by Nichelle Rae
“These are only guesses, Azrel,” Rabryn said gently. “We won’t know anything for sure until Ortheldo wakes up and tells us what happened.”
I looked over my shoulder at Ortheldo asleep on the couch. What in the world had he been up to since we parted?
“I came by this morning to see if you were all right after last night,” Beldorn said. “When I saw a strange, severely injured man sleeping on your couch, naturally I went upstairs and woke Rabryn to have him explain. He took me to the place where you found Ortheldo and told me what happened. I went to the edge of the woods and I picked up clues to what might have happened. Rabryn decided to investigate as well and found the necklace in the stream. Together Rabryn and I have discussed what may or may not have taken place.”
Rabryn picked up the story. “We guess he threw the necklace into the stream just as he entered our woods, which is when he was attacked. Then the stream carried the necklace down to where I found it.” Rabryn tilted his head and shrugged. “We didn’t find much evidence of his pursuers besides hoof prints in the mud on the outskirts of the woods. The clustered forest must have been too much for the attacker’s horse. That’s how Ortheldo escaped.”
I closed my eyes and held my hands up in surrender from this overwhelming amount of negative information. It took a second to swallow it all. “Okay, but why here?” I asked jabbing a finger to the floor. “Why was Ortheldo coming here?”
The tension seemed to thicken and surround me, choking me. Beldorn held a narrowed gaze on my face while he spoke in a meaningful tone. “The Pitt is the best place to keep things hidden,” he said. “Secrets, perhaps?” His eyes narrowed more. “Isn’t it, Azrel?”
My wide eyes met his. What was he doing? I looked at Rabryn and saw my brother’s face flooded with confusion. I didn’t want him to know! It would break his heart! He’d be devastated!
I looked back at Beldorn and scoffed as if he’d said something absurd. “If you say so, Beldorn.” I pushed myself up from the short table and turned to check on Ortheldo, putting my back to Beldorn. Hopefully that would silence him.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Azrel,” he said sternly.
You’d think a Wizard would get a clue!
I spun around to face him and saw he was standing up from the chair. He suddenly seemed much bigger for some reason, as if his presence filled every corner of the room. The air around me felt heavy and thick, making it difficult to breathe.
Rabryn stood as well. “What does he mean, Azrel?” His soft tone was more heartbreaking than his sad expression.
My mouth moved up and down awkwardly as my eyes shifted all over the room, anywhere but his sad face. He had trusted me for years! Now he suspected I kept things from him. Eight years of love and trust would go out the window if I told him! Plus, the respect he had for me would disappear if he knew what I was. I couldn’t lose Rabryn that way! He was all I had! He was everything to me: my brother, my friend, my confidant. He would hate me when he found out the huge secret I’ve kept from him. I couldn’t lose what we had, and by The Gods I was going to hold onto it for dear life!
“I have no idea, Rabryn,” I said, giving the Wizard a wide-eyed dangerous look.
“Azrel!” Beldorn yelled in a commanding tone. I jumped with a start and stared at him in disbelief. Did he seriously just yell at me like that? “I told you there would come a time when you would know when to reveal yourself and to whom!”
My breath quickened, not so much from fear of Beldorn’s wraith, but fear of losing my brother’s love, the only love I had left! Rabryn’s eyebrows were drawn together, his eyes confused and glossy with unshed tears.
My breathing increased even more. I didn’t want to hurt him, but now I had no choice! I’d never been so enraged in my life, and the rage screamed to be let go! I felt blinded by it and lost all sense of time and reason. The only one who ever gave me a chance here, the only one who loved me, was about to cry on my account!
A lump formed in my throat, but I clenched my teeth against it as I glared at Beldorn. “That’s right!!!” I screamed, throwing my fist in his direction. “You did tell me I would know when to reveal myself, and now was not the time!” I pointed an accusing finger at him. “You said I would know when to reveal myself, not you!”
Beldorn’s stern expression faded, but his steady gaze held me. That only enraged me more! At this point I started trembling violently with rage and lost control of my words. I even took a menacing step toward him. My head was reeling with words to scream out at him, to scream out at everybody!
“How could you possibly know what it was like to keep this horrible secret of what I am from the one person I could trust, and who trusted me? Who loved me! You don’t know how it feels being hated by every person you live with except one! I wanted to tell him my way, not yours! I wanted to tell him when I was ready, not when you decided I should be!”
My screaming went up an octave to the point that my voice broke. The screaming wasn’t enough! I felt the burn of tears forming behind my eyes. My world was now coming to an end. I was going to lose Rabryn, the only thing that mattered to me.
“How could you make me do this to him?” I screamed at the Wizard, my hands clenched into such tight fists that my nails dug into my palms. “Now I’m going to lose the one person in my life that matters! The one person who loves me! He’ll hate me now thanks to you making me keep my secret! I’ll have no one!”
That last high-pitched scream sapped all my energy. My knees buckled and I hit the floor hard, my body collapsing over of my legs. Drained and weak, I rested my forehead on the floor. My hands immediately covered my face as the tears spilled over in streams—my white tears. I felt my entire body shake violently from the heaving sobs, sobs that left me almost unable to breathe. It felt like some invisible force held a tight fist over my throat, forbidding air in, and only letting air out in heavy sobs. I thought I was going to go mad, or throw up or something from the sudden loneliness and defeat I felt.
Before a split second passed, a pair of arms yanked me up and I was crushed firmly against a chest. I groped at the back of his shirt desperately, needing to find something solid to hold onto, something real. My entire life was like a nightmare that wouldn’t end! Today had started out so beautiful. Couldn’t I have enjoyed this day, this one day, without having something rotten happen in my world?
My sobs came out in agonizing yells, and the tears soaked his shirt. My body trembled so much from the sobs and hysterical crying I thought I might faint. My frustrations, built up over the years since last I cried when my father died, all spilled out in this one moment. The loss of Ortheldo, the loss of my mother, the very life I lived here. Every single tear that I had wanted to cry over eight years in The Pitt but had forced back all came out at once. Tears poured forth from all the insults, all the hateful abuse, all the loneliness, and now at the loss of Rabryn.
I held onto the person holding me as if the floor might suddenly open and swallow me. A part of me wished it would. To fall into a black hole of oblivion would have been the most merciful thing to happen in my life thus far.
A hand rested on the back of my head. “Azrel,” Rabryn said close to my ear, also in tears. I was surprised to realize it was Rabryn who was holding me. “You will never lose me. I swear to you, I will always be here for you. I could never, ever hate you. Do you understand me?”
He sounded sincere, and I’m sure he was. That gave me a bit of control over myself. But the nagging thought that he yet didn’t know what I was made that splinter of hope crumble. Everyone hated The White Warrior, and I was cursed to bear the name forever. Rabryn never knew what I was and I found peace in that. That was all gone now, though. I’d have to tell him.
I felt a third hand gently rest on my back. Thinking it was Beldorn, and knowing I owed him an apology, I slowly pulled away from Rabryn. I kept my head down, but my white tears were impossible to miss and Rabryn’s teary eyes widened at the site of them. His mouth first g
aped, then closed, and then I saw his throat bob in a hard swallow. Before I could explain, I was gently pulled to the side. I expected to feel Beldorn’s soft wool robe, but then my cheek rested against a bare chest.
I jerked away and saw Ortheldo kneeling on the floor next to me. He looked down at me, those periwinkle eyes obliterating any barriers in my soul. My eyes went wide as I looked at up his face and he looked down into mine. Looking in his eyes I managed to control my sobbing. I slowly leaned in and rested my cheek on his chest and let him hold me. My sobbing slowed to rapid breathing.
When I had calmed down enough, I pulled away and looked into his face again. He was ashen and groggy. His facial injuries consisted of a badly swollen black eye; a long, jagged cut from his eyebrow up into his hair; and two long splits in his lip. He smiled despite his injuries. I gazed up into his eyes and without permission I rested my hands on his cheeks. I scanned his face as if my eyes were still trying to believe what they were seeing.
So many emotions ran through my head and my heart—some good, some really bad. But the good ones that came from looking at Ortheldo in this moment gave me the strength to overcome the bad ones for the moment. Most of my intense pain and distress seemed to vanish. But in the back of my heart I knew I still had to tell Rabryn my secret, and I had to deal with betraying him.
There were so many things I wanted to say to Ortheldo, but my words were lost and I only managed a brilliant, “You’re awake.”
His smile widened and his thumb gently wiped a white tear from my face. “I’ve missed you so much,” he softly.
The feelings that came along with seeing him now were not the same feelings I had when we left our cave nine years ago. They were stronger now and something I’d never felt before. Being able to see him and touch him once again stirred up more feelings than I knew how to sort.
I smiled and threw myself into his arms again. “I have missed you more than you could ever possibly know!” I choked out, trying to contain my joy. I touched the back of his head only to feel a welt of dried blood over a bump the size of a fist. I opened my eyes and looked down at his bare back. I stared at all the lashes and bruises as if seeing them for the first time. I had tended them last night, but in the daylight, they became more hideous and evil looking.
I pulled away from him, my eyes big. “What happened to you? Where have you been? Do you feel okay?”
He chuckled and wiped the remaining tears from my face with the back of his finger. “I feel better thanks to you and your brother.” Both of us turned to look at Rabryn, Ortheldo with a kind smile, me with dread and shame. “Thank you for your care,” he said then looked back at me. “Both of you.”
I flashed him a fleeting smile then looked down shamefully. I could feel Rabryn’s eyes on me as he waited for what I had to tell him. I turned my eyes up to Beldorn, who stood tall above all of us kneeled on the floor. He tilted his head, his eyes now filled with their familiar kindness. I knew what he was trying to say. I looked back down and nodded, facing the truth that I had to tell my brother my secret now.
To bide time to prepare myself for what I had to do, I looked to Ortheldo again. “Come on. You need to lie down and rest.”
Without a word, Rabryn positioned himself on the other side of Ortheldo and we each draped one of his arms around our neck. On three we stood, pulling Ortheldo to a weak, unsteady stand, and walked him back to the couch.
When Ortheldo was covered back up and resting comfortably, I stood and faced my brother. He was looking at me with anticipation of what I was about to say. I looked down and chewed my bottom lip. My hands began working nervously at my sides. I didn’t know if I could do this. I didn’t want Rabryn to know this horrible thing I was. It was bad enough that I had kept something from him for years, but worse, was him learning what that something was.
For a few moments, I tried to decide how to tell him. Failing miserably, I drew my head back to look up to the Heavens. I’d never been one for religion, not after what the Light Gods had done to my father, but right now I needed all the help I could get. I asked Them for strength to be able to do this. Hoping They heard me, or even cared (which I doubted), I took a deep breath, lowered my head, and sighed.
I gently took Rabryn’s hand and pulled him down to sit next to me on the short table. I closed my eyes tightly, waiting for the courage to wash over me. It didn’t. So much for prayer. I looked down at his hand and caressed it, savoring what would probably be the last loving exchange between us.
“Rabryn,” I began with great effort, “I’m not everything I seem.” My mouth suddenly felt dry and parched. His eyebrows furrowed together, but so far, they bore no trace of scorn. I took a few moments to again consider how to tell him, but I figured it would be best to just show him. I swallowed hard again, trying to moisten my throat, feeling so small and insignificant at the situation I was in. Once again, matters had gone beyond my control, and I hated the feeling of helplessness more than ever. I dreaded using my magic powers again, but it seemed I had no choice. Nine years. It had been over nine years since I’d touched them.
I stood up and walked around the living room and shut the drapes and shades. As the room darkened, so did my mood. I rested my forehead against the last window and took in a deep breath, closed my eyes, and prepared for what I was about to do. It had been so long since I’d used my magic, and even that was only to transform from the White Warrior to my regular form. I gazed at the closed shade as if I were seeing something beyond the bleak whiteness of it, maybe a way out of this mess called my life. As I stared at nothing, I absentmindedly reach my hand down and caressed the hilt of my sword with my fingertips. It felt warm, as if it knew I was about to use it.
I turned around to face the three of them. I took a deep breath and drew my sword. With a sigh, I brought the blade over my left shoulder and released my magic. The blade exploded into white flames, making Rabryn jump. I arched my right arm down and across, slicing through the air in front of my torso. The air split open, and white fire poured out like water gushing from a broken dam. When the flames spilled silently to the floor, a breeze from nowhere swirled the fire around my feet, then brought it up around my body. The unnatural element cocooned me, and I felt myself changing and transforming, revealing to all in the room this horrid curse that my father had passed on to me.
Finally, the flames extinguished and I let out a slow breath. Before looking at any reaction, I bowed my head in shame. I wasn’t ready to see the look on my brother’s face. “This is my secret,” I said solemnly.
It was silent for a moment. Then Rabryn spoke. “That’s no reason to hate you,” he said, as if it was absurd that I would even consider it. My eyes snapped up to meet his. He was sincere, but his eyes were wide, as if he was struggling to believe what he just saw. “So, you have magic powers. I’d keep that a secret, too, if Beldorn advised it.”
Suddenly the realization hit me and darkened my mood more—but also in a sense lightened it. Rabryn had never heard of the White Warrior before. He and his people lead sheltered lives, so the war against The Nameless One had probably been no more than a soft whisper in their ears when it happened. Since then, 3,000 years had passed and the whisper was forgotten. None of these people knew that the White Warrior was shamed and labeled a coward in the world for leaving battle.
Rabryn didn’t hate me after all! He had no reason to, except that I kept a secret from him. But he wasn’t angry that I had. I could bide my time and tell him about the White Warrior when I was ready. I wasn’t thrilled that I’d be the one to explain to him why my father was the most hated man on the planet, but I didn’t have to worry about that day until it came.
Rabryn suddenly threw his head back and laughed. “Well, sis, show me what you can do!”
He still loved me! I could have cried from relief! My world hadn’t come to an end. I smiled sheepishly at his unexpected request. “I would, but I don’t even know what I can do.”
“You don’t know how to use your magi
c?” he asked.
“I know how to use it. I just don’t know what it’s capable of.”
Beldorn smiled. “Look around, Azrel,” he said gently. “I’m sure you’ll be able to find something to demonstrate to him.”
My eyes shifted around the room and rested on Ortheldo. He was pale, wounded, and weak, but gazing at me with a smile and much emotion in his eyes. I smiled and wondered if I could heal his injuries. I walked over to him to try.
As I passed my little brother, he gently grabbed my upper arm and stopped me. His eyes scanned my face as he cautiously reached his fingers up to stroke strands of my white hair, and he touched my white, glowing face. He looked at me as if making sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. Then he started laughing and released me. My smiled widened and I sat on the edge of the couch, next to Ortheldo.
I grinned at him. “You have a lot of explaining to do, my friend.” He nodded. “So, let’s make you well and get started, shall we?” He nodded again.
The sword in my hand was still flaming, so I gently placed its broad edge against his forehead. Ortheldo drew in a sharp breath. I almost pulled my sword away, thinking I was hurting him, but he relaxed and smiled. I looked skeptically at Ortheldo’s appearance. I thought to have him take a bath when I was done healing him, but suddenly, without my command, the white light around him grew brighter and wind whipped around us both. I wondered what brought that on.
The fire and wind died down, and I removed my sword. Ortheldo’s skin was no longer pale. The swelling around his eye and cheek were gone, and the cuts had disappeared. His wavy black hair was clean and shiny as if he had just taken a bath. When he opened his eyes, my heart stopped for a moment. They were so bright and clear, the pain and fatigue gone making them even more unbelievable than I had remembered. He sat up and gazed down at himself. He spread his hands on his bare chest, then pat his skin and head in various places, feeling for the bumps and cuts and bruises that were no longer there.