by Naomi Niles
But what would I talk about? Al Qaeda? The various uses for goat’s milk in the Afghani desert? What if we didn’t have anything in common? Why did I care so much? I went back and forth between the movie and my thoughts, hoping to find some peace in between, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep myself from worrying.
Finally, five minutes before I was supposed to leave, I gave up and called Gillian. “Hey,” she answered. “I’m ready. Are you?”
“Yeah, I was just about to head out.”
“Great. I’ll see you in a minute.”
I rushed to her house, weaving through traffic like a madman, determined not to keep her waiting. When I got to her complex, she was standing outside, wearing a tight black top and pants that hugged her body in all the right places. I could already feel my cock getting hard.
When she got in, I caught a whiff of her perfume, like a meadow of flowers. “Hello, how are you?”
“I’m good.” I got the car going. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“I’m starving.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her looking at me. I tried not to let on that I noticed.
“Good because I’ve got the perfect place. I hope you like Cajun.”
“I could die for some etouffee.”
“That’s exactly what I planned on ordering.”
“I’ll bet you haven’t had good Cajun in a while.”
“I haven’t. If I have to even look at another hummus plate again, I am going to kill somebody.”
She laughed. “I’ve never tried Arabic food before. Is it any good?”
“Not where I was.” She looked out the window as I pulled onto the freeway, watching as the city passed us by, until we reached our exit and I pulled up to the restaurant. It was a small shack with faded white paint and a ship’s steering wheel on the front door.
I had the waitress bring us in back to a private booth, and we ordered. The entire time, from the minute we got out of the car, till after we sat down and started waiting for our food, Gillian kept looking at me, sizing my body up. I loved it.
“Are you glad to be out?” she finally asked me.
“It’s weird. You get used to things being one way and then everything changes. I’m told it takes some time to get used to it.”
“I can’t imagine what it was like for you.”
“There were high and low points. I don’t regret enlisting, though. I got to see a lot and learn about the world.”
“Tell me something about the world.”
“Hmm,” I thought about it for a moment. “Americans tend to think everyone has the same standards of living. We all have houses and cars and electricity and running water, but in reality, we’re lucky. I’ve seen people living like they would thousands of years ago. It was shocking, and it still shocks me just how little the people had and how bad their lives were.”
“You’re talking about Afghanistan?”
“Yes.”
When our food came, I focused on it. I didn’t want to alienate her, and a conversation like that could easily take a controversial turn. I wasn’t about to let things go down that path. We sat in a tense silence while I tried to think of something to say — anything, just to end the standoff.
“Are you all moved into your house?” she finally asked.
“Yeah, I only have the things I brought from my parents, though. I still have to make it a home.”
“You’ll get it. Everyone has that problem at first, then it starts to come together. I’ll bet you’re doing all this for the first time, aren’t you?”
I didn’t want to admit to that, but she’d know that I was lying if I denied it. “It’s easy stuff.”
“I know this sounds strange, but I’m kind of in a bad situation,” she said, changing the topic.
“Really?” I stopped eating.
“I mean, I’m not in trouble or anything. It’s just that my friend Lexie wants me to go to this speed dating thing with her, and I really don’t want to do it, but she doesn’t want to be alone with the guys. I was thinking maybe you might like to come along.”
I went back to eating and focused on my plate. I felt like a complete idiot. She thought of me as friend, not somebody she could date. I was too serious for her, too stoic and weird. She’d want somebody with more energy that could keep up with her infectious attitude. That wasn’t me.
“I could go,” I said, mostly because I didn’t want to seem rude.
“Really? Thank you so much. I don’t want to be there alone, either.”
“I don’t blame you — all those guys.”
We finished quickly and left soon after. I didn’t know what to say to her or how to act. I’d made a fool out of myself, and now I was just trying to cover up my intentions. She didn’t say much on the way back to her place. I was convinced at that point that I’d messed everything up. I just wanted it to be over. If she didn’t want me, there was no point in drawing it out.
When we stopped at her house, she turned to me. “Thanks for dinner. I had a lot of fun.”
“Me, too.” I tried my best to smile. I had been so sure that she wanted me.
“Well, good night.” She got out.
I drove away, ready to hide under my covers like a scared child. I just hoped she didn’t think I was some desperate creep trying to relive a high school crush.
Chapter Ten
Gillian
Lexie and I had bought into the sushi craze early and became addicted immediately. If I didn’t get my fix once a week, I started to get withdrawals. Lexie was the same way. There was something about the mixture of wasabi and soy, the taste of the avocado and spicy mayonnaise. People could say what they wanted. I was in love.
She called me late that morning to invite me out, so I slipped into something comfortable and drove down to our favorite spot to meet her. I could tell immediately when I sat down that something was on her mind.
“You’re in crisis,” I said when the food came. I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“I am not.”
“You’re barely thirty, and you’re already going existential on me. That’s what this speed dating bull is about. You’re not lonely. You’re having a pre-midlife crisis.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s pointless, Lexie. You’re beautiful, and men are like dogs. They smell a woman in heat, and they hound her till she bends over. Eventually, you’ll find one that you like and house train him. It’s inevitable. Worrying about it will just make you desperate, and you’ll end up spending the next three years trying to please a drunken idiot.”
“You’re underestimating me.”
“I’m worried. You need to focus on the things that matter. Love will fall into place.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re already swooning over your stiff military boy.”
I let that one go.
“You do what you want, Gillian, but I’m going to give this a chance. You should come with me so we can get our nails done.”
“Why should it matter what our nails look like? They’re just going to be staring at our tits.” I used my chopsticks to grab up a piece of salmon and dipped it in my wasabi and soy sauce mixture.
“I want to look nice, tonight.” Lexie popped a piece of a California roll into her mouth.
“They’re probably all just a bunch of freaks.” I popped the salmon in my mouth.
“I’m not a freak, and I’m going.”
“True.” I took a drink of my soda. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean we have to have full hair and makeup.”
“When was the last time you got your nails done?” she asked.
“It has been a while.” My cuticles were frayed from biting the nails. “Alright, I’ll go.”
We finished up our food and walked to the nail salon next door, where we sat down and let the woman start cleaning our feet. “How did your date go?” Lexie asked, her head back and her eyes closed as she enjoyed the foot massage.
; “It was good. He’s deep, more so than he lets on. He’s just a little stiff and closed off. I want to open him up more and find out what’s going on in his head.”
“Did anything happen?”
“No, and that’s what I’ve been wondering about. I know he likes me. You should’ve seen the way he looked at me when he picked me up, but when he dropped me off, he got all quiet and didn’t say anything. I think I must’ve done something wrong.”
“Maybe it’s not even you. Maybe he has something going on.”
“I don’t know. If he likes me, he likes me. If he doesn’t, then I move onto somebody else. I’ll just have to wait until tonight and find out.”
“Wait — tonight? I thought we were going speed dating?”
“I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you. I invited him. I hope that’s okay.”
“You invited him?” She sat up to look at me. “What are you crazy? No wonder he didn’t do anything. He probably thinks you don’t like him.”
“Fuck,” I laid my head back. “I cannot believe I did that.”
“Neither can I. What were you thinking?”
“That I didn’t want to look available when I was there and that I wanted another excuse to see him. I thought he already knew I wanted him. I’ve been pretty forthcoming about it.”
“I don’t know what to say to that, except that you’re coming tonight, no matter what.”
“I have to make this right first.” We finished with our pedicures and chose the color for our nails. I never liked fake fingernails. I could never adapt to them the way other women did, so I chose a simple rose color and let them paint my real ones.
When we were done, I excused myself and drove home as fast as I could to call Dwayne. He answered right away. “Hello?”
“Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bother you.”
“No, it’s fine. I was just about to call you, actually.”
“Really?” I tried not to sound hopeful.
“Yeah, I don’t think I can make it tonight. I’ve got to work really early in the morning, and I’m not feeling very good.”
“That’s too bad because I was really hoping that you could come.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. We can go another time.”
“What is it?”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s on your mind? Why don’t you want to go?”
There was a long pause, then, “I haven’t dated in years, and even then, it wasn’t a formal sit down restaurant type of thing. I have no skills, and I’m not a conversationalist. Plus, I…”
“You?” He was going to say it. He wanted me, and now he thought I didn’t want him.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea, and I don’t want to waste the money on the gas.”
“I can pick you up.”
“I don’t know.”
“I do. I want you there.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.” That was about as direct as I was willing to get. “It’ll be weird with all of those strange guys. I want somebody I know.”
“Okay. When is it?”
“Seven. I’ll come get you at six-thirty.”
“That sounds good. I’ll talk to you then.”
We were tiptoeing around the subject. Neither one of us wanted to address the fact that we were obviously mutually attracted to one another. I didn’t want to seem desperate, and I didn’t think he knew that I liked him.
I wasn’t going to let that continue. I pulled out my favorite red dress with the slit up the legs and a ruffled bodice that hugged my body and curled my hair so that it fell in soft waves. It occurred to me while getting ready that I had the upper hand. If he didn’t think I liked him, I could tease him and make him want it even more. He’d work harder for it and do everything he could to seduce me. I wasn’t going to play him or use him to get me things, but I was going to make him work for it.
Chapter Eleven
Dwayne
Now I was the friend, a buff wingman that would be forced to listen to girl talk and watch as a dozen men fought for their place in Gillian’s pants. They’d be licking their lips, staring down her shirt, and thinking about what they were going to do to her, and I had to sit there and watch. This was a disaster. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to go to this thing, but Gillian was so insistent. I couldn’t say no, and I needed another chance with her, no matter how slim it was.
I wasn’t going to give up without a fight. I decided to do everything I could to get Gillian’s attention. I found my tightest shirt, my tightest pair of pants, and added a spritz of my favorite cologne. My goal was to make myself irresistible.
I tried to tell myself that she wanted me. She gave me her number. She went to dinner with me. She even checked me out when she got in the car, but there was always something that would pull me back from the brink of certainty. Why would she ask me to go speed dating with her if she wanted to be with me? And why was she so insistent about me going?
Twice I almost called her to tell her that I couldn’t go, but I stopped myself. None of this made any sense to me, and I wanted to know what was going on before I dipped out. I took as much time as I could in the mirror, making sure my pants laid right and my shirt fell in just the right way. Nothing satisfied me. I was about to give up and change when I heard her knocking on the door.
I ran out and looked around the living room. I couldn’t let her see things the way they were. I still hadn’t bought any furniture. I was living like an overgrown frat boy. I turned off the lights so she couldn’t see and answered the door.
Something snapped, our eyes met, and I stood rigid staring at her. She was a dark goddess, wearing a fiery red dress that hugged her body so tight, I almost ripped it off her. She was looking at me, I could see it. So why wasn’t she making a move?
“Are you ready?” she asked, a little cold.
“Yes.” I closed the door and locked it.
“I hope you don’t mind sitting in back,” she said. “Lexie’s up front already.”
I almost turned around and ran back inside. “That’s fine.”
When I got in the car, the girls exchanged looks. Lexie rolled her eyes and a smile crossed over Gillian’s lips. There was something between them, a secret that they were keeping about me, and I needed to know what it was.
“Have you ever been speed dating?” Lexie asked when we got onto the freeway.
“No, what’s it like?”
“A bunch of guys all swarming for a chance to get their dick in you,” Gillian said. “The girls are probably just as bad.”
“I’m not really looking for anyone, honestly. It’s just too weird.”
“I don’t get why either of you are so pessimistic about this. It’s not like we’re picking up hobos off the street or calling all of our old exes; normal people go to these things, too.”
“But they’re all lonely,” Gillian said.
“And, they’re lonely for a reason,” I added.
“I’m not going to take it seriously,” Gillian continued.
“Why should you? You don’t need to,” Lexie snapped.
Gillian looked at her like she’d just made a mess on her living room carpet. I leaned back in my seat, my hands behind my head and met Gillian’s eyes through the rearview mirror. Her usually pale cheeks went bright red.
“I think we should give it a try, Gillian. You never know. You might meet somebody that you like.”
“Maybe…” She sounded uncertain.
“I might. I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date.”
She had a look of disappointment when she looked at me in the mirror, then her face went cold. “You might be right. I’ll give a try. I’ll probably get a few numbers.”
“I doubt they’ll be up to par,” I said.
“They might be. A good guy is hard to find.”
“Not that hard.” Lexie glanced back at me. “Right, Gillian?”
“I don’t know.” She kept h
er eyes on the road and away from the mirror.
“But once you do find a good one,” Lexie went on, “you can’t take them for granted.”
“I agree,” I spoke up. Neither of them spoke the rest of the way, but Gillian couldn’t help but look back at me.
Feeling confident, I walked into the lobby of the Westin Downtown with the girls on either side. We took the elevator to the second-floor conference room, where a sign had been posted saying, “Find the One.”
There was a long line of people, more diverse than I’d expected. There were social misfits, men with beer bellies and neckbeards, but there were also a lot of normal, refined individuals — and plenty of beautiful women. I kept my eyes off Gillian and on the line. I knew that if she thought I was disinterested, she would only want me more.
Once she saw what I was doing, she threw her head up and marched to the back of the line. Her friend Lexie was by my side, clearly enjoying the show. When we got to the back of the line, Lexie looked at my shirt.
“Oh, no.” She pulled out a handkerchief. “Come here. You’ve got a big stain on your shirt.”
“I do.”
“Yes, you do. Come on. I’ll help you with it.” She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me around the corner.
“What?” I asked.
“If you keep pulling that hard to get crap, she’s going to think you don’t like her. She’s already pissed at herself for asking you to go speed dating.”
“This whole time she actually wanted me, and I’ve been torturing myself for nothing?”
“Duh.”
“Why did she ask me to go speed dating?”
“She said that she didn’t want to go alone and wanted to see you again. I don’t get it. I guess she spaced or something.”
“It threw me through a fucking loop.”
“Just be nice to her. She’s a good girl.”
“I’m not that guy, Lexie.”
“That’s what they all say. Just be nice. She’s playing it cool, but inside, she’s terrified.”
“I promise.”
“You promise?”
“I swear. You don’t have anything to worry about.”