by Dawn Umrie
This is why I love my friends. They will not let me hit bottom, not on their watch.
I manage a laugh.
She winks as she grabs the handle of my suitcase. “Go on, I’ll put this in the back, then we’ll get out of here.”
Women are so lucky to get to wear makeup. Besides concealing the occasional zit that pops up at the most inopportune time and in the oddest places, it also serves as a mask to the rest of the world.
One that gives an illusion of wellness when you’re feeling anything but.
You could hide blotchy red skin, or a nose that’s been rubbed raw, even add color back into your cheeks. If you
pretend that you’re alright, no one will know what lies beneath.
That’s what I just finished doing quickly in my bathroom. I applied my mask.
Brook is sitting in the driver’s seat on her phone, smiling as I walk past her window to the other side. My hand reaches for the handle when a car pulls up behind us.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse than they already were… I was sadly mistaken.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Merissa
She gets out of her Mercedes. My hand is motionless on the door handle. Brook looks over at me through the window confused, until she looks in her rear-view mirror for the possible reason why I haven’t gotten into the truck yet.
I run to the other side as Brook storms out of the truck, slamming the door behind her. I stop her just before she tries to charge her even though I’m not opposed to the idea.
I step in front of her and place my hands on my best friend’s shoulders in an effort to calm her down. “Brook, I’ve got this. Here’s my key,” I say as I remove it from my purse. “Please, wait for me inside. This won’t take long.” I add while looking over my shoulder at my worst nightmare.
Brook looks over at her, squinting her eyes in challenge. I should just let her have at it, but we are both above that level of behavior.
“Okay, but if you need me…”
I interrupt her. “I know,” I whisper.
I watch Brook until she closes the door behind her before I turn around and face the music.
My words come out scathing, “You have got some nerve showing up at my home. We were just leaving and now so are you. GO!” I say as I point to her car.
She holds up her hand with perfectly manicured nails. “Can I just talk to you for a minute…”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Are you kidding me right now? There is nothing that I want to hear out of your mouth other than you’re leaving.”
My heart is pounding as I turn around to go inside my house.
She walks behind me. “Wait. Don’t go, just hear me out.”
My back stiffens, and I don’t turn around to face her. “Maybe you don’t understand me. I have no desire to hear what you have to say.”
I could see Brook looking through the window, so I nod to her that I’m okay, even though I’m not even close.
“But, I think you’ll want to hear what I have to say. I’m here for Seth, not myself because I feel like I owe him that much. He’s always been very good to me.”
I finally turn around and steeple my fingers over the bridge of my nose. “Good to you, how? By having sex with you behind his desk? Is that what you’re referring to?”
She looks at me with her eyebrows deeply knit and I hold my hand to stop her as she opens her mouth. “You know what? We’re done here.”
Her voice stops me, and apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment because I stay to listen. “Seth and I did NOT have sex… I tried. That’s what you walked in on.”
Now, she has my full attention. “You tried. I’m not following you. I walked in on you sitting on his lap…”
“You’re right about that. That night in his office…” she bites her lip. “I’m the one who came on to Seth, climbing onto his lap in an attempt to seduce him. Truth is, right before you walked in and saw us, he had asked… no, demanded… that I get off him.”
What?
My mouth is going dry. “Why should I believe you?” Oh, God, I want nothing more than to.
She shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not the one you have to believe, even though I’m telling you the truth. Why else would I be here? Like I said, Seth has been good to me all these years, and I feel bad that he’s severed our ties. I can’t tell you that I’m sorry because he was worth the shot.”
My body is shaking… from anger, shock, and relief. “Fuck you, Trish.”
She smirks as she opens her car door and climbs in while my eyes drill holes straight through her.
Brook runs out of the house. “What the hell did Trish want, Rissy?”
“I’ll tell you everything on the way to the beach.”
* * *
After Trish’s departure, I was so tempted to pick up my phone and call Seth, but I made the tough decision to wait until I could formulate the right words to say to him. I’ll reach out once Brook and I are settled in and I’ve allowed myself time to clear my head.
I make no apologies for the reaction I had when I walked into Seth’s office. It was that of a woman who thought she was being betrayed by the man of her dreams—the man she trusted. Finding out that cheating is no longer the reality of the situation, I owe him an apology for not giving him the chance to speak to me –having drawn my own conclusions without a second thought.
I shut him out.
For that, I’m sorry.
But, I won’t breathe easier until I’m in his arms again.
If, I’m in his arms again.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore?
Seth
I’m fuckin’ miserable and that’s putting it mildly. I’m sitting here at work running on fumes.
“Seth, Mr. Landers will be here at 1:30.” Janine pokes just her head in the door, for fear I might bite it off. My mood hasn’t been a secret, especially to her.
“Thank you. Could you clear my schedule after that and tomorrow, please? There’s somewhere I need to be.”
She pauses a few seconds. “Yes, sure.” She then closes the door quietly.
Looking over at the door, I can’t stop seeing Merissa standing there, her hand covering her mouth with a look of horror and despair across her face.
I thought of Trish as a close friend and business associate. How she slid through my radar, I’ll never know, but we won’t be seeing her again. She worked on multiple projects for me over the years and never tried anything like the shit she pulled. But then again, I was never attached to someone then. Some women would rather go after what they can’t have, than what they could.
My buddy used to joke and tell me that if I’m not looking for a committed relationship, wear a wedding band out. The woman who pursues me with it on is only worth the one night. I might not have had a ring on, but she knew damn well I was taken.
Sitting here today in my office is a fresh reminder of the tsunami of bullshit she’s left behind for me as I recall the events that transpired the night of the party.
My eyes are closed when I hear someone entering my office. I open them pissed that I can’t even get a few goddamn minutes of uninterrupted peace. Trish walks across the room in a low-cut red dress with matching sky-high heels. At first, I think nothing of her presence, having had her around quite a bit lately due to all the work she’s been doing for me. However, the Vas party was only for Vas employees and their spouses/significant others, so I’m not sure why she’s standing in my office uninvited.
“Trish, what are you doing here?” I say, hiding my irritation since she must have a good reason to seek me out.
She stands in front of my desk and leans forward on her hands, her fake tits spilling out of her dress when she does.
She smiles with her bright red lipstick very much like a female villain. I’ve never seen her look like this, so my warning flags are going up all around me.
“I came to congratulate you… so, congratulations,” she says while running her
hands over the top of my desk.
I run my hand over my chin, “How did you know about the party? Better yet, how did you know that I was up here?”
She taps her finger on her lips, and I question whether she’s been drinking or not because this isn’t the Trish I’ve known over the years.
“Janine told me about it last time I was here and frankly, I’m a little hurt you didn’t invite me.”
Oh, for Christ’s sake. “You weren’t invited because you don’t work here.”
“I’m sure Merissa was invited, and she doesn’t work here.” She walks over to the side of my desk, her fingers trailing along the wood surface.
“Merissa is my fuckin’ girlfriend. Of course, I want her here.” I have to explain myself to this bitch?
She gets to my side of the desk and my hands are squeezing the arms of my chair wishing they were around her neck. Fortunately for her, I’d never lay a hand on a woman even if I do have a clear vision of me strangling her. Bringing up Merissa is a no-fuckin’- go with me.
She looks around the room. “I don’t see her here – and she wasn’t downstairs at the party.”
“Trish, I don’t know if you’ve been drinking or if you’re on something, but I’m asking you to leave. Now.”
She laughs, “I’m not drunk or on anything. I’m just tired of holding back what I want.”
Before I could comment, she’s sitting on my lap, my tie in her hands. I let out a huff, then talk through my teeth, my hands never leaving the arms of my chair so that I’m not tempted to throw her across the room. “I’m going to say this one fucking time. Get the fuck off me.”
And that’s when I hear it.
When, I hear her.
She sounds like a wounded animal – and she thinks that I’m the one who shot her with the bow and arrow.
Merissa bolts away from the door while I call her name repeatedly. I get up from my chair like a man possessed, Trish, holding onto the desk so that she doesn’t fall to the floor, but I wouldn’t give a shit.
I run toward the elevator, but she’s gone. Going after her right now will do more harm than good, so I’ll give her some time to calm down before I explain, but in the meantime, there is a crazy bitch in my office that needs to be dealt with.
I walk through the door; Trish’s face drops when she sees the anger dripping off me.
She runs her hands down her dress. I’m sorr…”
I hold my hand up in front of me. “Save it. If you’ve been drinking, I’ll call you an Uber.”
“I had one glass of champagne downstairs… that’s it… but, thanks.”
“Don’t fuckin’ thank me, I don’t want a liability on my hands.”
“Seth, I…” she tries to say.
“Consider our work relationship and so-called friendship terminated as of now.”
I get up, stretching my arms over my head. My body is sore from my earlier workout. Luckily, I was able to explain what really happened to Mike before he lunged across the desk at me. He patted me on the back and said with a smile, “I’m glad I don’t have to kill you.”
He agreed that he wouldn’t let Merissa or Brook know about our talk, respecting that I need to be the one to straighten things out between us.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I’m going after what’s mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Merissa
My friend looks at me, then at the road, her eyes blinking rapidly while she shakes her head as if trying to clear it.
“Can we talk now about what happened back there? Trish walked away in one piece, and you look like a boulder has been removed from you.”
I tighten the elastic on my ponytail. “Sorry I kept you hanging, I just needed some time to calm down. I have to say, today goes down as one of the most bipolar of days. Trish came by to tell me that she didn’t have sex with Seth, and she felt like she owed him that much by telling me the truth.” Brook is staying quiet listening as I continue. “She said that she climbed on his lap, but he told her to get off of him.”
Brook’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “What a ho! You should have let me scratch her witchy eyes out.”
Smiling at her, “Believe me, I thought about it. If I wasn’t pregnant, I might have done it myself.”
“I can’t believe my bestie is pregnant with a child.” She places a hand on her heart. “I’m going to be Auntie Brook!”
“God, Brook, I want this baby more than anything, but I need to tell Seth… I need to tell Seth a lot of things.”
“I know, Rissy. You’ll both work everything out,” she says while touching my hand.
My eyes fill up because of my need to be with him.
I sigh. “Thanks, Brook. I hope so.”
X Ambassador’s “Unsteady” plays on the radio like an unsolicited narrator of my current frame of mind. I internally roll my eyes at the irony of it. I love music, but its creepy how songs match up with life’s troubling events.
Brook randomly blurts out, “Sunshine and a sandy ass. The Florida cure-all.” while we’re driving up A1A to Hillsboro Beach.
I laugh out loud and it feels wonderful. “Are you sure you don’t mean sunshine and sandy toes?”
She shakes her head. “You know damn well that sand gets into places you didn’t even know you had, especially on your ass. Toes are a given.”
“You aren’t wrong about that, but it wouldn’t make much of a marketable slogan for our state. Come to Florida for sunshine and a sandy ass.”
I pause for a second. “You know what? It’s kind of catchy. Maybe we should make t-shirts.”
Brook bangs her hands on the steering wheel. “See! We should!”
When I found my friends, or maybe they found me, they broke my mold, that’s for sure. Brook seamlessly inserted humor into our convo, realizing that this weekend will consist of more than just warm ocean breezes and colorful sunsets. Right now, we’re just two girls who never have to feel alone in this world because we have each other.
* * *
We brought the last of our beach gear up to our room with the stunning ocean view that looks more like a wall mural than actual scenery. I open the sliding glass door and step out onto the spacious balcony, my skirt dancing in the sea breeze. I breathe in the salty perfume and look up at the azure blanket, dusted with wispy cirrus clouds. The sun warms my shoulders as I lean over the railing and watch the seagulls dive into the blue-green waves.
“This view never gets old, does it?” Brook says while placing her elbows on top of the metal railing.
“Definitely not. It’s gorgeous.”
I won’t mention how envious I am of the people below, so carefree and relaxed as they do various activities on the sand and in the water. But, who knows what problems they may have shelved for the day, allowing them the temporary reprieve.
Exactly what I intend to do before I call Seth.
I need my temporary reprieve first. One that convinces me that everything will be okay until I find out otherwise. For now, I’ll live in the shadow of doubt because it’s better than living in the blinding light of hard truth—when that truth has the ability to make or break a person.
However, my child will never meet the person who broke in two, but the one who put herself back together as an even better version of herself.
At this moment, my phone is turned off and buried in my purse underneath old store receipts and expired coupons.
The sand in the hourglass will eventually stop trickling into the lower bulb letting me know my time is up, only I’ve mentally made certain that some grains stick to the sides of the upper bulb, only falling when I tap them loose. After that, I’ll do what needs to be done.
Brook touches my elbow and I jump slightly, having been lost in thought.
“What do you say we get a bite to eat and a couple of drinks… a Shirley Temple for the little mama, of course.”
I lock my arm with hers. “I say, lead the way.”
*
* *
The sun is getting lower in the sky; therefore, most people are packing it in after either an exertive or relaxing day at the beach. Both adults and children alike look spent as they rinse themselves off and carry away far too many belongings than what’s necessary.
I’m sitting on a large blanket hugging my knees close to my chest, watching the tide come in, while Brook is busy searching for seashells with her small net. My phone is lying beside me, and it amazes me how an inanimate object can mess with your head. The fact that I have no recent calls or texts from Seth has made the device even less appealing.
The sand in the hourglass has run out and I’ve run out of excuses.
Avoidance has been my dear old friend, but it’s about time I move on and get myself a better one. It’s nearing the end of the afternoon, so I can’t put this off any longer, nor do I want to anymore. I’m more worried about telling him that I’m pregnant than anything since we haven’t even had the discussion as to whether he even wants children. Yet, here I have to tell him that he’s going to be a father.
Surely, I can’t tell him over the phone, that’s like breaking up with someone over a text message. Technology has turned people into heartless cowards and I don’t intend on being one, too.
Apology first.
Pregnancy news in person.
I pick up my phone and press the button. Seth’s gorgeous face is looking right back at me, a mischievous grin showing off his perfect white smile.
The call goes straight to voicemail.
Shit.
I almost hang up but decide that leaving him a message is better than doing nothing. “Seth—it’s me. I need you to call me when you get this message.” I wipe my eyes with my fingers and watch Brook walk my way with her eyebrows up. “I love you and miss you more than you could possibly know.”
“I think I have a good idea.”
I swiftly turn around stunned by hearing his deep timbre. Seth is standing behind me looking so devastatingly handsome. Our eyes make a connection and lock there, our surroundings fade—sounds becoming more distant.