square.
“It’s not anything we haven’t done before; I’ve laid his ass out plenty of times,” Dalton taunted back.
He was right; he had, just like Drew had laid him out.
“Quit talkin’, fucker, and let’s go.”
Being best friends meant they could each telegraph what the other was going to do. For a full two minutes, neither one of them landed a punch. Not until Tyler interjected his thoughts.
“Drew, you gonna let him avoid you? I taught you better than that.” Tyler yelled at Drew.
Drew heard Tyler’s message loud and clear and advanced on Dalton with the agility he had retained from the football field. At the same time, Dalton had, more than once, fought for his life in his earlier years, and he was ready.
They pounded on one another with an explosion of speed and accuracy. Tyler refused to stop them, because he knew this had been coming for a long time.
Drew landed a punch, causing Dalton’s head to swing back and a grunt to sound loudly against the empty space of the garage. “Get ready to start talkin’, buddy. My sister may be okay with the way things are going with you, but I’m sure as hell not.”
Tyler raised his eyebrow. Was Drew ready to confront his best friend? Most everyone had been keeping their thoughts and opinions to themselves, not asking any questions, not wanting to be caught up in the gossip. Looked like Drew was done with that shit.
Landing a punch of his own, Dalton felt a small victory when he saw blood over Drew’s eye. “It’s nobody’s business but mine and Mandy’s. When we’re ready to talk, we will.”
Pushing against Dalton’s shoulders, Drew backed him into a corner, holding him there with a knee to the stomach. “But when it comes to her health, how far are you going to go? She’s called in to work at least five times, and Charity hears her puking in the bathroom. Something’s wrong with her, and you act like you don’t give a shit about it. What the fuck’s wrong with you?”
Pushing back against Drew’s hold, Dalton exploded out of the corner, landing punches in rapid succession and then using his knee to get Drew in the stomach the same way he’d been kneed a few seconds before. Drew went down on the mat, trying to catch his breath.
Watching, Tyler knew Dalton could continue. He was breathing heavily, but he was in control of himself. Drew wasn’t, he panted, grabbing his stomach, rolling on the mat.
“I told you. Best friend, brother or not, when she’s ready and when I’m ready, we’ll tell people what’s going on. Not sooner. And leave her alone.”
It was the spark Drew had been looking for. Anything to show him Dalton still cared about her. He knew them both well enough to know if Dalton still showed interest, neither one would fully give up the other. He felt his first ray of hope that they could work it out. He hated seeing both of them miserable. “You wanna defend her honor, why don’t you do it by her side, Dalton? What are you hiding?”
In that moment, Dalton wanted to tell his friend everything, but a sense of pride stopped him. He’d asked for help for so much of his life, he couldn’t bring himself to do it again. “You wouldn’t understand.” He took a glove off and threw it down on the mat before taking the other one off.
“I’ve always understood you, even when it was hard to.”
The sound of his best friend’s voice was enough to make him stop as he turned his back on the two men who had been there for him through some really dark days. “I can’t ask you to understand this.”
And he couldn’t, because he knew Drew would be excited if he were going to be a dad. So excited he’d be shouting it from the rooftops, and at the same time Dalton knew he couldn’t. Every time he thought about this child, his stomach clenched, and he worried like hell he’d be introducing someone to the world like his parents did. What if he turned out to be just like his dad? Better to never be around than to disappoint a kid the way he had been. It was best for everyone if he left and never came back, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t make it through his life if he never saw Mandy again—and there lay his problem.
He was scared to stick around, and at the same time knew he’d never survive without her. He had no clue what to do, but he hoped he could work it out—had to work it out, because he wasn’t sure how much longer the two of them could handle this.
“You can’t understand this,” he threw out over his shoulder before he left. As the door shut behind him, he heard Drew’s frustrated voice.
“Because you won’t let me.”
And that was the crux of the problem, wasn’t it? He wasn’t willing to let anyone help him because
he didn’t want to feel responsible if anyone else got hurt. He’d never be able to live with himself.
‡
Chapter Seventeen
The sun was out, and the day was gorgeous. Instead of spending her lunch hour cooped up in the office, Mandy had locked up, since Charity was doing home visits with clients, and walked the block down to the coffee shop. Today she was hungry; her stomach actually growled with hunger instead of trembling with the possibility of sickness. Going inside, she ordered a plain turkey sandwich, some fruit, and a sweet tea. Probably wasn’t the best meal she’d ever had, but it sounded so good she couldn’t deny herself.
Taking her plate and drink out onto the sidewalk, she spotted an empty table in the outdoor seating area. It wasn’t directly in the sun, but it was enough that she’d feel the warmth on her face. Having a seat, she moved her sunglasses to the top of her head, pushing back her longer pieces of hair, and took a large bite of her sandwich.
Nothing had ever tasted so good in her life. It was as if her taste buds had come alive this morning. Everything smelled differently too, but then again, maybe it was her outlook. In the past few days that had definitely changed, and Mandy had come to some realizations. She hoped she wasn’t wrong.
Waking up this morning, she realized that her night with Dalton, even if it had been a couple of days ago, had actually been one of the best nights of her life. He’d told her he loved her, she’d seen it in his eyes just as clearly as she’d seen the toll staying away from her was taking on him in the lines on his face. More than likely he hadn’t meant for her to see it, but she had. For the first time in months, she thought they had a shot. There was no plan as to how to make him admit how much they meant to each other, but she at least felt hope.
A shadow fell over her table, and that heightened sense of smell told her exactly who was standing over the table. His scent enveloped her, and she wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms. But it was too soon for that, there were still things she didn’t know, truths he hadn’t shared with her.
“Hey.” She smiled up at him. It was a genuine one too. She was happy to see him, no matter if he stood there with a grim expression across his face.
“You mind if I sit?” he asked, gesturing to the free chair on her left.
She hadn’t noticed it, but she’d sat with her back to the building, at the only table not bordered by a window. She’d made it so that no one could in actuality sneak up on her. Her dad’s training all these years had finally paid off.
Dalton didn’t remove his glasses as he had a seat next to her. She wanted him to, wanted to see those dark eyes of his. With the glasses off, he couldn’t hide his emotions as well.
“What are you doing here?” she finally asked when it didn’t seem as if he were willing to be the first one to talk. She could see herself in the reflective lenses of his aviators, and she did her best to school her expression. Mandy didn’t want it to seem as if so much rode on the answer to the question.
“I was in the neighborhood.” The leather of his cut creaked as he shifted in his seat, curling himself closer to her body.
Glancing over at him, she wrinkled her nose and then took a bite of her fruit, chewing thoughtfully. “You’re hardly ever down here unless it’s to see your dad, me, or Christine to get your hair cut.”
She looked at his hair. Unlike most of the guys in the club, he wore his closely shaven. Given the redness of the back of his neck, that’s where he’d been.
“Haircut.” He blew out a breath and couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he rubbed his hand over the short fuzz. She knew him so well. Too well. It was their downfall, he was sure of that.
Mandy reached over, running her hand along the back of his neck. She hadn’t meant to, but it was a way she’d touched him a thousand times before. It felt natural and right.
Her heart clenched when he leaned into her caress. Even if he couldn’t say he needed her, he showed he did whenever he let his guard down.
“So you saw me sitting over here, having lunch by myself, and you couldn’t stay away any longer? You had to see me?” she teased.
The grin was still on his face. “Something like that.” He reached over and grabbed a piece of pineapple off her plate, popping it in his mouth.
They were quiet for a while, neither one of them wanting to disturb the other when he asked a question she hadn’t ever thought he would ask.
“How are you feeling? How’s the baby?”
Those words gave her hope that maybe he would come around, maybe whatever was keeping him completely from committing she could knock down and bring him over.
“Good.” She thought about whether she wanted to tell him this or not, but he had a right to know. “I actually have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow if you want to come.”
He went still beside her.
“No pressure, Dalton, really none. I don’t mean this in a bitchy way, but I’ve done everything so far by myself. If you don’t want to come, I won’t force you.”
She waited to see what he would say, but she didn’t hold her breath. Finishing up her sandwich, she grabbed her tea, which they’d put in a to-go cup for her.
“My appointment is at ten tomorrow, if you want to come. No hard feelings if you don’t.” She grabbed her sweating glass and stood. “I’ll text you the address,” she offered.
Reaching out, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down so he could kiss her. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it was one of possession, and she couldn’t help but love that. “Be careful,” he cautioned her.
“I always am.”
She put her sunglasses back down over her eyes and took off for the law office. Mandy felt his eyes on her until she turned the corner and couldn’t help but hoped they’d turned a corner too.
*
Dalton watched Mandy’s retreating back as she disappeared behind the side of the building that housed the law office. He wasn’t sure why he’d stopped when he’d seen her sitting there having lunch. The only thing he knew was that he missed her. Fuck, he missed her more than he could say, and sleeping with her had been a mistake, because he’d let his walls down, he’d told her he loved her, and he let himself feel.
He hadn’t let himself give into emotions in the last year because he’d realized what he was doing. All of the things he said he wouldn’t, he was allowing himself to do. Mandy had somehow wormed her way into his subconscious, and he was thinking marriage and kids.
Then, he’d received the call from the jail, and it’d been his dad wanting to see him. Three months before he’d overheard the conversation at Wet Wanda’s; he’d already started believing he wasn’t good enough for her. Lance’s call pulled him back down to earth in a big way. His life had changed in that instant because he’d realized that no matter what, he would never be able to get away from his start in life. After that meeting, he’d started to pull away from Mandy, and then he’d found out about Samuel and he’d stopped believing anyone could have a dream come true. It had crushed him in ways he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover from.
Now here he was, in the one position he’d never wanted to be in, and he was hurting everyone around him. Most of all the woman who least deserved it.
His phone vibrated on the table and he looked down, seeing the text from Mandy. After everything he’d done to her, she’d invited him to be a part of his child’s life.
The phone rang, and he saw Deacon’s face there. Reaching down, he answered it with a swipe of his thumb. “Hey.”
“Samuel has four days to come up with the rest of the money. It’s time to face facts here, Dalt. We need Heaven Hill’s help. Even if we used the money you’ve got for the down payment on that property—we’re still short. It’s put-up-or-shut-up time.”
That was the last thing he wanted to hear. He’d taken the leave of absence to keep this from ending up at their front door. Now it looked like he was going to have to go to that door, knock, and ask for forgiveness. There was
no way he’d be able to save Samuel without their help. He didn’t even want to try, because he knew he would fail.
Tomorrow looked as if it would be the day. The day he’d own up to all of his sins and ask for forgiveness he knew he didn’t deserve.
‡
Chapter Eighteen
“I don’t want you to have to do this,” Samuel argued as Deacon and Dalton sat in the kitchen of the little trailer, explaining to him what they were going to do. His face wore a mask of irritation, and he angrily flicked the ashes of his cigarette into an ashtray, his hand shaking as he brought the filtered tobacco up to his mouth and took a long drag.
Dalton had never been so annoyed in his life. Trying to make this man see the truth and the light of day was beginning to wear on him. In his uncle’s mind, he thought he could come up with the money he owed by himself. “Listen, I’m in the position that I can ask for it.” Didn’t mean he wanted to, but he would.
“It’s not your job to save me.” Sam leveled him with a stare.
It was a stare that would have scared him back when he was a teenager, but these days Dalton faced scarier truths. Namely one about five foot six with long dark hair and the most soulful pair of hazel eyes he’d ever seen. After the night at Mandy’s he’d realized what he was doing to himself, what he was denying himself. Seeing her today reiterated it. When he was with her, he felt better, even the scary things felt better. It wasn’t easy, and he still wasn’t completely comfortable with it, but he was willing to admit he wanted to be a part of her life. Being a part of her life meant fixing this and making sure Calvert wouldn’t be lurking in the background.
Dalton leveled him with one of his own. “And it wasn’t your job to save two kids who’d never known what a real home was, but you did it. Didn’t you?”
Uncharacteristic emotion clouded Sam’s face as he looked at the two of them. “There was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn’t take care of the two of you. It wasn’t your fault your folks weren’t ready to be parents, and I couldn’t let the two of you live with their mistakes.” He stopped speaking and looked around the trailer. “I know I didn’t give you the best of everything.” He made a sound in his throat. “Usually it was passable, or just enough so that you could say you had it, but I tried.”
Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) Page 8