He slipped from bed and knelt to pray for forgiveness while Connie slept. As Brett opened his heart to his heavenly Father, accepting the fact that Connie might never be his, the burden of guilt he’d refused to acknowledge before, but had carried since their wedding, now lifted.
Near morning he finally crawled back into bed and dozed off only to awaken in what seemed mere minutes to find Connie gone. Fear slammed into his chest as he struggled into his clothing. He carried his boots in his hand as he ran down the stairs and out the kitchen door to the barn hoping and praying he wasn’t too late.
Chapter 20
Brett scarcely noticed the sharp rocks as he ran barefoot across the backyard to the barn. Each sense was fine-tuned to catch sight, scent, or sound of Connie. Before he reached the door, he heard her low, rich voice.
“Come on, Chester. Reckon it’s just me and you from now on.” She sniffed. “Won’t never be anybody better’n Fugitive and his master, will there?”
Brett stopped to let his heart rate slow. He stood outside the door and waited while he got his breath back. Thank you, Lord, that she hasn’t gone.
After a bit, he slipped inside the dark barn. A kerosene lantern in the back shed just enough light to reveal Connie standing beside Chester. She lifted her saddle and placed it on the horse. While she worked, Brett crept forward until he leaned against a stall within five feet of her and Chester as if he’d been there all along. He didn’t know what kept the horses from giving him away, but they all remained silent.
She cinched the saddle into place, and a sigh escaped. Then she led Chester back to the stall that held Fugitive. When she reached up to stroke his nuzzle, Brett heard the tears in her voice.
“We been through a lot, ain’t we, Fugitive?” He nodded his head and made a woofing sound of contentment as if he understood her love. “Listen here, I gotta go, but I want you to take care of Brett for me. I’m gonna miss you both a powerful lot. Fact is, I don’t rightly know how I’ll get along without him, but I can’t help it. I made a promise, and I gotta keep it.”
With a sob that tore into Brett’s heart, Connie turned toward him. Although he stood within sight, she didn’t react. She reached for the lantern, and tears glistened in her beautiful blue-violet eyes and on her cheeks as the light hit her face.
“So you would tell Fugitive goodbye and then walk out and say nothing to me?”
Her hand jerked back as if she’d been burned, and her eyes opened wide. Her voice cracked. “Brett.”
“Yeah, it’s me.” Brett felt a flash of anger. How could she plan to leave him without a word? How could she go when she obviously loved him as much as he loved her?
He started to ask when a thought hit him with enough force to knock the anger away. Fear leapt in its place. He’d prayed last night until forgiveness for marrying Connie without God’s blessing soothed his heart. Now he didn’t know what to think. What he’d done had been wrong, and consequence follows disobedience. If God required him to give her up, could he? With reality staring him in the face, he didn’t know the answer.
While Brett again wrestled with his desire to be in God’s perfect will and his love for Connie, he watched silent tears streak down her cheeks. He thought of Abraham who had given his son, Isaac, as a sacrifice to God. Because of his obedience, God spared Isaac, taking a ram for the burnt offering instead. Would he have to give Connie up so she could find God’s forgiveness? Could he? A plea went up from the depths of his heart. Lord, help me.
Brett struggled for only a moment as his love for Connie and for his heavenly Father fought the battle and won over his own selfish desires. He lifted his hands toward heaven in surrender as he cried out with tears pushing against his eyes. “Father, I give her to You. If she cannot be mine, at least let her be Yours.”
“Brett, are you talkin’ to God?” Connie’s voice sounded small and afraid.
He looked at her and smiled through the mist in his eyes. “Yes, Angel, I was talking to God about you.”
“What’d you mean about givin’ me to God?”
“Did you listen to the sermon last night at church?”
She nodded.
“You remember the minister reading, ‘He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities.’ That means Jesus died for us because we were born in sin.”
“I know, Brett.” She stopped him. “But my mother was—well, I done told you what she was. I ain’t fit for the likes of the Son of God.”
“Let me tell you a story.” When Connie didn’t object, Brett began. “When Jesus walked on earth, he went to the temple one morning early. While he was there, some important men called scribes and Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery. They wanted to stone her to death, but Jesus stopped them. He said that if any of them had never sinned, he could throw the first stone at her.”
Connie’s eyes glistened as she kept them trained on Brett.
“The men slipped away one by one until Jesus was left alone with the woman.” Brett paused. “Jesus told her, ‘Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.’”
Connie stared at him with wide eyes. “Why’d He do that? Wasn’t she a—wasn’t she just like Maggie?”
Brett’s voice softened. “Yes, but Jesus came to earth to save those who are lost. He didn’t want to punish her. He wanted to help her change her life. Don’t you see, she wasn’t any worse than you or me? We all have sinned. We’ve all done wrong. Jesus wants to forgive us and make us His children. He met me in a jail cell. He can meet you in a barn.”
Connie brushed at her cheeks. “I don’t never cry.”
“Your heart is tender, open to accept Jesus’ love and forgiveness.” Brett prayed silently she’d understand.
“I don’t rightly know how to pray, Brett, but I surely would like to say I‘m sorry for all them things I done wrong.” Connie dropped to her knees on the straw-covered dirt floor. “Will you help me?”
Brett knelt beside her with a joyful heart. He might still lose Connie, but he’d learn to live without her as long as he knew her name was written in the Lamb’s book of life.
~*~
Connie looked up at Brett with a lighter heart than she’d known was possible. She’d been forgiven. She smiled. “I’d have done this a long time ago if I’d known how good it felt. And if I knew the Lord would’ve accepted me.”
Brett laughed. “I know exactly what you mean. I spent most of my life running from God when all He wanted to do was give me His best. All the King’s children are ‘haves,’ Connie. People can be awfully foolish sometimes, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I’d reckon so.” She looked around the barn and frowned. “I started to run away, Brett. I didn’t do it because I don’t love you, though.”
“Then why were you leaving?” Brett sat motionless, waiting for her answer.
“Because I promised God I’d go.” She looked down at her hands. “So’s you could get that annulment and be free of me.”
“Connie, I don’t want to be free of you.”
“You don’t?” Connie searched his face and saw her answer in the love shining from his eyes. She looked down at her hands again. “But I can’t go back on my words, Brett. Not to God. Specially not now that I’m His child. He saved you in the jail from Curly, just like I asked Him to.”
“What are you talking about, Connie?”
“At the jail when it looked like Curly was gonna go free. I asked God to save you if I went away. I thought He wanted me to.” She swiped her fingers across her cheek. “I promised, Brett.”
Brett slumped as if he, too, accepted their inevitable separation. He closed his eyes and his lips moved, although Connie didn’t hear any sound. When he looked up at her, a faint spark of light flared in his eyes.
“Connie, when you made that promise, what exactly did you say to God?”
As she thought back, the words came. “I told Him if He’d let you go free, I’d let you have that annulment, iffen that’s what
He really wanted.”
Brett held her gaze. “So you told God you would give me up if that was what God wanted?”
She nodded, unsure why he asked.
“Connie, do you think God would bring us together only to tear us apart now?” His eyebrows lifted. “The Bible says, ‘What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’ An annulment would be putting asunder.”
Understanding brought a smile to her lips. “You mean our marriage is real, and God doesn’t want us to put it asunder?”
Brett nodded. “Yes, our marriage is more real now than ever. I don’t think God is the author of division, and I’m glad you only offered because you thought He didn’t want us together.”
She shook her head. “I thought that’s what you and Him both wanted.”
“That’s my fault. There’s something I want you to know. I love you with all my heart, and I want our marriage to be real and blessed by God. I know you don’t understand why I’ve waited.” He gave a short laugh. “It hasn’t been easy, Angel, I can tell you that. But I’m glad we did because now we can truly be one before God.”
“You mean ’cause I’m His child, too?” Connie felt closer to Brett than she ever had before. Her love for him filled every part of her.
He nodded and drew her into his arms. Their kiss was sweet as their love for each other, combined with God’s love, surrounded them, holding them close. When they pulled back, Brett glanced toward a window in the barn wall about the same time a rooster crowed.
He laughed. “I think that rooster is telling us we’ve been out here long enough. Look, the sun is coming up and my father expects me to put in a full day’s work today.”
“Oh, Brett, I’m sorry I can’t buy you no ranch, but I’m real glad you wouldn’t let me have that gold.”
“Me, too.” He dropped a kiss on her nose. “And don’t worry about the ranch. God will work things out for us. Right now I want you to get our second wedding planned. The sooner the better.”
She watched him take the saddle from Chester and put it back where it belonged. Warmth touched her cheeks as she led Chester to the back door and let him out in the pasture. “I reckon that means we got some more waitin’ to do.”
Fugitive followed Chester as Brett let him out. He opened the stall door for the bay. “Why haven’t you given this horse a name?”
“Reckon I been too busy.” Connie waited until the bay had joined the other horses before she tapped Brett’s arm. “So we do have to wait, don’t we?”
He took her hand and led her from the barn. “Yeah, Connie, I think we need to wait. Like I already said, I want our marriage to be our idea, not some preacher holding a shotgun. We need God’s blessing on our marriage, and I don’t want to start something so important and so wonderful here under my parents’ roof.”
“Okay.” Connie broke away from him and ran to the house laughing as he tried to catch her.
~*~
One week later, on Sunday afternoon, June 10, 1889, Brett took his place in front of his home church while Connie moved slowly down the center aisle to meet him. She’d never looked more beautiful. The filmy white wedding dress and veil she wore had been borrowed from Mom. Nora had arranged her long blonde hair in an elaborate style on top of her head with curls dangling to her neck on either side. As she stood in a beam of light, she looked more like an angel than ever. At long last she would be his completely.
Nora stood up with Connie while Jim served as Brett’s best man. The rest of the family sat on the front few seats, smiles of love for both Brett and Connie on their faces. The ceremony lasted only a few minutes while Brett repeated his vows to Connie and in a voice rich and vibrant, she promised to love, honor, and obey him until death.
The church family put on a reception in their new Sunday school wing that sat at an angle to the back of the church. After they visited and opened more gifts than Connie had ever seen in her entire life, Connie and Brett went back to the Norris family home to change their clothing.
“Why would you want to go out in the wilds and camp? That doesn’t sound like much of a wedding trip to me.” Nora lay across the bed and watched her mother help Connie step out of the billowing wedding dress lying in a puddle at her feet.
Connie laughed. “I reckon it don’t to you, but it’s what Brett and me want.”
Nora cocked her head to one side. “I suppose a man might like camping, but what do you really want?”
Connie smiled at Nora. “Just to be with Brett for the rest of our lives.”
As Mary picked up the filmy white wedding dress, Connie reached for the dark blue riding skirt her mother-in-law had made for her as a wedding gift. She held it out before stepping into it. “I sure do like this skirt—” She caught her breath. She’d almost let the word Mom slip out.
“I’m glad.” Mary smiled at her as she spread the wedding dress on the bed.
“Can I ask you something‘?” Connie’s pulse practically ran away from her.
“Of course. What is it?” Mary sat down in the chair beside the bed, her gaze on Connie. Nora lifted her eyes to Connie, too.
She should’ve waited. Connie busied herself with fastening the button to her new skirt. Her hands trembled so she could scarcely hold the button. She should’ve kept her mouth shut. A gentlewoman like Mary Norris wouldn’t want to be bothered with the likes of a little ole ‘have-not’ like Connie Davis.
Quick as that thought formed in her mind, another chased it away. In the first place she wasn’t Connie Davis. She was Connie Norris. In the second place, there are no ‘have-nots’ in the family of God. Brett said all the King’s children are ‘haves,’ and she knew he was right.
Her fingers steadied, and the button slid through the hole. She looked up to meet Mary’s steady gaze with a hesitant smile. “Can I call you Mom? I mean if you got somethin’ against it, I understand. Mary’s nice, too. But I never really had what you’d call a mother and I just thought . . .”
Mary jumped from the chair with a wide smile and hugged her close. “Oh, Connie, I can’t think of anything I’d like better. Yes, please do call me Mom.”
“Wow! I think I’m going to cry.” They broke apart with a laugh at Nora’s voice. “I mean this is all so romantic.” She wrinkled her nose. “Except the part where you camp for your honeymoon.”
A knock sounded at the door just before it opened, and Kate stuck her head in. “It’s only us girls.”
“Come on in.” Mary motioned as Kate, Liz, Lucy, and Kate’s two daughters trailed through the door.
“We thought we’d come up and see if there’s anything we can do for you.” Kate and Liz shared a grin. “Of course, our main reason is more than a little devious.”
Liz stepped forward and placed a package in Connie’s hands. “This is from Kate and me. We wanted to welcome you into our family and thought this might be the best way.”
Connie held the package as if it might break. Tears sprang to her eyes that she blinked away. Ever since that morning in the barn when she’d prayed and taken God as her Father, she’d been crying over the silliest things. Now she looked at the other women and felt love well up in her heart. “You done gave me more than I ever deserved. More than I ever had in my whole life”
Liz laughed, brushing away Connie‘s protest. “We shared some things for your house—when you and Brett get one, that is. But this is personal, especially for you. I think you’ll like it.”
“I know I will.” Connie had no idea what the white tissue paper covering the box in her hand hid, but she knew it must be nice. Brett’s family had been wonderful, giving them more gifts than she’d ever seen. Welcoming her into the family just as if she belonged. As if she had been ‘to the manner born’ so to speak.
“Well, aren’t you going to open it?” Nora sat up on the bed with a bounce.
The women all laughed as Connie ripped the paper and wadded it in her hand. With trembling fingers she pried the lid from the box. Inside, she found a black
leather book. Someone took the paper and box from her. She scarcely paid attention as she turned the book over in her hands and read aloud, “Holy Bible.”
“We thought you might not have a Bible of your own.” Kate said. “Look inside.”
Connie raised the front cover. The pages were tissue thin. She carefully turned several of them, recognizing a word here and there, but not enough to make sense. If only she’d been able to stay in school. If only she could read better. Brett had taught her some on the trail, but there was still so much she didn’t know.
Kate took a step forward. “Flip over to the middle, Connie. There’s another gift for you there.”
Connie found an envelope tucked between the pages. She took it out and read her new name on the front. Her pulse pounded in her ears. She looked up at the eager smiling faces surrounding her, and love welled in her heart. These women and girls were her family. She had never felt happier or more blessed in her life. She smiled shyly at them all before opening the envelope and taking out several sheets of paper.
She couldn’t decipher any of the words. Disappointment weighed her chest. They must be written in a foreign language. Hiding her hurt and humiliation from the others, she looked up with a questioning smile.
Liz laughed. “I know you’ll have a great time reading that. It’s everything Kate and I could think of about Brett’s notorious childhood.”
Kate touched her arm. “One word of caution, though. Brett doesn’t know we did this. You might want to read it first before he finds out and burns it.”
Connie laughed with the others although she felt more like crying. One of the happiest days of her life would forever be marred by the shortcomings of her past. But she would never let her new family know. She determined to learn to read real good just as soon as she could. She smiled her sweetest and hugged first Kate and then Liz. “Thank you so much. You’re awful nice to me.”
Connie and the Cowboy (Outlaw Gold) Page 23