That was the impetus I needed to sit up and kick my legs over the bed.
Paisley didn’t stir. No surprise there. She'd always slept like the dead. Even me getting up out of bed and walking around, gathering up the few clothes I’d discarded didn’t stir her.
I showered in the guest bathroom, although it wasn’t much bigger than a closet. Some people might've thought the disproportionate sizes of the rooms was strange, but I knew how Paisley thought. She wouldn't waste space on anything she wouldn’t personally use. Her bathroom boasted a tub big enough for several people, and an even bigger shower, but any guests she might have wouldn't need much more than the basic necessities. Right now, that was all I needed too. I had to wash away the scent of her perfume, of her.
Since they were for spontaneous situations, the clothes I’d packed in my overnight case consisted of jeans, a t-shirt, and a pullover. It took little time to dress, and by the time I was ready to head out the door, I had a message from my driver that my car was already out front.
I didn’t plan on being driven around today, so when I got to the curb, there were actually two cars waiting. The Bentley and my Bugatti. I didn’t drive the Bugatti much. It was a hand-built, custom-made piece of machinery that was badass enough to make even the biggest automotive aficionado weep with envy. To be honest, I didn’t drive any of my cars much. It was easier just to let somebody else drive me so I could concentrate on other matters, business mostly. But the last thing I wanted to do today was give my mind time to think.
What I needed was to feel the power of a good, solid piece of automotive art, the wheel in my hands, the way it hugged the curves. Basically, I needed to let the miles tear away, and hope it burned out some of the stress chewing at my gut.
As the Bentley pulled away from the curb, I climbed into the Bugatti, not lingering to look back up at Paisley’s townhouse. I’d be back, sooner than I liked, most likely, but I hoped I'd have some answers by then.
The drive to the sprawling, somewhat ostentatious estate where Paisley’s parents lived was almost thirty minutes outside of the main city. That gave me time to focus my brain and figure out exactly how to do this. I didn't want to walk up to Kendrick Hedges and flat-out accuse him of being a selfish prick.
I had a feeling he deserved it, but it wouldn't do me any good. I owed it to myself, to Paisley – to Allie – to find out the truth. Whatever decision I ended up making needed to be based on the facts of what really happened, who Allie really was, not rumors and biased statements.
Although it was still fairly early when I arrived, I was told that Mr. Hedges was in the library and had just finished breakfast, but I was welcome to have some myself.
I declined the breakfast invite but did request some coffee as the butler led me back to Kendrick’s library. There wasn’t really any point to calling the room a library, in my opinion. There was one wall that boasted a couple of floor to ceiling bookshelves that were filled with first editions and classics, but I’d be willing to lay money down that none of them had ever been read. They’d been bought solely for their value or their visual appeal, no other reason.
I didn’t spend much of my own time reading, but if I were going to spend money on books, it would be so I could read them, not so I could look pretentious.
I pushed all of those thoughts aside as I stepped into the library. I wasn't here to critique Kendrick's decorating or spending habits.
Kendrick rose and came forward, holding out his hand. “Jal, good to see you, son.”
“Kendrick.”
I shook his hand while the butler moved to the sideboard and poured me a cup of coffee. He brought it to me and then gave us both a polite nod before retreating. I took a sip, felt the jolt of caffeine hitting my system. I needed about ten cups of this before I’d feel somewhat normal. Then again, normal might not be in the cards ever again. Not what I'd always considered normal, anyway.
“How was the gala last night?” He gestured for me to join him in front of the fireplace. “Are you hungry?”
“No. I’m good with just the coffee, thanks.” I sat across from him in a comfortable armchair. At least now I didn't have to figure out a way to ease into the subject. “I take it Diamond hasn’t talked to you about the party.”
He blinked, confusion showing on his face. “No, she hasn't. Diamond got in rather late and I was already in bed. I’m afraid I’m not up for socializing as I used to be. More often than not, Diamond goes to events with Paisley or one of her friends from the country club.” He gave me an expectant look. “Did something happen?”
“Well…” I blew out a breath and looked down into my cup. Part of me had hoped that he'd at least be aware of some of the events so I didn't have to explain them, but now I was thinking that it might be better that he wasn't prepared. It was harder than most people realized to come up with a lie on the spot. He might be more likely to give me honest answers this way.
“Your daughter was at the gala last night.”
Kendrick chuckled. “Of course she was. She went with her mother. I know the two of you are a bit on the odds right now, but…” His voice trailed off as he realized that I wasn't talking about Paisley. “Was Mallory there with her girlfriend? Diamond can be…harsh at times. She just wants what's best for the girls, and that doesn't always match what the girls want.”
I cut in before he could continue along the same vein. “I’m not talking about Paisley or Mallory.”
For a moment, his eyes went blank before understanding dawned. He tried to hide it, pasting a look of confusion on his face, but I’d seen the slip. That was the first confirmation I needed. He knew he had three daughters, not two. That much of the two stories I'd heard was true.
“I’m talking about Allie, sir.”
Kendrick got up and moved over to the windows that dominated the far western wall. Tension radiated off of him, and I knew he wasn't admiring the view of his grounds. He'd just needed to move, to give himself some space to think. I remained silent, letting him take in what I’d told him.
Several minutes passed before he finally broke the quiet. “I take it Diamond saw her.”
“Yes. Paisley saw her too.”
To my surprise, Kendrick shrugged. “Oh, that’s no concern. Paisley doesn’t know anything about Allie.”
That was interesting. I leaned forward. “On the contrary, sir. She does.”
He turned, his frown cutting deep grooves into his features. “Pardon me?”
Rubbing my hands down my face, I stood up and met his eyes. “She said she suspected for a while, but when Diamond confronted me, Paisley was there. She heard it all.”
A heavy breath escaped him, and he came back to his seat. Sitting down, he met my eyes. “I think it’s best you tell me exactly what happened last night.”
So I did. Occasionally, he would mutter under his breath or swear outright, but he didn't interrupt with questions or explanations.
When I finished, I reached for my coffee – lukewarm by now – and took a healthy swallow. Figuring he needed a moment to process, I got more coffee and then turned back to face him. He was staring at nothing.
“Kendrick.”
At the sound of my voice, he started.
“I’d like to know the truth,” I said softly.
A deep frown creased his cheeks. He was a fit man and didn’t look his age until he frowned. I hadn't noticed it until now. “The truth, Jal?”
“According to your wife, Allie’s mother, and Allie herself, have little concern for anything but themselves and money. Now, I’ve only known Allie a short time, but that doesn’t sound like the woman I've talked to.”
“That’s because it’s not.” Sounding tired, Kendrick leaned back. “Sit down. Let me tell you things as they really happened. Diamond…well, I didn’t do right by her. I won't pretend otherwise. But there was no reason for her to take it out on Allie.”
I had a feeling I was going to end up really pissed off by the time his story was done, but I s
at anyway, determined to keep my temper. This was what I'd come for. Real answers.
“Contrary to what I'm sure Diamond said, Malla didn’t seduce me.” His jaw went tight, and he was silent for a moment before continuing, “I loved her. When she left me…”
He had one hand resting on the table, and as he spoke, he clenched it into a fist so tight, it was almost bloodless. The pain in his eyes was still raw.
“It wasn't some one-night stand or drunken fling. We were together for years. I loved her. I gave her…everything.” His expression hardened. “And she left me for somebody who would never be able to appreciate her.”
I couldn't keep my mouth shut. “It sounds like she left you for a guy who would actually marry her.”
A wash of red flooded Kendrick’s face. “What do you know about it?” he demanded.
My own temper rose, but I kept my voice even. “I know that your wife hated having your mistress living here, and that made her treat your daughter like shit.” Guilt started to twist inside me as I remembered all of the horrible things I'd said to Allie, the accusations I'd made.
“You don’t understand–”
I interrupted, “I know that Allie’s a wonderful person, and Diamond treated her like she was garbage. And I'm willing to bet that you never did a thing to stop it, did you?”
Kendrick looked away. It was answer enough.
And I’d let Diamond manipulate me into doing the same thing.
I was an idiot.
I glared at Kendrick. “She was just a kid.”
“I love Allie,” he protested. “I treated her the best I could under the circumstances. I still write to her. I send her money.” He looked even more tired than he had earlier. “She’s a strong, stubborn, independent young woman.”
“I’ve noticed.” My head was spinning with what he'd said and what I'd done. “I’ll leave you to the rest of your day, Kendrick.”
I was halfway to the door when he called my name. I turned back to him without a word.
“I never did ask…just how did you meet Allie?”
I wasn't going to give him the truth. He didn't deserve it. “Happenstance. We got to be friends. After learning about her family being deaf, I thought she’d be interested in the gala last night.” I rubbed at my jaw and looked away. “If I’d known she was your daughter...”
“So you’re simply friends.”
I stared him down, refusing to confirm or deny. It wasn't any of his fucking business. Not when he hadn't protected Allie. He didn't deserve to be a part of her life.
“You’re committed to Paisley,” he murmured.
“Like you were committed to Diamond?” I shot back.
His jaw clenched as my question hit the mark. I turned and left before either of us could say anything else.
I wasn’t going to be like him. I would make a choice and live by it. I wasn't sure what the choice would be, or how I was going to make things right with everyone involved, but I was determined that I wouldn't put Allie in the same position that Kendrick had put her mother. And I wouldn't do to Paisley what her father had done to Diamond.
Both women deserved better than that.
Hell, they both deserved better than me.
11
Allie
“Mama.”
I laid my hand on her shoulder as I spoke. I’d deliberately walked into the kitchen with hard steps, making sure my footsteps struck the floor to alert her to my presence. She’d known I was there and had already been half-turning to meet me. She had a smile on her face, but it faded when she saw my face.
She cupped my face. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
Instead of saying anything, I leaned in and put my head on her shoulder, needing the comfort. She wrapped her arms around me and for a few minutes, I just let her hold me, hoping it would do something to ease the ache inside me. I’d finally fallen asleep at Tao’s last night, had even slept in late, but once I woke up, it'd all come rushing back to me.
You act like you want to break things off, and then the second I look your way, you come running back to fuck with my head again. It’s one hell of a play, Allie. I'll give you that.
A play.
He thought I was playing with him. Fucking with his head.
That was the kind of woman he thought I was.
A sob caught in my throat. Mom brushed her hand down my hair and made soothing noises.
I didn’t feel soothed though. If anything, the sounds made me cry harder.
She didn't stop. Didn't even speak for several minutes, but when she finally did, she kept it simple. “What's wrong, sweetheart?”
When she pulled back, I didn’t have any choice but to meet her direct look. It was a mother’s look, and I knew she would get the truth out of me one way or another. I needed to tell her.
“I’m such a fool, Mama.”
Her eyes went to my mouth since I hadn’t signed, and I'd kept my voice low. I didn't really feel the need to shout something that was so humiliating.
After a moment, she smiled and patted my cheek. “Come on, baby. Let’s sit down, and you can tell me about it.”
I let her guide me to the table and sat, trying to figure out where to start.
But she made it easy on me.
“Who is he?”
I looked up, met her eyes.
“Oh, honey.” She shook her head. Then, she signed. “You’re my daughter. Do you think I don’t know when you’re in love?”
“I’m not.” I signed back as well, but I needed to say the words. I wanted to say them, hoped I’d find the truth in them, but they sounded as false as they felt. Maybe I wasn’t in love yet – I sincerely hoped I wasn't – but I was damn close, and I hated it.
“If you’re not in love, then why are you hurting so much? Love is the only thing that will do that.”
I hadn’t quite cried myself dry yet, and a few more tears spilled free. Burying my face in my hands, I told myself again that I should have just walked away from anything and everything connected to Jal Lindstrom. Not that it mattered now. What was done was done. Lifting my head, I met Mom’s eyes.
“This guy…” I took a deep breath, and then signed alone because I didn't trust my voice not to crack. “I met him at the salon. He’s engaged, Mama.”
She closed her eyes. When she looked back at me, she shook her head. “Baby, that’s bad news.”
I wanted to laugh but knew if I did, I'd never stop. I could feel myself on the edge and forced myself to keep on track. “That’s only the beginning of it. Mama, he’s rich. Like–”
I couldn't say it.
I surged upright and paced over to the window, staring outside. Clutching the edge of the counter, I stared at the thick, leaden clouds that had piled up over the course of the afternoon. It was brutally cold and ugly, making the thought of spring seem far away.
I had to get it all out, tell her everything. The whole, ugly story.
Turning back to face my mother, I began to sign.
I told her about how Jal came to the salon. How he left his coat and the ring. I told her about how he called the salon and told Alistair he’d pay me a thousand dollars if I’d get him the coat that next day.
Her features grew harder and harder to read as the story progressed, and more than once, she started to say something, only to stop and indicate that she wanted me to continue.
I told her about the first event he’d invited me to, the dress that had been the one Paisley had wanted, and for once, I was the one who was picked first.
She stopped me then. “Honey…you were always first with me.”
“I know that.” Or, rather, I knew that she thought that. I gave her a sad smile. Of all people, she should've understood how I felt. Then again, she'd eventually found Tyson. Had TJ.
I had Tao, but I knew that, someday, he'd find the person who'd make him happy – okay, maybe more than one knowing Tao – and I'd become second in his life. I wanted Tao to be happy, so I was okay with that, but it still hur
t knowing that the one person with whom I still came first, I would eventually lose.
Mom clapped her hands, startling me.
“Please tell me that you don't want this man because he’s with your sister!”
The accusation stung. Glaring at her, I said, “I didn’t even know who he was engaged to until we’d already started spending time together. How could you think I'd be so petty?”
I tried to hide how much her words bothered me, but I knew she saw it. Her face softened, and she moved toward me.
I backed up. I was struggling to keep the anger and pain back, but a touch from her would undo me.
Her shoulders slumped, and she stopped. “Allie, honey…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But you can’t live your life comparing yourself to Kendrick’s other daughters. Your life isn’t theirs. I can’t give you the things Diamond and Kendrick can give Paisley and Mallory.”
“It’s not about things.” Pressing my fingers to my eyes, I tried to find a way to explain, but I didn’t know how. “You don’t get it, Mama. You just don’t.”
I started signing before I looked up at her, the words coming sharp and fast.
“You fit. I don’t. I never have. Kendrick loved you more than me. He gave me money and taught me things, but as soon as Diamond or his real daughters showed up, he was done with me. I didn't belong there. Tyson's a great step-father, and I love TJ, but I've never been a part of the same world as the rest of you. I don’t fit. Not anywhere. But for a few minutes, with Jal...I almost did.”
My heart lurched, twisted. Shaking my head, I skipped to the rest of it.
“It doesn't matter now. It’s over. Diamond was at the party last night. So was Paisley. They saw me dancing with Jal. You can imagine how well that went over. Diamond demanded to know what was going on, and when he asked her why she wanted to know, she told him to ask me. And he did.”
My anger shifted to Jal.
“And guess what…I’m the one who was manipulating him. I’m gaming him, playing him the fool. There's a surprise, right? That it's my fault? Apparently, he’d told Paisley he needed time, and it’s my fault. I’ve been using him, somehow setting this whole thing up. Because that's the sort of woman he thinks I am.”
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