By the time I made it inside of the house I was a nervous wreck. I plopped down on my bed and bawled like a baby.
Then my phone started to blow up with text messages. I knew it was him, and even though I shouldn’t have looked, I couldn’t resist.
Are you okay? – Jamey
God, it was crazy how that kiss had affected me.
I don’t know. – Peyton
It was the truth. I didn’t know what was going on inside of my head. All that I’d promised to myself was going down the drain after seeing him again. How could he get to me the way he did? I was pathetic.
I am a mess now. – Jamey
Don’t say that. – Peyton
It’s true. I missed those lips. I miss everything. – Jamey
We can’t. I won’t. – Peyton
Come out with me. Let me take you on a real date. If you still hate me afterwards I’ll stop trying. Just give me the chance to say how sorry I am. Give me two hours, Pey. Let me take you to dinner. Give me one more night. – Jamey
I already gave you one last kiss. What do you expect out of this? I won’t change my mind. – Peyton
I wasn’t too sure about that.
It’s just dinner. We never have to touch. I promise. – Jamey
I already ate. – Peyton
Tomorrow night. I will meet you at Blue Crab’s at seven. You don’t have to tell anyone who you are meeting. It can be our secret. – Jamey
This is the last time, Jamey. If I agree to this then you need to promise you will stop all of this. I can’t take it anymore. – Peyton
I promise. One last night. So, will I see you tomorrow? – Jamey
Yes. – Peyton
I’d agreed to go on a date with Jamey, knowing darn well that I wouldn’t be able to resist him. I wouldn’t be able to look into the deep brown eyes and tell him that I didn’t want him. It was impossible. Before tomorrow night I’d call and cancel. I was sure of it.
Except I didn’t.
With little sleep I woke up the next morning feeling terrible with only one thing on my mind. Our kiss consumed me, so much that I found myself touching where his mouth had been just one day before. I longed for more. Wrong or right, I couldn’t send that message, because telling him no was like breaking my own heart. I had to do this, for myself, for closure that we both needed.
I changed my outfit three times before putting the first thing back on. My hands were so shaky that I poked myself in the eye with my makeup twice. If my brother didn’t already suspect something was up, my actions gave it away immediately.
He was waiting on the balcony for me when I was about to leave. As soon as Ashley told me I knew that he’d figured it out. The sliding glass door hadn’t even shut all the way when he started talking. “Pey, what are you doin’?”
“Don’t start, Shayne. I’m a grown up. I can make my own decisions.”
“How many times are you goin’ to run back to this fool? He’s no good for you.”
“You sound like dad.” I knew that would hit a nerve with him.
“I’m lookin’ out for you. Someone has to. Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time?”
It was funny, because Shayne didn’t even know about the last time I’d been with Jamey. I’d never told him about it. “Obviously not. Look, it’s my mistake to make. At the end of the day I’m the only one that has to live with my choices. Besides, it’s just dinner. It’s not like I’m goin’ to end up in bed with him. I know better than that. We’re tryin’ to be friends. Can’t you understand that?”
Suddenly realizing that I was full of shit, I knew I had to get out of there, before I dug myself into a deeper hole with my brother. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I kissed him on the cheek. “I love you for worryin’ about me, but I promise that I’m fine.”
I left before Ash could give me her two-cents.
Just like he’d promised, I found Jamey standing in front of the restaurant waiting for me. He smelled like heaven, and unlike how he used to gel it down, his hair was blowing in the breeze. I got goose bumps the closer I got to him. “You made it?”
“I told you I would.”
He opened the door for me. “I checked my phone twenty times to make sure you didn’t cancel. You look amazin’.”
A compliment. I wasn’t used to that.
“Thank you.”
When we reached our seat Jamey rushed over and pulled the chair out for me. He sat down across from me and waited for me to open my menu before he did the same. “I haven’t been here in a long time.”
“Me either.”
I had to peek at him, to see the perfection of his face up close knowing that this was our last date. He caught my stare and sat his menu down on the table. I felt his hands coming across the table and didn’t pull mine away. I was too mesmerized in the moment. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Stop bein’ so nice. It’s weird.”
“I am simply observin’ what’s in front of me. If this is our last date then I need it to be perfect. Tonight I’m puttin’ my heart out on this table. I realize that it’s not goin’ to get me anywhere, but I appreciate you givin’ me the opportunity to do so.”
It was too much to hear, too much to handle. I stood up and grabbed my purse. “I need to use the ladies room.”
Jamey stood up and I turned around quickly. “I’ll be back. I promise.” The last thing I wanted was for him to follow me into another restroom. Besides the fact that I was afraid of what I would do given the opportunity to be alone with him again.
Once inside of the lavatory I leaned over the vanity and stared at myself in the mirror.
“What was I thinkin’? This is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had, Peyton,” I whispered to myself.
Not wanting to mess up my makeup, that I’d almost lost an eye over, I didn’t splash water over my face to calm down. Instead I just stood there taking deep breaths. I had to get through this night if I wanted to be able to move on.
When I got back to the table Jamey had already ordered us drinks. He had his hands folded over the table and smiled as I sat down across from him. “Sorry about that.”
“Are you nervous?” He paused for a moment. “I know I am.”
It was relieving knowing that we were both feeling the same. “I don’t trust myself with you, Jamey.”
“I won’t try anything. I swear.”
“So what’s new with your life?” I had to change the subject.
“I moved into my brother’s old place, and picked up more shifts at the diner to pay the bills. That’s about it.”
He had to have been dating. Jamey didn’t go without sex. “So you aren’t seein’ anyone?”
He cocked his brow, as if my question had offended him. “No. What about you? Are you still seein’ Wayne?”
I almost laughed thinking about my complicated friendship with Wayne. “Wayne is my friend, Jamey.”
“So you’ve never slept with him?” His question was direct. It bothered him that I could be with someone else.
“I’ve slept in the same bed as Wayne, but we’ve never had sex.”
“Wow. He’s takin’ the word slow to another level.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Yeah, I bet. There’s no way in hell he’s laying next to you at night and not thinkin’ about bein’ with you. He’d have to be gay. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met, and you’ve got the heart of gold. Trust me, he wants you just as much as I do.”
“I’m goin’ to ask you to talk about somethin’ else. It’s makin’ me uncomfortable.”
Our waitress came up at that exact moment, breaking up the awkward feelings I was having. Once we ordered she left us alone again.
“So, do you see yourself becomin’ serious with this guy?”
I shrugged. “Jamey, I don’t want to talk about Wayne. It’s too complicated. Did you really ask me here to talk about some guy you don’t know?”
“Honestly, I came here
tonight to convince you that I’m the man you belong with. The rest is just my nerves.”
I giggled at his admission. It was just like him to act that way. “You told me that this was our last date.”
“I will keep my promise as long as you keep an open mind.”
“Fine. I promise to be open-minded.”
Jamey reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a velvet bag. I knew it contained a present, but was stunned when he passed it to me. “This is for you, but before you open it I want you to know what it’s for.”
“I’m listening.”
“Since this is out first official real date, and our last, I wanted you to have something special. I also know that when we were seein’ each other I wasn’t exactly a gentlemen on birthdays, and holidays. For two years I dodged those days so that I didn’t have to buy you anything sentimental. I was a total douche, and you should have left me a long time ago. Last night messed with my head. I thought about all of the moments where I could have changed our future. So I spent my whole day looking for the perfect gift. Open it and see what it is.”
I reached into the small velvet bag and pulled out a Pandora bracelet that was full of charms. As the tears rolled down my face to see that he’d given me a real piece of jewelry, he started pointed to the charms, one at a time.
“The crab represents our love for the beach. I would have given you this charm on your birthday.” He pointed to the next. The suitcase reminded me of all the times you packed your bags to be with me, and then to leave me. I should have bought you this when I first realized that I was losing you.” He pointed to the third charm. “The J is my initial. After our first year I should have given this to you to represent that you were my girl.” He twisted the bracelet around and pointed to the next charm. “The present charm represents all of the gifts that I should have bought you.” Moving onto the next one Jamey started to get choked up. In turn I began to cry harder. He touched a charm that was a couple. “This should have been you and me.” Then he pointed to the last one. “The heart charm means the most to me, because I should have known a long time ago what love felt like. This represents my heart, and whether you decide to give me another chance, or say your goodbyes, I wanted you to have it anyway.”
Jamey stared at me for a second before standing up. “I’ll be right back.” I watched him walk to the restroom and go inside. He’d just given me something beautiful, so filled with emotion that I didn’t know how to react. This was the man that I’d always wanted him to be. How was I supposed to walk away from him?
Then I started thinking. Was he doing all of this to win me back? If I agreed would he go back to his old ways? I didn’t know what to believe. By the time he returned I was even more confused.
I held out my arm. “Can you put it on me?”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. I’ve never owned somethin’ like this.”
The smile on his face made me do the same. Suddenly all of the bad seemed irrelevant. He was doing it to me again, and I was letting myself fall for it. How I was going to walk away from this man was becoming a mystery that I didn’t know how to solve. Agreeing to this date was a mistake. My brother was right, because the only thing it was going to get me was a trip to Jamey’s bed, and I couldn’t begin to stop myself.
Chapter 18
Jamey
I was doing everything in my power, that I could come up with, to get her back. With the help of Lacey and Sky I’d bought her the bracelet and charms. There was no need to rehearse what I wanted to say to her, because every bit of it was from my heart.
For the first time I was nervous, so much that I felt like I was going to get sick. It was do or die. She wasn’t going to give me any more chances. The bracelet was just the beginning. By the end of the night Peyton was either going to believe me, or not.
While we ate our meal she kept looking at her bracelet, touching it as if she were worried it was going to fall off. I appreciated how much she liked the gift. It made me regret how many things I could have given her if I’d just gotten my head out of my ass for five seconds to see it.
“You know, livin’ alone has givin’ me a ton of time to think. I was an arrogant bastard to you. I’m so sorry.”
She sat down her fork and wiped her face before responding to me. “I think we should use tonight as a way to get past everything we’ve gone through together. If tonight is about sayin’ goodbye then maybe we need to lay all of our dirt on the table.”
As much as I feared the topic, I knew I had to appease her. “Sounds like a good idea. I’m ready for whatever you have to ask me.”
“How many times did you cheat on me, Jamey? If this dinner is about closing doors then finally tell me the truth. I’m tired of not knowing, and it isn’t fair that I have to hear shit behind my back.”
She wasn’t going to ease into the questions at all. “You want a number?”
“I want whatever you’re willin’ to tell me.”
I sat my fork down, unable to take another bite when my food was creeping back up my throat. “I have to think about it. Don’t get pissed. Just give me a second. There were several times when we were broken up, so they don’t count, right?”
“I’ll give you that. Just the ones that you snuck behind my back with.”
“Does phone calls count?”
She shrugged. “Jesus, are we talkin’ hundreds?”
“God no. Hang on.” I thought back to every number that I’d got at the diner, and then decided it was best if I just showed her. I pulled out my phone and slid it across the table. “Tell me a name and I’ll tell you what happened.”
She scrolled through my phone. “Well the first name is Angie. How about we save that for last?”
“Good call.”
“Becky.”
I thought for a minute. Becky had come into the diner with her father. She’d slipped me her number while coming back from the bathroom. I called her a couple of times, but she lived too far away to go out. “Never dated her. She gave me her number at work. We talked for a few nights and that was it.”
Peyton shook her head and moved to the next girl. “Carrie.”
I sighed. “I slept with Carrie last year. Remember when we broke up before Valentine’s Day?”
I could tell it pissed her off. “How many times?”
“Once.”
“Where at?”
“In the backseat of my car, behind the diner.”
Her eyes filled with tears. I think Peyton assumed that it was our special spot. It just so happened that when I got off work girls liked to meet me there. We ended up never leaving the parking lot.
She slid the phone back to me. “I can’t do this. Just tell me how many other girls you slept with behind the diner.”
I swallowed the lump again and looked down at my shaking hands. I couldn’t answer her.
“How many, Jamey?”
‘Three in a span of two years.”
She covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe you. How could you do that to me? Was I at your house waitin’ for you? Was I in your bed while you were fuckin’ them?”
I lost it. She was calling me out and I couldn’t hide any longer. I felt my eyes welling up and refused to look at her. “Yes.”
Peyton stood up and threw her napkin in my face. “You disgust me, Jamey.”
I was about to yell that I’d used protection, but all that would have gotten me was a punch in the face. “For the record I didn’t cheat in the last year. I swear. It’s only been you. I’ve talked to girls on the phone, but nothing more.”
“What about Angie?” She turned and asked.
“What about her? I told you. We weren’t together at all. She tried when we went ridin’ one day, but I told her I couldn’t. That’s the truth. She made that story up, Peyton. I swear it.”
I pulled out my wallet and tossed money on the table. I wasn’t sure how much I’d just tipped the chick, but there was plenty to cover the meal. We
made it all the way outside of the restaurant to the edge of the beach. Peyton kicked off her shoes and darted for the water. I chased after her. Feeling the sand going inside of my shoes. “Please wait.”
She stopped when she couldn’t run any further. Hunched down crying, I reached out to comfort her. Peyton jerked away from me and slammed me in the side with her purse. “I hate you. I hate you so much.”
I felt wetness running down my cheeks as I pleaded with her. “Baby, please. You asked me to tell you everything. I’m tryin’ my hardest here. What do you want from me?”
“What do I want? You want to know now? I want you to die. Looking at you makes me ill. You are the scum of the earth, Jamey Billings.”
I reached for her again, this time grabbing the fabric of her dress. She turned to look out into the ocean. “You don’t mean that. You wouldn’t have come to dinner if you hated me. You wouldn’t have kissed me last night.”
“It was a mistake,” she interrupted.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and felt her body shaking as she cried. “Don’t say that. You don’t make mistakes, Peyton. I’m the one who fucks everything up. I’m the one who couldn’t see what was right in front of me. You’ve always been perfect.”
“Please don’t.” She wiggled until my hands weren’t touching her, then turned to face me. Her finger pointed in my direction. “You ripped out my heart. So many nights I sat up waitin’ for you to come home to me. I loved you with everything I had in me and you shit on it. You shit on me, and everything I thought we had.”
I pointed back at her, noticing the sun going down behind the horizon. “I told you not to label what we had. I never promised to be faithful, and you know it. I never gave you false hope. You’re the one who insisted that we be monogamous.”
She slapped me hard across the face. I grabbed her wrist and held it as she spoke. “I hate you.”
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