‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t know what’s come over me.’
‘It’s natural you should feel upset. I’m only surprised it’s taken this long,’ he murmured. ‘But it’s over. He can’t hurt you again.’
‘He didn’t actually do anything to me; that was a lie.’ She felt compelled to tell him that, in order to clear her tainted honour somewhat.
‘I’m glad. I didn’t believe him anyway.’
They stood like that for a long time, until at last the shivering stopped and Midori started to feel calmer. ‘Thank you, Nico,’ she said, and pulled away slightly. She had drawn strength from his nearness, but she knew she had to put some distance between them again or she might be tempted to do more than hold him.
‘You’re welcome.’ He bent to place a swift kiss on her cheek, then looked at her once more. ‘Will you be all right now?’
‘Yes.’ And she knew this time she spoke the truth.
Nico deliberately kept away from Midori for over a week to give her time to recover, but finally he couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to see her, had to make sure she was still all right. When he knocked on her cabin door and gave her the agreed password, she opened it, looking slightly wary.
‘Are you well?’ he asked, immediately concerned by her pallor and the way she hesitated before letting him enter. Before, she’d always seemed eager to see him and he had thought she’d enjoyed their discussions as much as he did.
‘Yes, thank you. It’s just … you haven’t visited for a while so I thought perhaps I’d done something wrong.’
A slight blush stained her cheeks and Nico gathered she was referring to the embrace they’d shared. At the time he had only wanted to comfort her, but he couldn’t deny he’d enjoyed holding her and maybe he’d held her a little too closely. That wasn’t her fault, though.
‘No, of course not. I just wanted to give you time to recover from your ordeal.’
‘I see.’ An expression of relief flitted briefly across her features. ‘That was kind, but there is nothing wrong with me now, apart from my tainted honour, of course …’ She broke off, seemingly mortified at blurting this out. ‘Oh dear, I’m turning into a gai-jin in more ways than one,’ she muttered. ‘Please, forget I said that.’
Nico regarded her with his head slightly tilted to one side. ‘Tainted honour? Is that how your countrymen would see it? I’m afraid I don’t agree and besides, you’re not in Japan now. You are on board my ship, where my word is law.’ He smiled and took her hands in his, squeezing them. ‘Forget what happened, Midori. It’s over with.’
She nodded and he noticed her trembling as the slight contact between them sent shockwaves up his arms. He tried to ignore it. She was a beautiful woman and it wasn’t to be wondered at if he reacted to her. Any normal man would. That was all there was to it. She’s not for me. At least not here, not now.
‘You’re right. I’m on my way to a completely new life, where I’ll no doubt have to change my way of thinking in more ways than one.’ She gave him a small, slightly wistful, smile that tugged at his heartstrings and made him want to pull her close again. He resisted the urge.
‘Yes,’ he said, striving for a light tone. ‘This is just the beginning of a new future for you. A clean slate. Everything else is in the past where it belongs.’ He picked up the Bible which was lying on her bunk. ‘So do you feel ready for some more theological debate? I see you’ve been studying.’
‘Yes, please. I need to be prepared and I appreciate you teaching me.’
Nico nodded. He would make sure she knew everything that was necessary for her new life and then he’d forget all about her and return to his own freedom on the seven seas.
It was what he wanted. Wasn’t it?
Chapter Sixteen
July 1642
The rest of the voyage back to Europe took seven months. Although it seemed like an eternity in some ways, life on board ship being for the most part tedious, for Midori it went too quickly and she didn’t want it to end. The more time she spent with Nico, the more she wanted. He was like the opium drug, something the body craved in ever-larger doses if you allowed it free rein, and she felt as if she could never get enough of his company.
Their daily conversations strayed from the subject of religion, and they discussed everything under the sun. Everything, except one topic – for some reason Nico didn’t like to talk about himself.
‘There’s nothing much to tell.’ He shrugged. ‘I grew up, went to sea and have been sailing ever since.’
The only other things Midori found out was that he wasn’t married, his parents were dead, and although he apparently had a stepmother and siblings, he didn’t get on with any of them. Apart from this, he clammed up whenever she tried to ask any personal questions.
Midori knew it shouldn’t surprise her. After all, she didn’t like to talk about herself much, either, but because he was a gai-jin she somehow didn’t expect such secrecy from him. It made her wonder what he was hiding, but she had to respect his privacy. In return, she was equally vague about her own upbringing.
The physical awareness between them grew along with their friendship, and whenever their bodies touched inadvertently Midori would feel a strange jolt shooting through her. She was sure Nico felt it, too, but he didn’t mention it and never touched her deliberately. It was as if he’d put up a barrier that couldn’t be crossed, even though she would have liked to. Midori didn’t know if what she was experiencing was merely desire, but she suspected it was something deeper. The question was, what could she do about it?
The answer was – nothing, unless Nico asked her to marry him. She would just have to wait and hope.
Inevitably, there were several storms along the way, but the one that woke Midori up in the middle of the night towards the end of July was far worse than any of the previous ones.
It was the noise from the flapping sails which disturbed her first, sounding like the cracking of a hundred whips at once, accompanied by the keening lament of the wind. As she came to in the darkness, she became aware of the severe rolling motion of the ship, and in the next instant was almost slung out of her bunk by a particularly violent heave. Muttering crossly, she sat up and rubbed at a bruised elbow.
‘We’re in the Bay of Biscay at last,’ Harding had told her only that morning. ‘Shouldn’t be more’n a few days before we reach Holland, I reckon.’
Midori felt the timbers of the ship shudder as yet another giant wave impacted on one side. ‘He may have spoken too soon,’ she murmured now.
She turned over and tried to go back to sleep, but it proved impossible. The storm was increasing in strength, rather than the opposite, and Midori started to feel trapped inside her little cabin. This wasn’t the way she had envisaged the end of her journey and she most certainly didn’t want to die in here. In her mind’s eye the walls began to close in on her and she had a sudden vision of the cabin filling with water. Within seconds, she’d be trapped forever in a watery grave.
She tore out of bed and pulled a robe over her night clothes. Without stopping to put shoes on, she flung open the door and staggered into the small corridor. Another wave hit the ship and she was slammed hard against the wall.
‘Ow!’ She grabbed her aching shoulder and made her way towards the hatch. There was water trickling along the floor, making her feet slip on the wet boards and she splayed her hands on the walls for added stability. It didn’t help much, but she managed to keep herself upright.
It took her an age to open the hatch, but at last it fell back on its hinges and she was able to mount the steps to stick her head out and scan the heaving deck. Her long hair was immediately caught by the wind and whipped into a frenzy above her head, but she ignored it and grabbed the sides of the opening to steady herself. The darkness was almost absolute, dispersed only by the occasional bolt of
lightning, which showed her the deck was a hive of activity. The scene of chaos stopped her in her tracks.
There were men everywhere, trying to secure ropes, move goods, take down sails and stand guard in case a mast would need to be cut down. She had been told by Harding that this was the usual procedure in an emergency. Now she could see for herself why it might be necessary. As well as warning cries and shouted orders, there was a cacophony of other sounds – screaming gusts of wind, the protest of ship’s timbers and the flapping of sails and loose ropes. And above all, the deafening roar of the sea.
Within seconds Midori was drenched through as gusts of rain slammed into her. Icy seawater was sloshing across the decks and one wave found its way to her, making her gasp as it hit her body with amazing force. The salt made her eyes and nostrils sting and, snorting and spluttering, she shook her head. ‘Damn you!’ she shouted at the storm, shaking an impotent fist at the incredible forces of nature.
In that moment, a figure appeared out of the darkness. ‘Midori, what on earth are you doing here? Get below, where you’ll be safe, this instant!’
‘No, please, Nico, I don’t want to die down there. I can’t bear to be enclosed like that. It’s horrible!’
‘You have even less chance of survival up here,’ he shouted. ‘I’ve already lost several men; the waves are just too strong. For the love of God, Midori, I beg of you, go below.’
Midori looked up at him, blinking salty droplets out of her eyes to try and make out his expression. Another lightning bolt showed her that he looked grim, but determined. She realised he must feel responsible for everyone’s well-being. It was his ship, his duty to steer them all to safety. She owed it to him to help, not hinder his work.
‘Very well,’ she said, then grabbed the sides of the hatch to steady herself as the ship rolled once more. She went down the steps and he followed until he stood next to her at the bottom. She felt his arm go round her shoulders in a protective gesture.
‘Come, I’ll take you back.’
Another wave hit the ship and threw her heavily against him. He struggled to keep his balance and she thought she heard a muttered oath. Seven months within hearing of his crew had taught her more than the rudiments of Dutch, including the bad words, and she wanted to utter a few of them herself right now. Ignoring her upbringing as a lady, she did.
‘Feel better?’ Nico asked, giving her a brief grin. She nodded and smiled back. It was good that he still had a sense of humour, despite everything.
He brought her safely to the door of her cabin. ‘Please stay in here,’ he urged. ‘I really don’t want to have to worry about your safety on top of everything else. I’ll come and see how you are as soon as I’m able. And try not to worry, we’ve been through worse.’
She nodded, even though she wasn’t sure she believed him. Either way, she wasn’t inclined to argue any longer. Shutting the door behind her, she changed into dry clothing and tried to dry her hair. It was a futile effort, however, as she spent the rest of the night being tossed around, ankle-deep in the water which was seeping in under her door. Sleeping was out of the question, so she didn’t even attempt to lie down. Instead, she prayed silently to the spirits of her ancestors for assistance. She even prayed to Nico’s and her mother’s god, just in case it would make a difference. Deep inside, she doubted anyone was listening.
Was this where her journey would end?
She didn’t know how long the storm went on for, but it seemed like a lifetime. Hour after hour the waves battered the ship relentlessly, throwing it around as if it was nothing but a toy.
When at last Midori felt the waves calm down and the rolling of the ship ease a little, she was just about to lie down and give in to exhaustion when there was a knock on her door.
‘Who is it?’
‘Nico.’ He gave the password and when she unbarred the door, he stumbled in, one shoulder and arm covered in blood. Midori stared at him, all thoughts of sleep forgotten.
‘What’s happened? Are you all right?’ She tried to see if he was badly hurt, but the faint light of early dawn coming through the portholes wasn’t enough to make out any detail.
He closed his eyes in agony. ‘Yes, yes I am, but the first mate … I tried to save him, but a spar came down and hit me and I lost my grip.’ He covered his eyes with one hand and swore under his breath. ‘He was a good man, Midori, a good man and a friend.’
She put a hand on his arm, stroking it with a soothing motion. ‘I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could and you have steered the rest of us to safety, haven’t you?’
He slicked back his wet hair with one hand and shrugged. ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right. The worst is over now and we can limp to harbour. Still …’
She tactfully changed the subject. ‘Here, let me tend to your wound. Is it deep?’
‘No, I’ll have it seen to later. I must go and help out on deck. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.’
‘Yes, don’t worry about me.’
‘Good, then I’ll come back in a while.’
She sat in her cabin for what seemed another eternity, watching as more light appeared outside the portholes. She wondered what had happened to the other ships in the convoy; they were nowhere to be seen. I hope they are all right! The waves were still high, but not threateningly so, and she was even able to eat some stale ship’s biscuits while she waited for Nico’s return. She could hear the men and guessed they must be clearing away debris and mending things as best they could. She hoped the repairs would be enough to take them safely to their destination.
‘I think everything is under control again, or as much as it can be at the moment.’
Nico had come back at last and Midori told him to sit down. Without asking permission she pushed his long, soft golden hair and his shirt out of the way to reveal a nasty gash in his shoulder that was oozing blood. ‘I might have to stitch this or it won’t heal.’
‘Do what you have to, but quickly, please. I must get back to the others as soon as possible.’
‘I’m sure they can do without you for a short while,’ Midori told him. ‘You bleeding to death won’t help them much.’
The shadow of a smile tugged at his lips. ‘Very well, you may be right about that.’
She fetched the necessary implements and tried not to stare when he pulled the shirt over his head. She’d seen men’s upper bodies before, but never one as big or as perfect as Nico’s. There were ridges of hard muscle in all the right places, his shoulders and arms nicely defined. She was seized by an almost irresistible urge to run her hands all over him, to feel the softness of his skin against her fingertips, the taut muscles underneath. The sight of fresh blood oozing from his shoulder brought her back to her senses, however, and she set to work as fast as she could. Nico bore her ministrations stoically, hissing in a breath from time to time when she hurt him.
‘I’m sorry, but I really think this is necessary,’ she said, making the stitches as neat as she could. The castle healer had taught her how and she was grateful for that now.
‘I know. I’ve been through worse.’ He attempted a smile and something moved inside her, making her feel warm all over. She wanted more of those slow smiles of his, wanted to hear the deep, husky timbre of his voice, wanted to touch him without hurting him as she was now.
But I don’t have the right.
When she had finished, he put on his shirt again and Midori stifled a sigh of disappointment. She could happily have just stared at him for ages. He stood up and took her hand in his and raised it to his mouth for a brief kiss. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I’m grateful for your help. If there are others who need your assistance, may I send them to you? De Jong is very busy and would no doubt appreciate your help.’
He kept hold of her hand for longer than necessary and she put her other one on his arm
and squeezed it. ‘Of course, and dō itashimashite.’ He was indeed welcome to her aid any time, she thought. Awareness of him jolted through her and she found herself revelling in the feel of his muscles under the wet garments. Her hands again itched to explore, and impulsively, she buried her face in his wet shirt, grabbing a handful of it to pull herself closer to him. She felt him shiver. There was a feeling of safety, as if she’d come home, but also a pleasurable kind of danger. It was very strange, but she was sure this was where she was meant to be, forever.
‘Midori, no. This won’t do.’ He tried to disentangle himself, although very half-heartedly, his voice sounding almost strangled. He put his hands on her shoulders to hold her away from him.
‘Why?’ They were still so close she could feel the muscles in his thighs flex against hers. Sparks shot through her and she didn’t want to deny these feelings any longer. They only had a few days left. Time was running out and she wanted answers.
She wanted him.
‘We shouldn’t … I can’t … I gave my word to your brother.’
‘Ichiro would be happy for me. You’re a good man.’ Her hand came up to cup his chin, the tips of her fingers playing over his lips. The feel of his soft stubble on her palm delighted her and sent another frisson shooting down her arm.
He shook his head. ‘You don’t know me, not really.’
But Midori wasn’t listening. Even though she knew it was wrong of her, she still craved his touch. And she knew he felt the same because his blue eyes were filled with anguish, but also with a longing and desire that fired her blood.
They stood there staring at each other, each one battling with their conscience, but in the end it was as if some irresistible magnetic force was pulling them together and he bent to kiss her, despite his words. It seemed the only thing that mattered right now was this overwhelming attraction between them. There was a tingling feeling wherever their bodies touched. Even the coldness of his wet clothing didn’t dispel the warmth generated whenever one of them moved.
The Gilded Fan (Choc Lit) Page 15