by Naomi Niles
“I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t want to know. It feels like I will wake up from this dream, and God knows I do not want to wake up from this. Now not. Not ever.”
“A dream?” He smiled. “Yeah, I believe those are my thoughts exactly.”
“How did I ever make it this far in life without you, Harrison? I mean, didn’t know guys like you existed until now.”
“Yeah, I can understand that. I am 39 years old, so I was pretty sure that my hope of finding a lifetime partner was long gone by now.”
I lifted my head off his shoulder. “Lifetime partner?”
“Yeah. Well, I mean, you know. Somebody who I could see myself being with further down the line. Did I scare you?”
I stared at him for a moment, then dropped my head back to his chest. “Well, I don’t think, ‘scare,' is the right word. More like… anticipation. I’m sorry, I guess I am just jumping the gun a little bit. I don’t want to scare you off. You know how most men are when commitment is mentioned.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I understand. Good thing that I am not like most men. Otherwise, I may have kicked you out by now.”
I kissed him on his chest, then walked my fingers across the ripples of his abs. I loved where I was at in life. I had a good paying job and a good man by my side. I thought about my move to California in a few months. I didn’t know whether I would leave or not. Harrison brought it up a few times, but I kept telling him I was unsure. It all depended on him, though. I was opposed to it before, but if he wanted to marry me, I would be inclined to stay here with him. That was the only thing that would keep me, though. I knew we were still pretty young in our relationship, and it was a bit early to speak about marriage, so I wasn’t going to bring it up. I was just going to let things play out on their own and see where I ended up. I hoped that it would be in his arms, much like now, but that was out of my hands.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Harrison
Caroline shot upright in the bed while she was next to me. “Oh my God?! What time is it?!”
I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and read the time. “9:43 am.”
She threw the covers off her body, “I am about to be sooo late for work! I need to go!” I held her down as she struggled to break free from my grasp. “Harrison, let me go! I need to get up! I have to get home and get dressed so I can go to work! I’ve already missed one day of work, and I can’t afford to get backed up again!”
“Caroline, Caroline. Please, just wait a minute,” I said, trying to withhold my laughter. I loved the way she was so committed to her job. It showed me that she always put forth a complete effort every time she showed up. It was something that I admired. “You will be fine if you miss one day.”
“Harrison,” she said, settling down, “I’ve already missed one day this week. The time I left early to come over here? That was a day’s worth of work that I had to make up for.”
“OK, listen.” I grabbed my cell phone. “I’ll give Brian a call and let him know that you won’t be in today. I’m sure he won’t mind picking up your workload for the day. Things have been pretty slow, so I’m sure he will grab your things and take care of it.”
“Harrison, you guys hired me to do that work. I feel bad pushing it back on his plate.”
“Trust me, he won’t mind. Watch.” I dialed his number, “I will call him and put him on speaker phone. He won’t even know you are here with me. Then, you will see that he really does not mind. You will hear it in his voice.”
I could tell she wasn’t OK with it, but as soon as she heard it from Brian, I knew she would change her thoughts. After a few rings, Brian picked up his phone. “Hey, boss, what’s up? Everything alright?”
“Yeah, man, everything is fine.” I pulled Caroline closer to me. “Hey, listen, how is the workload up there for you?”
“Workload? Boss, I am looking for things to do.” He laughed. “Man, I guess this is the bad part about getting everything done so fast. I have time to kill and nothing to do with it. Please tell me you got some new work lined up. Some new clients I can convince to let us handle their construction needs?” I smiled at Caroline as she relaxed in my arms.
I muted the phone call. “See, what did I tell you?”
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Boss?” Brian asked, “You still there?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, man, I got tied up with something else. But hey, Caroline called me and said that she wouldn’t be able to make it in today but she is so worried about getting behind on her paperwork… or whatever those accountants do. Would you mind knocking a little bit of her work out for her?”
“What? Oh, no, man, that is no problem at all. It will give me something to do besides harass our workers or listen to my wife curse me out for something that I have forgotten that I did.”
“Excellent. Well, how about this? I’ll have her give you a call so she can tell you the things that she needs.”
“That’ll work, boss.” There was a short pause on the phone before he continued. “And Caroline? You know you could’ve called me yourself and asked me. I would’ve told you the same thing.” Her eyes popped open as she covered her mouth, trying to suppress her shock. “Caroline? I know you are there.”
I laughed. “How did you know?”
“Because some things are just easy to spot. Don’t worry, boss, your secret is safe with me.”
“Alright. Well, thanks again, Brian.”
“No problem.”
I nudged Caroline as she shook her head. “Um, thanks…. Brian.”
He laughed out loud, “Sure thing, Caroline. You two enjoy your day, and I guess I will see you all Monday.”
“Sure thing,” I said as I hung up the phone. Caroline grabbed the covers and pulled them over her head. “Oh, it’s not that bad,” I said, tugging at the blanket.
“No, it is! He knows.”
“He already knew,” I said as I pried the covers out of her hand. “And if anybody knows, I am glad that it is him. He can hold a secret with the best of them, so don’t let that bother you. He knows that we are dating and when couples date, things like this happen. It’s alright.”
She sighed, then scooted close to me. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s just the idea of him knowing that I was here. I don’t know. Maybe I am thinking too much about it.”
“Yeah, I am sure that is it.” I thought about asking her about her plans a few months down the line. I knew she was supposed to move to California, but I was afraid to bring it up because I didn’t want her to tell me that she was still going. I think it would have ruined the mood for the day, so I decided to leave it alone. “So, it looks like we have a three-day weekend. Anything in particular that you want to do today?”
“Um, no, not really. What about you?”
“I was thinking that we could just hang out. There’s a festival about 30 minutes from here. You know, rides and games and things like that. I figured that when the sun went down a bit, we could head out there and have some fun.”
“A festival? Wow. I haven’t been to one of those in years. I guess that will be OK. As long as you don’t make me get on any rides that spin around. I do not want to get sick and throw up all over you.”
“Oh,” I said, laughing, “trust me, I will not get on any of those rides, either. No way in the world. The last time I climbed on one of those, Sarah was about 7 or 8 years old. She begged me to get on the spinning cups. I didn’t think it would be that bad, and besides, I couldn’t turn her down. Anyways, I get on there, and after the first 10 seconds, I am ready to throw up and pass out. The whole time, she is sitting on the ride, laughing and screaming for joy. I think I was sick for the rest of the day. It was one of the most horrid experiences I’d ever had.”
She laughed. “Oh, yes, those things are relentless. So, as long as we don’t get on any of them, I would love to go with you.”
“Well, it is a date.”
We laid in bed for another hour before we got up and fixed somethi
ng to eat. I enjoyed watching her walk around the kitchen in my oversized T-shirt. I could see her like this for the rest of my life. I thought back to the time that she hinted around marriage. I was in uncharted territory when it came to that. I didn’t know when was too soon to ask, or if I should even ask at all. I knew that I loved her, but I didn’t want to propose just for her to tell me she was moving away. I figured that the best thing to do would be to just wait and see what happened. After we finished eating, we hung around the house until it was time to go to the carnival.
Cottonwood held a decent sized carnival each year around this time. It was similar to our state fair, but just on a smaller level. The lights lit up on Ferris wheels and other rides and games as we walked hand in hand towards the activities. Children ran past us, immersed in laughter with smiles on their faces as they darted through crowds. “So, are you going to win me something?” Caroline asked with her fingers interlocked with mine.
“Win you something? What would you like?”
“Well, I’ve always wanted one of those big, giant teddy bears. The ones that are almost too big to carry on your own.”
“Oh. I can buy you one of those.”
She nudged me in the side. “Harrison, that’s not the same. I want you to win one just like in the movies where the guy wins something like that for his girlfriend.” She tugged on my arm until I came to a stop. “Like, right there. Perfect. See how things work out in the end?” That is exactly what I had hoped would happen between us. She pointed through the crowd. I saw a line of large, stuffed teddy bears sitting on the floor against the wall inside of a booth. The game was basketball.
“I don’t know about that one,” I said. I wanted her to believe that I was no good at the sport, but in reality, I was an all-city high school basketball player. I would have gone to college for that reason alone, but when Sarah’s mom got pregnant, all of those dreams came crashing down. “That game might be too tough. How about another?”
She pulled my arm. “No, this one. Now, the Harrison I know would never back down from a challenge.” I reluctantly followed her to the basketball booth. The man behind the counter bounced the ball between his legs and behind his back while he looked in my direction. It came off as a challenge. “Sir? Can he have a ball, please?”
The man bounced the ball as he walked towards the counter, then propped it on the table. “Sure thing. The price is $2 per ball. You make one, you get one of those prizes,” he said, pointing to the small bears. “If you make two, you get one of those,” then he pointed the medium sized bear. Finally, he pointed to the large bears on the ground. “And if you make three, then that big one is yours.”
I looked at Caroline as she stood to the side. A line had begun to form behind us. I hadn’t felt any pressure like this since I was on the basketball court ages ago. I took a $10 bill out of my pocket. “So,” I said to the guy, “what do I get if I make five in a row?”
He took the $10 bill and chuckled. “I’m not sure, but I think we can work something out. But, as long as I’ve been here today, I haven’t seen anybody make five in a row. So, if you think you can do it,” he looked at the large bears, “I will give you two of those. But, if you don’t make at least four, then you don’t get anything. Deal?”
Caroline shook her head no as a smile escaped my lips. “Deal.” Caroline laughed as I grabbed the ball and took a few bounces. “Oh, this is funny?”
“Well, I guess we can just buy the bear,” she said with a smile on her face.
“Oh, ye of little faith.” I took a few more bounces, then sent the ball traveling towards the basket. It bounced off the side of the rim, then hit the backboard and fell to the ground.
“That’s alright,” the guy behind the counter said, “four more tries. It’s possible, but we will see if you got it in you.” I narrowed my eyes at him as he handed me another ball. I heard the crowd chatter behind us as I bounced the ball on the ground. The dust fluttered into the air as the ball made contact with the dirt. I spun the ball in my hands, then lifted it to shoot my next shot. Swish! The man grabbed the ball, “Alright, alright. Nice shot. Let’s see if you can do that three more times.”
I grabbed the ball, then sank the shot again, and again, and again. Caroline stood beside me with her eyes wide open, surprised that I effortlessly made the shots. A few of the young kids behind me slapped me five as the man behind the counter asked which bears I wanted. Caroline answered, “The pink one and the blue one.” As he handed us the bears, I realized that even though I’d won, I’d still lost because I was the person who was going to have to lug these big ass bears around the festival until we left. We ended up dropping them off in my truck before the day was over.
We spent our time walking with my arm around her shoulder like we were in high school again. We shared drinks, meals, and everything else while we were there. I couldn’t count the number of times we stopped to kiss as we walked through the festival. They were tiny pecks of affection in the midst of the lights and business of the event. She had even convinced me to get on the Ferris wheel. It was hard to believe that a man like me was afraid of heights, especially since I had spent so much time extended in the air while working on building construction. I felt I was at home when those moments came, but without my equipment, I was like a fish out of water.
“Wait, Caroline, don’t rock it too hard! We might tip over.”
She laughed, “Harrison, we will not tip over! Just enjoy the ride, Mr. Scaredy Pants!”
I held her tighter both because I wanted to and because I was scared out of my mind. The day went by in the blink of an eye, and I couldn’t believe how much I enjoyed myself with her. In the beginning, she was somebody who was there to help me through Sarah’s death, but eventually, she turned into a lover and a friend. I knew I had to keep her here with me. The only problem was how to go about doing it without proposing to her.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Caroline
I woke up the next morning in Harrison’s bed. The two stuffed bears that he’d won yesterday sat on the floor against the wall. I reached my hand out for him, but he was nowhere near me. I turned over in the bed and reminisced about yesterday. Before long, I started to tear up because I knew that this would all come to an end sooner than I wanted it to. The way he reacted when I sort of brought up being married is what made me believe that he wasn’t ready to settle down. I knew he had strong feelings for me. That was obvious, but that didn’t necessarily mean that it would translate into an engagement. Even though I wasn’t asleep, this relationship slowly started to feel like a dream.
I removed the covers then headed to his bathroom to clean myself up. I didn’t know what we had planned to do today, but a part of me wanted to go home. I didn’t want to continue getting further attached to him, not knowing how things would end. The thought alone sent a jolting pain through my body, but I stopped the tears before they had a chance to fall. I imagined Sarah sitting on the bed when I came out of the bathroom. Her voice was still poignant in my mind.
“Caroline? Just ask him.”
“Ask him what?”
“Ask him if he wants to marry you.”
“I am not proposing to your father.”
She laughed, then put her hand over her head. “Nobody is asking you to propose to him. Ask him how he feels about marriage. You know that he had a fear of commitment and that was all because of my mother. I think you should just bring up the topic and see what he says. No pressure behind it, you know?”
“There will be. I indirectly brought the topic up a little while ago, and he looked at me like I shouldn’t have said that.” I sat down on the bed next to my mind’s imagination. “Who knows what will happen if I actually say the word, ‘marriage.’”
“Right. Who knows? You can’t just go around thinking for everyone else. Let my dad think for himself, and then you will hear how he feels about it. Don’t assume, though, because you know what that makes, right? That makes you an asshole.”
I laughed. “Sarah, that is not how that saying goes.”
“I know. I just wanted to call you an asshole for old times’ sake. Now, go talk to him. Please?”
I huffed. “Alright.”
Just then, the mirage vanished. I took a deep breath, then headed into the kitchen. I could smell bacon before I made it into the room. Harrison stood by the stove, in a housecoat, dodging grease that popped out of the skillet. He didn’t even notice that I was standing 10 feet away from him. I nervously tapped my foot against the ground, tempted to turn around and go right back upstairs. If it wasn’t for Sarah’s image standing just a few feet away from me, I would have left. Instead, I took a deep breath and walked closer to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind.
“Be careful, honey; I don’t want you to get popped by this grease. I’ve already gotten hit a few times.” I placed my head on his shoulder blades, oblivious to the small sound of popping grease in front of me. It took him a few moments before I completely grabbed his attention. He turned off the eye on the stove, then spun around to face me. “Honey? Something wrong?”
“I was just thinking about some things while I was in the other room.”
“Oh? Things like what?” I took a deep breath, hesitant to go forward. I didn’t want to send us into a tailspin, but I needed clarification as to where we stood with each other. The thought was not going to leave me alone until I was at peace with it. I grabbed him by the hand and gently pulled him to the kitchen table where we could both have a seat. The sunlight peeked through the kitchen window as I looked into his eyes. “Baby? What is it? You are starting to worry me.”
“You know that I am supposed to leave in a few more months, right?”
He leaned back in his chair. His housecoat was halfway open down the middle of his chest. I tried to avoid looking at it because I knew it would distract me from what I needed to say. “Yes,” he responded, “I am well aware.”
“I, um. I love my job, and I love you, but I’m not sure I can just stay here in Cottonwood for the rest of my life. I mean, things have been good so far, but my desire was to move out there, you know? I mean, there is something that could keep me around. Something permanent. But, I just don’t want to stay here not knowing what will happen…”