by Captive
She knew it wasn’t their physical presence that tortured his soul. It was his entrenched belief that he was responsible for his wife’s death. The scars were merely a visible outlet for his misguided convictions.
If only there were a potion she could concoct to ease his mind. But that wasn’t her specialty. Gawain, Druid of truth and judgment, was trained to sooth such intricacies of the mind. Gawain, whom she would never see again.
A ragged sigh slipped free. Regret for Gawain’s untimely death, regret for her Gaul’s shattered peace of mind. And regret for herself, at the knowledge there was nothing she could do to change any of it.
“Why the sigh?” Her Gaul’s husky whisper drifted across her cheek and she instinctively melded closer to his naked body, as if by so doing she could somehow alleviate his sorrow.
“Just recalling the past.” She pressed her lips against his shoulder, savoring the flavor of sweat and sex and man. But not just any man. Her man.
For now.
She thrust the harsh reminder aside. Her Gaul was here with her now and she wouldn’t spoil the moment by thinking of the future.
“A man you loved?” His breath caressed the top of her head; his fingers stroked the heated skin of her arm.
Silence lingered. Did he really want to know? Or was it merely an idle question?
She didn’t have to respond. But something tugged in the pit of her belly, a strange compulsion to share something of herself with him. The way he had with her.
A bond, of sorts.
“There was a man.” Her fingers played with the hair on her Gaul’s chest as the first glimpse of dawn illuminated his outline next to her. “I loved him for years . . . blindly.”
He continued to caress her arm. But remained silent.
A jagged sigh escaped. She’d not spoken of Aeron since that night. At least, she hadn’t spoken of her shattered feelings for him. He had murdered their queen, destroyed her faith and left a legacy of hatred and incomprehension among her fellow Druids.
None of them could mention Aeron’s name without cursing him to eternal isolation. She’d had to mend her battered heart alone, unable to grieve for the loss of a man who had never existed outside her own mind.
“But in the end he betrayed me. All of us.”
Still he didn’t speak, but he rubbed his jaw across the top of her head as if in silent sympathy. As he had once before.
Warmth spiraled from her breast to her womb, but it wasn’t fueled by the need for sex. It was a strange sensation. As if his silence said more than words ever could.
She frowned, idly teasing his erect nipple with one finger. How odd, yet how fitting, that her Gaul could comfort her without the need of flowery speeches.
“He didn’t return my love.” She waited for the once-familiar stab of pain to accompany her confession, but her heart remained steady. Untouched. Had the last remnant of Aeron’s poison finally leaked from her soul?
The realization she was at last free of his hypnotic grip sent shivers of strange delight through her mind. Pressing even closer to her Gaul, she hesitated for scarcely a heartbeat.
He had confided in her. She would confide in him.
Lifting her head, she whispered into his ear. “He was a Druid.”
Her Gaul didn’t physically recoil. But his entire body stilled beneath her fingers, as if his muscles and bone and blood repelled her words. A chill shivered through her. Had she made a terrible mistake by telling him? Would he now leap to the conclusion that she, also, was a Druid?
The chill invaded her mind as a barely registered memory surfaced. When she had tried to comfort him earlier, she’d unthinkingly whispered the ancient Druidic incantation of healing. Without appropriate rituals and sacrifice it was meaningless, yet still the words had slid free. Because her need to offer a modicum of comfort to this man had overcome her sense of self-preservation.
Had he noticed her slip into the tongue of the ancients? Would he betray her to his Roman officers?
She pushed up onto her elbow and gazed down at him. The light was muted but she could see the outline of his face, the gleam of his eyes. There was no reason for him to come to such a conclusion. And even if he did, he wouldn’t hand her over to the enemy.
Her enemy. The reminder dripped like poison across her mind, but she ignored it. Because somehow she knew. He would not betray her trust.
“You loved a Druid.” His tone was devoid of emotion, as if it meant nothing to him. Perhaps it didn’t. She trailed her fingers across his jaw, fascinated by the rough texture of his night-grown beard.
“It was long ago.” And here, sharing her bed with the Gaul, it did seem long ago that she’d loved Aeron. Another lifetime. “Before the Romans invaded Cymru.”
He didn’t answer and she continued to caress his face, tracing his temples, his cheekbones, his mouth, as if her fingertips were committing every plane and angle to memory. Meshed against his chest, she felt his heart rate increase, his breathing become ragged, and he speared his fingers through her tangled hair, pulling her toward him.
Openmouthed, she claimed his kiss, and closed her mind to the whispers that reminded her how ephemeral such pleasures could be.
After breaking their fast the Gaul hauled her into a bone-tingling hug before setting off to do . . . whatever it was he intended to do for the day. Unable to wipe the satisfied smile from her face, Morwyn watched him stride down the dirt path. Unlike Camulodunon, this settlement didn’t groan beneath the weight of numerous Roman-constructed roads.
With a sigh of contentment she turned in the other direction. It was too early to go to Deheune’s and meet with the hidden Elder. Perhaps, to distract her mind, she’d mend the gown her Gaul had torn from her the other night.
The contentment segued into nervous excitement at the thought of meeting with another of her kind. But another part quavered. Suppose he saw into her innermost core, saw how she scorned the Morrigan and all their gods? Suppose he cursed her for her blasphemy?
A furtive movement in the dingy alley next to the lodgings caught her eye. She frowned, and discerned a tiny shape crouching in the shadows.
“Come here.” She accompanied her words with a quick flick of her hand. With evident caution the tiny beggar from last night edged into the light. Morwyn half stepped forward, then paused. She could almost feel the lice crawling over the child’s hair and skin and had no desire to pick up any bloodsucking creatures if she could avoid it.
Pity sliced through her breast, sharp and acidic. Pity that a child had to live such a life, and pity that so little could be done about it. “Do you want something to eat?”
The child chewed its lip, as if unsure whether to take the question at face value.
Of course it did. She raised her finger to indicate the child should remain where it was and went back inside and haggled with the innkeeper for some leftover stew from the previous eve. Then she watched the child devour the entire bowlful, scarcely taking time to draw breath.
She returned the bowl, and the child still waited for Morwyn, eyes wide and dark and unblinking as if it were a puppy.
Suddenly at a loss as to what she should do next, Morwyn stared at the child. She didn’t know why she had fed it, except she hadn’t been able to ignore the pitiful creature. But what would happen on the morrow? Or the day after that? What would happen when Morwyn was no longer here to feed the child?
But she was here now. And she was still too early for the Elder. She might as well spend her time usefully. “Can you lead me to the river?” There had to be a river locally, and while she had no doubt she’d be able to find it, she might as well allow this child to show her the way.
And without a word, it did.
By the time they found a secluded spot at the river, Morwyn had decided the child was female. She pointed to the ground by the riverbank and waited until the girl sat.
“What’s your name?” Morwyn pulled her medicine bag from her shoulder and began to hunt through it for the ingr
edients she required. Frowning, she ran her fingers over her dwindling supply of willow bark. She’d have to replenish, and soon. It was a vital component of the contraceptive tea she drank throughout the day. She quickly checked another pouch, shaking the berries onto her palm. Not many, but they would have to do. They could be collected only when the berries turned black and the leaves fell from the trees, and that wouldn’t happen for another three moons.
She retied the pouch, found what she was looking for and glanced up, to see the child watching her avidly. “Name?” Morwyn prompted.
“Gwyn.”
“I’m Morwyn. Where’s your mother?”
Gwyn pushed greasy hair back from her face. “Dead.” A tremor belied her apparent calm. “Babe got stuck. I couldn’t . . . pull it out.”
Morwyn’s fingers stilled on her preparations as a troubling scenario whispered through her mind. “Were you alone?”
The girl gave one brief nod.
It was inconceivable that a woman could go into childbirth with only a small child in attendance, and yet so much had changed since the invasion. Kin were splintered across the land and the familial support system she had grown up with and taken for granted could no longer be counted upon.
“Don’t you have any living kin here?”
The scrawny shoulders shrugged. “Don’t know.”
“What of your father?” And if Morwyn got hold of him, she would soon knock some sense of responsibility into him. Allowing his daughter to roam the streets where anything could happen.
“Don’t know.” Gwyn wiggled her bare toes in the grass. “Never seen him.”
“What about the babe’s father?” Even if the man wasn’t Gwyn’s blood father, how could he allow her to degenerate into such an appalling state?
Gwyn began to dig a hole in the earth with the heel of her foot. “Ma never knew who the father was.” She shot Morwyn a furtive glance. “She said they were all the same to her.”
“I see.” The child was alone, in occupied and hostile territory. She smothered her inclination to gather the girl to her breast for comfort because what comfort would she derive from a stranger?
Besides, the child was riddled with lice.
“You,” she said, deciding the best way to help was with action and not sympathy, “need to clean up.”
Gwyn didn’t move. “Why?”
Morwyn watched a louse crawl languidly across the child’s forehead and resisted the urge to scratch her own head. “Because you’re filthy.”
Gwyn shrugged as if such an insult didn’t worry her. “Stops men wanting to fuck me.”
Again acidic pain slashed through Morwyn’s heart. The child looked scarcely eight summers old. “No man will dare touch you while you’re under my protection.”
Gods! What had she just said? How had she given her protection to this pitiful creature when she didn’t plan on staying for more than a few days—a moon at most?
But how could she not protect her, when it was obvious no one else would?
Gwyn blinked and began to scratch her neck, where red weals marked the passage of countless fleas. “All right, then.” She didn’t appear overwhelmed by Morwyn’s declaration. But she proved adept at obeying her instructions, and as the sun climbed in the heavens Morwyn pulled out the small blanket she carried in her bag. It wasn’t entirely clean but would do for her purposes. As Gwyn knelt by the river, her naked body scrubbed red raw and grease-smeared hair hanging over her face as she combed out the lice, Morwyn deftly turned the blanket into a serviceable gown.
It wasn’t much, but better than the rags she’d told Gwyn to throw into the bushes.
“Let me look at you.” She studied Gwyn’s appearance. The child’s hair, now rinsed, fell to her shoulders and was no longer crawling alive. Morwyn would ensure the child treated her hair again in the morn, explain how the cycle could not afford to be broken. It was, after all, a basic hygiene necessity.
She handed Gwyn the gown and repacked her bag. If she didn’t hurry, she’d be late for the Elder.
Deheune greeted her with the same deference she’d extended the previous day, and was happy for Gwyn to stay.
“She can help tend the babe,” Deheune said, smiling at Gwyn, who now wore Morwyn’s scarlet ribbon in her tightly braided black hair. Then she turned back to Morwyn. “If you’re ready, mistress?”
Morwyn hesitated at the door and glanced back at Gwyn. She was sitting on the hard-packed earthen floor tickling the babe’s tummy and wiggling his toes and, save for her evident undernourishment, looked nothing like the pathetic creature hiding in the alley that morn.
Unsure why she had the oddest reluctance at leaving the child behind, Morwyn sucked in a deep breath, checked her favorite green ribbon was perfectly tied at the end of her braid, and followed Deheune out of the dwelling.
The older woman led her through a confusing warren of back alleys, and finally came to a halt outside another small shack. She gave a strange combination of knocks on the door, as if it were a secret code, and instantly the door jerked open.
Another woman, who looked vaguely familiar, bobbed her head at Morwyn.
“Mistress. It’s good to see you again.”
“And you.” Morwyn couldn’t recall her name, doubted if they had even spoken in the past. But even so, this woman knew her because of her status. Her calling.
“The Elder awaits you.” The woman led Morwyn through the tiny room. The back half had been partitioned, to give privacy, and without another word the woman turned and left the shack with Deheune, leaving Morwyn alone.
Hands suddenly sweaty, she wiped them on her gown and approached the gap that served as a door between the end of the partition and the outside wall. Now that she was here she didn’t know what she was supposed to say to him. Would he interrogate her about that night? It seemed likely. All the Druids who’d turned up on Mon had been morbidly fascinated by the events of that night, apparently uncaring that for those who had lived through the horror, the last thing they wanted to do was relive those blood-soaked moments.
“Hurry up, child.” The voice was strong, autocratic. “Stop dithering.”
She gripped her wavering courage and stepped into the Druid’s presence.
He sat on a bed in the corner, amber eyes blazing at her from a wizened face, his wasted body twisted by the ravages of aged disease. The breath lodged in her throat, power hummed through her mind, and without conscious thought she fell to her knees, head bent.
He was not merely an Elder. He possessed royal blood. She could feel it, smell it. His aura of power and otherworldliness clung in the air as tangible as the scent from newly turned earth.
He was as worthy of her reverence as Druantia, her queen and beloved matriarch; the Chosen One and blood descendant of the Morrigan herself.
“Rise, child.” There was the faintest hint of approval in that voice, a voice that was so shockingly at odds with his appearance. His intense gaze never left her face as she rose from the ground. “Not yet fully trained but the great goddess has already marked you as her own. What’s your name?”
Blood scalded her cheeks. Before the invasion she’d had a special affinity with the Morrigan, their great goddess. But the Morrigan had never specifically marked Morwyn as her own. And after the way she’d debased the goddess’s gifts, the Morrigan never would.
She hoped the Elder hadn’t read her discomfort in her expression. She would never wish to dishonor such a wise one with her personal doubts. Even if his wisdom wasn’t as faultless as he believed.
“Morwyn, my king.” He wasn’t, of course, really her king. But his rank was unmistakable, and since she didn’t know his formal name it was only courteous to address him as such.
He appeared satisfied by her response. “Why did the Morrigan lead you to me?”
She hesitated, unwilling to admit the Morrigan had led her nowhere and she wouldn’t follow her even if the goddess demanded it. There were ways around the truth without having to outright l
ie. “I traveled from the sacred Isle of Mon,” she began. “To gather . . . information.”
His eyes bored into her, fierce and proud, containing all the power of his rank that his body could no longer employ. She had the overwhelming urge to squirm, to break eye contact, but instead she remained frozen in place, accepting his scrutiny.
“And what”—his voice was low but power still thrummed through every word—“information have you discovered, Morwyn?”
Prickles skittered over her arms and her jagged pulses hammered, igniting her blood with streaks of alarm. Somehow he knew of her liaison. Knew of her betrayal.
But she hadn’t betrayed her people.
Mouth dry, she pressed her hands against her thighs so he wouldn’t see how they shook. “I discovered my princess is content and happy.”
Confusion flashed across his face, as if her words were completely unexpected. “Another Druid of royal blood resides in this cursed place?” He reached out and clasped bony fingers around the sacred hazel rod propped against the bed. “She conceals herself from me.” He didn’t sound impressed by the feat, as if such action were a mortal insult.
“My king, she resides in Camulodunon.”
Silence crackled in the air. He stared at her and again she forcibly prevented herself from squirming. He made her feel like a small child, caught out in some misdemeanor.
“You left the sacred Isle in order to travel to Camulodunon?” He leaned forward, using his hazel rod to support his weight, and Morwyn shifted, unease snaking through her. Had she said something untoward?
“That wasn’t my intention. I—I wanted to discover the whereabouts of the Briton king, Caratacus.”
His eyes continued to blaze into her and her brain heated with sharp stabs of pain, as if he probed, unasked, to discover hidden secrets in her mind. Instinctively she smothered the image of her Gaul, swirling layer upon layer of disconnected shreds of memory across her consciousness. The Elder’s eyes narrowed as if he knew precisely what she was doing.