“I never told you I couldn’t,” he said with a little smile, the darkness from before gone.
That helped me relax a little bit. It eased some of my guilt that he wasn’t still dwelling on that.
After placing all the food on the table, he made one last trip into the kitchen and came back with the bottle of wine, refilling my glass.
“It’s been forever since someone besides my mom cooked for me.”
Bear gave me another little half-smile. “Well, it’s my pleasure. I really appreciate…” He stopped, swallowed, and shook his head a little. “I appreciate you not turning your back on me after everything that happened… After the way I was when I got back.”
I frowned, looking down at my plate as I heaped veggies and rice up next to my pork chop. “Why in the world would I turn my back on you Bear? We’ve been friends damn near our whole lives.”
Yeah, maybe not the closest of friends, but we’d always been friends. I didn’t mention how I’d recently been thinking of him in terms a bit friendlier than ‘just friends,’ but he really didn’t need to know about that. If I had it my way, he’d never find out and it would never be more than just a silly little crush that shouldn’t have started in the first place.
He shrugged, drinking from his wine, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, dragging my eyes down to his collar, his broad shoulders that filled out his dress shirt better than they had any right to. I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry as I tried to pull my eyes away from him, away from imagining the chiseled muscles he had under those clothes.
I glared at my own glass of wine, now half-empty. It was going to my head and I was letting it. The worst part was I didn’t even really feel bad about it. I hadn’t let go at all since the news of Wyatt’s death. While other people might have drowned their sorrows, I never did. I didn’t want to turn to substances to help me through my grief.
And now I was glad for it. Because now, I could drink without worrying that it was just my coping mechanism. I made sure that in my head, drinks were associated with good times, not bad, because I never wanted to find myself going down that dark road.
So it was okay that I was nearly done with my second glass of wine. I felt a little giggly, a little more forward than I probably should have been, but I was having dinner with a friend. If I couldn’t let loose and have a few drinks then, when the hell could I?
“I don’t know. I guess I’m still just having a hard time accepting that other people aren’t holding me accountable for the whole thing.”
I shook my head. “They’d be crazy if they did. You’ve always been a great friend. Everyone knows that.”
Those words flowed a little too freely. I needed something in my stomach to soak up the wine.
One bite of that pork chop and I groaned.
“Oh my god, Bear. This is amazing. Jesus,” I said, shoving another bite in my mouth as fast as I could.
It didn’t just look amazing; the tastes matched up and it was like an orgasm in my mouth.
Not quite, a mischievous little voice in my head teased, making me think about the actual thing, my lips around Bear, making him grunt and groan until he couldn’t take it anymore.
My cheeks were on fire after that thought, burning so hot I thought I might actually combust.
“I’m glad you like it,” he said, those deep blue eyes reaching across the table to take my breath away.
I glared at the wine again.
He must have misread that, because without missing a beat, he was refilling my glass.
Oh no.
“Where’d you learn to cook?” I asked, aiming for a safe topic.
“My grandma,” he said. “She was a wizard with taking the most random stuff and making it feed an army. I don’t have that skill, but she taught me a lot.”
“I’ll say. Most of my grandma’s recipes involve lard,” I said, making a face.
“What do you have against lard? It’s delicious.”
“But… it’s lard. She even made her own. Do you know the process for that?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Can’t say I do.”
“You have to render it all down… The smell…” I gagged for effect.
“It can’t be that bad,” he said grinning. “Not when you get those flaky pie crusts and biscuits.”
“Grandma wasn’t much of a baker,” I admitted. “More of a fryer. When she passed, there was grease so thick on all her cabinets and appliances that everything had to be replaced. There was no getting it clean.”
“Sounds like grandma had good taste.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah right. Like you ever eat any fried food with that body.”
His eyebrows rose and the blush rushed to my cheeks.
Luckily, he didn’t comment on my comment. I might have died from embarrassment if he did.
“Grandma taught me to cook, and grandpa taught me how to be a man. All the hunting and fishing and chopping firewood and learning about lawn work…”
I frowned. I’d never really asked, but suddenly I was curious. “What about your parents?”
He shrugged. “Not much about them. They’re good folks, but were mostly too busy for stuff like that. Trying to make ends meet wound up with us not really knowing each other all that well.”
“That’s sad.”
“I don’t think of it that way. It could be a lot worse. Some people are stuck with monsters for parents. Strangers doesn’t sound so bad against that. But them not being around had a bigger impact on Knight, I think. He’s always lacked discipline.”
“Grandpa didn’t show him the ropes?”
He shook his head, clouds moving through his eyes. “Grandpa was the kind of guy that liked his red meat, his whiskey, and his cigars. Didn’t give a damn what anyone said about them being ‘unhealthy.’ By the time Knight was old enough for all that stuff, he was already in the early stages of kidney failure, going to dialysis three times a week. He missed out. And I didn’t really pick up the ball, since I was always with Wyatt and Clay.”
“You guys wouldn’t let him hang out with you?”
Bear snorted, then laughed, shaking his head. “No. Of course not.”
“But you let me hang out with you…”
“That was different,” he said quickly, making my head snap up.
“Was it?”
“Yeah,” he said, refilling my glass again. I’d lost count now how many glasses I’d had, but I was feeling pretty good. Loose and happy, carefree and maybe even a little adventurous.
“How so?”
He shrugged, looking almost… bashful? But no, I had to be seeing things. The wine was making everything dance just a little and I couldn’t count on myself to be able to read his emotions.
“You were Wyatt’s. We didn’t have a choice.”
“Oh.” Well, that certainly deflated all the good feelings. I always had suspicions that they’d just kept me around because Wyatt insisted, but I’d always wanted to think that there was more to it. That we actually were friends.
“I mean… That was at first, anyway,” he said, trying to recover. But I knew he was trying to recover, trying to back-pedal from what he’d actually meant.
“Uh huh. And then what?”
“Well… You know… We kept you around, didn’t we?”
I scoffed, folding my arms. “Because you had to for Wyatt.” I didn’t know why I was so hurt about that thought. Maybe because Wyatt was gone, and if he was the only reason Bear liked me… I swallowed, refusing to let myself get twisted up about this.
Stupid wine.
“No, we didn’t. We had to give you a chance for Wyatt, but if we’d made enough of a fuss about it, you wouldn’t have lasted long. Trust me. Boys are assholes.”
“Oh, I remember. My mom stopped letting me come to sleepovers with you guys for a reason.”
He frowned, leaning back in his seat, his posture all graceful strength and casual confidence. I didn’t know why this was happening to me, but
I was ridiculously turned on by Bear, and wishing he’d make a move. But I knew that would never happen. I already knew Bear was only just doing this out of some loyalty to Wyatt, trying to keep me in the group, no matter what he said.
“What reason was that?”
“Puberty.”
He rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t all of us she needed to be worried about.”
“Oh, it was. I’d just gotten a training bra and was trying to keep it a secret, but I took it off to sleep and I don’t know which one of you found it, but you all thought it would be hilarious to put it in a bowl of water in the freezer.”
“I don’t remember that at all,” he said, eyes wide.
“Probably because you weren’t traumatized by Wyatt’s mom trying to defrost your underwear with a hair dryer.”
He laughed at that, but my sharp look made him stop. “I’m sorry, but you’ve gotta admit, it’s kind of a harmless silly prank.”
“It’s not so harmless when you’re a young girl and insecure about being the first one in her grade to develop and now suddenly the only thing that makes you feel like not everyone is staring at your chest all the time is taken away from you. I thought you guys were all going to notice my boobs and make fun of me.”
“Oh, we noticed them,” he said, his voice warming up, eyes flicking down. “Kind of impossible not to when you’re that age.”
I rolled my eyes. “You say that like you’ve grown out of checking out my rack when I’m not paying attention.” My tongue was operating without supervision now, just flying off the handles with the first words that came to mind. But I didn’t care. Bear didn’t seem to either. We were both leaning forward a little, smirks twisting our lips. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought we were flirting, but that was crazy.
“You saying I should do it while you’re paying attention?”
I groaned, throwing back my head, shaking it in despair. “Men.”
Bear laughed, the warm sound filling the little dining room, wrapping around me, infecting me with a worry-free ease I haven’t felt in ages.
The sound of a grandfather clock’s chime made me jump nearly out of my seat.
“You have a grandfather clock?” I asked in disbelief.
He shrugged. “One of the few things I actually owned and had my brother hold on to for me. Was actually my grandparents’.”
For some reason, that made me smile. The thought of this guy who barely had furniture in his house had something as unnecessary and decorative as a grandfather clock for sentimental reasons.
Bear was starting to seem more and more like a teddy bear the closer I got.
But then I listened to the chimes, counted.
“Shit. Is that right? Is it really midnight?” I asked, pushing back from the table.
“Is your carriage going to turn into a pumpkin, Cinderella?” he asked, getting up after me.
“Well… No… But I should go. My mom’s watching Dallas…”
He nodded, though I thought I saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes. I wasn’t sure. I was probably imagining things.
I was glad that his new place was close to mine though. I could walk home and come back for my car in the morning.
Bear led me to the door, his hand lingering on the knob without opening it.
I stood there, looking up at him, dragging my teeth over my bottom lip, not sure what I wanted to happen next.
“Thanks for inviting me over… I had a lot of fun,” I said, meaning every word. I thought I saw a hint of surprise in his eyes, but it was quickly lost to something dark and serious taking over.
“Lexi…” His voice was just as low and dark, a husky whisper that I knew I could fall right into if I let myself.
And then he did the last thing I ever expected.
His arms circled me, he dragged me up against him, and he kissed me like his life depended on it.
17
Bear
I’ve lost my damn mind, I thought, Lexi in my arms, her sweet strawberry scent filling my senses, making me dizzy, making me hard. It was like an out-of-body experience. One minute I was looking into those deep dove-gray eyes, finding myself falling into them, wanting to tell her all the crazy things I’d been thinking, and then the next minute, I was dragging her up against me and kissing her with everything I had.
I didn’t even have the sense to be cautious about it. I didn’t even test the waters. I just went whole-hog and I was waiting for her to push me away, waiting for her to stop this madness and tell me we couldn’t do this.
Lexi’s hands rose up, her palms flattening on my chest, her fingers twining in the fabric of my shirt, balling it into her fists as she pulled me closer and kissed me back.
Holy shit.
I couldn’t believe it was happening, but she parted her mouth for me, let my tongue dive in. She tasted like wine and bad decisions, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. Not now. Not after I’d gotten that response from her. Her hands traveled up, snaking around my neck as my hands slid down to her hips.
She clung to me, her teeth raked over my lips, her tongue danced with mine, making my cock throb, my heart race. Her breath came in gasping pants, and she kept making these small little whimpers, nearly moaning into my mouth as I kissed her.
And I wanted to take this further. I wanted to take it as far as she’d let me, but then I figured this was it. As much as I wanted her, as much as I’d been thinking about her nearly non-stop since I got back to town, I still thought that Lexi was on the other side of that fence I’d been sitting on too long.
Maybe if I hadn’t been so unsure before, I wouldn’t be in this position where I didn’t know what the hell to do. Maybe if I’d admitted the truth to myself before, that I was attracted to Lexi and wanted her more than I had any right to, then I could have done a better job of wooing her. Maybe I could have actually been charming instead of an asshole.
I didn’t know. I knewthat I’d wasted a hell of a lot of time denying myself what I wanted, trying to live up to some ideal of a friend that I’d never be able to reach.
Shit, maybe I should have felt guilty about having Lexi’s sweet body pressed against me, feeling her nipples hardening through the thin fabric of her dress, dragging against my chest, making me want to strip her down and kiss every inch of her body. Maybe I should have felt guilty about sliding my hands down to cup her ass, dragging her up against me so she could feel how much I wanted her. How much I’d been craving her. Maybe I should have even felt guilty about reaching for the hair tie securing her ponytail and pulling it out, her long fiery locks flowing down over her shoulders.
“Much better,” I rumbled, regretting breaking the kiss the moment I did. “I think it’s time you let your hair down a bit,” I said, sliding my fingers through the silky tresses for effect, wrapping my hand around the back of her head, pulling her into another deep kiss.
She’d said she had to go home, but I wasn’t sure I could let her go. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to let Lexi go now that I’d had a taste of her.
I wasn’t really sure what to make of the thought, but there was a persistent theme running through my head. A single word that was drummed into my thoughts with each beat of my heart.
Mine. Mine, mine, mine.
“Stay,” I said, holding my breath, knowing I was crazy for asking her. It was probably too much, too fast, too intense. I was always like that. I might have been a dumbass most of the time, but when I finally got around to realizing what I wanted, I went after it, and I never stopped going after it.
Lexi might not have been ready for everything right then, but I could wait. I’d be persistent. I’d be there when she was ready, I’d make sure of it.
She looked up at me, her lips swollen from the kiss, her cheeks flushed, eyes slightly glazed, hair wild and crazy. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight. This woman was something precious. Something to be treasured and protected. I wasn’t going to rush her, as desperate as I was. I was ready for her to te
ll me she had to leave even though I knew it would be like an icepick to the heart.
But she didn’t reject me right away. She just kept looking up at me, chewing on her bottom lip, her eyes swirling with conflict.
My hands went around her waist again, pulling her tight against me. I dipped down for another quick kiss, knowing I was about to press my luck but unable to stop myself.
“Come on, Lex. Stay with me,” I asked again, practically begging her. If I thought it’d have a chance in hell of working, I’d even get down on my knees.
It wasn’t just that I wanted her. That I wanted to part her legs, find the sweet treasure waiting for me, and finally learn what she sounded like when she came. That was part of it, but it wasn’t all of it.
I also wanted to take care of Lexi. I wanted to make her feel good. I wanted to make her forget everything else for a while and just be cherished and worshiped like she deserved.
“Bear… I…” She bit her bottom lip again, hard enough that I thought she might draw blood.
Shit. I’d gone too far. She wanted to say no, but she didn’t know how. She was afraid of me flipping out or something. She thought I might lose it if I didn’t get my way.
Damn it.
I dropped my hands, took a step back.
“No pressure,” I said, hands up in the air as I stepped around her and reached for the door knob. “Forget I said anything,” I said, my heart feeling like it was filled with lead as I turned the knob and opened the door for her.
Lexi wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself to protect her from me. I hated myself for that. That she wasn’t sure if she could trust me now.
Fuck!
She stepped forward hesitantly, still watching me like a rabbit watched a hawk, not sure when it was going to strike. Her hand went to the door, and she pushed it closed.
Then she locked it.
And stood up on her tiptoes to kiss me.
It was soft and gentle at first. She was hesitant and I was still too surprised to respond. But then she leaned into me, pushing me back against the door, her curves pressed against me, making my blood run hot. Her hands went to my shoulders, fingernails clawing at me through my dress shirt as she dragged her tongue along the seam of my lips, trying to push her way in.
A Baby for the Soldier (Boys of Rockford Series Book 2) Page 11