by Naomi Niles
“Yeah,” I said, tapping my fingernails against the surface of the table. “You are. You definitely are.”
I wanted to outright ask him if he said anything to Karen about Bethany, but I knew it wasn’t the best time for that. I would have to get a better understanding of what he said later on. Just then, Bethany placed our food on the table. “We’ve got bacon, eggs, sausage, and pancakes for my fellas,” she said, sliding our plates in front of us. “And no toast for you, Vinny. You might faint at the sight of it.”
His snaggle-toothed smile shone through like the morning sun, “Yeah, I think I might have. Thank you.”
“No problem, sweetie.” She fixed her plate, then sat down beside us. My mind altered Bethany’s face with Karen’s as she sat at the kitchen table. I had to shut my eyes tight and reopen them to discard the image. “Are you alright, Gavin?” she asked quizzically.
“Yeah, I’m good. I just tried to get a little bit more sleep out before we started our day. The food smells great though,” I said, quickly moving on to the next subject, “Thank you for cooking for us. You didn’t have to, though.”
“I know I didn’t,” she said with a smile, “but I enjoy doing things like this. I mean, I don’t know how to cook much for dinner, but I am learning. As far as breakfast food goes, though, I’d like to consider myself a pro.”
The three of us sat together eating breakfast when I heard Bethany’s phone ring in the other room. I slid a bite of eggs into my mouth as I looked towards the front room. “Do you want to grab that?” I asked, hoping that she would take the invitation.
“Yeah, I better. I told April that I would come by a little later today, so she is probably just making sure that I will still show up. She seems to think that I am quick to cancel plans with her now that you are in the picture.”
I laughed. “Well, yeah, you should take care of that. I don’t want to be seen as the bad guy.” She wiped her mouth, then hurried into the front room. As soon as she cleared the kitchen, I fixed my eyes on Vinny. “Son, I have to ask you a question, and it is okay to be honest with me.”
“Oh. Okay, Dad.”
I peered at him as he put his fork into his plate and grabbed one of his cut pancake squares, swirled it in syrup and slid it into his mouth. “Did you tell your mother anything about Bethany?” He froze and glared at me. His wide, blue eyes looked as though he was trying to grab an excuse out of thin air. I took a towel and wiped my mouth. His expression told me everything I needed to know. “It’s alright, son. It’s alright. What did you tell her?”
“It was an accident, Dad.”
“It’s alright. But, what did you tell her?”
He sighed. “I just told her that I hung out with you and your friend because she asked me what kind of things you took me to do. That was pretty much the first thing we’d done with each other in a while, so that was the first thing that came to mind because I had so much fun. It just came out on its own, Dad. I didn’t mean to tell her. I’m sorry, Dad. Really.”
“It’s alright, son. It’s alright.”
Now, at least I had an angle. I knew that she was trying to pull something underhanded and her efforts might not have been genuine. Just then, Bethany sat back down at the table. “It was her,” she said, “bugging me. I am going to stop by there before we go out together. Is that alright?”
I gently put my hand on top of hers, “That is fine, sweetheart. Absolutely fine.”
She left and came back later that evening. When the doorbell rang, she was standing on the other side with Mike. “Well, look at this. I thought I would be the one to introduce you two.”
“Shit, your ass was taking too fucking long, so I figured I’d track her down myself.”
Bethany smiled as I looked at her. She didn’t look nervous or anything, so I figured that she could handle Mike because I knew he didn’t hold back. “Yeah, well, like I said, Mike, you’re an acquired taste. He didn’t scare you off, did he, Bethany?”
Her eyebrows wrinkled together, “What? Him? Not at all. He is a sweet guy underneath all the rude behavior. I know it.”
“Rude?” Mike said as they stepped into my home. “Shit, I didn’t know I was being rude.”
She laughed. “Um, I think that asking me if I was the chick that was trying to put your best friend in prison is pretty rude.” She winked at me. “But that is fine. Gavin gave me a heads up about you before, so I knew that I couldn’t put anything past you.”
“Yeah, that’s Gavin alright. Sheesh.” Mike looked at me, “Where is the kid?”
“He’s in his room. Hey, Mike, behave, man. Alright?”
“Shit, you treat me like I’m your son. Get the fuck out of here and have some fun, damn it. You know Vinny is in good hands.”
“Vinny?” I called out to him. He stepped out of his room and met me in the hallway. “I’ll be back later on. Make sure you keep an eye on Uncle Mike, alright?”
He smiled, “Okay, Dad. You guys have fun.”
“We will.”
I took Bethany by the hand and walked her to my car. I couldn’t wait for us to enjoy our time out together. I felt that it had been an eternity since the last time we were able to hang out with each other. As the night went on, I noticed that she had become a little standoff-ish. Like, she was there, but she wasn’t as engaged as she normally had been with me. “Something wrong?” I asked as I stopped in front of the restaurant.
She sighed. “No. Well, I mean, I wouldn’t say that it was something wrong, but – I’ll just say that I’ve been thinking about some things. I had a talk with April when I went by her house, and she told me that I need to um,” she fumbled her words, “Let’s just go inside, okay? I just have to figure out how to get these words out.”
“Is it bad?”
“Bad? I guess that depends on what you consider bad.”
I fidgeted with my keys for a few moments before I opened my door. “Okay. Let’s go inside and if you feel like talking about it, go ahead. I’m pretty sure that I can handle whatever it is that you have to say.”
She took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s just go inside.”
I opened her car door, then escorted her into the restaurant. The hostess showed us to our seats in the dimly lit room. The candle flickered on top of the table when we took our seats. “Thank you,” I said to the hostess as I pulled Bethany’s chair out. She sat down in her seat. The cut in the front of her dress went down to a V to the middle of her cleavage. She was completely alluring, and if it weren’t for the people around, I would’ve stripped her naked and had my way with her.
She avoided eye-contact with me as we sat at the table. I wanted to enjoy her presence, but the way she avoided me made it hard to go through with our date. “Sweetheart,” I said, sliding my hand on top of hers, “Please. I know something is bothering you. The mood has completely shifted, and I know things will get better as soon as you open up to me. I won’t judge you. I won’t get angry. I will give you a listening ear and let you explain whatever you need to explain.”
She put her menu down and faced me. Her eyes were shifty as she twirled her thumbs around each other. I patiently waited for her to speak and right before she opened her mouth, a man approached our table. “Mystique?” he asked, peering down at her.
Her eyes opened as she looked upwards in his direction. “Excuse me?” She looked at me as I shrugged my shoulders.
“Mystique,” he said, smiling ear-to-ear. “Yeah, I know that’s you. You used to work at Shenanigans, right? The strip club. Damn, you look even better with your clothes on.”
She laughed nervously as I narrowed my eyes at her. “Um,” she said, her voice shaking, “you must have me confused. I’ve um, I’ve never worked there before.”
“No, no,” he responded matter-of-factly, “I remember a face when I see it. You are Mystique. Hell, I used to give you half my paycheck when I came to the strip club, so I know it is you.” He looked at me, “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t mean any disrespect, but I ju
st had to make sure that was her because I didn’t think I would run into her in Roanoke. Well,” he focused his attention back on Bethany, “you enjoy your night, Mystique. It was good to see you.”
As he walked away, I glared at Bethany. She sat across from me at a loss for words. “I um… I…” Suddenly, she removed herself from the table and rushed outside, leaving me alone. A stripper? She used to be a stripper? A few customers in the restaurant beside me looked in my direction after she left in a hurry. I was embarrassed, and I couldn’t tell if it was because she left me alone, or if it was because I had just found out that she used to be a stripper. How many men have seen her naked?
The waitress came to our table a few minutes after Bethany walked away. “So, can I start you out with any appetizers? A drink?”
I tossed my napkin on the table, “No, thank you. We are not staying.”
I got up and excused myself from the table. Outside, Bethany stood on the side of the restaurant with tears in her eyes, pacing back and forth in her dress. I stuck my hands into my pockets and approached her. “I was going to tell you,” she said as the tears smeared her mascara, “I was going to tell you tonight. I just had the damned talk with April, and she told me to tell you, so I was. I used to be a stripper in Richmond. There. I said it. I used to strip to make money, and those were some of the worst years of my life. It is where I met my crazy ass ex-boyfriend. It’s when my life just spun out of control. When I finally got a grip on it, I left, and I hoped that I would leave every memory of what I used to be. It followed me, though. It followed me here, and now…” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Can we just go? Please. Can we just go?”
She left my side and walked to the car. I wanted to say something to her, but the words hid from my lips. I didn’t know what to say. Bethany used to be a stripper, and from there, I couldn’t do anything but wonder what else about her past that she was keeping from me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
BETHANY
I went straight home after Gavin dropped me off at his house. We didn’t say a word to each other before I left. I was too embarrassed to say anything to him, and I was afraid of to hear what he was thinking, so I didn’t even want to ask him. I just wanted to get away from him as soon as I could. I cried the whole car ride home, and when I got there, I called April to let her know what happened. She could barely understand me over the phone, so she told me that she would be at my place as soon as she could.
I climbed into my bed and buried my head into the pillow, crying out loud because I knew that I probably just screwed my chances with Gavin. Not only that, but now he knew what I used to do before I got to Roanoke, and I didn’t even get the chance to tell him myself. “Bethany?” April called out. Her voice echoed off the walls as she shut the door behind her. “Bethany? Where are you?”
I sniffled. “I’m in here, April. I’m in my room.”
She came inside as I had my face buried into the pillow. I felt her get onto the mattress, and seconds later, she put her arm around me for comfort. “Come on, Beth, it’s gonna be alright. What happened? I thought you were going to tell him tonight?”
I wiped my eyes clear. “I was. I was going to tell him tonight just like you said I should, but we got to the restaurant, and before I could say anything, this guy walks up to our table. I immediately knew who he was because he was one of my best customers. I tried to brush it off as if he had me confused, but it was no use. He knew, and I knew he did. He spent a lot of money with me, you know?” She handed me a Kleenex as I continued, “Anyways, he called me Mystique, and that was the name I went by back then. He called me that, and my heart sunk beneath the table. I just wanted to disappear. I looked at Gavin, and his eyes were wide, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening.”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Tears continued flowing from my eyes like streams, and the Kleenex barely worked at keeping my face dry. “Anyway, after I failed at trying to convince him that I was not Mystique, I got up and ran out of the restaurant. As soon as Gavin came outside, I told him the truth. After that, he didn’t say a word. He didn’t say a word to me, April. We just got in his car, and he drove me back to his house so I could get my car, then I left. He didn’t say a word to me, April. Nothing. He fuckin’ hates me now, and I know it! He probably thinks I am some whore or something!”
I buried my head into her shoulder as she stroked my hair with her hand. “Ssssh, ssssh, don’t cry, Beth. Don’t cry. You don’t know what he is thinking because you didn’t ask him, and it is not fair to assume. Now, it probably caught him off guard, and he just didn’t know what to say, but that doesn’t mean–”
“It means everything, April! Gavin is not the type of person who never knows what to say. I should’ve known this shit would blow up in my face because it was all going too good. It was too fuckin’ perfect. His son loved me. Me and Gavin had chemistry from day one. It was great, but now I know it was all a fuckin’ set up because nothing in my life is ever supposed to go well. I always have shit the fuckin’ hard way! I may as well go back to my fuckin’ ex and let him abuse me because that is all it seems like I deserve!”
“Bethany, you stop that right now! Stop it!” She grabbed a hold of my shoulders and stared me in the eyes. “You will not have a damned pity party on my watch! Look, we all make mistakes! We all have things that we have done in the past that we are not happy about. Hell, I’ve had a threesome before. Actually,” she shook her head, “they don’t call it a threesome when you have sex with two men. I don’t know why, but they don’t. Anyways, I did it. I’ve had sex with two men at once. I’ve gotten drunk and took my top off at parties. I’ve done a lot of dumb shit when I was younger, but we all have, and I’m sure Gavin has, too. Nobody is immune from it, so stop talking down to yourself because of your mistakes.”
“No, April. This is different. I mean, this has probably fucked up the only relationship I could’ve ever had. I left Richmond to start over, but now, it just seems like my past won’t let me go. First, it’s my ex, and now, it’s this. How the fuck does this guy just have to be in the same restaurant, at the same time, in another fucking city? This shit is completely ridiculous, April, and it is all I need to convince me that love is not for me. Shit. I may as well be a fucking nun.”
“Well, I don’t think you could be a nun. I think you like sex too much for that, and from what I hear, the nuns don’t get none.”
I tried to hold my laughter in, but it didn’t work. I wiped tears from my eyes, “Shut up, April! Stop trying to make me laugh. I don’t want to laugh right now.”
She scooted closer to me, “Listen, if Gavin can’t understand that you used to be a stripper to make money to survive, if he can’t understand that we’ve all done stupid things when we were younger, then hell, maybe he is not for you. Maybe he is too much of a goodie-goodie to understand something like that, and trust me, you don’t want a man like him.”
“But, I do, April. I want a man exactly like him. He was fucking perfect for me. From the way he treated me to the way he made me feel. Like, damn, I don’t think I will be able to find anybody else like him.”
“Beth, you just have to live. You never know. Maybe he was just a set up for another man. Maybe he was there to get you warmed up for the man of your dreams. Who knows. Then again, maybe he is fine with the fact that you used to be a stripper. I mean, you aren’t one anymore, and that is the most important thing. You are making an honest living, and you are trying to do things the right way. Going to school to better yourself. You even moved to another city to get away from all that mess. It has to count for something.”
“Yeah. It should, but who knows, April? Who knows?”
She sat with me for a few more hours, talking and eating spoonfuls of ice cream to try and ease my pain. The cold did nothing to numb my feelings though, and no matter how much I ate, I couldn’t shake the thought that I had lost Gavin. After she left, I locked the door and went back to my room, burying my hea
d into the pillow like an ostrich into the ground. I hoped that Gavin would call me because I was too afraid to call him. I didn’t want to reach out just for it to be an awkward silence on the phone, or even worse, I didn’t want to call him just so he could tell me that he no longer wanted to see me. I couldn’t take that heartbreak. Not right now. Not ever.
I curled up on the mattress with my dress on and my phone right by my head as tears cascaded down the sides of my face. I had everything in my hands, and just like that, in the blink of an eye, it all seemed like it was snatched away from me. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t escape my past, but now I realized that the only way I could deal with it was by confronting it. I should’ve told him everything earlier, and if I had, we would have never been in this position. He would’ve either broken it off then or showed me that it wasn’t a big deal to him. But now, with all my feelings attached, I didn’t know what I would do if he wanted to break it off. As I laid by the phone, it never rang, and the deafening silence was enough to send me into a state of depression.
Chapter Twenty-Five
GAVIN
Vinny walked into the kitchen just as I grabbed a box of cereal from the cabinet and set it on the table. He dropped his bookbag on the floor while I got the milk out of the refrigerator. “Dad?” he asked.
“Yes?”
“Um. You just gave me a box of rice and a gallon of milk.”
I focused on what I placed on the table. “Sheesh, I’m sorry,” I said as I grabbed the box of rice and put it back into the cabinet. “I’ve got a lot on my mind this morning.”
“It’s okay, not a big deal. So, how was the date?”
I slid the box of cereal in front of him. “Oh, the date? It was, um, it was pretty good. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Okay. I mean, you came back kind of early, so I just thought that something went wrong.”
“What? No, everything was fine. Yeah, we just um, we knew we had to get up for work the next morning, so we didn’t want to stay out too long, that’s all. But go ahead and finish up your cereal so you can make it to your bus. I’ll be in the living room, alright?”